Eleven
By the time Don was due home they were ready to tell him. Beth found herself walking from room to room thinking, ‘Wherever I go, a tiny baby goes too.’ She thought about the various ways she could kill Mario. She relived their few minutes of ‘passion’ over and over in her head.
Don arrived. Chirpy as ever, he placed his lunchbox on the kitchen counter, as he did every night, and flicked the kettle on, also a nightly routine.
‘Don, can you pop into the lounge, please?’
He walked through, whistling loudly. ‘Either of you two want tea?’
They looked up, their faces sombre.
‘What the hell?’ Don noted the gravity of the situation. The whistling abruptly stopped.
‘Don …’
‘Is it my mother?’
Pat was quick to reassure him. ‘No, no, Nanna’s fine.’
‘Phew. I thought you were going to tell me something awful.’
Taking his hand, Pat led him over to the sofa. ‘Sit yourself down. No one’s dead … yet!’
Of course, it goes without saying, her premonition was right. As soon as he heard the news, Don threatened to kill the boy responsible. Jumping to his feet, he asked, ‘Who is he? What’s his name?’
‘Dad, please. It doesn’t make any difference now. He’s gone. He won’t be back.’
‘Won’t be back? I’ll give him “won’t be back”,’ Don spluttered.
Pat tried to be practical. ‘There’s no point focusing on the boy. We need to think about this baby.’
‘No point focusing on him. I’ll rip his throat out, that’s what I’ll bloody well focus on.’
Beth wanted to die. She absolutely wanted to die. Disappointment was oozing from every one of her dad’s pores. How had she come to be here? How had Mario cocked up her life to such a degree?
Much shouting ensued. It was extremely repetitive. It consisted of Beth apologising as many times as was humanly possible, Don demanding a shotgun wedding, and Pat categorically stating that was not the way forward. Pat was wonderful, she was clearly as angry as Don, and she knew Beth had messed up on a monumental scale, but she tried her hardest to remain calm throughout. If it had been left to Don, Mario would have been castrated as quick as you can say, ‘Goodbye Bollocks,’ but at all times, Pat managed to return the conversation to the important people, Beth and the baby. Mario was gone, there was nothing to be gained by trying to bring him back.
Beth was looking through her mum’s catalogue, admiring the baby clothes. ‘Lisa, look at these tiny sleep suits.’
‘Yeah, great. Very pink!’
‘I think it’s a girl, you know.’
‘It’s tiny, Beth. You only found out it was in there three weeks ago. It probably doesn’t even know itself what it is yet.’
‘I think it’s a girl and I think she’s going to be beautiful.’
‘Well, let’s hope she doesn’t have her father’s eyebrows.’
‘She won’t. She might have his gorgeous dark curls though.’
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. All very interesting.’
‘Don’t be like that. Why aren’t you pleased? You’re going to be an auntie.’
‘Not properly. No one will know.’
‘I’ll know.’
‘Big deal.’
‘It is a big deal. We’re going to have a baby, Lisa. You and I together. Like we used to do everything together.’
‘You’ve changed your bloody tune.’
‘I know I wasn’t pleased when I first found out, but I’ve been thinking about it and … well, I’m quite excited now.’ Beth rubbed her belly.
‘It’d better not hurt.’
‘It won’t hurt you as much as it hurts me, will it? It’ll be like the pick ’n’ mix. You’ll maybe just get a bit of it.’
‘On what planet is childbirth anything like friggin’ pick ’n’ mix? I’m telling you, I don’t want any of the pain.’
‘All right. I’ll have one of those injections that makes your legs go numb.’
‘It’s not your legs you need to worry about!’
‘Anyway, it’s your fault I’m having this baby.’
‘How do you work that one out? I didn’t get you up the duff.’
‘Um … “You should sleep with him, Beth. You should do it before he goes off with someone else, Beth.” Does that ring a bell? You persuaded me to have sex with that stupid boy.’
Lisa was growing bored of the conversation. ‘As you point out to me, soooo often, I can’t actually DO anything. If you had sex with him, it was because you wanted to. End of story.’
‘Fine. I’m only asking you to be happy for me now. That’s all.’
‘I am happy for you. I’m completely ecstatic. Can’t you tell?’
Beth tried a different tack. ‘She’s not much smaller than we were when we first became aware of each other. Do you remember?’
‘Well, let’s hope she takes after you and not me.’
‘Sorry.’ Beth wished she could make it all up to her sister.
‘Please don’t start crying for me. Snot bubbles are very unattractive!’
‘Sorry. I just feel bad that you didn’t …’
Their conversation was halted by Pat calling up the stairs to say Michelle was at the door.
They decided to head out to the park to sunbathe.
‘Do you find it weird? I mean … there’s a baby in you. Is it … you know … horrible?’
Beth placed her hand protectively over her belly. ‘No, it’s not horrible. I quite like it.’
‘LIKE IT?’
‘Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t have planned it like this. It’s stupid, I know, but now it’s in there – I’m excited about it.’
‘Bloody hell. It’s not too long ago we were playing with Barbie. You’re seventeen next week and you want to be a mum?’
Beth gritted her teeth. ‘Like I said, it’s not ideal, but now it’s there …’
‘Do you want a boy or a girl?’
Remembering her conversation with Lisa, Beth replied, ‘I think it’s a girl.’
‘What will you call her?’
‘I’ve always liked the name Amanda, you know, Mandy for short.’
Michelle considered. ‘Yeah, nice.’ Putting her mouth to her best friend’s belly, she shouted, ‘Hello, Mandy. Are you in there?’
Some kids walked past and laughed. Maybe they thought she was just shouting at the contents of Beth’s stomach; the cornflakes she’d eaten for breakfast or the roast dinner she’d not long finished. They didn’t realise. They didn’t know there was a precious little life in there.
‘You are being careful with … um … is it Ben?’
‘Yes, it’s Ben now. Carl was last month.’
‘But you are being careful. You know what I mean?’ Beth mouthed the word, ‘Sex.’
‘Beth! What do you think? I’m on the pill. It’s easy. You just take it every day for three weeks and then you have a week off. It’s simple. You should’ve … well … anyway, yes, I’m being careful.’
Beth longed to ask Michelle what she thought of sex. She knew she’d done it with Carl, and now she was doing it with a second boy, this Ben, she was always raving about. What did they do that was different from Mario? Why the heck would she want to do it more than once? But she was too embarrassed to ask. What if Michelle’s experience was all hearts and passion? What if her first time had been just like the stories in the magazines? God forbid, Michelle should ask Beth about her experience. She didn’t want to have to admit anything, so she avoided the nitty gritty of the subject.
The twins seventeenth birthday was a quiet affair. Beth figured her mum and dad were probably waiting for the eighteenth to push the boat out. Maybe they’d have a party or something. Mind you, Mandy would’ve arrived by then, things would be very different.
She couldn’t help reminding Lisa of their tenth birthday. ‘Do you remember Charlie?’
‘Of course, I’ll never forget him.’
‘Quite right. Imagine if he’d died. Blimey, he’d have been dead seven years!’
‘But he didn’t die. I told you he wouldn’t.’
‘Yes, you did. I wish he’d kept in touch.’
‘He was an idiot. He probably doesn’t remember your address.’
‘Unlikely!’ Beth scoffed. ‘Anyway, it was our mum who saved him. He couldn’t forget that. Surely?’
Lisa agreed. ‘You’d think not.’
‘Imagine being saved by Mum.’
‘She’s fabulous.’
‘But … Dad is too.’
Lisa considered her comment, before adding, ‘Yes, Dad’s great. But useless in a crisis. Look at him the day he found out about your bloody baby.’
‘He’ll be all right once she’s here. I wonder if he’ll be “Granddad” or “Grandpa”?’
They both laughed at that. Their dad wasn’t quite fifty, how crazy to call him either of those names.
Returning to the previous subject, Beth asked, ‘Do you think he’s remembering it? Charlie, I mean.’
‘Like I just said, he was an idiot. He’s probably forgotten the date completely.’
‘NO. Surely not? No one could forget nearly dying, Lisa. He wasn’t that much of an idiot.’
Pat called from downstairs, ‘I’ve made a cake.’
Over the years, she’d become less and less liberal with the cochineal colouring, meaning the icing was now a beautiful pale pink. It was, as always, delicious. A simple Victoria sponge, but the butter crème filling was gorgeous, and the sponge was springy. Nanna had taught Pat well. Pat had also bought a bottle of Cava, and even though Beth was pregnant, she was allowed a small glass to celebrate.
It was an extremely pleasant Saturday afternoon, a lazy time, spent with their parents and Nanna, watching a movie. Don was fairly mellow, and Beth was hoping, in time, he’d come to be as excited as she was about the baby. She even suspected her mum was beginning to look forward to it, just a tiny bit. Although not enough for Beth to confess that she’d been viewing baby clothes.
‘Just nipping to the loo,’ Beth excused herself, leaving the others lounging on the sofa, almost asleep.
When she first saw the blood, it confused her. Initially, she thought it was a period, then she remembered. Suddenly, she doubted everything. Had the test got it wrong? Was she not pregnant after all? Maybe this was just a late period? No, it couldn’t be. It was nearly three months since she’d had a period, it wouldn’t just turn up that late, apologising for its tardiness. If this wasn’t a period, if the test had been right, and she was definitely pregnant, why was there blood on the tissue and in her underwear?
Racing back to the lounge, she nudged her mum and asked her if they could talk in private. Pat woke up with a start. ‘What? Why?’
‘Please, Mum. Come with me?’
Beth showed her the blood. ‘What does it mean? Am I OK?’
For a second, she glimpsed concern on her mum’s face. Then it was gone. ‘It might not mean anything. Sometimes there’s a little blood during pregnancy. But …’
‘But?’
‘It could mean things aren’t going well with … you know, with the baby.’
‘Well which is it? Is it OK or is it bad?’
Pat put her arm around Beth, they were sitting on Pat and Don’s bed. ‘Look, when I was pregnant, I had some bleeding, fairly early on, and it turned out it didn’t mean a thing, you still arrived safe and sound, didn’t you? But many friends of mine have had bleeding and they lost their babies. So, you see …’
‘Lost them!’
‘Miscarried. You know, the pregnancy just stopped.’
Beth was reminded of Lisa; her tiny heart had stopped without warning. Was her baby disappearing? Surely that couldn’t happen to her? ‘What do I do? How do I know which one is happening?’
‘We’ll wait. That’s all we can do. If the bleeding stops, it means you’re probably fine. But if it continues, we’ll speak to someone at the hospital. It’s early days. We’ll just wait.’
They sat for a while on the bed. In the background, Beth could hear ‘Grumpy Jack’ mowing his lawn, the smell of freshly cut grass wafting through the open window. Everything seemed so normal, and yet her heart was hammering in her chest. She wanted to do something, but she didn’t know what.
‘What do you think, Lisa?’
‘Mum says you have to just wait and see. I think you should listen to her.’
So, they waited, and boy did they see!
The pain started in the middle of the night. Beth was having a vivid dream. She was pushing Mandy along the street in her pram and various people were stopping and remarking on how gorgeous she was. Michelle was there. Don was also there, he was beaming with pride, a fact that made Beth incredibly happy. Next, in the dream, giant clouds appeared, and she started to shiver. At the same time, she began to experience a horrible drawing pain in her abdomen. Looking down she was horrified to see rats scratching at her tummy. It hurt like hell as they ripped her flesh. She tried repeatedly to scream for help, but she could only make a faint moan. She could hear Lisa saying that she needed to wake up. Then, she was shouting, ‘You’re bleeding!’
As the pain increased, Charlie appeared before her, he was dripping wet and, of course, just a child, as he had been when she’d last seen him. She wanted to stop and say hello, but the pain in her belly was becoming unbearable. He was soaked through, and, as he shook his wet hair, the water began pouring down her legs.
Finally, Lisa screamed, ‘YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!’
Beth dragged herself into her mum and dad’s room, sobbing, doubled over, and frightened.
‘Mum. MUM. Please help me … I think I’m going to …’ At the same time as she heard a thud, she felt the carpet rub against her face. The next thing she knew, she was being lifted onto the bed and someone had put the light on. Her parents’ faces appeared before her, she could see pure panic in Don’s eyes.
Pat switched to work mode. ‘Get an ambulance!’
Don made a grab for the phone. Beth could hear him in the background, reminiscent of the call about Charlie, he was begging the person on the other end of the line to hurry up.
Gathering up the bed sheets, Pat thrust them between Beth’s legs. She wondered why on earth her mum was doing this, until she saw the blood. She could see she’d left a trail along the floor. Where the hell was it all coming from? She was reminded of Carrie, the film she’d watched at Michelle’s house when they were kids and Michelle’s mum had been out.
Pat was doing her best to reassure her. ‘It’s OK. I’m here. Try not to panic.’
The blood was soaking through the sheets. Beth began to lose consciousness for a second time. She was floating. Away, away – leaving her poor bleeding body behind her.
Even Lisa was panicking. Beth could hear her shouting, ‘PLEASE DON’T DIE.’
During the trip to the hospital, she repeatedly lost consciousness and shook uncontrollably. Her mum was by her side. Don remained at home, too flappy to be of any use (Pat’s words).
Beth was certain Mandy would die, that she’d never get to meet her. Surely there was no way a positive outcome could follow so much blood? As she considered her child’s chances of survival, she wondered if her mum was doing the same.