Chapter 21
Brandon
“I can’t get her out of my head, man,” I said.
“I guess that’s a good thing. It’s better than all these less-than-one-night stands you’re having. I wasn’t about to tell you how to run or cope with your life, but screwing some bimbo in a bathroom isn’t a healthy way to cope with anything,” Michael said.
“We’ve been seeing one another even though she’s still my patient. That blurs lines, doesn’t it?” I asked.
“Professionally, yes. It’s why I keep telling you to transfer her. Even if it’s just on paper. The two of you can still make appointments to get together in your office if it’s the only time during the week you two can see each other. But on paper? She’s gotta be someone else’s patient,” he said.
“I’ll need to get on that soon. Especially after our session this week.”
“Did something happen?” he asked.
“Yep. We didn’t do any talking.”
I looked at Michael as his eyes slowly panned over to me. I put my empty beer bottle down, and it was quickly replaced with a new one. I could feel it in my bones. Michael wasn’t just shocked. He was probably worried. The lines Melissa and I were breaching could cost me the entire fucking company, but hell, it was exhilarating. Like trying not to get caught by her parents.
My cock throbbed just thinking about it.
“Be careful, you fucker. This is some serious shit you’re getting into with her,” Michael said.
“Don’t I fucking know it,” I said. “It’s like I’m insatiable, though. Like I’m back in fucking high school with a cock I can’t control.”
“You couldn’t control it before,” he said, grinning.
“I could. I just chose not to. I took my stress out on women who wanted to be with me, but I didn’t care about what happened to them after. With Melissa, I care about everything. How she’s doing, where her head’s at, how she’s feeling afterward.”
“You’ve got it bad for her.”
“But Monday was different. With the passing of her husband a few years back, she’s been unwilling to entertain the idea of physical intimacy with someone else. The first couple of times we inched toward things like this, it threw her into mild panic attacks. Monday, nothing like that happened.”
“Well, that’s good. Both physical and mental progress.”
“Exactly,” I said. “That’s a good thing, right?”
“It’s a very good thing. What’s she doing to combat her depression?” he asked.
“Vitamin D, a hobby, and yoga,” I said.
“Ah, so you guys are still at the non-medicative stage. Shit, that’s good. If you want my opinion, I think it has something to do with you. The chemical discharge that happens for a person after sex can act as an antidepressant. Just make sure she’s okay without it. If something happens between the two of you, her backsliding could be detrimental,” he said.
“I know, it’s why I’m trying to tread lightly. But fuck, it’s hard,” I said.
“Have the two of you talked since your so-called appointment?” he asked, grinning.
“Not really. Work got busy with clients rescheduling, and she’s got her own career and a daughter. Who I met, by the way.”
“Wait. You met her daughter?” he asked.
“And she met Max, yeah. The day after our date. I took us all out for lunch.”
Michael gawked at me as I finished the rest of my beer. He was no longer attempting to hide his shock for the situation, and it caused me to chuckle a bit.
“You good?” I asked.
“Holy shit, you’re really in this thing, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
The truth was, I loved her. My heart soared whenever I saw her just like it had all those years ago. Her body still made my hands tingle just like it had all those years ago. My cock throbbed for her and my mind raced with thoughts about her just like they had all those years ago. She had hooked me onto her fishing line, and I had no intentions of attempting to unhook myself.
But now I needed to tell her that.
“All right. I gotta go,” I said.
“I think you need to sit here and wait off some of that alcohol,” Michael said.
“Cabs and shit. I’m good. See you tomorrow.”
I threw down a twenty and wobbled off outside. I raised my hand to find a cab and quickly rattled off Melissa’s address. She needed to know how I felt. She needed to know I was in this to win it and that I wasn’t going to let her go a second time. I wasn’t going to be that fucking idiot I had been in college.
I told the cab driver to leave, knowing we’d fall happily into bed with one another. I was ready to hold her close to me and mark every inch of her skin with my beer-tainted lips. I’d pick her daughter up and swing her around in my arms. I’d read her stories and tuck her in. I’d show Melissa that I wanted this. All of it. For us to be the family we should’ve been so very long ago.
I knocked on her door, and she promptly answered, her lips smiling as I leaned up against her doorframe.
“Hey there,” she said. “Been out having fun?”
“I love you.”
All right, so I didn’t have much tact to it. But I said it. I threw it out there, and there was no mistaking how I felt. I pushed myself off the doorframe as her eyes studied me intently, but then she had a reaction I didn’t expect her to have.
She took a slight step back.
“What?” she asked.
“I love you, Melissa. From the moment you stepped into my office two and a half weeks ago, I knew I’d never stopped loving you. I was an idiot back in college for taking the money to marry that awful fucking woman. I never should’ve done it. But I’m telling you right here and now that I promise you I’m going nowhere. I love you. I always have, and I always will.”
Her lips parted as tears rose to her eyes. Happiness. She just needed clarification on how I was feeling. I smiled at her as I watched a lonely tear drip down her cheek, but the words that flew from her mouth once again didn’t match my expectations.
“I don’t know how I feel, Brandon.”
In that very moment, a chunk of my heart broke off and fell to the concrete. I took a step back like I’d been slapped in the face as she bowed her head. I loved Melissa, and she didn’t know if she felt anything for me. This was the nightmare I’d been petrified of since the moment she first called. This was the issue Michael was trying to bring up over drinks.
The idea that I was nothing more than a tool to help her heal.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Please, don’t be sorry,” she said, crying.
“I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Why don’t you come inside? Let me get you a cup of coffee before you get on your way,” she said.
“No.”
“Please, Brandon.”
“I said no!”
My fiery eyes looked up at her as tears poured from her eyes. She stepped out onto the porch as I stumbled backward, my hands fumbling with my phone as I tried to call that taxi back. If I went inside, I would want her. If I went inside, her magnetic thighs would draw my helpless hands to them. If I went inside, I could convince myself that none of this had just happened. That it was only a bad, drunken dream.
I could keep convincing myself that Melissa was in love with me.
“Brandon, please don’t go,” she said.
“See you later.”
I stumbled to the taxi cab and simply went home. I’d get my car in the morning, whenever I decided to wake up. I didn’t have any early morning appointments, which was wonderful considering the alcohol and pain I’d have to sleep off. I relieved the nanny, though she was hesitant to go home. She knew I was drunk, and she thought it would be better if she stayed. I told her I didn’t fucking care what she did.
Because the truth was, I didn’t.
I stumbled up to my room as the sounds of Max lightly snoring hit my ears. Tears filled my eyes as I thought back to that lunch. How I had exposed my son to a woman who had no intention of staying. All I’d done was wreak more damage on his life, because now if he ever asked about her, I’d have to tell him she was gone, too. Just like his mother.
I poured myself into bed and buried my face into my pillow. My eyes fluttered closed as the room began to spin, and I swallowed hard to keep from vomiting up any of the alcohol left in my system. All I wanted to do was sleep this off, get a decent shower, and throw myself into my work. I had a book tour coming up soon that would greatly distract me from the bullshit that had just rained down on my life, but I knew there was one specific thing I had to do.
I had to transfer her as my patient.