Chapter 11

Wyatt

These fucking anxiety-inducing full blown episodes have made it so I’ve barely fucking slept all night. How am I supposed to keep up with Jake and his challenges without any sleep?

Naturally, I have to win every fucking competition. Not just for the sake of beating him, but also because Ruby is paying attention. I’m not going down while she’s watching.

Rowdy curls into himself at my feet. He nestles in, making sure he’s comfortable and that I’m okay.

“Yeah, boy. I’m fine,” I say, reaching down and patting him on the head. “Good boy.”

He's such a good dog. I'm happy to have him for my own emotional support; he’s helped me through so much.

I only wish I had a person that I could confide in. Someone that could talk back. Someone like Ruby, if that's even possible.

It’s eight in the morning now. I’m sitting in a brown leather recliner in the living room. If I look out the window beside me, I see the mountains, the sun still climbing them to reach the apex of the sky. What a beautiful sight!

I’ve always loved this part of the cabin. It’s where I bonded the most with Jake’s family. We’ve always had some good times here. And I have such good fucking memories, ones I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.

Especially the ones with Ruby. God, I always spent so much time trying to impress her, but honestly, probably not enough talking to her. But I can fix that on this trip. Ruby will have my attention today.

Rowdy shifts, his back touching my feet. It’s kind of funny, he always has to touch me when I’m sitting or lying down. It’s one thing I’ve learned since I got him. It’s like he knows he’s protecting me, or that we’re protecting each other even. This dog is my ride-or-die.

I sip on a glass of Maker’s Mark. Men don’t need a special time of day to call ‘drink time’. That shit is just fucking stupid. I don’t give a fuck what time of day it is. If I’m thirsty for some damn whiskey, then I’m drinking it.

Much to my benefit, I’m not having to share it with Jake right now. He’s asleep. Well, actually, everyone else is still sleeping. I’m glad.

It gives me time to think. Think of Ruby and how fucking hot she’s become. Think of that little black journal I saw in her room last night.

Where in the hell have I seen it before? That broken spine, the cracking leather...I know she must have had it forever. I keep pressing myself to think when I’d last seen it...

Shit. That’s it.

I remember now. Years ago, when we were younger, Ruby always brought a journal every time we camped up here.

She would sit and write in it while Jake and I played basketball or whatever sport it was at the time. We played a few different ones, so our free time depended upon what season it was.

Ruby sure paid attention to Jake and me when we were playing. I had always silently hoped she was using her journal writing as an excuse to sit outside and watch.

I have no fucking idea what she wrote that much about and what she was so focused on while she did. Shit, she sure could write. It’s like she never put the pen down. I’m amazed there was still room in the thing by the end of vacation.

I sure as hell would love to know what was in that thing. Maybe it would give me an edge when I try to talk to her. I want to know Ruby better than I ever have.

And what better way than peeking into her most intimate thoughts?

Fuck. I can’t do that. It’d be a total breach of trust.

But it’s not like she hides it. We all know it’s there. She’s never stopped anyone from picking it up, but then again, no one had ever tried.

And besides, it could be nothing or it could be some bullshit about stuff at school or a poem, or who the hell knows. It could be so obscure, it wouldn’t even help.

But, on the flipside, it could be nothing but the best of Ruby’s brain.

Heh, maybe it has mentions of me. I’d love to know some of that.

No matter what’s in it, I’ve gotta know.

Growing up, Jake and I gave her hell all the time. I don’t know about Jake, but I never meant anything by it. I kind of just did because Jake was, and I needed a way to say something, anything, to her.

What dumb fucking teenager logic. Yeah, pick on her. That’ll land her. What the hell?

Even though at the time she wasn’t the fucking sexy woman she is now, I’ve always felt something for her. She wasn’t like any of the other girls in school. There was just something about her.

I’m pretty fucking sure she had feelings for me back then, too. I can’t be sure, but by the way she followed outside every chance she could, I’m pretty fucking sure I’m right.

She could have done anything else. Why in the hell would you sit outside and watch two teen boys, your own brother and his best friend, get all fucking sweaty playing basketball? It’s not like she was out there for Jake.

There had to be something there.

Of course, she’s my best friend’s sister. I would have caught hell back then if I had tried to date her. Guys just didn’t date their best friend’s sister.

So, I steered clear back then.

But, honestly, now times are different. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. My wariness of how Jake feels about it dwindles more with each passing hour.

Shit. She’s so fucking beautiful now.

I picture her in my head. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since yesterday, after seeing her for the first time in several years.

Fuck. What would I even be to her? I’m a goddamn mess.

I am so fucked up after serving time. I mean I was medically discharged by the military. Who in the hell wants to be with someone who fucked up so much the Navy kicked him out?

I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be with a guy like me. I’m a fucking monster. I don’t deserve anything good—most especially a woman like Ruby.

And she deserves so much better than me. Shit, she works in a lawyer’s office. She has bigger and better things ahead of her.

That’s no place for me to be. I’m not in her fucking league.

I shouldn’t even be trying to win her over. In a logical perspective, it’s not worth the stress.

I’m already fucking stressed over everything else in my life. I sure as hell don’t need to add anything else. But I want her.

I lay my head back against the head rest on the chair and close my eyes. I try to force reason and logic to throw out the desire for a relationship with Ruby out of my head.

She’s only my best friend’s sister. I have to fucking accept that. It’s the only way I can have her in my life.

But that smile…those cheeks…that beautiful head of red hair…her soft, kissable lips.

I’m failing.

I just hope I don’t fuck up this weekend for any of us. I need this time away from home. I need the peaceful mountains to clear my head the best I can. I know I’ll have to face reality again, but for a few days, I can try and relax.

Try and relax in the same thought? That’s a fucking laugh.

I sit there in silence. Eyes still closed.

Rowdy stirs at my feet and wakes me up. I down the rest of the whiskey in my glass.