Chapter 30
One Week Later
Emma
My plane had landed in Bangor exactly one week and one day ago, with Caroline and Gillian waiting for me at the airport. I had 911’d them to Bangor in one hour before my flight took off from LaGuardia, and when they picked me up, they didn’t even ask a single question. They just wrapped me in their arms and took me home where I really needed to be, where I would sit and start to wither away for an entire week. I just sat there on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me, the girls sitting across from me. They had brought over decaf coffee and some donuts to try to coerce me off the couch, but it wasn’t working. Brandt had called me over and over about a million times since I had left, but every single time the phone rang, I rejected the call and sent it to voice mail. The sound of my ringtone had driven me so crazy that I put the damn thing on vibrate just to avoid hearing it a hundred times a day. You would think by that point, he would have gotten the point, but I knew he wouldn’t stop trying, not until I answered, which wasn’t going to happen.
Every few days, my phone would pop up a dialogue box letting me know that my text messages were almost full. I didn’t even know it was possible to fill your text message box to that point, but Brandt proved me wrong. At first, I had read them, shaking my head at his pleas for me to call him, telling me that he knew about Josie and whatever she said was a lie, but I couldn’t even start to think about it. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to hear him tell me any more lies or any more half-truths about his life. He had fooled me over and over again, and this time, I only had myself to blame.
“I can’t believe I was that stupid,” I said, looking up at the girls who looked surprised that I was talking. “He pulled the wool over my eyes.”
“It’s not your fault,” Caroline said. “He took advantage of the fact that you were pregnant and rolled you right back in. He introduced you to his family because he knew it would make it harder for you to let go if you loved more than just his personality. He’s obviously a con artist, and the worst kind of one, the one with money who thinks because his bank is fat, he can do whatever he wants to people without repercussions. I have met men like him time and time again, and every time, I just want to shake the shit out of them.”
“He was really convincing,” I said. “He was on his game all of the time. I can’t believe I actually thought I could be that happy for once. That my life was finally turning into what I wanted it to be.”
“I know,” Gillian said. “But love blinds us. The hope for a better future makes it impossible for us to accept the faults in people. It’s an incredibly cruel thing, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But you’re home now with us and with your family, and we’re there for you. We won’t lie to you. You know that, even when you don’t want to hear the truth.”
“You, of all people, know that this too will pass,” Caroline said. “The pain will go away. You just have to give it time. Time heals everything, you know that. Those little pieces that you think you lost will eventually come back. And you still have that baby to think about, that baby who’s going to need its mom to be strong and brave through all of this. That child will have to know that you did everything you could to keep its father in your life, and when it didn’t work out, you went on and continued to create a better life for you and it. We are right here beside you.”
“Why don’t you go out with us tonight?” Gillian said. “It’s karaoke night, and you can sit with us and make fun of the desperate women singing Mariah Carey.”
“Yeah,” I scoffed, pointing at my belly. “I will really fit in there.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Caroline said. “Everyone knows you’re pregnant, and they have all been asking where you were. They will be happy to see you.”
“Getting out of the house will be good for you,” Gillian said. “You need to get some fresh air, get yourself on your feet, and start moving forward. Just like any other breakup, the best cure is to not wither away in your own sadness. Only this time, you can’t get wasted when you do it.”
“Or get laid,” Caroline said. “But you don’t need either of those things.”
“I really appreciate what you guys are trying to do, I swear,” I said. “But I’m not ready to go out yet. The friendship you two have shown me has been immeasurable, and I promise I won’t be stuck like this forever, but for now, I just want to stay in and relax. My head hurts, my heart hurts, and I haven’t showered in like three days. I’m going to take a bath, watch some old movies, and try to get my brain straight. You two should go out tonight and have a good time. You deserve it for being there for me through all of this. I mean, I didn’t even tell you what happened until two days after you picked me up. I’m making progress.”
“You are,” Gillian said. “And we understand. We won’t pressure you to go out to the bar. I can understand why you might not want to go. If you change your mind, we can come pick you up in a heartbeat.”
“Have you eaten today?” Caroline asked.
“No,” I said. “My nausea has been back, and I’m not really that hungry. I’ll keep these donuts and munch on them when I get hungry.”
“Why don’t you get up, and we can go over to the Italian restaurant,” Gillian said. “It’s your favorite, and you can get some good food in that belly. You’re eating for the baby too. Don’t forget that.”
“I appreciate it,” I said. “But I think I just want to take a nap. I’m really tired.”
“All right,” Caroline said. “You get that sleep. You won’t get a lot when the baby is born. If you’re hungry when you wake up, text me, and I’ll bring some food over for you.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too,” Gillian said. “Don’t forget that. I’ll have my phone on me all night, so anything you need, don’t hesitate.”
“I won’t,” I smiled. “Have fun tonight but not too much fun.”
“You know us,” Caroline said rolling her eyes. “I’ll video Gillian drunk singing some stupid love ballad to Alex. That’ll cheer you up.”
I laughed and watched as they smiled and walked out the front door. I lay there for a minute listening to the silence in the house. It had been the first time I had been there alone since the girls brought me back. They had taken turns staying over, making sure I was okay, and most of the time, just being there for me so I knew I wasn’t alone. I curled up in a ball and sank down on the couch, reaching for the remote and flipping on the television. I went channel by channel, my mind flickering back and forth between the television and the memories that wouldn’t leave my mind. I hadn’t been this miserable in my entire life. I stopped the television on an old black and white movie and pulled the covers up to my chin.
I tried to pay attention to the movie, but eventually, I just stared off out the window, not looking at anything in particular. I thought about how good everything had been, how amazing it had felt to be there with Brandt. We’d had so many plans for the future, and we’d had made each other so many promises. There was more than just love there. There was a bond that I never imagined could be broken by his ex-wife. Then again, it wasn’t broken by his ex-wife. It had been broken by him. I reminded myself that everything I remembered was fake. It never really existed. It was all a bunch of lies, compounding on each other and building up to that moment. I could feel the tears pulling at the corners of my eyes, and I tried to hold back like I had been for days, but the floodgates just opened.
I pulled my hands over my eyes and sobbed, letting out a deep breath. I hadn’t cried once since I’d left. I had let it bubble up so hard inside of me that by the time I finally let it all go, I couldn’t stop myself. I got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a tissue and drinking some water. I put my hand over my face and continued crying, knowing it would help me heal. I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally. I went back and curled up on the couch and cried myself to sleep, hoping that when I woke up, I would feel better.
It wasn’t a dreamless sleep, though. As my mind calmed into sleep, I found myself back in the apartment in New York City. Things were bright and shining, almost like a television show. My dream was in black and white, and I was standing in the kitchen, laughing and talking to Sicily. She called me Mom and told me how much she loved me as I basted a chicken on the counter. We both turned and clapped excitedly, hearing the door open. Brandt walked around the corner carrying flowers, hugging Sicily tightly, and leaning down and kissing me on the forehead. At that moment, there was a cry from the other room, and Sicily ran off, coming back with a beautiful baby in her arms. It was our baby, and I could barely keep my eyes off it.
Before I could pull the baby into my arms, there was a buzzing at the door. Everything went dark, and I was standing by myself, the buzzing getting louder and louder. I screamed out in my dream, running through the dark, looking for the life that had been there just a moment ago. When the buzzing started again, I closed my eyes and screamed. I sat up straight on the couch, still screaming, breathing heavily as I realized that it was all a dream. I looked over to find my phone buzzing loudly on the table. I picked it up and groaned, seeing Brandt calling again. I rejected his call and tossed the phone back on the table, lying down and staring up at the ceiling.
Everything in my life had hinged on the family that I really thought I was going to have, and at that moment, all I wanted to do was forget it. I couldn’t do anything without Brandt texting, calling, or just generally being on my mind. Things were worse than they were before he had come to Camden, and I regretted ever going to New York with him. I should have stuck to my guns, been cautious, but I didn’t. No more tears were falling from my eyes, and I told myself right then and there that I would never again let a man hurt me like that.
Chapter 31
Brandt
It had been over a week since Emma had left without a word, without a note, and without any warning at all. She had been bombarded by Josie, who kept sending me gloating text messages about how she was ruining my life. I was miserable, just plain miserable, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I had never been in a situation like this before, trying to get back the love of my life after losing her for something I hadn’t even done. From the texts that Josie sent, I could assume she had told her I was letting her back in my life or something along those lines. It was crazy and absurd, but I could see how Josie could have convinced Emma. She was conniving, and Emma was fragile, especially being alone with her and me not there to defend myself.
Josie had ruined my life time and time again. First, she left Sicily and me, leaving me to pick up the pieces and raise a little girl on my own. Eventually, I saw the blessing disguised in the situation, but I could never see any blessing in her pushing Emma away. She had chased her off to get back at me, not realizing and not caring that she had also gravely hurt her daughter in the process. I felt like I had lost everything in one day. My life was bleak and sad without Emma in it, and no matter what anyone did, they couldn’t bring me out of it. My mom had tried talking to me when it first happened, but it was no use, I was way too angry and hurt at that point. Sicily knew something went terribly wrong, but she was at a loss for words, which wasn’t like her at all.
If I could just hear her voice, get her to listen to reason, I knew she would open her eyes to what actually happened. I had been calling and texting Emma since she’d left, but she was refusing to even pick up the phone or send me a text back. I grabbed my phone and called her again, hoping that this time, she would actually answer. It rang three times and went to voice mail, but her inbox was full, most likely from the messages I had sent her. She wasn’t even listening to those, much less reading my text messages, I was sure. I threw my phone down on the desk and watched as it bounced off into the chair across from me. I groaned, pulling my hands over my face and leaning over in the chair. I felt like crying, something I never did, and couldn’t remember the last time it happened. I was frustrated, sad, and really just wanted to get things back to the way they were.
Everything in my life had been so perfect, which should have probably been a giant red flag to me. I never had a perfect life like that. It was just not in my cards. Apparently, Emma and my new family weren’t in my cards either at that point. I stomped my feet up and down trying to shake the frustration out of me.
“I’ve seen you do a lot of things in the length of our friendship,” Trevor said from the doorway. “But an all-out temper tantrum in your office had never been one until this moment. I have to say, buddy, it really doesn’t look good on you. What is going on with you?”
I looked up at him with complete dismay, not believing that he didn’t know the answer to his question. I had told him as soon as everything had happened, and he knew I was struggling through it. That was one thing about Trevor that drove me nuts. He had no concept of how long it took to get over something like this, not that I had the faintest idea either.
“Ahh,” he said, nodding his head up and down. “It’s the girl. Are you still chasing her? I feel like you’ve been chasing after this girl since February.”
“I have been,” I sighed. “With a small little interlude when I actually caught her, but that was over as quickly as it started. She won’t answer my calls, my texts, nothing. She has completely shut me out. The only person reaching out is Josie with her snide text messages about making my life hell. She has succeeded, my friend. My life is officially a living hell.”
“You’re being very dramatic right now.” Trevor chuckled. “Also, something I’m not used to from you. Why don’t you go down and tinker in the shop? That always makes you feel better. Maybe you’ll come up with some genius invention.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. “I’d rather go home and curl up in my bed until someone has to peel me out of it, surrounded by chicken buckets and grease. That, my friend, is dramatic.”
“Buddy, listen,” he said, leaning forward. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no one else is going to do it. You need to move on from this, put it behind you, and keep going forward. Obviously, this time it’s completely over, and no matter how many times you call her, you’re always going to get that voice mail. Things got fucked up, I get it, but you can either die over it or remember that life you had even before you met Emma. Your company, your little girl, they need you right now, and you, my friend, are dropping the ball big time.”
I leaned back in my chair and stared up at the ceiling, spinning it back and forth. Trevor was wrong about this. It wasn’t over for good. I couldn’t let it be. I tilted my head to the right and left, thinking about Emma and how she looked before I’d left to run errands.
“You do remember that this was more than just a girl,” I said. “She’s pregnant with my child. My baby is growing inside of her, and one day it would be born, and I need to be there for that. I don’t just want to be there for the baby. I want to be there for Emma too. To me, they are not separate entities.”
“You know you can’t do anything for that child or with that child if she doesn’t want you involved,” Trevor said. “It sucks, but that’s the way the world works.”
“There are avenues I can take,” I said. “But that’s not what I want. I’m not looking to take the baby from her. I want to be in its life and her life. I want the damn family we’d made plans to have.”
“I’m sorry, man,” he said, letting out a deep breath. “Listen, there’s a band playing at the bar tonight during happy hour. Why don’t you come with me? Missy has been asking about you, and I bet she could relieve some of this stress.”
“I appreciate it,” I said, pulling my hands down and turning toward him. “But I need to be with Sicily. She’s still taking Emma’s exit pretty hard, and we need to be there for each other.”
“All right man.” Trevor stood and walked to the door. “You know how to get me if you need me.”
I watched him walk out of the room, and I went back to my glorious pity party. I didn’t want to feel this way, but there was nothing besides her coming back that would change that. I shook my head and grabbed my things, happy to be done with the day. I headed out to the car waiting to take me home and climbed inside. It was an overcast day, and it fit my mood perfectly. When I got home, my mom had left a note that she was helping Sicily with her homework and would send her up when she was done. I moped around for a few and then cooked dinner for Sicily and me.
“Hey, Dad,” Sicily said, coming in the door about an hour later.
“Hey,” I said, mustering a happy tone. “Just in time for dinner.”
Sicily went and washed up as I set our plates of food and drinks at the table. I sat down and smiled at her as she took a seat across from me. I watched her as she sat there with her hands in her lap, looking over at Emma’s empty chair. She sighed and looked up at me, and I knew she had kept her silence long enough.
“Dad,” she said.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know what happened between you and Emma,” she said. “But I know she loved you and you love her. You had to be blind not to see it. You need to get her back.”
I chuckled, spooning sauce over my spaghetti and handing Sicily the bowl. I sat there for a moment, thinking about what to say. How could I possibly explain this whole thing to a seven-year-old? She may be a genius, but she was still a kid and had no real comprehension of how the world worked, especially not adult relationships.
“Sicily, if it were that simple, she would be here right now,” I said. “Life is not that simple, and I don’t expect you to get that. You will understand when you get older how these things tend to work. I’m sorry that you’re hurt that Emma is gone. Trust me, I wish I could magically clap my hands and get her back, but I can’t.”
“That’s crap.” She slammed down her fork.
“Sicily,” I said, trying to calm her.
“No,” she said. “Adults always make things so dramatic and so stupid. It is that easy. You just go to her, tell you that you love her, that we need her, and that whatever happened, never should have. It is that simple. You’re just scared. You’re scared because, for a second, we were going to be happy.”
“Sicily,” I said, watching her stand up.
“And what about my brother or sister? Are you just going to let them go because it’s too complicated?” she shouted out as she turned and walked to her room, slamming the door.
I was completely caught off guard by Sicily’s reaction. I knew she was upset that Emma left, but I hadn’t realized how important Emma was to her. I stared over at her plate, thinking about what she’d said. Maybe I wasn’t giving my daughter enough credit. Maybe I was the one who didn’t understand. She had such a childlike way of looking at it, and that was almost a blessing. She could cut through the bullshit and see what really mattered. She could see that I loved Emma, and she loved me, and in the end, that was all that mattered. She had bonded with her new sibling before it had even arrived, and in the back of my mind, so had I. She was right, I couldn’t let that go without a fight.
I wiped my mouth and put my napkin on my plate, pushing back and crossing my legs. Maybe all I needed to do was get on a plane, go to Camden, and make her listen. I was complicating everything because I was scared. That was something Sicily had picked up on really fast. I wasn’t scared of having a family, though, I was scared of finding out that the dream was really dead in the water. If I kept fighting myself, fighting her voice mail and texts, and fighting Josie’s snide texts, I would never be able to fix this. I would always keep wondering if there was a chance, wondering if my child was out there somewhere with the love of my life thinking about me.