Chapter 28
Melissa
I couldn’t believe Brandon was actually here. With me. In a tub full of bubbles. I relaxed into him, my orgasm washing over me as I took in the stretch of his body. I closed my eyes and sighed as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him while the water began to cool around us. I didn’t want to get up and leave. I was scared if I did, this would all be a dream.
“Why are you here, Brandon?” I asked.
“Because I got your voice mail,” he said.
“I mean, yeah. But why did you stop your book tour to come back? Aren’t people going to be upset with you?”
“I panicked when I got your message,” he said. “I could tell you’d been drinking, and I couldn't get you back on the phone when I called. I thought something had happened. That you’d been in a wreck or were getting sick or had choked on your own vomit or something. I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish the tour with the right mindset without knowing you were all right.”
Shit. I knew I would find a way to ruin things. Now people were going to be pissed because of me. He would disappoint his fans and anger his agent. He wouldn’t get the press he needed around this book for it to be successful. He would worry instead of enjoying his success, and it was all because of me because I was a clinging idiot.
“You need to go back,” I said as I pulled away from him.
“Not a chance. I love you, Melissa. I care about you.”
“That doesn’t mean you should’ve risked your own success to come check on me. I would’ve called you in the morning,” I said.
“I wasn’t willing to lose you. I would’ve rather postponed things and come home than try to resolve things over the phone.”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” I said as I stepped out of the bath.
“Melissa, where are you going?”
“You need to go back.” I grabbed a towel. “You need to call your agent and tell them you’re coming back.”
“I’ve already put things on hold. Melissa, just get back in the tub.”
“Then call them and undo it!” I exclaimed. “Call them and tell them you’re coming back.”
I could see Brandon’s wild eyes on me as I turned and started out of the bathroom. He needed to get back. He needed to complete this tour and do the television interviews, so he wouldn’t resent me for bringing him home, for spoiling his career and for making him a failure instead of a success.
“Melissa, deep breaths,” he said.
“Fuck your deep breaths,” I said as I whirled around. “Go back to the tour.”
“I’m not,” he said.
“And why not? All you’re going to do now is resent me because you didn’t finish this tour. Because your book won’t sell as much, and you won’t get as much publicity. Your agent’ll probably blame me in the press or some shit and make me out to be this awful fucking person because you came back early.”
“No,” he said. “None of that is going to happen. All I told my agent was that I had a family emergency. For all she knows, it’s Max.”
“If you want to be with me, if this is going to work, you have to go back. You can’t just drop your life whenever I’m struggling. We have to learn how to navigate this and how to work things out over the phone like the phone sex.”
“The phone sex,” he said.
“Yes. When we wanted each other but you weren’t here, we compromised. Phone sex. Cameras and stuff. We have to be able to compromise now.”
My breath was coming in shallow pants, and my hands were shaking. Brandon was naked in front of me, his body drip drying as he slowly approached me. I backed myself into my room, my vision blurring with tears as my mind began to spin. He had to go back. We had to work this out like any other couple would when someone was on the road. He’d hate me. That love would turn to hate, and I didn’t know if I could handle that.
Scratch that. I knew I couldn’t handle that.
“Melissa, you’re panicking. Let’s get you calmed down, and then we can talk,” he said.
“Don’t use that smooth doctor voice on me. You know I’m right, Brandon. The media and your agent are going to have a fucking field day with this. I can see the headline now. Infamous Doctor Dating Crazy Pants.”
“Melissa, nothing like that is happening. Things are just postponed, not canceled. I promise you. Just come here and let me hold you.”
“No,” I said breathlessly.
I felt the back of my legs hit the bed, and I fell to my ass. My entire body was trembling as I saw his blurry figure approach me, but the moment his hands descended onto my arms, I fought back. I pushed him out of the room, tears dripping from my cheeks before I slammed my bedroom door in his face.
“Get out,” I whispered.
“Melissa, open this door.”
“Leave,” I choked out.
“I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I’m not leaving you in this state. Please, Mel, take deep breaths for me, deep ones through your nose.”
Mel. Mel. Mel.
His nickname for me darted off the corners of my mind. It was the name he called me whenever my parents did something stupid. Whenever they took something of mine away or locked me in my room over the weekend. He would always cup my cheeks plant a small kiss on my nose, and call me Mel.
“I love you, Mel.”
“Get out,” I begged.
“No.”
“Please.”
“I’m not leaving you like this,” he said.
“I said get out!”
I screamed so hard I lost my voice. My vision tunneled, and I stumbled back to my bed. The towel dropped as I curled up into a ball, hoisting my knees to my chest as my eyes began to flutter shut. He was going to hate me. His book was going to fail. His agent was going to yell at me, and the press was going to slaughter me.
And all because I got too drunk.
I heard my front door open and close, bringing on more tears as I whimpered on my bed. I needed Ava. I needed to talk with her. I needed to tell her what was going on, that all I wanted was what was best for him. I wanted Brandon to be successful. I wanted him to be embraced by his fans. I didn’t want to be something that held him back like I had just become.
I crawled to the head of my bed and grabbed my phone. I dialed Ava’s number and held the phone to my ear, hoping to the heavens she would pick up.
And when she did, I immediately started sobbing.
“Stay right where you are, I’m on my way over.”
The next thing I knew, Ava was covering me with my comforter. She lifted my head, placed it on her lap, and ran her fingers through my hair, shushing me quietly as I tried to compose myself. My hands stopped trembling, and my breathing evened out and my eyes finally stopped leaking tears.
I felt emptier than the day I had lost Carl, and I had very quickly redefined my personal definition of rock bottom.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I drunk dialed Brandon last night and told him everything,” I said.
“Uh-oh,” she said.
“And he showed up at my door this morning.”
“What?”
“And we took the most luxurious bath together,” I said breathlessly.
“So what’s the problem?” she asked.
“He postponed things for me.”
“I’m not following,” she said.
“He had these plans, Ava, for his book tour and television appearances that were canceled last minute, and his agent was pissed that he was leaving. Thousands of his fans who were waiting for autographs now won’t get to see him because of me. They won’t get to shake his hand or talk to him because I wasn’t strong enough. His book won’t be as successful as it could’ve been because I was an idiot and couldn’t just wait for him to return my calls.”
“Okay, did you tell him this?” she asked.
“Yeah. And he said he wasn’t going back.”
“So, why am I coddling you right now?”
“I panicked. I told him that if he cared for me, we had to resolve it over the phone. I told him he couldn’t just jet back at a moment’s notice because he was worried about me. I’m a grown ass woman who can take care of herself. We compromised with the phone sex, so I told him we could compromise on something like this over the phone. So, he could have his success and a life back here,” I said.
“Well, you’re not really conducting yourself like a grown ass woman,” she said.
“Seriously, Ava?”
“Yeah, seriously. Melissa, you’re lying here in your own snot butt ass naked because a man who cares for you, a man I know you care about, too, flew home to make sure you were all right. You may have gotten worried that his book wouldn’t do well, but you got pissed at him over the fact that he wouldn’t go back, that he wouldn’t leave. Do you see how insane that is?”
“It made sense in the moment,” I said, murmuring.
“In your panicked state, probably. And I bet Brandon even tried to coach you through it, didn’t he?” she asked.
“There might have been some requests for deep breaths,” I said.
“Sorry, girl. But you’re at fault here. You’ve got a good man who fucking flew back from his damn book tour to check on you, and you threw him out. That’s your bad, and it’s on you to fix it.”
“I just wanted his book to be successful. I don’t want him to resent me if it isn’t,” I said.
“Then tell him that instead of whatever emotionally-fueled bullshit you spewed at him before you called me.”
She was right. I had acted like an idiot. He appeared at my doorstep and did nothing but clean me up, and I threw him out when my emotions got the best of me. I had been too worried about how the situation would reflect on me and not focused on how the situation reflected on us. Brandon showed the ultimate act of wanting to make this work. He’d set his success aside to come take care of me. Because of some stupid voice mail I still couldn’t remember leaving.
And I had somehow twisted it and made it about me.
“Want my advice?” Ava asked.
“Sure,” I said, sighing.
“Spend some time with Sarah today. Get your mind off things. Think about what you really want with Brandon. If he flew all the way out here for you, he cares. It’s your fault if you can’t see it. Figure out if you want him the way he wants you. He deserves at least that. If you don’t, let him go. If you do, suck it the fuck up, and stop being so damn scared.”
“But what if he—”
“Yes, you two have a history. Welcome to how the world works. That was years ago, Melissa, and the two of you have lived an entire lifetime since then. He’s been through some shit, too, but he’s helping you with yours while pushing his off to the side.”
“Fuck,” I said breathlessly.
“You can get through this if you tread lightly, but you’re gonna have to try and reign yourself in a bit. Approach this as if people aren’t coming for your life,” she said.
“You make me sound crazy,” I said.
“In this particular instance, you acted a bit crazy.”
“Should I call him?” I asked.
“At this particular moment, let him come to you. Spend time with Sarah and do your work. When he calls, let him lead the conversation and take in what he has to say. That’s all you can do after all this.”
“I feel like an idiot.”
“But you’re a pretty idiot,” she said, grinning.
“Wanna get Logan and the four of us go have some dinner?” I asked.
“That sounds like a wonderful plan. Just let me know when and where.”