Twenty-five
With a change of plan, Beth decided not to give her sister the satisfaction of asking for details of James’s last night. It hurt like hell that Lisa knew something she didn’t, but she was sure Lisa had slept with him again, she simply must have done, and Beth couldn’t bring herself to listen to all the details. Lisa must know why he’d left the way he did, there was no doubt about that either. But again, begging for the reason would simply show how much she cared.
She chose to go with a dignified silence, and it was three days before the twins spoke to each other. When they did, their relationship was even more strained than usual. Nothing was mentioned about James’s last night. Beth took the tiniest amount of pleasure from knowing how much it must be bugging her sister not to be asked.
The hostel became a ghost town. Not meaning it was deserted, it was, of course, still buzzing with life. No, it was a ghost town because, wherever Beth went, she saw ghosts of the past. She couldn’t walk into the kitchen without expecting to see Michelle poaching eggs. She couldn’t sit in the garden without listening out for James’s voice as he came home from work. She knew her time was up. For good or ill, she needed to complete the journey without Michelle. And that meant travelling alone on an overnight bus.
Her first stop was along the Gold Coast. The mere process of getting herself packed and leaving the Bondi hostel was monumental. She’d learnt a lot whilst there. She’d almost become a different person. Almost … but not quite.
Checking several times that she was in the right place to catch the bus, Beth read and re-read the guide book. Her hesitance was driving Lisa to distraction.
‘Why the fuck don’t you just admit you can’t do this, and let me out?’
‘I can do it. I’m just looking at ‒’
‘You’ve checked the bus timetable that many times, you’ve practically worn it out. We’re in the right place. It’s the right time.’
‘I know! I just need to be sure ‒’
‘Your ticket is in the front pocket of your rucksack.’
‘I know that too. Shut up, Lisa.’
‘When we get there, I think you should let me out. I’ll be better at making new friends.’
‘Forget it.’
‘Why?’
‘Are you seriously asking me that question?’
‘Do I have to remind you James has gone? I can’t do any more harm.’
‘No, you don’t have to remind me.’ Beth took a deep breath, determined not to weaken and beg Lisa for more information. ‘But … just because he’s not here, does not mean that you can’t cause harm.’
Deep down she knew she was punishing Lisa for taking away her last night with James. It was a small triumph, but a triumph nonetheless. In fact, she would’ve loved someone else to organise her, and help her to make new friends. Without Michelle, she was more nervous than the day she’d first arrived in Australia. But there was no way she was letting Lisa back in control. Who knew what she’d get up to? Her body could be used for all kinds of awful things. With no concern for the consequences, Lisa would be an absolute liability if allowed in charge.
Beth struggled on, alone. She made it onto the right bus and travelled up to the Gold Coast. Again, she faced the dilemma of which forceful, tanned man she should allow to grab her rucksack, and whisk her away to a hostel. As before, the decision was made for her by the sheer strength of the winning contestant.
She spent a few days in a hostel that was not dissimilar to the one she’d called home for the last couple of months. The main difference being her best friend and the man she’d seriously thought she was in love with, were absent. She visited the beach every day. Smothering her delicate face in factor 50, she reminisced about the times spent on Bondi Beach with Michelle. In the evenings, she chose not to go out. It was clear there was a great night life. She heard many a group of people returning from clubs or bars, singing and calling out to each other. She wished with all her heart that she was brave enough to ask to join them. But without Michelle it was simply an impossibility. At night, she lay in her bunk thinking about James. Remembering how he made her body feel. Longing for his touch. Wishing he was with her. In the middle of one of these medleys, she’d remember the fact that Lisa had slept with him too, and he had left without a goodbye. This caused her to question over and over how he could have not realised that the person he was making love to wasn’t her. Did he not know her at all?
Lisa moaned often that she was bored, and that Beth was not taking advantage of everything that was on offer. But Beth ignored her. It was torture being angry at a person she couldn’t walk away from. As far as she was concerned, they’d reached a stalemate. Lisa refused to apologise for what she’d done, she obviously felt it was her right. She probably considered she’d earned it by being locked up for so long, and it was clear she was never going to volunteer the information Beth craved.
From Beth’s point of view, she was determined never to ask. To give Lisa that kind of power would be a terrible idea. Unfortunately, the effort of maintaining the stance that she didn’t care one bit why her boyfriend had left without so much as a backwards glance, was nearly killing her.
Beth left the hostel on the Gold Coast without having made a single friend. The next bus she caught was headed to The Great Barrier Reef. Back at home, she and Michelle had pored over pictures of the reef, and chatted with great anticipation about visiting it. Michelle had planned to try scuba diving, but Beth had been hesitant. She’d explained to her friend that the thought of being trapped underwater terrified her. Michelle had been kind, declaring maybe it might suit Beth to simply snorkel or have a bit of a swim. They’d been really looking forward to all the beautiful sea life they were going to see. Now, Beth was alone, and if the Gold Coast was anything to go by, the next stop was going to be very lonely indeed.
She was amazed at the amount of time they travelled in a straight line. There were very few turnings to navigate. Once the coach was on the right road, there it stayed for mile after mile after mile.
The gentle rhythm of the coach sent Beth off into a dreamless sleep. The next thing she knew, four hours had passed, and the coach was stopping.
It was some ridiculous time in the morning. She squinted at her watch, wishing the stupid thing had numbers. Almost 3 a.m.!
The driver made an announcement. ‘We won’t be here long. Grab a drink and get yourselves something to eat if you want. No hot food though. It’s not allowed on the coach. We’re having a quick comfort stop. I mean it, guys, there’s no time for hot food.’ Even though he repeated this several times, Beth still spotted a few of her fellow travellers buying pies and trying their hardest to shovel them down before they re-boarded. Fortunately, she didn’t make the mistake of buying a hot drink that would spill in her lap or one of the pies that seemed popular. Don’t they know it’s the middle of the night? She chose to buy a simple chocolate bar and a screw top drink. After this, she had just enough time to pop to the loo.
As she re-boarded the coach, and made her way down the central aisle, she thought she heard a man’s voice shout, ‘Beth!’
She looked around, but saw no one she recognised. Figuring she’d heard wrong, she completed the walk to her seat, and made herself comfortable. She was wondering whether to unwrap her chocolate bar or save it for later, when she heard, ‘Beth! Beth Campbell is that you?’
This time there was no mistake.