I waited by the door, even though every instinct told me I needed to go out the window.
Doors were a sure way to be seen.
Considering this door had a camera outside it, it was a definite way to be seen.
But I needed to be seen. As I’d told myself one hundred times already. Not that it made it any easier.
I glanced at the clock above the microwave in the kitchen, waiting for the eternity of minutes to pass.
Kieran had told me to wait twenty.
I hadn’t realized then that it would feel like years rather than minutes.
As soon as the last minute turned over, I opened the door and walked onto the porch, holding out a torn piece of paper to a stunned Conor.
“Did you need something?” he asked quickly.
I looked pointedly at the paper. “Food would be nice.”
He read the slip of paper, his brow furrowing and hand hastily fisting around the note. His eyes drifted to the side, as if to make sure the camera capturing our interaction wasn’t within viewing range of what he read.
Conor’s eyes lifted to meet mine, his head nodding subtly. “All right. I’ll, uh . . . I’ll head out to get that. Anything else?”
“My mom.”
The sympathy on his face was so sincere it made me feel bad for doing this to him. “I wish I could.”
I took a step toward the door and lifted a shoulder. “Then, no.”
Conor swallowed thickly and hadn’t even taken a step away when I stormed in and slammed the door.
The guy didn’t have a clue what was happening tonight. Beck’s orders.
But I knew he hated Mickey as much as the others, so I was praying he didn’t say a word to him about what was on that list of things I’d asked him to get.
Along with food . . . the morning after pill.
There wasn’t a chance in hell I’d risk having Mickey O’Sullivan’s baby.
I didn’t wait to watch Conor leave the porch. I rushed through the house to change into my old clothes. After taking a few minutes to put on some makeup and fluff my hair, I hurried to the front door.
With a quick glance through the window next to the door to make sure he had left, I opened the door and walked outside like I had somewhere to be.
Because as far as Mickey needed to know . . . I did.
My street.
Only I hadn’t expected to get there. I hadn’t expected to get far at all.
I had thought I’d see a black SUV within minutes after stepping off the Holloway property.
Or one of AJ’s men.
But there was no one.
And all I had on me was a knife Kieran had left me. No bag or money since Mickey had taken everything. Nothing to get me to Raleigh to keep up the pretense.
I bit out a curse and turned in the direction of the city.
It was a thirty-minute drive. I didn’t want to think about how long it would take to walk . . . and I was in heels. And now that I was staring at the distance, I had to wonder if Mickey would let me walk it just to see how far I would get before I caved and begged to get into the SUV.
With a frustrated huff, I started that way, cursing mobsters and silent, creepy men as I walked.
At the last minute, I turned toward downtown Wake Forest, my mind set on conning some poor, unsuspecting idiot out of his drinking money so I could get a ride.
My steps suddenly faltered before I was able to recover my steady gait.
If I’m not found first . . .
I tried to listen to everything surrounding me.
I tried to look everywhere.
But the nocturnal noises and distant sounds of downtown were messing with my senses.
Because I’d been sure someone was to my right, but now I was hearing things to my left. And no one was there.
Be nothing. Be nothing.
The moment I thought it might be Kieran, unease crawled up my spine and twisted my stomach.
Head up.
Shoulders back.
Lips twisted.
Eyes laughing.
Minutes passed as I walked without anyone making themselves known. Not one of the three vehicles that passed me was the one I was waiting for. But that feeling like I was surrounded never left.
No one could be silent the way Kieran was . . . but this wasn’t about being silent. If there was someone following me, they had a world of noises to hide behind and were using it.
Coward.
The houses were thinning and turning into buildings, and the streets of downtown were in my sights.
The roar of an engine sounded behind me, louder than the others and rapidly approaching, but I refused to turn as I waited for something to happen.
My shoulders sagged when the muscle car flew past me, and I breathed out a low, “Asshole.”
I stopped when the car suddenly turned around, wheels screeching, so it was headed toward me. I took an unsteady step back just as large hands snaked around me, covering my mouth and gripping my waist.
The hold was firm and threatening, but familiar in a way that made my head light and the world spin beneath me.
“Time’s up, Jess.”
Fingers dug into my jaw, forcing my mouth open enough for something to dribble past my lips. I tried to cough it out, to stop from swallowing it just as the slight saltiness of the liquid settled on my tongue and hit the back of my throat.
Panic flooded me. Nightmares slammed into me. My mind threatened to go dark just at the memory of that taste on my tongue . . . of what always followed.
No. No, no, no!
Not again. Never again.
I yelled against AJ’s hand as he dragged me off the sidewalk in rough jerks toward the car now idling in the street, doors open wide.
He pushed me against the side of it, pressing against me and groaning in my ear. “Dream about this body.”
I whipped my head back and forth and bit his hand when I couldn’t get free.
He snarled in my ear and jerked his hand away, flexing it and slamming it on the hood of the car as he hissed a curse.
A wild laugh ripped from my chest and I peeked over my shoulder to look at him. “Funny. I only dream about killing you.”
“Baby, I told you. The fantasy of fucking you and killing you usually go hand in hand. One day I’m gonna follow the first up with the second. But, tonight, you owe me,” he reminded me, his tone eager. He forced his hand between the car and me, his fingers searching along the top of my pants. “And I’m taking what I’m owed.”
I thrashed and screamed, “I still have time, AJ.”
He pulled me back and slammed me against the car, knocking the air from my lungs. “Scream again,” he growled, his hand curling around the back of my neck in warning. “See what happens.”
“I still have time,” I repeated, the words scraping up my throat. I tried to think of how long it had been, but it’d felt like weeks since Mickey had forced me into that house. “I have one—two days at least.”
“That right?” he asked in my ear, nipping it and laughing when I flinched away. “It’s cute the way you think I give a shit.”
He stepped away from me, his hand tight on my neck. “Put her in the back,” he ordered roughly.
No, no, no. We have a plan. I need to do my part to get Momma back.
But seconds passed and no one came to do AJ’s bidding.
From the way his hand jerked on my neck, I could tell he was looking around for his band of assholes.
It was then I noticed what was missing. What I wasn’t hearing.
The night’s symphony that had seemed so loud earlier was now eerily silent and still.
A crazed laugh started in my chest and tumbled from my mouth.
“Shut up,” he ground out, his fingers digging into the sides of my neck.
“You’re so fucked,” I rasped, my laugh piercing the stillness surrounding us when AJ jerked me away from the car.
He took careful steps with me in his grasp, his other hand lifting to press his gun to my cheek.
“You better have one in the chamber if you’re gonna have a hope of making it out of this alive.” I didn’t bother telling him there wasn’t a chance he would.
“Pray Nightshade doesn’t find you.”
Relief pounded through me when AJ turned, his arm swinging to where that deep, menacing voice had come from.
Before he had the chance to aim or even shoot blindly, his guttural roar tore through the night air when a knife sunk into his wrist. His hand flexed instinctively, the gun slowly falling from his fingers.
AJ was biting out clipped curses, his hand on my neck so tight I was sure he was trying to snap it. But I’d never felt safer or more eager to be met with evil.
Because the demon emerging from the shadows was mine.
Kieran walked toward us with deliberate steps, his gaze never leaving AJ.
“He’ll slit your throat and bleed you dry,” he mumbled, his voice excited in a way that sent a chill racing up my spine.
When he was only a few steps from us, I could see the bloodied knives in his hands. His eyes were lifeless and his grin was so, so cruel.
I’d never seen anything so terrifying or fascinating.
“That girl you’re touching is mine.”
“She’s a whore,” AJ spat. “She belongs to everyone. And tonight, she’s mine.”
Kieran moved so fast I didn’t know anything had happened until AJ cried out again and staggered back, taking me with him.
When he caught his footing and I slammed into his chest, I felt the hilt of another knife pressing against my shoulder before he could shove me away.
I stumbled, the ability to catch myself seeming to escape me until Kieran grabbed my arm and steadied me, and then I turned to face the man who’d created every one of my nightmares.
He wrenched the knife from his shoulder, his seething stare on Kieran as he gripped it in his good hand like he was preparing for war.
He wouldn’t win.
“Make it go away,” I said on a breath.
“She owes me money,” AJ seethed, swiping the knife in my direction when Kieran began advancing on him.
Kieran’s head tilted and a harsh laugh left him. “I know what you think she owes you.” He moved one of the knives into his right hand so there was one in each as he stalked forward. “You like drugging and raping girls to control them? Tell me . . . does it make you feel invincible?”
A knife hit AJ’s chest. He swayed, his mouth falling open in silent agony.
“Does it make you feel like a man?” Kieran demanded.
When AJ sluggishly reached for the knife sticking from his chest, Kieran snapped his wrist, letting his last blade fly into AJ’s throat.
“Answer me.”
A choking noise came from AJ, looking stunned and panicked before he dropped to his knees.
I’d waited a lifetime for this.
I’d dreamed of watching him be crushed by the evil he’d inflicted on me.
As much as I wanted his life to end, I wanted this moment to last.
There was no mercy for men who aspired to be monsters.
Kieran took his time closing the distance between them, snatching the knife AJ still held loosely in his hand as he dropped to a crouch in front of him.
“I want to kill you for every time you ever touched her,” he said in a dangerously low tone as he gripped AJ’s hair and tilted his head back. “Once will have to do.”
As soon as the words reached my ears, Kieran tore the knife from AJ’s throat in a slashing motion and let him fall to the ground.
“Every demon, Chaos,” he whispered, his voice rough. “I’ll kill every one.” When I didn’t respond, he stood and turned to look at me. “Chaos?”
I think I lifted my eyebrows.
“Jessica?” he asked cautiously. His eyes were full of concern and his chest was heaving as he sucked in ragged breaths.
Kieran . . .
“I’m okay.” My gaze slowly moved to where AJ lay, blood pooling from his neck. I couldn’t think of anything I’d ever wanted so much.
Except Kieran. I wanted Kieran.
And he was standing so far away, watching me with a guarded expression.
My head felt light and my stomach twisted uncomfortably.
“It’s different when you see it firsthand,” he said knowingly. “When it’s real instead of an idea.”
“See what?”
“The monster you fell in love with.”
I looked at him—every part of him. The blood-covered knives in his hands. His spotless clothes and body despite killing multiple men. The worry and love that poured from him as he watched me.
Kieran hated what he was.
AJ had embraced it.
“You’re not a monster.”
He closed the distance between us, switching his knives to one hand so he could curl a hand around my cheek. “Tell me you’re okay.”
“I am.”
For a moment, it felt like I was experiencing everything differently. Like I was me, but I wasn’t. Like we were in a dream.
This was a dream.
AJ wasn’t really dead, and when I woke, he would still be waiting for me somewhere.
And then the feeling was gone.
AJ drugged me, and the drugs were working too fast on my empty stomach. I needed more time.
“I’m taking you home,” Kieran said quickly. “We’ll find the ghost another way.”
“No, we have to get my mom,” I said on a rush.
His eyes searched mine, the concern in them obvious.
“I’m fine. I’m fine, we have to do this.” I started to pull away from him, but he slid his hand into my hair and pressed his forehead to mine.
I had to leave now. I had to get to a place where the ghost would find me before it was too late. Before I wasn’t in control of my body and everything went black.
“I’ll be right behind you,” he promised before pulling away. “I’m going to move the car and bodies out of the way and call someone to come clean up, then I’ll be right behind you.”
My shoulders sagged with relief just as a wave of dizziness crashed through me.
I tried to ground myself, my eyes fluttering shut as I begged the world to stay still.
When the moment passed, I leaned into Kieran for support. “You don’t know what it means to me . . . what you’ve already done tonight. Thank you for fighting for me.” Forcing myself away, I walked backward toward downtown, keeping my eyes on the man I loved. “Nightshade.”
He dipped his head, a devastating smirk played on his lips. “Chaos.”
I turned and stepped over AJ’s body before hurrying to the streets waiting in the distance, my stomach twisting and sweat beading on my skin as I did.
I just needed to make it.
I needed to—
Shit.
I was already a couple streets away, just blocks from downtown, when I realized I could’ve asked Kieran for money . . . or taken it off AJ.
And as one block came and went . . . and then another . . . I was cursing myself more and more for not doing exactly that.
My fingers were the first to start tingling. But within minutes, my arms and legs felt heavy. When I finally made it to the main street, my entire body felt relaxed in a way that terrified me and had memories taunting me.
I’d been walking with purpose . . . I think.
Now I wasn’t sure if I was moving at all.
I jolted back when two guys were suddenly in front of me, their eyes raking over my body as their steps slowed.
My stomach rolled and bile rose in my throat as the earth shifted beneath my feet.
I’m gonna throw up.
The guys faltered, their expressions morphing into disgust like they could read my thoughts before they hurried past me.
Or . . . shit, maybe I said that out loud.
My legs buckled. I couldn’t figure out how to lock them again when my body felt so heavy.
I slammed into a wall and fell heavily to the ground, my arms sprawling out to my sides like dead weights.
“You’re mine, whore.”
“Fuck you, you’re dead,” I groaned, clawing at the memories trying to drown me.
Tremors wracked my body and I couldn’t figure out how to make my lungs work. I didn’t know how to move oxygen through my body, or if I was breathing at all.
Was this what it felt like to be Kieran when Nightshade took over?
Because it was painful.
My head fell back roughly against the wall, and I forced my heavy eyelids to open.
I wasn’t sure when they’d closed.
But there, across the street, was a black SUV.
Crouched at the back corner was a man as silent as death, watching me. A war raging in those eyes. Fear and wrath etched on his beautiful face.
How could he ever think he was a monster?
Monsters don’t fear. They don’t protect. They don’t love.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
My head moved in the faintest shaking motion. It was the only plea I could manage now.
Anguish and rage exploded from my assassin. He lurched forward, rocking back when the driver’s door opened.
I blinked and he was gone. And a ghost of a man was stalking toward me.
I tried to smile.
I tried to keep my eyes open.
One moment he was halfway across the street. The next he was lifting my weighted body into his arms.
I dragged open my eyes to look at the ghost and muttered a weak, “Miss me?” before the world went dark.