Forty-six
They were indeed eligible for one free go. They’d been waiting their turn for six months. The only thing that kept Beth sane was imagining her name moving up the list. Each woman who got her go at IVF would be crossed off, and Beth would jump up one more line. Of course, she had no idea how far she was from the top of this fantasy list. All she knew was that one day, a letter would arrive, telling her it was her turn, and she would be able to start the treatment.
Michelle’s second baby was due any day now. Solomon was propped up with cushions on Beth’s favourite rug. Watched over by his mum and his Auntie Beth, he played with his toys, as they drank tea. Beth still found it difficult when Michelle brought him round. But equally, she felt like a prize bitch if she didn’t see him. She knew she was supposed to love him, he was one of her oldest friend’s children. She was also supposed to enjoy being with him and buying him things but sadly, watching her friend being a parent was like a knife to the guts. Beth constantly found herself avoiding eye contact, and chose never to look at Michelle’s beautiful round bump. She could just about get through the visits if she reminded herself that soon, please God, soon, it would be her turn for IVF.
Beth had been moaning about the fact that, more and more often, James was staying out drinking after work.
Michelle had begun to ask her a question, ‘Do you think he is drinking, or do you think it’s more likely he’s ‒’
Her question was cut short by a knock at the door. Not a friendly knock at that.
Michelle stopped speaking and Beth rose to answer the door.
On the doorstep, she found two men. They were both well built. ‘Jim here?’ The largest one asked.
‘Jim? Um … Oh, James, no, he’s at work.’
‘The building site over the other side of town?’
‘Yes.’
Both men took a step forward.
‘You can’t come in. My friend’s here. She has a little boy … and she’s pregnant!’ Beth wasn’t sure why she told them that, perhaps she was hoping they’d take pity on them.
‘Do you work too, babe?’
She resented the word ‘babe’ very much. ‘Yes. But it’s my day off. What do you want?’
‘He owes us money. He’s been dodging us lately. We’ve come to collect.’
‘What does he owe you money for?’
‘Your old man’s made some bad choices.’
‘Bad choices?’
‘He backed the wrong gee-gees, babe.’ There was that so-called term of endearment again.
‘He what?’
Michelle joined her at the door. She’d heard everything. ‘You can’t come asking her for money. She’s not the one who owes you.’
Again, the larger of the two men did the talking. ‘Don’t tell us what we can’t fuckin’ do.’ With this, he pushed past her, and walked through the tiny hall and into the lounge.
Michelle immediately ran to Solomon and picked him up.
This caused the man to sneer. ‘We ain’t gonna hurt your kid. We ain’t monsters.’
The other man made his way into the lounge, and spoke for the first time, ‘We’ll just take a few things. Just enough to sell.’
He had a strong Irish accent. Beth was reminded of the Bob Geldofs.
Without further discussion, the men grabbed the television. It wasn’t big, but it was old and heavy. Together they lugged it outside to their waiting van. Neither Michelle nor Beth felt brave enough to shut the front door on them. Michelle just stood holding Solomon tightly. Beth understood her priority.
‘Take off your rings and put them down the back of the sofa,’ Lisa barked her orders.
‘Huh?’
‘Quick, now, hide your rings.’
‘I don’t know if I can get them off.’
‘Just pull the fucking things. They mustn’t get Nanna’s ring.’
Beth just managed to get the rings hidden before the two thugs returned. Grabbing the stereo, and a couple of other smaller items, they glanced around the room.
Beth saw their eyes rest on the photographs on the mantelpiece; pictures of Nanna, Don and Pat, various other family members, all smiling out at the world. In the centre was the shot of her and James sucking lemons. Luckily, none of the photos were in expensive frames, so the men weren’t interested in them.
The last thing the men took was her brand-new kettle and toaster set. It was nothing fancy, but she’d treated herself to it when the old kettle had died. She thought it was very grown up to have a matching set. It was the first kettle she’d owned that wasn’t boring old white plastic.
The men left, one with a kettle tucked firmly under his arm, the other with a toaster. ‘Tell Jim he still owes us plenty.’ And with that, they were gone.
Still holding Solomon, Michelle rushed to the kitchen to make them both a mug of sweet tea for the shock. Oh, the irony when she realised she was going to have to boil the water in a saucepan.
Beth was struggling to understand what had just happened. Joining Michelle in the kitchen, she asked, ‘What do you think he was on about? Why does James owe them?’
‘They’re bookies, obviously.’
‘Pardon?’
‘They said he’d backed the wrong horse. He must’ve run up debts. He must be gambling again.’
‘Again?’
‘Yes. I suppose he just couldn’t stop himself.’
Beth stood watching her friend make their drinks, and suddenly she faded from view. Michelle, Solomon, her tiny kitchen, everything disappeared, and all she could see was James at the race course in Australia. He’d been sweating and looking shifty. Clearly, he’d been trying his hardest not to gamble. How did I not realise?
She heard Lisa gasp.
‘Oh my God, Michelle. You’ve known about this for years, haven’t you?’
‘James’s gambling? Well, yes. But … so have you, haven’t you?’
Beth shook her head. ‘I never knew a thing. It’s all making sense now.’
‘But … he said he’d told you. He said you ‒’
‘Didn’t want to talk about it?’
‘Yes, exactly that.’
‘I’ve been stupid.’
Putting Solomon down on the rug, Michelle approached Beth. ‘There’s always someone after him for money. He’s either got loads of cash or not a bean. He borrows from everyone. What did you think he was doing with it?’
‘I don’t know. I thought he was borrowing enough for a couple of drinks.’
Lisa butted in, ‘Yeah, a couple of drinks, maybe. We certainly didn’t expect two bloody silverback gorillas to turn up and steal the fucking television.’
Beth tried to concentrate on her conversation with Michelle. Taking a breath, she carried on. ‘You knew about his gambling right back at the start. The day he left the racecourse?’
Michelle was clearly embarrassed. ‘Yes. He came back and told me he had an addiction. He’d been unable to stay at the racecourse; the temptation was too much.’
‘And you didn’t think maybe, just maybe, it was a good idea to tell me?’
‘He promised he’d changed, he could handle it. He was going to keep walking away.’
‘I would’ve liked to have been told though.’
‘He pleaded with me not to. He thought if you knew about his problem you’d dump him. He loved you even then. I thought it was the right thing to do.’
‘Uh huh, uh huh, but … when we got together here, when I MARRIED him, then, it still didn’t seem like a good idea to tell me?’
‘I asked him one night if he’d told you. Like I say, he assured me he had. But he said you didn’t want to discuss it.’
‘And that didn’t strike you as odd? The fact my husband had told me he had a gambling habit, an addiction, and my response had been that I didn’t want to talk about it. You never suspected he could be lying?’
‘Yes, I suspected. But … I didn’t know what to think. The man comes home with bruises on his face. He asks all and sundry for money, including me and Ricky! He promised he’d told you. To be honest, I don’t see how you could not know about it.’
Beth could hear Lisa questioning, ‘How did we miss this?’
Michelle continued, ‘He’s not who we thought he was. We’re the only people who call him James. Have you noticed that? Everybody else calls him Jim.’
‘So what?’
‘I think he created “James” when he flew to Australia. He wanted to put Jim behind him. You told me his mum and brothers are awful. I think he tried to bury Jim when he made James.’
‘She’s spot on. Fuck me, Beth. We’ve been blind!’
Beth felt an absolute fool for not realising it all sooner. ‘Well, Michelle, it would seem Jim refuses to be buried.’
‘Yes …’ Michelle appeared unsure what to do next.
Beth was really mad at her friend. She could have saved her from all of this, if she’d just told her about the gambling back in Bondi. ‘You let this happen to me. You could’ve stopped this.’
‘Don’t be daft. I couldn’t stop him. He has an addiction. An illness. He should’ve told you earlier. You should’ve spotted it. I won’t be blamed. You’ve done a whole lot of sticking your head in the sand over this. I can’t be held responsible for …’
Maybe Michelle was right. It was possible Beth had been too caught up in trying for a baby, and she’d turned a blind eye to James often owing someone money. But the fact remained, Michelle knew years before about his gambling, and she’d consistently failed to enlighten her. ‘I think you need to go.’
‘I agree.’ Michelle bundled Solomon up and grabbed his change bag.
‘Take those toys with you, please?’
‘They stay at yours. They’re the ones he plays with when he’s here.’
‘He won’t be returning. Take them, please?’
‘Let’s just leave it for now. I’ll call you tomorrow, and see how you are and ‒’
‘TAKE THEM, PLEASE?’
Solomon became upset at Beth’s raised voice.
‘You don’t mean that. I know you don’t.’
‘Unless you want your son to hear the worst word there is, I suggest you get out of my house.’
Michelle gathered up the toys and left. She was crying. Solomon was crying. Beth was crying. It was a mess.
Slamming the front door on her friend, Beth was determined never to see her face again.
Going back into the lounge, she caught sight of the porcelain figurines. The adorable little bride and groom now lived on the mantelpiece. They stood side by side, as if nothing could divide them. She couldn’t have them mocking her in that way. Grabbing them, she hurled the pair against the wall. They crashed to the floor, headless, but still entwined.
Lisa snarled. ‘The buggers refuse to be separated!’
‘How can I have been so stupid?’ Beth asked her sister.
‘All aboard the lifeboats!’