Forty
They were down one gorgeous cake, but thank goodness for Nanna. She spent the afternoon before the wedding baking one of her delicious Victoria sandwich cakes. It was extra-large, she tried her hardest to make it special. Sorry that Beth had missed out on her dream cake, Pat scoured the shops and managed to find the most gorgeous porcelain bride and groom to stand on the top of the Victoria sponge.
Beth instantly felt a connection with those little people.
She couldn’t get to sleep, it was just too crazy to think that by this time tomorrow she’d be married.
As she crept downstairs to make herself a milky drink, Beth spotted an envelope addressed to her, laying on the doormat.
For one awful second, she thought it might be from James. It occurred to her he might be calling off the wedding. But a second later, she saw that the writing was neater than his.
Picking up the envelope and ripping it open she questioned herself, why on earth did I think he wanted to call off the wedding?
‘Wishful thinking!’
‘Shut up, Lisa.’
The note was from Charlie. Just a couple of lines –
Michelle told me it’s your wedding tomorrow. I’m sorry I can’t be there with you. I just know I can’t watch you get married. He’s a lucky bugger. I’m heading back to Singapore for another year’s contract. Maybe more. Be happy, Beth Campbell.
Love Charlie.
She tried to imagine him creeping, stealth-like, down the path in the darkness. Not that Charlie did anything stealth-like. She saw him slipping the note carefully through the letterbox, and then retreating down the path, like he was carrying out some crazy covert mission.
This was not what she’d wanted for them. They’d been such good friends as kids and he’d been so important in Australia. He should be joining her for her big day. But then again, if she was honest, she totally understood why he couldn’t be there. She didn’t even like it when those girls had fawned over him on the boat.
‘Regretting your decision, yet?’ her sister asked.
‘No … I … I am allowed to care about him, aren’t I?’
‘Fill your boots.’
Beth made her way into the kitchen. Apart from the hum of the fridge, the room was silent. There stood Nanna’s cake, resplendent in the moonlight. She approached it, and lifted the clear plastic cover. Picking up the little people, she held them lovingly in her hand. The groom’s hair was slightly too light, and the bride was a bit on the tall side, but to her they resembled her and James perfectly. ‘They’re just like us, aren’t they, Lisa?’
‘What? Fused at the hip? Yep!’
‘Oh shush.’ Beth kissed the porcelain man on the head, and placed the pair gently back on the cake. ‘Can you believe it? Tomorrow I’m going to be Mrs Collier.’
‘No, I can’t friggin’ believe it.’
‘It will be OK. You’ll see.’ Fearful of damage, Beth replaced the cake cover.
‘It won’t be OK, and I won’t see. But you refuse to be told.’
‘What is your problem? I mean, seriously, James is handsome, he’s generous, he wants to be with me all the time. He wants me to be his everything …’
‘Bingo!’
‘Pardon?’
‘Bingo. You’ve just hit the friggin’ nail on the head. You know as well as I do, you can’t be his everything. He should have a life away from you. He should have mates. There’s something about him that just …’
‘Just what?’
‘I can’t say for definite, but I know you feel it too.’
‘OK. I’ll admit. Maybe there’s a tiny part of me that’s not sure. I mean … I’m only twenty … but when he looks at me, I can see us being happy together, forever.’
‘As happy as you would be with Charlie?’
‘Why did you have to say that?’
‘It’s what you’re thinking. You’re wondering how life would be if you were running off to Singapore with him tomorrow, instead of marrying James.’
‘Yes … I am.’ Beth hated how Lisa knew her thoughts.
‘Maybe you ought to call him?’
‘James?’
‘No, not him. I mean Charlie. He might not have left yet.’
‘No way. It’s far too dangerous. I’m not going to call him the night before my wedding. Bloody hell, what would I even say?’
‘Say that you’re having doubts, that you’re not sure James is the man for you, and that you want to meet him.’
‘I am sure James is the man for me!’
‘When I just suggested calling Charlie, your heart rate increased. You want to see him.’
‘Stop it. I don’t. I just …’
‘Up it goes again. Bang, bang, bang goes Beth’s heart at the thought of seeing Charlie Morris. Oh yes, indeed, she’s absolutely ready to marry James tomorrow.’
‘Cut the sarcasm. I am ready. There’s nothing to be gained by calling him.’
‘You’re that friggin’ nun.’
‘What the hell are you on about now?’
‘You’re the nun in the film. The one who wastes her life doing the wrong thing.’
‘I am not the stupid nun!’
‘You are, and you know it. Call him. Stop him from going back to Singapore?’
‘No.’
‘OK. Just call for a chat. Just have a little listen to his voice.’
‘Stop it.’
‘If you’re not the nun, call Charlie and hear his voice.’
‘I don’t want to hear his voice … and I am not the nun!’
‘Hi, Charlie. Can we meet up? Can I come and see you? Of course, Beth. I’m ready and waiting.’ Lisa mimicked their voices.
‘I said ‒ stop it!’
‘Bang, bang, bang, there goes your heart again. Call him.’
‘Leave me alone, I …’ Beth was beginning to feel sick.
‘What’s up?’
‘I feel a bit dizzy.’
‘Where did you put that piece of paper with his phone number?’
‘I can’t breathe, Lisa. You’re hassling me. Stop it.’
‘Bedside drawer, I think. Have a look. See if it’s there.’
Beth held her hands out in front of her. They were shaking. ‘What’s happening to me? I feel really sick. I think I need to lie down.’
‘Maybe you’ll hear his voice and it’ll mean nothing to you, and then you’ll know for sure. Worth a shot though, huh?’
‘I need to lie down. I don’t feel so good. Is it hot, or is it just me? Why am I …’ Beth began making her way unsteadily back up the stairs to her room.
‘I think it’s a panic attack.’
‘A what?’
‘A panic attack. Remember, one of the old ladies used to have them at Daphne’s?’
‘This is not a panic attack. This is a heart attack or something. Maybe I’m about to have a stroke. Oh, brilliant, I’m going to die the night before my wedding.’
‘You’re not going to die.’
‘I think I am.’
‘That’s what a friggin’ panic attack is. That woman at the hairdressers used to think she was going to die every time.’
‘No, this is serious. Do you think I should call an ambulance? Perhaps I ought to call James and say goodbye. I am one hundred per cent about to die.’
‘Don’t call that stupid northern git, call Charlie.’
‘You’re making it worse. My heart is about to explode. I think I’m going to be sick.’
‘Just take deep breaths. It’ll pass. That’s what Kath used to say.’
Beth lay on her bed. ‘I can see stars in front of my eyes. Help me. I’m scared.’
‘Come back here. I’ll come out front and calm your body down.’
‘No! No way.’
‘I don’t think you have much choice. I can feel you weakening.’
‘No! I just need to breathe deeply and ‒’
‘It’s too late. Here I come.’
Beth felt Lisa take her over. It was almost like a gust of wind. Cool air passing her at speed. Before she knew it, she was in Lisa’s place. The sickness and panic instantly began to fade.
‘How did you …?’
‘It would seem an anxiety attack will send you racing back to my corner, sis.’
‘I didn’t know.’
‘Neither did I. We’re learning more about this condition all the time, aren’t we?’
‘It’s not a condition. I’m not ill.’
‘Fair enough. Let’s call it our “situation” then. Whatever. The fact we need to focus on is that I’m out here and you’re back there.’
‘Lisa, please …’
‘Now, then. Where did you put his phone number?’
‘Please don’t do this. I know you’ve got your doubts about James. But … I’ll tell him, I’ll explain I can’t be his everything. I’ll ask him what happened with his mates from home. The real reason, I mean. Not some stupid story about borrowing money. I’ll find out exactly what you need to know. But please …’
She watched, helplessly, as her body moved over to the bedside table. Her hand reached into the drawer and, after scrabbling around for a second, that same hand took out the screwed-up receipt for the chocolate bar Charlie had long ago eaten. Her eyes read the numbers. Her hand reached for her mobile phone.
‘Please don’t call him, Lisa. I honestly don’t want this.’
‘Bang, bang, bang, Beth. Your heart told me something different!’