Seventy-three
‘So, you won’t mind when two enormous, aggressive men barge into your love nest and begin taking your stuff?’
‘Um …’
‘When they remove your TV and your stereo?’
‘Jim wouldn’t let them hurt me.’
‘And what if your beloved Jim isn’t there? What if he’s buggered off in a last-ditch attempt to get some money together?’
‘Then, I’d let them take the TV. What’s a TV anyway? Not worth getting hurt for.’ Brittany was beginning to look a little less confident.
‘Now imagine you have a five-year-old daughter.’ Beth realised it wasn’t her place to mention James’s disorientated sperm.
‘So, what if we did?’
‘And those same men took all her presents on the day of her party. The presents you’d carefully chosen and wrapped. The presents you’d wanted so much to give her.’ Beth felt a tear escape down her cheek. Brushing it away, she pushed on. ‘And then they took the spare set of keys to your house, meaning you didn’t even feel safe in your own home.’
‘Did they really take all Megan’s presents?’
‘Yes. They did. I’m not lying. That was it for me. The final straw.’
‘That’s when you left him, and went back to your parents?’
‘Yes. Well, I went via the hospital.’
‘How come?’
‘The day I left him is also the day I fell down the stairs and almost broke my neck.’
‘Oh my God, what happened?’
‘I was leaving, we were arguing.’
‘Did he push you?’
‘No. But …’
‘What?’
‘I think he kind of tripped me.’
‘Shit!’
‘Yes, it was rather.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘What are you sorry for?’
‘That you had to go through so much.’
Beth saw her chance and grabbed it. ‘Listen, please, I’m begging you. Everything I’ve told you is true. James loves Megan more than anything, hell, he even loved me at the time. But he couldn’t save us from it all. He couldn’t shelter us. Whatever kind of windfall he has now, it’s nothing, I mean it. It’s not enough. At some point in the future, a thug will take away all the precious things the pair of you own.’ She gestured towards Brittany’s right hand. ‘That gold band you’re wearing …’
‘It was my grandma’s wedding ring.’
‘He will lose you that ring. If you don’t believe me, believe my bare hand. I used to wear a beautiful ring that belonged to my nanna. It was taken, along with my wedding ring, by the same two men who took the presents.’ Beth shuddered. ‘Those rings were tight. It was touch and go. I honestly don’t know what they would’ve done if I hadn’t been able to get them off.’
Without warning, Brittany rose from her chair and started stumbling towards the front door. ‘Right, well, thank you for the coffee. I’m sorry I didn’t drink it. I have to go. I need to think …’
‘You have your whole life ahead of you. I promise you, it can be a better life without him in it.’
Yanking the front door open, Brittany left without further conversation.
Beth had been the bearer of the worst news. The camomile tea did nothing to relax her.
The next day she received a short text. ‘I’m not going to Spain. I’ve broken up with Jim. I’m grateful for your honesty.’ As bad as Beth felt, she still breathed a sigh of relief.
Within two hours of receiving the text, the inevitable happened. James came knocking on the front door. ‘Couldn’t help yourself, could you?’
‘Do you want to come in or shall we have this out on the doorstep?’
‘Is Megan here?’
‘No. She’s at Michelle’s. You’re free to swear. Have your moment, if you will.’ Beth knew he was going to get mad. As he saw it, she’d messed up his ‘new’ life. His fresh start had been ruined because of her. If he wanted to vent, she was prepared to let him. He didn’t scare her, not any more.
‘Right, well, I’ll come in, then.’ He followed her into the lounge and began his tirade. ‘You had no fucking right to tell Brittany any of that stuff.’
‘Why not. It happened, didn’t it? Did I tell your girlfriend a single lie?’
‘No. But that’s not me any more. I’ve sorted myself out and ‒’
‘It was partly my money that you used to sort yourself out.’
‘Fine. Have it back. How much did you lend me? I’ll be OK. I’ve still got loads …’
‘Oh, do shut up. That won’t last you five minutes, and you know it.’
‘Yes, it will. I’m sorted now. I’m ‒’
‘I only ever gave you money when I thought you were in trouble.’
‘I was! Look, Beth, I was in trouble, but I’d heard of this great accumulator. I figured if you loaned me some money, I’d have enough to sort out my debts and get straight. It was such a golden opportunity. I just needed an initial outlay. That’s how these things work.’
She knew all too well. ‘The fact remains, you could’ve lost the money and then you’d be back to square one, begging me for more.’ She saw real contempt flash across his face when she used the word ‘begging’.
‘You don’t understand gambling. You never did. The odds were ‒’
‘I don’t want to understand it, James.’
‘You were always a bit thick at maths.’
‘Get lost. I don’t have to take your crap any longer. I don’t need to be a mathematician to know that you borrowed most of the two grand from me, and you could easily have lost.’
‘Well I didn’t lose. I won. I flamin’ won big. This was the one we were waiting for, and you missed out.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘Yes, you do. You’re just bitter because I was going to share it with Brittany. A jealous cow. That’s all you are, a jealous, frigid cow. You’re not brave enough to start a new life abroad, and you’ve got no boyfriend, so you choose to have a go at me.’ Looking Beth up and down, James remarked, ‘You’ve really let yourself go.’ This was followed by a question, ‘Have you put on weight?’
She ignored his attempts to belittle her. ‘I don’t have any desire to start a new life in Spain. With or without a boyfriend. I’m honestly not jealous, just concerned.’
‘Well don’t be. I don’t want your pity.’
‘It’s not pity, It’s ‒’
‘It is pity. It’s always pity! It’s written all over your face. I can’t bear it when you look at me like that. I never could. You know what? You remind me of marmalade, bitter and chunky, that’s you.’ James gave a harsh laugh, proud of his own joke.
He was striding up and down the lounge, and it was making Beth dizzy.
‘Will you stop that? If you’re going to stay, please sit down.’
He chose a chair and flopped into it. ‘It was all sorted. Me, Brittany, the move to Spain. You had no right. It’s just vindictive.’
‘I promise you, it wasn’t done in a malicious way. I just thought she needed to know the truth about her beloved “Jim”. You know she lost her dad two years ago, don’t you?’
James rubbed his forehead, as if trying to see off a headache. ‘Yes. So?’
‘Oh, come on, it’s obvious. You were her replacement father. She didn’t love you in a healthy way.’
‘Oh … right … and you know that, do you? You don’t know her at all. You don’t know me any more.’
‘I know enough to be certain you would’ve taken that gorgeous, squeaky-clean girl and turned her life to rat shit as quick as you can say – “Lend me a fiver”.’
‘Right, well, I hope you’re happy. You’ve got what you wanted, you’ve scared her off.’
‘GOOD! It’s the right thing. In the long run, you’ll ‒’
‘You had to tell her about your fall, didn’t you? Had to make it sound like I pushed you. How many times do I have to apologise about that before we get to move on?’
‘It just came up in conversation. I never told her it was your fault.’
‘Well, she seemed fairly convinced it was.’
‘For God’s sake, the part that actually put her off was those men taking Megan’s presents and Nanna’s ring. Are you denying that happened?’ She saw his jaw clench. He absolutely hated to be reminded he’d put his daughter in danger.
‘NO. Of course I’m not. I haven’t forgotten it. You would never let me anyway. You just can’t help holding it over me.’ James was back on his feet.
She knew it made him feel superior to tower over her. She wanted to slap the arrogant look right off his face. ‘I can’t believe you have the cheek to turn this around.’
‘What am I turning around?’
‘You’re trying to make me out to be a tyrant, the meanie who won’t let you forget what happened.’
‘Well, you won’t! You know what you’re like.’
‘What am I like, James?’
‘You’re … well, you’re …’
‘Supportive, caring, hard-working, are any of those the words you’re searching for?’
‘You make a big deal out of things, that’s all.’
‘No, James. I absolutely don’t. You always say that, you always put me down. “You know what you’re like, Beth.” It’s supposed to make me feel inferior and stupid. But ‒ no more. Yes, I know what I was like, I was a trusting fool. I let you tell me what I thought, and I let you imply that I was the one with the problem. Well, no more, James, NO MORE!’
‘I’m not trying to tell you how to think, I’m just saying ‒ you won’t let me forget what happened that day. It’s not fair.’
‘Of course it’s fair. You’re not a small boy, James. A grown man should take responsibility for his actions. Go ahead and forget it, if that’s what you want to do. You forget what those men took. You forget how things might have been if Megan had been there. Forget it all, if it makes you feel better. But I will never forget any of it, not least the decision I had to make that day.’
‘What decision? Leaving me, you mean?’
‘That was one of them, yes.’ There was simply no way of explaining to him how difficult it had been for her to switch places and throw Lisa under the bus. She’d never told him about her sister when she was in love with him, she was hardly going to start now. Instead, she continued, ‘If Brittany has decided not to go to Spain with you, there is nothing I can do about it. Standing here hashing it out isn’t going to change her decision. I’m sorry if your wonderful new life has been ruined, but you know, you’re probably better off staying here anyway. Having Greg on hand to talk to when things get tough is a far better plan.’
James surprised her. ‘Oh no, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m still going. You may have ruined things for me and Brittany, but you haven’t put me off going to Spain. Far from it. I want to go even more, just to get away from you and your holier-than-thou attitude.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ Beth felt bad for her daughter, nothing more. She looked at the man in front of her. He was adrift. Even when his life was on the up financially, he was still a lost soul. ‘Will you keep in touch with Megan? She’d hate it if you didn’t email or Skype or something.’
‘Of course, I will.’ His face softened. ‘I love her. You know that.’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Right well … do you want the money back that you lent me, or what?’ The answer he was hoping for was obvious from his expression.
‘No, keep it. I guess you’re going to need every penny to get started. But it’s the last money I’m ever giving you.’
‘I get it, I get it. Don’t go on.’
‘I’m not going on. It’s just that I have plans for my money.’
‘Such as?’
‘I’m hoping to get the garden landscaped. I want to restore it to the way it was when I was young. And, according to the quotes I’ve had, it won’t be cheap.’
‘Your nanna would like that.’
‘Yes. It’ll be nice for Megan and her friends too. I plan to get myself a sun lounger. I can lay out there next summer and watch them play.’
James seemed to like the thought of his daughter running around the garden.
There was nothing further to say. James made his way to the front door. Once there, he unexpectedly grabbed her chin. ‘Look after your face. When you’re lying in the sun. OK?’
Beth wanted to cry. For her. For him. For those two young people who’d loved each other. There was a time when his touch could evoke such a passionate response. Not now though. She gently removed his hand from her face. ‘Of course. I’m older and wiser now.’
‘Good.’ He smiled, and for a fraction of a second he was her James again. ‘I plan to leave for Spain in about a week. Hopefully I’ll get a bit of bar work in time for Christmas. I’ll come and say cheerio to Megan in a few days, OK?’
‘Yep. Fine. James …’ she knew he didn’t want to hear it, but she had to try, ‘please don’t get into trouble over there. Find out where there are meetings and go to them.’ She grabbed hold of his arm. A tiny part of her wanted to let him back into her world. She just knew that pain and sadness lay ahead for him. As always, she blamed herself for not being able to fix him.
She could almost hear Lisa’s voice. ‘You can’t save the idiot. He can only save himself.’
As she’d done frequently since her fall, Beth wished Lisa was still inside her head, so she could argue with her. ‘He’s never going to make it alone.’
But she knew, Lisa would’ve replied, ‘Let him go. Stop beating yourself up. You’re no longer responsible for this man.’
And Lisa would’ve been right.
‘I’m sorry, sweetheart.’ He hadn’t called her that for years.
‘For …?’
‘For all of it. For not living up to your hopes.’
Sympathy stifled her. ‘I … I … just wish you could’ve ‒’
He didn’t let her finish. ‘If it’s any consolation, it’s been hell for me too.’
‘James,’ she let go of his arm, ‘I loved you. How could your torture be a consolation?’