Allie
I haven't left my house for several days and if it was up to me I would never leave. I've given myself over to the fact that I either need to be a hermit in this town or I need to move.
The problem with the video going viral is that even if I move, people will know me there too. This is the worst thing that could've ever happened to me. I've become a meme and tons of people are making fun of me. Not only is it ruining my life, but it will forever ruin my career.
Just when I thought things were gonna start looking up, this had to happen. I thought I was gonna start booking shoots with my new agent and that everything would be fine. Now I feel like life cannot be more bleak.
My agent did me wrong. I fully blame him and at this point, and I'm kind of missing the days of working with Cheri. She might've been a slime ball but at least she wouldn't have set me up for an STD video shoot.
Who is this guy Harry anyway? I find myself thinking that I'm a little bit too naïve. Here I am in NYC all by myself trying to forge ahead in one of the most demanding and competitive careers in the world. And now I have been beaten.
And to top it all off I don't have proper representation moving forward. I trusted Xavier when he moved me away from Cheri.
Xavier seems so domineering and like he has his life in control. I guess I was hoping he would put my life in control too. This is just another example of how I leaned on him too much when I should've kept my guard up.
Ultimately, I've learned that I can only rely on myself. I can't trust anybody to do anything for me. I need to do my research on agents and all future jobs. Of course, that is if I even book any future jobs.
At this point, I can't imagine a single casting director taking me seriously. This video has exploded over the Internet. It's not some little thing that everyone's ignoring. It's made a firestorm and I don't know how all of that has happened so quickly.
Xavier's texting me and asks me to meet him for coffee. I don't want to go at all. And I don't know why I even agreed.
In the end, he's still so hard to say no to. Even though I'm upset with him I'm not one hundred percent sure that he was behind this awful shoot. And I can't place blame where blame doesn't belong. I will have words with him, though, about how I got into this mess. I need to see if he was behind it at all.
He's a bad boy for sure. And he's a player. At this point, I don't expect to ever be his girlfriend. But I don't think he is capable of malintent. Underneath it all, he must have a good heart.
This terrible shoot must've had nothing to do with him. At this point, I'm just blaming my agent Harry.
I drag myself out of bed and away from the TV where I've been binge-watching Netflix. My apartment's a mess, with takeout food everywhere and bottles of wine.
Lindsay's been a true friend and she's brought me in all the groceries and everything I need so that I don't have to show my face around town. I'm just not ready for that yet.
If anyone walked in on me now it would certainly look as though I don't have my life together. And that's how I feel inside so I guess this apartment is just a reflection of that.
I take a shower and try to pull myself together. I am about to see Xavier, after all. He's so hot and I don't want to disappoint him by looking like a slob.
I pull on some jeans and a tank top and then I wrap my hair in a scarf and put on some huge oversized sunglasses to disguise my face as much as possible.
I've even considered dying my hair a dark shade of brown so that I will be further unrecognizable. But for now it's still blonde and that will still draw attention to me.
I duck into a cab quickly and so as not to be noticed. The driver takes me to the coffee shop which I see is right next to Hard Pressed. How convenient that is for Xavier.
A nice guy and a true boyfriend would've come to me. Instead, he dragged me all the way downtown to a spot that was convenient for him.
Maybe he's concerned and trying to get me out of the house. I don't know but I'm about to find out.
I arrive at the coffee shop and get out, trying to hide my face the whole time.
There are a few snickers and I realize my disguise may not be the best. At the counter, I order my latte. The person working stares at me like she's seen me someplace before, even though the large glasses are covering half my face.
"Hey," she says. "Are you that girl from the video?"
I feel my cheeks flush a burning red.
I say, "What video?"
And then I scurry to a table all the way at the back corner. This is worse than I thought. People can recognize me even with the so-called disguise on. I never should've come out.
I'm hiding in the back and then I see him walk in. Every time I see him my heart skips a beat and my stomach drops a little. He makes me feel nervous and yet it's a delightful kind of nervous feeling.
I’m so attracted to him. I feel like it’s because he has this aura of authority and power. Plus, he's pure muscle.
As much as I want to hate Xavier and blame him for this I just can't. He's so fucking gorgeous.
He looks around and sees me in the back.
"Hiding in the back, are we?" he asks, smiling.
"What else am I supposed to do?" I say. "Even the people here recognize me."
He sits down and the waitress comes over to take his order. She's staring at me and trying to suppress laughter I can tell. It's so humiliating.
"Allie, I'm glad you're here. It took bravery to come out like this."
"Yeah, well, I have a bone to pick with you anyways," I say. "You're the one who set me up with that agent Harry. And he's the one that booked me for that video without telling me what it was about. I don't know who to blame, you or him."
He looks at me thoughtfully like he has something on his mind that he wants to say.
"No, Allie, I had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry for setting you up with that guy Harry, but he really seemed to have your best interest in mind. Maybe he thought this video will give you exposure," he says as his coffee is delivered.
"Exposure? I got exposure all right. A little too much of it. Don't you see that my career is over?" I say angrily at him.
He flicks a pack of sugar and pours it into his coffee while saying, "Over? Now that's a little dramatic, isn't it? I don't think it's a career-ending move to have a public safety video out with your name on it."
Why is he trying to spin it like this? He's obviously seen the video and was probably laughing at it himself. It's nothing like a public health video. It's just a humiliating interview where it looks like I have an STD.
I take off my glasses and stare into his face. He looks back at me intently and again there is that electrifying connection between us. It's something that can't be denied. I've never felt this way with any other guy.
"I do want to say, Xavier, that I'm sorry about how drunk I got the other night. I never meant to let it get that out of hand."
He smiles at me. "Were you drunk? I didn't even notice."
He's lying, of course. He knew how trashed I was.
"Well, I'm also sorry that I snuck out of your place before you woke up in the morning."
"Yeah, I noticed that," he says. "Are you a runner?"
What could he mean a runner?
"A runner?"
"Yeah, someone who runs away from commitment. You like to escape," he says.
Well, that's fresh coming from him. He's a playboy and he knows it, so I don't know why he's calling me out. A least I had the decency to apologize.
"I am not a runner. I just like to sleep in my own bed is all," I say.
"Okay, if that's what you want to believe." He's fucking teasing me now.
I can't believe he's even questioning me when he is so obviously the problem in this situation. He brought another woman on our last date for fuck’s sake. He couldn't have made it any clearer that he's not ready for a relationship.
"You're the one running from love," I say. "I mean you brought that girl Olivia to the club the other night. You certainly made it evident that you don't want to start something real."
He looks at me deeply, in that way that causes that nervous tension I’m becoming familiar with. What is it about this guy that has me so captivated?
I mean sure, he's tall and gorgeous and obviously wealthy, but there's something more there. There's something in him that I just can't put my finger on.
I attribute it to his overpowering nature. That must be what I'm infatuated with. We continue our coffee date and I'm actually feeling better about having left the house.
No matter how much I want to be angry with him, I just can’t. And that’s when I realize that as much as I tried to guard my heart, it’s too late.
I’ve fallen for Xavier.