I stepped into Mickey’s high-rise office that housed O’Sullivan Financial that night, my expression a practiced mixture of calm and furious.
So practiced it was natural. I hated it.
Because it was how he wanted me.
How he and my dad had trained me since I could walk.
I rapped my knuckles on the wall as I moved deeper into the large office, my steps unhurried as I got closer and closer to my number three.
Bailey, Finn, Mickey, Da—
No.
Bailey, Finn, Mickey.
Ghost, Mickey, nameless man.
Mickey barked out a laugh as he turned to look at me. “Fuck me, just the guy I wanted to see.”
I lifted a brow. “You called.”
“Doesn’t mean my day didn’t get a hell of a lot better now that you’re here.”
I studied his excited expression as I listened to everything else around us. Waiting to see if there was anyone with us that shouldn’t be.
Nothing.
I leaned back against the wall and folded my arms over my chest. “Considering you haven’t had a job for me since all the shit went down with the Borellos, I don’t know why I’m here.”
Anger replaced his excitement in the blink of an eye and was gone just as fast.
A normal man might have missed it.
But I wasn’t normal.
He cleared his throat and sat on his desk, letting that wide smile cross his face. “You’re here because I happen to know that you’ve been seeing someone.”
My fingers twitched against my chest as the possibilities of what his next words would be raced through my mind. In the time it took for me to take a slowing breath, I knew which knife I would grab first. In the time it took for me to take two, I’d locked on to my composure and remained where I was.
Calm and furious.
“If you ask me, Kieran . . . six months is awful fast to move on from my daughter. Especially considering you were meant to love my daughter forever.”
Created to.
“I know Lily left you, but if I’m not mistaken—and I’m not—this is more than a revenge fuck.”
My blood ran cold as that blinding smile turned challenging. As I realized he knew more than he should. More than I thought.
“And to move from Lily to a girl like that?”
“What’d you do to her?” The demand ripped from my chest, betraying the composure I’d been trying to hold on to.
“Nothing. Yet.” He held up a finger to stop me—like it could stop me—and let loose a deep laugh. “Let me play something for you before you decide you want to kill me for the ninetieth time in your life.” He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, then let it out with a whistle. “And don’t forget there’s that whole Conor thing now. I mean . . . right? That would suck.”
I forced myself to breathe. Forced that sick, consuming darkness away as Mickey twisted to tap his keyboard.
I’d never seen him look as malicious as he did when he looked back at me.
And then there was a voice that was familiar in a way that made me instantly at war with myself.
Because I knew that voice. But it couldn’t be her.
“I’ve done my job. There’s nothing,” she bit out. “You’re paranoid and that’s not my goddamn fault.”
“But have you really tried?”
My head snapped up at the response to her. I would know Mickey’s voice anywhere.
“I’ve searched every inch of that room. I’ve done everything to make him trust me,” she went on. “I’ve done everything to make him fall in love with me. I’ve lost clients and a week’s worth of income to search and pry information from your assassin. And it was all for nothing.”
I stood there for long seconds after the recording ended, my stare falling to the floor at some point.
My stomach felt like it was filled with lead and my chest felt tight.
Beck was right. She’d been lying the entire goddamn time . . . and I’d fucking fallen for it.
“I’ll be here for you when you realize how good she is at playing her game.”
Mickey stepped up in front of me and sighed.
Less than a second. Half a thought. He would be dead.
And he knew it.
But I didn’t move, even when he leaned in to whisper, “Don’t ever forget this, Kieran. Don’t ever forget that everyone in your path might be there because they’re loyal to me.”
I gave a stiff nod, then asked, “Are you satisfied yet?” I lifted my glare to his. “She said there was nothing. That you’re paranoid. Are you fucking satisfied yet?”
“Not even close.”
“Then tell me, Mickey. The ones who betrayed you . . . who are they loyal to?” I forced a challenging smirk and slipped from the room when his victorious grin fell and was replaced with rage.
I’d gone on a rampage when Lily left. Destroyed anything she left behind. Trained longer. Pushed myself harder. All while plotting my revenge on four men.
When Jessica left? I’d sat there, unable to move until Mickey’s call had forced me out of my agony.
Only for him to deliver a devastating blow.
I should’ve known. I should’ve fucking known it was her all along.
I’d had my suspicions in the beginning. I’d thought of her as a wraith and the man Mickey hired as a ghost. But I’d never thought the man I was looking for was the girl in my bed. I should’ve followed my intuition.
I should’ve known when Beck told me that he only ever saw her on the estate if she wanted him to . . . and suddenly I was seeing her constantly.
This afternoon, I’d been sure she would disappear like the wraith she was.
And it had wrecked me. Obliterated me.
After leaving Mickey’s office, something in me knew Jessica would come back to Holloway. To see if she’d succeeded in destroying me. To gloat. To pretend. To search for more information that she’d never find because Mickey wasn’t satisfied. She’d be back. But I couldn’t stand to see her there. Not again.
But even with all the lies and deceit, I knew her enough to know there was one place she would always return to. And I knew how to wait. I was ready for her.
I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved when I heard the door to her empty trailer open and shut just a few hours after I snuck in.
Because I had an idea where she’d been—what she’d been doing. And it fucking killed me.
But the girl who’d buried herself so deep within me was just feet from me, and the part of me that couldn’t grasp the lies needed to pull her into my arms.
I wanted her to tell me that what I’d heard was wrong—that Mickey had created it. But it was her voice.
Her weighted sigh could be heard from the front and hit me like a punch to the gut. But I didn’t move from where I stood in the darkened corner of her room.
I listened as her bag fell to the floor and her light steps sounded down the hall, my breaths getting more uneven the closer she came.
“Tell me it’s not true,” I begged softly once she was in the room.
She inhaled sharply and her head snapped in my direction, her eyes narrowing to try to see me. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I huffed. “You’re one to talk.” I forced myself to breathe, then repeated, “Tell me it’s not true.”
“What’s not true?”
A dark laugh sounded in my chest. “You have to ask?”
Even from where I was, I could see her perfectly from the moonlight shining through her window. The way her throat moved with her forced swallow. The way she began nervously biting on her lip.
“You know what I am. You already know my brother’s a cop.” She lifted a shoulder in a quick jerk of a shrug. “There’s a lot you know about me and a lot you don’t. So where should I begin?”
I stepped from the shadows, my brow pulled tight as I slowly moved closer. “I want to know what you’ve done for Mickey.”
Her shoulders dropped, and she smacked at the switch on the wall. The room flooded with light and I had to force myself not to take her in. Her face. Her clothes. Every man’s fantasy, and everything that screamed where she’d just been.
“How many times are we going to do this, Kieran?”
“Has he had you spying on everyone? Or just me?”
A manic laugh tumbled from her lips.
That laugh set me on edge. It was like her version of my monster. And I hated it.
Hated that she had to live with it.
Hated that I couldn’t take it away.
But it didn’t change what she’d done.
“Have you been fucking all of us?” I asked as I closed the distance between us, then dipped my head to look in her eyes. “Or just me?”
Her teeth gnashed. “I’ve only been with you.”
“‘I’ve searched every inch of that room. I’ve done everything to make him trust me. I’ve done everything to make him fall in love with me,’” I said, my voice low and lethal, and watched as the blood drained from her face. “‘I’ve lost clients and a week’s worth of income to search and pry information from your assassin. And it was all for nothing.’”
“How did . . .?” Her chest heaved, and she reached for me. “How did you hear that?”
I pushed her off me and yelled, “There should’ve been nothing for me to hear.”
I staggered back when one of my last memories with Lily rushed to me.
“Tell me what she said isn’t fucking true, Lily.”
Lily looked over her shoulder at where our friend, Teagan, stood.
“What did you do?” she asked her breathlessly.
Teagan clenched her jaw and kept her voice firm. “He needed to know.”
Lily flung her arm in my direction. “He would’ve found out anyway, Teagan, but he shouldn’t have found out from you!”
I gripped at my hair and took deep breaths, trying to force the monster away as I calmed myself.
“There should’ve been nothing for me to find out.”
“Kieran, I—”
“There should’ve been nothing for me to find out!”
“Kieran, please,” Jessica breathed. “You don’t understand.”
I rolled my neck and forced the similarities aside. Reaching into my back pocket, I let out a sad huff. “I do.”
“Kieran . . .”
Pulling out the wad of cash, I shoved it against her stomach and waited for her to take it.
“What is this?”
“Figured you’d know how this works since you’re so proud of being what you are,” I jeered. “You perform services. The customer pays. That should cover everything. The week of income you missed and clients lost. The times we fucked. All of it.”
She shakily held her hand out to look at the money and lifted her head. Her voice was tight with emotion when she said, “I don’t want your money.”
“And I don’t want you.”
Pain and grief filled her eyes, but I didn’t let myself react.
It was a lie.
She was a lie.
Calm. Furious.
“You’ve done your job, Jessica. All of them, apparently. You should be proud of how good you are.”
“Fuck you, Kieran.” A sob ripped from her throat as she threw the money at my chest.
I didn’t try to catch it.
I just stepped around her and walked out.
Letting the sound of her cries be the last piece of her I would have.
The last lie I would hear.