Chapter 33
Brandt
When I watched Emma fall to her knees, grabbing her belly, my heart just stopped beating right then and there. Everything slowed down, and I could see her whispering to herself as she lay on the sidewalk, her bags falling to the ground. I had looked over at one of them, seeing a fuzzy bunny with a big yellow bow and my heart shattered. I had followed along behind Caroline to the hospital and taken a seat in the waiting room, jumping every time the doors opened to the back. I had never felt fear or anxiety like I was feeling in that waiting room. I sat in the chair thinking about Emma and everything that had happened, from the first moment I ever saw her to the moments that had just passed.
That black dress she wore on Valentine’s Day still sparkled in my mind, matching the glimmer in her eye as we joked and talked all night long. I could feel the shock and pain when I woke up the next day, determined to find her. And I could still feel the hope in my heart when we made love in New York, talking about the baby and our future together. All of that was crashing down in a small hospital in Camden, Maine, and all because of my bitch of an ex-wife. Josie had been the reason for every bad thing that had ever happened to me. She had been the reason I fell into a depression, the reason I couldn’t provide Sicily with the kind of love only a mother could give, and now she was the reason I was there, bringing Emma literally to her knees.
Just thinking about Josie, about the smug look on her face, the laughter as I searched the apartment for Emma brought anger rising back up in my chest. She was everything that was wrong with this world, everything that I hated, and now she had taken Emma from me without even a whisper of remorse. She had damaged Sicily, me, and now Emma, and if she were there, I didn’t know if I could control myself. I couldn’t bear to think about Emma in that hospital bed, curled up, scared, hurt, and so fragile. My mind raced through all the scenarios that could be happening. What if she lost the baby? What if she had gotten so upset that it caused some sort of damage that they couldn’t fix? What if she was in danger, and I lost both of them in one fell swoop? What if everything we had became a memory in just one second of anger and distrust?
I shook my head and pulled my hands up to my face. I could barely keep it together sitting there wondering and waiting. My mind was taking this to the worst places, and I needed to snap out of it. I leaned back in the chair and tilted my head back, taking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out. When my heart had slowed, I looked around the waiting room at all the people sitting there. There were people waiting to be seen, family with worried faces waiting on those already in the back, and children playing in the kid’s corner. Every single one of them had someone there, holding their hands, patting their backs, and comforting them through that difficult time.
That was what was supposed to happen when you loved someone. You were supposed to be there for them, helping them over the hurdles in life, comforting them in a time of crisis. You were not supposed to be the person sitting there wondering if you had just severely hurt the love of your life and your unborn child. God, how could I be so stupid? I should have known that showing up like that would only make her more upset. I had caused this woman so much pain and anxiety in her life, and when it was the worst, I only aided in exasperating the situation. I should have left it alone from the beginning, taking Trevor’s advice and moving on, but I couldn’t see through my own selfishness to know she would have been better off without me. In fact, that child probably would be better off without me as well. But it was too late, and the damage had been done.
I sat beating myself up, watching as the clock ticked slowly by. The sound of the backroom doors opening made me look up, and I jumped to my feet when I saw Caroline walking out. She looked around the room and nodded, seeing me standing nervously to the side. She walked over rubbing her hands together and looked up at me. My heart was about to explode in my chest.
“Emma and the baby are okay,” she said.
“God, thank God,” I said putting my hand to my chest. “What happened?”
“She was dehydrated and exhausted,” Caroline said. “She’s been struggling since she came back from New York, and we were there for her as much as we could, but she’s stubborn.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said shaking my head. “You guys are amazing friends to her. I’m so glad she has you. Are they going to release her?”
“Not tonight,” Caroline said. “They want to keep her overnight for observation, just to make sure everything’s okay, monitor the baby’s heartbeat, and get her a good amount of fluids. They also gave her something for anxiety and that helped lower her heartbeat too. The dehydration will cause irregular heart activity. She’ll be leaving in the morning.”
“Will you call her parents?”
“She doesn’t want to worry them,” she said. “I’ll make sure she gets home safely, and we will be there to watch her and get her back to working order.”
“Wait,” I said grabbing Caroline’s arm as she turned to walk away. “Can I see her?”
“She doesn’t want to see you,” Caroline said kindly. “I’m sorry, but I have to respect her wishes, and the doctors want her to stay nice and calm. I don’t think right now is the right time for that, especially with how she reacted when she saw you. I think the best thing for you to do right now is go back to your hotel and try to relax. We can revisit this when she’s feeling a little bit better. I don’t want to push her any further than we already have. She’s in a fragile state and mentally I don’t think she’s capable of handling any of this.”
“God,” I said, rubbing my hands through my hair and sitting down with tears in my eyes. “This is all my fault. I should have never brought her in my life with my ex wreaking havoc everywhere.”
“To be fair, Emma says she isn’t your ex,” Caroline said, looking at me for answers.
“This is such a mess, and I will never be able to make her see,” I said, starting to cry.
Caroline sighed and looked around for a second before sitting next to me and putting her hand on my shoulder. She rubbed my back and let me gather myself, obviously feeling bad that I was completely losing it in the hospital waiting room. She reached in her purse and handed me a tissue.
“Thanks,” I said chuckling through the sobs. “This is the first time I’ve cried in probably ten or more years.”
“I’m not saying that what happened was good for her, but it wasn’t what caused her to collapse,” Caroline said. “She wasn’t feeling well in the store earlier today.”
“I know, well I don’t know, but this is all a mess,” I sighed. “Josie’s my ex, Caroline. She was lying to Emma. Emma knew Josie had been coming around trying to talk to my daughter, but Sicily wanted nothing to do with her. When I refused to force Sicily to talk to her more, she got vengeful. I guess she found out about Emma and decided to target her, trying to hurt me.”
“It just all seems so strange,” Caroline said. “You have to admit from the outside, first with the pictures and now this, you have to see how she would have a hard time believing you.”
“I do see it,” I said. “I see it, and it makes me so angry at my ex. Look, I can prove it to you. She’s been sending me these gloating texts about ruining my life and making Emma run off.”
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and skimmed down to Josie’s texts, glad that I’d saved them. I handed Caroline the phone and watched as she sighed, sitting back and looking through the messages. Her face went from unbelieving to angry really fast. She glanced up at me and then back down at the messages. She flipped to Josie’s contact information and back to the messages, shaking her head. She bit her lip and handed me back the phone, her mind obviously thinking about things.
“Look,” she said, leaning forward. “I wish I could help. I want to help, but right now in this hospital, it’s just not the time. I doubt Emma would even be able to comprehend what she’s looking at with those texts much less have a full conversation with you about it. I need you to be patient, give Emma some time to recover and clear her mind. When that’s happened, I promise I will tell her what you showed me. I have to go back in. They are going to move her soon.”
I nodded my head, and she smiled down as she patted my shoulder and walked back to the desk to get them open the doors for her. It wasn’t necessarily a win, but I knew Caroline was starting to believe I was telling the truth. I waited a couple more minutes to calm my nerves and then headed back to the inn. When I got inside, I called my mom and told her everything that had happened, including showing Caroline the texts.
“I think Emma’s friend is right, Brandt,” Mom said. “Give Emma some time. She’s just been through something scary, and she’ll need to get better and clear her mind. If Caroline is really as good of a friend as you say to Emma, she’ll talk to her when she knows the time is right.”
“I know,” I sighed. “Thank you for answering. I know you guys are busy.”
“I’ll always answer,” she said. “Now get some rest, eat something, and get a good night’s sleep. Things will work out, I promise you.”
“I really hope so, Mom,” I said. “If I didn’t know enough how important Emma was to me before, I definitely know it now. And the baby too. That baby is definitely at the top of my mind. I’m just glad they’re okay and getting treatment.”
“Me too,” she said.
“I’ll let you go. I love you,” I said before hanging up.
I walked downstairs and requested to eat dinner in my room, mustering a smile for the innkeeper. She went into the kitchen, came out with a tray of food, and handed it to me. I thanked her and turned back to the stairs.
“I’m sorry,” she said calling out. “I heard that Emma was taken to the hospital today. I was worried and wondered, since you two are friends, if you knew anything about how she and the baby were doing?”
“They’re okay,” I said. “They’ll be fine. They just need rest.”
“Good,” she said, ringing her hands. “Have a good evening.”
“You too,” I said, heading back up to the room.
I sat there at the window barely touching my dinner, watching the cars pass by on the road and wondering if there would ever be enough time for Emma to get past everything that happened.
Chapter 34
Emma
“You’ll want to leave this bandage on for a couple of hours and then take it off to air it out,” the nurse said as she took out my IV. “The doctor has prescribed you some anxiety medication to help with the stress, and your friend Caroline has all of your discharge information. If you start to feel any pain, stress, dizziness, or extreme nausea, please come back in immediately. We are here, so don’t hesitate, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, smiling as she turned and nodded at Caroline.
“Hey,” Caroline said. “You ready to go home?”
“Yeah,” I said. “More than ready.”
Caroline wheeled me out in a wheelchair against my strong requests and helped me into the car. I watched out the window as we passed through town and into my neighborhood. I felt physically better, and the anxiety medication was helping with the stress, but I still couldn’t get everything off my mind. When we pulled up in the driveway, she came around to my side and helped me out of the car, holding my arm as we walked slowly inside. We made our way upstairs to the bedroom, and I sat on the edge of the bed as she walked around, getting things put away. I was so scared in the hospital, my mind just racing to the worst of everything. I was worried that something had happened to the baby, that something had gone terribly wrong. I didn’t understand why I was there until about three hours later when the meds kicked in. Still, I tossed and turned all night long, checking the fetal monitor every five seconds.
When I wasn’t worried about the baby’s heartbeat, I was thinking about Brandt, picturing his face in my mind over and over again. He looked so desperate to talk to me, like what he had to say would change the world. At that moment, standing before him, all I could see was red, but after calming down, I could really picture him in my mind, his eyebrows scrunched together and his face almost in tears. He really wanted to talk to me, even if it were just five seconds, but at that time, I couldn’t hear anything he was trying to say. He could have told me I was on fire, and all I would have felt was rage. I had never been like that before, and it was really scary.
“Here,” Caroline said, pushing up my pillows. “Lie down while I go get you some water. Are you hungry? I can make you some toast or get you some crackers.”
“Not right now,” I whispered. “The medicine makes me not hungry. I’ll take water, though. I don’t want to get dehydrated again.”
I lay back on the pillows and closed my eyes, picturing Brandt in my head. I couldn’t help remembering that he hadn’t seemed to look like a man who had other intentions with someone else. He didn’t have that look like he was trying to fool me, like he was trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He looked like the man I had fallen in love with, just trying to stop me in my frantic state for long enough to tell me something important. My heart fluttered in my chest, and I could feel that draw pulling at me once again. I hadn’t felt that feeling since I’d been in New York, and it made me sad. I felt like Brandt looked, beat up on the inside, sad beyond measure. He looked like he hadn’t slept in years, like his desperation had taken him over, and he couldn’t control it any longer.
“Hey,” Caroline said, walking back into the room. “Here are two bottles of water. When you’re done with those, I want you to get more. If you feel like you can’t make it down the stairs safely, call me, and I’ll come over.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding my head.
“I’m going to run out and grab your prescription,” she said. “Your doctor said they gave you dose before you left, which is why you might be sleepy. You won’t need any more until tomorrow evening, but I’m going to go get it now and put it on the counter downstairs. If you feel like you’re getting upset, he said you can take one to calm yourself.”
“All right,” I said. “Thank you for all of this, for taking care of me.”
“Of course,” she said with a smile. “I love you. You aren’t alone.”
“Did Brandt stay in the waiting room last night? Did you talk to him and tell him we were okay?”
Caroline sighed and put everything on my nightstand. I could tell she was worried about talking about everything, but she also knew if she didn’t, it would really bother me. Part of me really wished he was with me, comforting me like he did before Josie came and had her talk, but I also knew that everything could have easily been one big lie. Either way, I wanted to hear what Caroline had to say.
“I wanted to wait until I was sure you were feeling better,” she said. “If you want to talk now, we can, but at the first sign you’re getting upset, we’re ending the conversation. Okay?”
“Deal,” I said.
“He stayed until you were transferred to the main part of the hospital,” she said. “He would have stayed all night, but I told him to go and get some rest. He was so nervous when I walked out there and relieved that you and the baby were okay. He asked if he could see you, and I told him the truth, that you didn’t want to see him and that it wouldn’t be good for you. He broke down, tears and all, right there in the waiting room. I couldn’t just walk away, so I sat down and heard him out. He said everything Josie had said was a lie, that she had some vendetta against him because he wouldn’t let her see his daughter.”
“She told me he would say that,” I said sighing.
“That’s what I thought at first,” she said. “But then he showed me the texts.”
“What texts?”
“Texts that Josie had sent to him after you had left,” she said. “She was gloating about making you leave, telling him she was going to ruin his life. She talked about how he deserved for her to leave so many years ago, and that he didn’t deserve to have a woman in his life. There were a lot of them, and they all were the same.”
“So, it looked like Josie lied to me?”
“That’s how it appeared to me,” she said. “I told him to go to the inn and relax and be patient.”
“God, if that’s true, then all of this stress has been for nothing,” I sighed. “But at the same time, I don’t know if I can fully trust him again.”
“Give it time,” she said, standing up. “He’s staying at the inn for now. You need to rest. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Yeah,” I yawned. “Thank you.”
I watched as Caroline walked out of the room, her footsteps fading down the steps. When the front door closed behind her, I turned over on my side, staring out the window. I lay there drifting in and out of sleep, the medicine they gave me making me very drowsy. I could tell I was fighting it as hard as I could, so finally, I let go and closed my eyes tightly. It was a deep, dreamless sleep that my body really needed. When I woke up, I looked over at the clock and realized it was after ten at night. I had slept through almost the entire day, and I had been so tired, I didn’t even hear Caroline come in and out with the medicine. I looked out the window and saw nothing but darkness.
I pulled myself up in the bed and clicked on the bedside lamp, stretching my arms over my head. It was amazing how a good amount of sleep could really help the body. I grabbed a bottle of water and downed it, opening the second and doing it again. I would have thought after the amount of saline they gave me in the hospital, I wouldn’t be thirsty, but my mouth was dry, and I was completely parched. I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and rubbed my face, slowly standing up to make sure I wasn’t dizzy. Everything seemed fine, so I went to the bathroom and then slowly made my way downstairs to the kitchen.
I clicked on the light and squinted, trying to adjust to the brightness. On the counter was a prescription with a note from Caroline reminding me to take it the next night before bed. I smiled at the little hearts she had drawn on the package. I walked over to the cupboard, pulled down a cup, and filled it with water from the tap. I had run out of bottled water and forgotten to pick up some from the store. At that point, though, I was so thirsty, it didn’t matter to me. I leaned against the counter and sipped at the water, thinking about Brandt and wondering what he was doing at that moment. I wondered if he was awake, and if he was, whether he was thinking about me or not.
I looked around the quiet kitchen and laughed to myself, thinking about all the breads and cookies I had made in New York. I ran my hand down to my belly and rubbed circles around it, realizing that this was my reality now. I didn’t really know what life would be like without him in it, and I couldn’t remember what it was like before. It would be really quiet, and I could tell it was going to be lonely. Maybe I would have regrets and maybe not, but I knew if I was going to raise a baby on my own, it would be really hard for me to bring a man, a stranger to my child, into our lives. I really didn’t even want to think about another man because even though I was still reeling from the events in New York, I was still in love with Brandt. I wanted to talk to him. I was ready to talk to him. I wanted to know what had happened, why Josie would say those things to me. I wanted him to explain everything like he had done to Caroline.
I sighed, still feeling mentally okay and not feeling the normal tension that came with these thoughts. I finished my glass of water and checked the time again. I knew if I didn’t put this to rest, I was never going to get another good night’s sleep. I knew that when the medicine wore down, I was going to feel the pain and heartache that had plagued me before. I couldn’t do that. I had to talk to him, and I had to talk to him that night.
I made my way back upstairs and pulled a sweatshirt on, a pair of shorts, and my slippers. I grabbed my keys and wallet off the dresser and slowly made my way down and out of the house. I could feel the leftover effects of collapsing yesterday, so I had to take things slowly. Even if it took me all night to get to the inn, I was going to see Brandt and finally know the truth.