Thirty-two
The second day she was home, Beth went out for a drink with Michelle, who was desperate to hear what she’d missed. Also, Beth was keen to check that Michelle’s mum was recovering.
‘Yes, she’s doing OK. The break is healing well. I won’t say she’s been a dream patient, obviously, it’s been tragic!’ Michelle smiled. ‘But I’m glad I came back to care for her. Although, I’m jealous that you met Charlie Morris. I’d have loved to have hung out with him. Was he still a wally?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Did he still make you laugh until you nearly peed your pants?’
‘Yep.’
‘Brilliant.’
Beth chose not to tell Michelle just how close she’d been with Charlie. It was their secret and not something she wanted to mention.
‘And he’s definitely going to come and visit us?’
‘Yes. But he’ll be in Asia for a while yet.’
‘What did he look like?’
Beth considered her answer. ‘The same … but bigger.’
‘Bigger?’
‘Yeah, kind of chunky.’
‘And you actually went scuba diving with him?’
‘Well … yeah.’
‘Wow. Good for you. What was it like?’
‘I won’t be doing it again.’ Beth chose to say no more on the subject.
It wasn’t a surprise when Lisa tried to subtly get Beth drunk. Michelle liked a good old drink and Lisa suggested Beth should join her when she switched to cocktails.
But Beth was no fool, and she soon got wind of her sister’s plan. ‘It won’t work. I’m not going to get drunk, so you can come out.’
‘OK. Just let me out anyway. One hour? Two at the most.’
‘No. I’m sorry. That’s not happening.’
‘Why the hell not? What harm can I do?’
‘I just … well, I don’t trust you.’
‘There’s no boyfriend to shag here.’
‘You’d find someone.’
‘I could tell you … that thing … that you want to know about James.’
‘I don’t even think I care any more.’
‘Of course, you do.’
‘No. I don’t. It’s done with.’
‘Fine. Just let me out anyway, so I can have some fun. Please?’
‘I can’t be sure you’d let me back.’
‘I did last time.’
Beth was tired of having the same repetitive argument and experiencing the same old remorse. ‘You let me back because you figured you still had a bargaining chip for next time. What’s to stop you setting up home in charge of my body and never swapping back?’
‘That’s the point, isn’t it? You don’t want to be stuck here. Horror of horrors. Lisa’s world! What an awful thought.’
‘I just ‒’
‘You just can’t bear the thought of being me.’
‘You shouldn’t have done it. None of it. James was my boyfriend, Charlie and Michelle are my friends, you tricked them all!’
‘What should I have done? Sat back here, FOREVER? Should I have just watched you live?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah, well, you’re not as sorry as I am.’
Beth wondered how much longer they could go on like this. She knew, for Lisa, the camel’s back bent a little further every day.
Determined to get on with life, Beth began looking for a job and refused all Lisa’s requests to be allowed out. Then, a couple of months after they’d arrived home, just like buses, two letters were delivered on the same day.
Beth wasn’t sure which one to open first. One was from the UK and, if she wasn’t very much mistaken, the scrawly writing on the envelope was James’s. The other was post marked Singapore.
In the end, she decided to keep what she assumed to be Charlie’s letter until last, and went with the one she suspected was from James. Running to the privacy of her room, although technically there never was any solitude for her, she threw herself onto the bed and ripped open the envelope. It was an extremely short letter.
Dear Beth,
Hi, I hope it’s OK to write? I guess you wouldn’t have given me your address if it wasn’t. I’m down your way on a job, starting next week, and I thought maybe we could meet up or something. Can you call me or write back, please? I think of our time in Bondi often. I miss you.
Love
James Collier
X
At the bottom he’d written his Bolton address and telephone number.
‘Forget him.’
Beth couldn’t help thinking, on this occasion, Lisa might be right. ‘Shall I bin it?’
‘Absolutely. He pissed off back to England without saying goodbye.’
‘How can you say that? He might have had a good reason. A good reason that you know about!’
‘You want to know why he left early?’
‘Is this a trap?’
‘No. Not at all. I’m asking you if you want to know why he left the way he did?’
‘OK. Yes, please. I’d like to know.’
‘I have no idea.’
‘Come again?’
‘I have no idea. We shagged in that stupid laundry room. The sex was good. He certainly didn’t seem to have any complaints. He asked for my address. Sorry, your address.’ It must have been obvious to Lisa that Beth was about to correct her. ‘I gave him the address and we walked back to his room. We snogged a bit. It all got way too sloppy and romantic. We reminisced about the good times. He said he’d see me in the morning. The end.’
‘But … that doesn’t make any sense.’
‘Tell me about it. I was as surprised as you when we found out he’d gone.’
‘There must have been something, Lisa. Think.’
‘I’ve thought.’
‘Think harder.’
‘Fuck you. I don’t need to think any harder. There was nothing said or done to warrant what he did. I swear.’
‘But you made out … You told me …’
‘It seemed like a good way to get what I wanted.’
‘Bloody hell, Lisa. You can be devious at times.’
‘Needs must, sis, needs must.’
‘Maybe I ought to give him a chance to explain himself?’
‘You’re serious? You’re going to see him again?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe. I’d like to …’
‘You’re an idiot.’
‘Why are you always angry?’
Lisa gave a hollow laugh. ‘You’d be friggin’ angry if you were me.’
‘Yes, no doubt I would. But … if I decide to write back, it’s my decision. You can’t stop me.’
‘Don’t I know that!’
There was an awkward silence, when both gave some thought to the fact that, as always, and through no fault of their own, Beth was in charge of Lisa. Then Beth reached for the other envelope and tore it open.
It was indeed a letter from Charlie. He’d landed himself a job teaching English in Singapore. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be away or where he was going next, but he’d keep in touch.
‘Useless!’ Even as Beth said it, she knew it wasn’t true. ‘I think I miss him even more than I missed James when he first left.’
‘Yep, me too. Charlie represented everything I crave.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He’s free as a bird.’
Beth wanted to cry for her poor, trapped twin.
If Charlie hadn’t taken the job in Singapore, and had instead opted to come home, Beth would have met up with him and things might have been different, But as it was, without him to distract her, Beth’s mind returned, time after time, to the letter from James, and, in the end, she decided to give him a second chance.