CHAPTER 8
Madeline
My body felt boneless as I propped myself on the pillows. I never expected that to happen with clothes on. It was certainly a first for me, even though I hadn’t had sex before. I’d come close but didn’t want it, pushing the guy from me and watching the relationship end before my eyes.
The coffee was sweet if not a bit lukewarm, but I enjoyed it anyway. Declan watched me as he reached for his own cup, surprise crossing his handsome face. “Are you okay?”
“You surprise me,” Declan told me quietly as I raised an eyebrow. We nibbled on the goodies in the bag, talking until we were too tired to stay awake any longer. I pressed against Declan, feeling closer to him than before as he wrapped an arm around me. We both had the day off, and we thought that we’d sleep here for a while and maybe go to his house. I didn’t care as I kissed his bare chest and curled against him with a smile on my face. I needed to sleep.
I didn’t wake up for about six hours, and I realized that I’d turned my back to him. Declan was spooning me with his arms around me, one covering my left breast. I didn’t have a bra on, and my nipple ached to be touched as I held in a moan. It pebbled against his hand, and I tried to feel if Declan moved at all. Was he awake?
His body remained still, but his cock was hard against my ass. I felt like I was going to burst as I lay before him, wanting everything and nothing all at once. I wondered what it would be like to have him touch my bare breast, stroking it with his fingers. What would it be like to feel his lips on my neck, moving down my body until I was arching in front of him with Declan’s mouth on my nipple? My sexual curiosity was climbing, and I reined it in, not willing to take the chance yet. This was new and risky for so many reasons. Giving him my virginity was a bad idea even if I really wanted to in this specific moment.
Declan squeezed, and I gasped from the surprise of it, even though he was gentle. “Madeline. I’m sorry,” he mumbled, rearranging himself behind me and tracing my pert nipple with his hand as he moved it. I groaned. Declan slipped his hand down my body to the hem of my shirt, and I froze, wanting to stop this but needing him. “Can I touch you?”
“Yes,” I replied as he deftly slipped his hand under the hem and sliding it over my bare stomach. I arched my back as he traced heat over my skin, moving closer to where I needed him. His fingers had tickled the soft underside of my breast before he stroked one nipple with a finger, making heat shoot straight to my thighs.
Declan cupped and squeezed me as I moaned his name. “Beautiful,” he murmured as his lips found my neck just like I’d been imagining a few minutes before. It was one of the best things I’d ever felt, and I closed my eyes, giving in to the pleasure of the feelings. “I want you,” Declan whispered against my skin as my eyes popped open. He was hard and thick against my body, and I imagined the pain that would come with sex, along with the fear of abandonment. “Madeline, are you all right?”
“I…” My words faded as he slipped his hand around my stomach and pulled me against him. I was completely out of my mind. I needed therapy. I needed to calm down, and he turned me slowly in his arms to kiss my forehead. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everything was feeling so good, and then my mind wandered, and everything fell apart.”
“Madeline, it’s fine. You have some hesitation, and that’s okay. I was just talking. I wasn’t asking,” he tilted my face up to look at me. “You just drive me insane. Completely.”
“Me, too. I’m scared,” I whimpered as Declan kissed me tenderly.
“I can take you out tonight for dinner. If we’re seen, it won’t be a secret anymore, but we can spend some time out of bed. That seems to be taking us over.” His voice was soft, and I stared at him.
I moved closer to him, hugging Declan tightly as I closed my eyes. “You’re wonderful.”
“How so? I can barely keep my hands off you,” Declan replied, making me laugh. It made me think of something, and I stroked his hair.
“Always touching me. Always wanting to please me. What about you?” I asked as I moved one hand. “Don’t you need that?” I didn’t know what was coming over me as I slipped it down his stomach and over the bulge in his underwear.
“Madeline,” Declan groaned as I squeezed. He was thick and long, making me think what it would feel like to have him inside of me. My thighs were hot and slick as I stroked, and I squeezed them together to ease the pressure. Oooo, that felt good. I slipped my hand under the material and stroked him bare as I pressed my thighs together. “Jesus. You don’t know when to quit.”
“Do you want me to?” I asked as he jerked forward and covered my hand with heat, whispering my name. I pressed harder against my core and cried out as I released, shocked at how easily I was doing it. My reaction to any man before this was nothing like this.
“This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. This is crazy,” Declan said as I dropped on my back and let out a long breath. “What are you doing to me?”
“The same thing that you’re doing to me,” I replied as I looked at him. “Is this…is this a rebound, Declan?”
“Do you mean is it a rebound after losing my wife?” He asked as I winced. There was a pain in his voice, and he propped himself up on one arm to look at me. “I already had one of those, and it was awful. So, no. This isn’t a rebound. This is me moving on from Laura and losing her, even though I didn’t even know that I was ready for that. I had no idea, Madeline. I was making it day by day before I saw you that day and now I am here with you and happy, if not confused. It’s just so intense.” Declan looked at me. “I have an idea. I can go home and get ready while you do the same here. I’ll come back and get you, and we can take a road trip and get dinner somewhere far enough away that we might be left alone. We can be somewhere and talk and get to know each other without this attraction getting in the way.”
“That sounds fun,” I replied as he leaned down to kiss me. We snuggled a bit longer before he got up and slipped back into his clothes with the shake of his head. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
I stood to kiss him and smiled into his eyes. “Sounds great.” I walked him to the door and peered out as he walked to his car, my eyes widening when I saw my neighbor across the street exiting her car. It was one of the head nurses from the hospital, and I was relieved to see Declan inside of his own vehicle when she glanced over. Still though…what if she recognized his Range Rover? Nadine didn’t seem to react at all as she grabbed a bag to carry it into the house and I breathed out a sigh of relief as I walked back inside of my own tiny house. I think we were in the clear for now.
I wandered into the house and locked the door, making my way back to the bedroom. I grabbed the cup of coffee that was left and drank it down gratefully as I sat down on the edge of the bed. I blushed as I thought back to everything with Declan and flopped back onto the mattress with a giggle. It seemed so natural to respond to him when I hadn’t with anyone before. I looked down my body and licked my lips as heat washed over me again. I slowly raised my hand and traced it down my shirt, pausing over my breast as I remembered how it felt with him touching me there. I sighed and kept sliding it down over my underwear, feeling the dampness as I bit my lip. I hadn’t touched myself too much because I hadn’t had the feelings I was experiencing. I didn’t feel the deep need with any man before, and any experience with them had been just okay. What I felt for Declan was so much more than that. I circled my fingers over myself and moaned at the sensations, realizing that I was still very aroused. I pressed and stroked, finding the sensitive bundle of nerves easily as I increased the pressure.
I wanted more, so I slid my hand under the material to stroke my bare pussy. My fingers slid through the soft curls that I kept, finding the swollen nub, and dragging my juices over it with a cry. I was soaked, and I used it to make my clit wet, allowing my fingers to glide over it harder and faster. I kept going and came with a jerk, trying to keep moving as my body exploded. I felt it all the way to my toes, and I closed my eyes as I smiled. It was a relief to finally feel real desire even if it was a bit late. I enjoyed the feelings as they coursed through me, ranging from intense pleasure to a sense of being completely satisfied.
I slowly moved up and towards the shower, turning on the hot water as I stripped out of my clothes. I stepped under the water and traced my hands over my curves, appreciating them for the first time in forever. I washed my body with my beloved peppermint soap as well as my hair, conditioning it so it would look nice for tonight. I was so excited to be going out on a date with Declan, even if it was out of the city. I wasn’t sure when it would be okay to date openly if that’s what he wanted, given that a large part of me was feeling insecurity over my joy. I dried my hair into silky waves and applied a little shadow on my eyes to bring out the color. I didn’t wear a lot of makeup usually, and tonight I just stepped it up a notch. I was going out, not to work or to run errands. I was going to dinner with a gorgeous man, and I wanted to match him on some level.
Once that was done, I glanced at the clock to see that I had a little over an hour to relax. We were going to leave earlier than some might consider dinnertime and make a whole night of it. I picked up the bag of pastries that Declan brought over and brought them into the kitchen, nibbling on another piece of a chocolate donut. I was eating too much crap and not going to the gym enough, and that needed to change. Declan wasn’t pushing for me to either, but we had crazy schedules. I suppose we couldn’t go in the mornings or evening like the people that worked regular day jobs. I shoved another piece into my mouth and thought about his wife. I didn’t see a close picture of her at his house, but I imagined her to be beautiful and kind since Declan was so fantastic. I could see that he loved her, even still, and felt so sad for his loss but hopeful that I could brighten his life up again, the way that he claimed I did.
The idea of giving him all of me seemed worth the pain and risk for a fleeting second. It felt like it would be worth all of it until I thought back to seeing Mom’s sad face as she worked endless shifts to keep us going. She told me that loved my Dad and how much he broke her heart when he left. I didn’t see her date until I was much older, and she looked happy now. Everyone deserves that, but I never wanted to try before this. I never wanted to let my walls down until now, and I was letting it happen so slowly. I picked up the phone to call Mom as I dropped into my chair, hoping that she was home. I wanted to hear her voice and talk to her about Declan. Maybe she could reassure me that things were going to be okay.