Ten
Beth was aware of Lisa breathing. It had become deep and even. She’d only gone and fallen asleep, pissed as a fart on a bench. Beth tried calling to her to wake up, but she was out cold. What the hell am I supposed to do now? She realised her only option was to get herself back in charge. But how was she meant to get from that awful, distant place, back into the body she rightfully owned? She couldn’t physically move back, she had no control.
She began to concentrate as hard as she could on her own body. She willed her mind back along the path it had travelled earlier. It began to work; the sound of a nearby dog barking became louder. The smell of the flowers became stronger.
She was almost there when Lisa stirred. Grunting herself awake, she cried out, ‘No way!’ and Beth was forced backwards at speed and found herself trapped and paralysed once more.
They sat on the bench for half an hour. There was nothing for Beth to do but wait. Finally, after drinking more vodka, Lisa fell back to sleep, and Beth tried once more to gain control.
Concentrating, she began edging her way back. Leaving behind that frightening corner. The world began to come into focus. Luckily, Lisa was too pissed to fight her this time and Beth travelled unchallenged towards her world.
At last, she burst back into her body. The first thing she became aware of was the cool metal bench touching her face. Next, the evening breeze felt beautiful as it gently kissed her.
Lisa awoke the next day and claimed not to remember what had happened.
‘You don’t remember telling me you’d never swap back?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘You did.’
‘Well I didn’t mean it. Of course, I didn’t.’
‘You would say that now.’
‘Look, I put Mario straight. Way better than you could have done. Maybe we can come to an arrangement. I’ll come out when there are things you need to do that you don’t think you’re up to. Something like that could work and ‒’
‘No, thank you!’
‘Sorry?’
‘You heard me. You’re never coming out again.’
‘Why? Because you hated being trapped?’
‘No. Because …well, it’s my body, and I can’t trust you to give it back, that’s why.’
‘You were scared, though?’
‘No, I wasn’t,’ Beth lied.
When Beth arrived at work on the Monday morning, she was told by Kath that Mario had moved back to live with his mum, who apparently had decided she now was one for family. She wasn’t surprised he’d scurried back to his mum’s, not after the threats Lisa had made. She’d been blunt. In fact, she’d been more than blunt, she’d been brutal. Beth had been impressed by Lisa’s bravery. Had she not behaved the way she did about swapping back, she might well have allowed Lisa to do her dirty work more often. But as it was, that moment when she’d considered spending the rest of her life trapped in Lisa’s place had scared the hell out of her, and she knew without a doubt that she was never going to volunteer to swap again.
She was upset her relationship with Mario hadn’t worked out. She’d been under the illusion she was in love. But if she needed a reason not to be sorry Mario had gone, she only had to think back to the one time they’d made love. Those few minutes were burned into her brain. It had been a painful, embarrassing experience and she wasn’t planning on doing it again for a very long while.
‘You haven’t realised the date, have you?’
‘Lisa, what are you on about now?’
‘Think, Beth. What date is it? Or, more precisely, when was your last period?’
‘Um …’ A shot of adrenalin took Beth by surprise. Her hand flew up and she slapped herself in the mouth. She couldn’t swallow. She’d forgotten how. Giving an audible gulp, followed by a groan, she replied, ‘It was the beginning of May. I think I should’ve had another one by now.’
‘YES. I think you should’ve had another one by now, too,’ Lisa mocked.
‘You don’t think I could be pregnant, do you? It was my first time …’
Lisa tutted. ‘You know that’s rubbish. You knew it when you said it to that stupid plank, and you know it now!’
Beth burst into tears. Her sister was right. Of course it was nonsense. But she still found it beyond belief that the short time she’d spent on Kath’s sofa could possibly have resulted in a baby.
‘Lisa, you were hassling me and telling me to get on with it. You made me do it.’
‘Don’t blame me. You got into this shit all by yourself. I couldn’t physically “do” anything. Remember?’
‘Please, help me. What am I going to do?’
‘You’re going to have to tell Mum and Dad.’
Beth went visibly pale. She couldn’t possibly discuss it with them. Don was generally a jolly man. He was a family man. His life revolved around days spent fixing industrial refrigerators, and evenings sat in front of the TV. He was your basic model dad, and if she told him she’d had sex with a boy who had now buggered off, he would be disgusted, angered and shocked, in no particular order.
She pointed all this out to her sister.
‘Well, you’re going to have to tell Mum, at least.’ Lisa sounded critical. She could afford to be, it wasn’t her cock up.
Giving it some consideration, Beth decided, ‘OK, I’ll tell her. After all, it’s still only a possibility. Right?’
They were in the lounge waiting for Pat to return from the hospital. She usually made it home about half an hour before Don. That was their window of opportunity.
‘Lisa, I don’t know how to tell her?’
‘Look. She’s here. Don’t waffle. Just say it.’
The front door opened and Pat entered the lounge. ‘Hello. You look thoughtful. What’s up?’
‘I … um.’
‘Tick tock, tick tock, Dad will be home soon. Spit it out!’ Lisa was loving the drama.
‘Mum, I have to tell you something. Do you promise not to kill me?’
‘What have you broken?’
‘No, honestly. It’s nothing like that. Promise me, please?’
Pat’s expression became serious. ‘OK, I promise. What’s happened, Beth?’
She knew she was going to have to force herself to say it fast. In the end, it came out rather garbled, ‘IhadsexandnowIthinkImightbepregnant!’
Pat shook her head, attempting to clear the mist. Frowning, she asked, ‘Excuse me? Say that again, please? SLOWLY!’
‘I. Had. Sex. And. Now. I. Think. I. Might. Be. Pregnant. It was just once, Mum, I swear it.’
She rarely saw true disappointment on either of her parents’ faces, but just then, Pat’s expression showed more than disappointment – it was close to horror.
‘I had no idea. I was going to talk to you about all that when you got a boyfriend, but …’
‘I didn’t tell you about him. I don’t know why.’
‘No, I don’t know why either.’ Pat was angry now. ‘Why would you keep a boyfriend secret?’
‘I don’t know. I suppose I was embarrassed. We only did it once.’
‘You’ve already said that. It only takes one time. For goodness sake, you’re the daughter of a nurse!’
Beth began to cry.
‘What am I going to tell your dad?’
‘Nothing. PLEASE, NOTHING.’
‘I don’t usually keep secrets from him.’
That wasn’t strictly true, both Beth and Lisa had heard her lie to him on many an occasion about the price of a new outfit, but there was nothing to be gained from mentioning that.
‘Can we just wait until we’re sure? Please?’
‘Well, I can get you a pregnancy test from work tomorrow. But … he’ll be home soon. Your face is bright red, your eyes are puffy, he’s going to ask questions.’
‘I’ll hide. I won’t come downstairs.’
Pat seemed unsure. Beth knew how close her parents were. Would her mum be able to keep this enormous secret from Don? It was cruel of her to ask.
‘I’ll try. But I can’t make you any promises.’
Beth shot upstairs.
Within minutes, her dad was home and she heard her mum telling him she wasn’t feeling too well and wouldn’t be down to dinner.
The concern in his voice sent guilt rippling through her. ‘What’s up with my little Betty-Boo? Shall I pop up?’
Pat did a marvellous job of heading him off. ‘No, she’s sleeping. Just a bit of a migraine, I think. Leave her for now, Don.’
Later, she snuck a sandwich, a mug of tea and two bags of cheese and onion crisps upstairs, and told Beth she’d get the test the next day.
Beth lay awake long into the night. She couldn’t stop the images in her head. Her with a huge belly. Her with a baby. Her giving birth! How much would that hurt? Until she took the test, she knew she would think of nothing else.
‘I told you not to sleep with him, didn’t I?’
‘Lisa, do shut up. You did no such thing.’
The next day, Pat kissed Beth goodbye and promised to bring the test home. She told her it would be a kind of cardboard stick and a small plastic pot. ‘Don’t wee for a few hours before the test. OK?’
‘Why?’
‘You need a good strong wee sample for these things. Stop going to the loo a couple of hours before I come home.’
Beth agreed. She phoned in sick at work, knowing there was absolutely no way she could face Kath until she’d had the all clear.
By five o’clock she was waiting in the lounge for her mum. Her bladder was full. Very full.
‘Mum had better hurry up. You won’t have long before Dad comes home.’
‘Shush, Lisa. I’m trying to concentrate.’
‘On what?’
‘On not pissing on the floor!’ It was taking all her self-control not to run to the toilet and release the torrent of wee that was waiting.
Thankfully, at five past five, Pat bristled through the door. ‘Right, let’s get on with it.’
She was prompt and efficient as she produced the small pot from her handbag. She could tell by her daughter’s face exactly what was going on. ‘If you think this is tough, imagine holding your wee in before a scan. It’s a whole other ball game when there’s a great big pregnancy belly pressing on your bladder. I’ve seen them all waiting at the hospital.’
‘Mum, please?’ Beth had done nothing but imagine herself with a pregnancy belly.
‘Go and fill this up and I’ll join you in the bathroom in a sec.’ Pat handed the pot to Beth.
Never having done such a thing as pee in a pot before, Beth was unsure how to go about it. Suffice it to say, her wee had been held in for so long that when she allowed it out, it burst forth like a dam breaking. Most of it landed on either her hand, the toilet seat or, to her shame, the floor. None made its way into the plastic pot.
Pat knocked quickly on the bathroom door. ‘Are you ready?’
‘Oh God, Mum. You’re not going to believe this.’ Beth opened the door and showed the empty pot to her mum.
‘What the devil …?’
‘It came out too fast. I couldn’t …’
‘Bloody hell. Go and get a jug of water and start drinking.’ Pat glanced at her watch.
Beth darted down the stairs. As soon as she reached the bottom, Pat called down. ‘Come to think of it, forget it. There’s no time. Dad will be here in fifteen minutes.’
She ran back up the stairs and met her mum on the landing. ‘What?’
‘There’s no time.’
‘So … when?’
‘We’ll just have to wait until tomorrow. Same plan … only get some pee in the pot next time.’
Beth couldn’t believe she was going to have to wait.
‘What a friggin’ idiot.’
‘Oh, why don’t you shut the hell up, Lisa. You have no idea how hard that was!’
‘I would’ve done it for you?’
‘Yeah. Sure, you would. Shortly before you’d have gone out and got slaughtered!’
Twenty-four hours can pass in one of two ways; if you’re having a gorgeous day at the beach, it’s gone in the blink of an eye. However, if you’re waiting to hear life-changing news, it drags itself along, like a limbless creature over broken glass. Beth thought the wait would never end.
The whole sorry process was repeated the following day. Only this time Beth was successful in getting some of her wee to fall into the pot. Pat dunked the tiny stick in the wee, after a few seconds she removed it and placed it on the side of the sink.
‘What now?’
‘We wait.’ Pat guided her daughter out of the bathroom and they lingered impatiently in the hallway.
Pat checked her watch. ‘Four minutes. OK?’
Beth prayed for a reprieve. She promised God she would never have sex again if He let her off this time. That was an easy promise to make, sex was definitely something she could live without.
After the allotted time, Pat took hold of Beth’s hand and led her into the bathroom. ‘Two lines means it’s a yes. Got it?’
‘OK.’ Picking up the tiny stick, Beth held her fate in her hand. With a quick jerky movement, she turned the stick over. They both gazed downwards.
After a second, Beth’s eyes flicked back up and met Pat’s. Still and silent they stared at one another.
Beth’s shock was reflected in her mum’s expression.
With a disappointed sigh, Pat said, ‘What have you done?’
Beth’s hands moved to her tummy. She cradled it. There was a baby inside.