Twenty
Beth and James had been together for a couple of weeks, when a few of them arranged to go to the races.
Beth was disappointed when Michelle said, ‘I know I agreed to come with you, but I’m kind of thinking now …’
‘What? Oh no, don’t say you don’t want to go.’
‘It’s just that I don’t really approve of it.’
Beth couldn’t hide her disappointment. ‘But it won’t be the same if you’re not there. You know that?’
‘Sometimes the horses get hurt. They have to put them out of their misery.’
‘Yes, but that’s rare, isn’t it?’
Michelle shook her head. ‘Not rare enough for my liking.’
‘So, why now? Why not tell me before that you didn’t fancy it?’
‘Well … you were excited, and I didn’t want to upset you. But honestly, I’d rather not go.’
‘But what will you do all day? I’ll be gone. You’ll get bored. You know you need me?’
‘Nice try. But I’ll manage one day without you.’
It seemed there was no way of persuading Michelle. In a sulk, Beth made her way over to James’s room, to share the bad news.
Things had been going well for them. Over the last fortnight, he’d taught Beth more about her body than she’d ever thought possible. Just a few days ago, they’d made love for the first time. He hadn’t pressurised her, far from it. It had happened when she’d been ready. She was amazed by the difference, it wasn’t the uncomfortable, rushed process she’d previously known. They’d managed to get together three times since, and it was always passionate and loving. Even with the condoms they’d decided to use, making love with James was infinitely better than her one-off experience with Mario.
Beth told James about Michelle. ‘… and she says she’s worried about the horses getting hurt or having to be put down. But that hardly ever happens, surely? I was looking forward to it so much.’
He stroked her hair away from her face. ‘You can still go. There’ll be others there.’
‘What do you mean I can still go? Don’t you mean we?’
‘I thought I might give it a swerve as well.’
‘You’re kidding me?’
‘No. I’m just thinking. Maybe … if Michelle’s not coming, I could stay home too?’
‘To be with Michelle?’ Beth’s voice wobbled.
‘Not to be with Michelle, no. She’s a grown woman, she can spend one day alone.’
‘What then? Why are you saying you don’t want to come?’
‘It’s just, I didn’t like the idea before. I only agreed because you seemed to be looking forward to going. If I’d known there was the choice to opt out, I’d have ‒’
‘There isn’t a bloody choice to opt out!’
‘Well, clearly there is. Michelle’s done it.’
By now, completely pissed off, Beth moaned, ‘Fine, then! Neither of you have to come. My best friend and my boyfriend, both of you can “opt out” as you put it.’
He seemed uncomfortable. ‘Sorry. I did try saying right at the beginning that I wasn’t keen, but you weren’t listening ‒’
Again, she didn’t let him finish. ‘This gets worse. Now I’m the evil bitch who wasn’t listening to you in the first place. Do you know what? Do what you like. Come. Don’t come. See if I care.’
She knew she was behaving like a spoilt child, but she’d been looking forward to them all going out for the day. She started to leave, preparing to flounce off back to her own room, but James jumped off his bunk and caught up with her at the door. ‘I’m sorry.’
She waited. Hoping he was about to change his mind.
‘I just don’t … all right, if it means that much to you … I’ll go. OK?’
‘You won’t regret it, it’s going to be great.’
Beth was thrilled to be on their way to the race course. There were five of them in the group, and it was a bit like a family outing. She would’ve loved it if her mum and dad and nanna had been there too. Annoyingly, James was quiet on the bus, she wished he would cheer up a bit.
‘What’s up with misery guts?’ Lisa asked.
‘I don’t know?’
‘He’s not still grumpy because you made him come here, is he?’
‘I didn’t make him come here. He wanted to.’
‘Yeah. Sure, he did.’
‘Don’t you get arsey with me. You’re always saying we should try new things and we are, so … shut up and enjoy it.’
‘Fine.’ Lisa spoke no more on the subject.
It was crowded and difficult for them all to stick together. Choosing her horse for the first race, Beth was disappointed to discover she’d already managed to lose James. However, halfway through the race, he reappeared by her side.
‘Where were you? You’ve missed it.’
‘Toilet, sorry. Anyway, I haven’t missed it, look they’re still running. Which one did you choose?’
They stood together and watched as Beth’s horse came last.
‘Ah well, I’ll have better luck in the next race.’ She examined the programme, trying to decide which name she was drawn to.’
‘Want a drink?’
‘What, now?’
‘Why not?’ James began walking away.
‘Don’t you want to choose a …’
‘I’m too thirsty. Beer?’
‘Yes, please.’
Siobhan, one of the other members of their party, joined her and asked who she fancied for the next race.
Again, James didn’t appear until halfway through. In his hands, he held a beer for each of them.
Beth took her drink. ‘Thanks, did you get a chance to place a bet?’
‘No. The queue was crazy.’
‘Never mind, it’s probably just as well. Looks like I picked the three-legged donkey.’ She gestured toward her horse, which was hobbling along, significantly near the back.
Downing his beer, James began looking around for another.
‘Don’t go now. You’ll miss another race.’
‘I’ll be back in time, no sweat.’
The third race was far more exciting. The horse Siobhan and Beth had both chosen, proved to be a great runner. They watched enthralled as it initially romped out ahead. Beth loved how incredible it was to be standing in the blazing sunshine, watching her horse speeding towards the finish line. However, just as the race was almost over, a horse that had been near the back, seemed to put on a sudden spurt, and, to their horror, it proceeded to overtake all the other horses, crossing the line a fraction of a second before theirs.
‘Holy shit!’ Siobhan tore up her betting slip with frustration.
‘I thought we were going to win. How the hell did that horse …?’
‘We’re cursed. I swear to God.’
Beth tried to remain optimistic. ‘We have to have more luck with the next one, surely.’
They were so caught up in the races, Beth completely lost track of time, and it was almost an hour later when she asked Siobhan, ‘Where the heck has James got to?’
‘He’ll be with the lads. Toby and Miles went to get beers. He’ll have gone with them.’
‘Do you think? All this time?’
‘Of course. Right, now, which one of these horses is going to win the next race?’
‘I would’ve thought he’d have told me he was staying with them, that’s all.’
‘You’re not married! Let him drink his beer with his mates.’
Beth knew Siobhan was right. James was probably having a good time elsewhere. But she couldn’t help being annoyed with him. He was meant to be spending the day with her.
By the time they caught up with the lads, Beth was ready to have a go at him. He’d been gone for ages, and, as much as she’d enjoyed betting with Siobhan, she had to be honest and say, James hadn’t known she was with Siobhan. For all he knew she’d been having a totally awful day, waiting alone for him to return from the loo or the drinks’ stand or wherever the hell he’d gone.
‘All right girls? Had a good time?’ Miles’s cheeks were decidedly rosy.
‘Did you win anything?’ Toby joined them, he too was extremely merry.
‘We didn’t win a thing, did we?’ Siobhan complained.
‘But it was fun.’ Beth tried to look on the bright side.
‘Oh well, as long as you had a good time. Shall we head home?’ Toby slurred slightly, draping his arm casually around Siobhan.
Beth looked behind them, to the side of them, all around them. ‘Uh … where’s James?’
‘James?’ they replied, together.
‘Yes, JAMES. Quite tall, nice smile, great abs.’ She threw her hands open. ‘He’s your bloody room-mate, Miles! Where is he?’
They peered at each other with a genuine look of confusion. ‘Was he meant to be with us?’ Toby asked.
‘Yeah.’ Miles shrugged. ‘We figured he was with you.’
Lisa laughed. ‘The fucking idiot must’ve got lost.’
They searched as much as they were able, but it was a big place and there was only so much they could do. The lads tried all the toilets. The girls tried the bars. In the end, they gave up looking. Toby and Miles were pissed and simply wanted to get back to Bondi, to carry on drinking, and Siobhan was adamant that James was a grown up, and he’d know how to get home alone.
All the way back on the bus, Beth switched between fury and concern. Either he’d buggered off somewhere of his own accord or … or what? He’d been abducted? He wasn’t a child. It wasn’t like they could put a call out for him.
Lisa wasn’t much help. She was of the same mind as Siobhan, and seemed convinced he’d be fine.
Beth ran from the bus stop to the hostel. She kept hoping they were going to find James safe and well, and that he was going to reveal he’d been totally daft and just lost them. There had to be nothing more to it than that, surely?
She didn’t have to look hard, once they were back at the hostel. Rushing into her room, preparing to ask Michelle if she’d seen anything of James, she stopped in her tracks. There he was, as large as life, sitting on the floor of their room, eating toast and drinking beer.
Michelle, too, was munching on a piece of toast. ‘Hi. Was it good? Did you enjoy it?’
Beth took in the empty bottles on the floor, three next to Michelle and four next to James. Trying to keep her voice even, she asked, ‘How long have you been here?’
James kept his eyes on the floor. He seemed unable, or unwilling, to meet her gaze.
Picking up on the tension, Michelle asked, ‘What’s up?’
‘I want to know how long he’s been here.’ Beth was annoyed to see Michelle trying to make eye contact with James before she answered. ‘Don’t look at him. Don’t ask if it’s OK to tell me the truth. Just answer me.’
Michelle blushed. ‘He’s … um … he’s been here a while. He …’
‘Why did you come back here?’
Again, James didn’t meet her stare. Anger and fear mixed in her bloodstream. ‘And why are you here? In my room? WITH MICHELLE?’
Michelle began to answer, ‘He did try to tell you he didn’t want to come. He told you …’
‘Who the hell are you, his representative?’
Now neither of them would look at her. There was a guilty secret hanging in the air, bile rose in Beth’s throat as she considered the dreadful possibilities. She turned on her heels and ran right out of there. It had to have been clear from her face what she thought she’d disturbed. She gave them no further chance to explain.
‘There’s something between them, Lisa. Some reason why James took the first opportunity to leave the race course and rush back to Michelle.’
‘Hmm … I’ve got to admit, it doesn’t look good.’
‘Do you think they spent the afternoon together?’
Lisa was silent.
‘Well? Do you?’
‘I’d say it’s highly likely they spent the afternoon shagging.’
‘No!’ Beth covered her mouth with her hand.
‘But it’s also likely they didn’t.’ Lisa was at her most diplomatic.
Beth didn’t want to give head space to the possibility that they might have spent the afternoon together, blissfully making love. But what else could it be?
‘He did say he didn’t want to go. Michelle was right about that. But you didn’t give him much chance to explain, did you?’
‘Not this again, please? I guess I thought once he got there …’
‘Listen. He’s calling us. Now’s your chance to get to the bottom of it.’
Beth checked, and, sure enough, there he was. Shouting for her to stop. His long strides easily enabling him to catch her up.
Before he was by her side, she just had time to ask Lisa, ‘I don’t know what to say. I’ve never cared about someone like this before. What do I do if he and Michelle …?’
‘Just ask him.’
‘I’m scared.’
‘Do you want me to do it? I don’t mind. Just let me out and I’ll …’
‘NO. I’ll do it.’
‘Will you just stop and let me explain, please?’ James panted.
Beth stopped. Turning towards him, she asked, ‘Explain what?’
‘Thank you.’
‘What for?’
‘For stopping. You’re like a whippet when you’re mad.’
‘Don’t joke. This is serious.’
‘I know. But honestly, there’s nothing for you to worry about.’
She didn’t want to cry, but she was having trouble controlling the urge. Perhaps she should have stuck to ignoring men? ‘You disappeared, and I came back to find you with Michelle. What the hell am I supposed to think?’
‘Not what you are thinking, I can assure you.’
‘Did you sleep with her?’
‘No. Of course not.’
‘But … why …?’
‘We ate toast and drank beer. No sex, I promise.’
‘Hmm …’ Lisa ruminated in Beth’s head. ‘There was certainly more evidence of beer and toast than there was of sex!’
Beth was desperate to believe him. ‘So, why …?’
‘I got lost. That’s all it was. I got lost and I couldn’t find you all.’
‘You could’ve tried a bit harder. You must’ve known Toby and Miles would be drinking somewhere. How did you manage to get lost?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. I just lost my bearings. I wandered about a bit and then I thought, oh sod this, I’ll head home. A bus came along, and I got on it. I thought you’d work it out.’
Beth asked Lisa, ‘What do I do? Do I believe him?’
‘I guess you have to. You don’t want to go with the alternative, do you?’
‘If I don’t believe what he’s just told me, I have to finish with him, and I couldn’t bear that.’
‘There you go, then.’
Turning to James, Beth whispered, ‘I want to believe you.’
‘Do it then. I’m telling you ‒ the only thing I was guilty of today was stupidity.’
‘Promise?’
‘I promise.’
She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
He took her in his arms. ‘I’m sorry if I messed up your day, love.’
‘It’s OK. At least none of the horses were hurt. Michelle will be pleased.’
He squeezed her tight. ‘Yep, she will.’