Xavier
The rain's continued to fall as if the weather is out to match my mood. Everything's gray, dark, and cold. People slosh in and out of the office with their umbrellas in tow.
I'm missing Allie so much. Now that I've admitted that I love her, there's no going back. I've only ever felt this way for one person...her.
I'm in my office at Hard Pressed and have barely left for the last few days. I'm trying to fix what has now turned into a public relations disaster.
Everyone wants to know more about the video and why it was made in the first place. People are furious thinking that the company has made light of something so serious as STDs. I'm trying to protect my brand reputation as well as Allie's name.
It’s a media circus for sure now that Hard Pressed has become enmeshed in the scandal. I have to keep all things moving and rise above the crisis, and that is no easy task.
Most of all, Allie’s been on my mind nonstop. Her beautiful face and body are all I dream of. There will never be another like her, of that I’m sure. I’d do absolutely anything to right this wrong but what I’m finding is that the path to freedom is not so straight. There’s a million issues I have to deal with, but she’s on my mind all the while.
I've been texting and calling her like crazy, all to no avail. She obviously doesn't want to see or hear from me. I don't blame her but I'm not prepared to lose her yet.
As the owner of this company, I'm trying to take full responsibility for the video nightmare. I released another statement apologizing to Allie and to the public for the video, and I'm hoping that by taking personal liability in the matter some of this nightmare will fade.
My PR team has been working around the clock and so have I. I will not rest until Allie's name is cleared.
We've had all manner of scrutiny within the media and especially on social media. People want to blame Hard Pressed for releasing a video that could've helped desensitize the stigma of STDs. And now that we've taken back our stance on it, they think we're taking back the good work the public health video can do.
That's not the case at all. If anything, I feel more of an obligation to inform people about the stigma of sexually carried diseases. Seeing how Allie was harassed because of something that, if it were true, was probably out of her hands, and well, it makes me want to help.
I've tried to turn this whole thing into a learning experience, and it's changing me from the inside out.
Within the company, I try to make it clear that we stand behind reducing the stigma of STDs, but that I'm simply wanting to clear the model's name. In the end, I've decided to donate over a million dollars to STD research companies in order to prove my merit.
I don't know if Allie understands any of this or if she even cares. I wouldn't blame her for hating me for the rest of our lives. But now that I realize I love her, I have to find a way to be with her.
My luxurious surroundings no longer excite me like they used to. I used to get off on the fact that I have money. But without Allie, none of it means anything. I've built an empire and I have no one to share with.
She's the most gorgeous, brilliant, and sweet girl in the world, and I let her slip right through my fingers. No, that’s not even accurate. I practically forced her away. What an asshole I am.
I pace around my office trying to come up with more solutions to help the situation. How can I spin this video crisis in a way that will reflect well on Allie?
I decide to get Diana, my PR person, on the phone.
"Diana, it's me. I want you to go ahead and push more funding for STD-related research. And I'd like you to release another statement in which I myself take further responsibility for the incident.
“We need to make a new STD video that makes it clear we do not stigmatize based on that. And it needs to have an educational slant."
"Okay, Xavier. Those are all good moves. I think especially creating a new video, maybe with some famous faces behind it, is a great move. I'll start putting that together right now. And I'll send over the paperwork about the new video to your office," she says.
"Perfect. I think this can really save us, and that model, Allie."
Nobody knows that Allie and I are connected yet. I fully intend to make her mine and for it to be public knowledge, I just haven't figured out how.
Hopefully, this new video will go viral also. Maybe I can use it to show how easily things can be manipulated in the public eye. Maybe this could be a lesson for all of us to be careful about what we see and say on the Internet.
That's all I can do for now. I've apologized, I've donated money to the cause, and now I'm putting more money into the creation of a new video campaign.
For now, things are gonna be at a standstill. I don't know what else to do. I tried to contact Allie but she obviously doesn't want to see me, so I'm gonna respect those boundaries...for now.
I pour some scotch, flick the fire on, and sit in front of it trying to think of an ingenious way to further clear Allie's name.
This girl is everything to me. And the more I acknowledge those feelings the deeper they appear to be.
What I keep thinking about is how Allie really believed in me even when I was a geek in high school. She saw past all appearances and she really understood my soul.
I was always a genius, always a computer nerd, and always intent on making something of my life. She saw that, the good in me when I had few, if any, friends.
What she didn't anticipate is that I would grow up to be 6'5 of pure, raw muscle. It's no wonder she didn't recognize me. No one could've anticipated my late growth spurt.
But the thing is, she liked me even when I was nothing. And that really shows her integrity. There's not a lot of women like that.
Hell, there's not a lot of people like that. For someone to stand by you when you're at the bottom, well, that says everything.
There's no way I'm gonna lose a girl like that. She's got more character and honesty then I can even fathom. She believed in me when no one else did, and how did I repay her? I tried to take her down and to destroy her career.
The problem is neither of us could've known how Becky was trying to hurt the other one. What a conniving bitch. There was no way to see the manipulation, and both Allie and I fell for it.
I can't even believe this girl was operating out of pure jealousy. She wanted to torment and punish Allie with a sad life, and I guess she won at that.
A part of me now wants to take revenge on Becky, but the other part has realized something valuable.
I've learned a lesson here about revenge: it's never worth it.
People will have their own karma come back to them. I can't be involved.
I'm never going to wreck someone the way I did Allie. I've had enough of bitterness and I guess I've realized that the best way forward is to forgive.
I forgive Becky and I'm letting that go. The best way forward is for me to create a happy life with Allie. That will be my best revenge.
I see now the futility of sinking to someone's lower level. Becky was jealous, and she was doing the best she could with what she had. I won't give another second of my life wishing retribution on someone else. I forgive her, that's it.
Now I have to set about getting Allie to forgive me. That's my only mission anymore. If she can get past this, then we can rebuild, and nothing will be able to come between us then.
At the same time, her happiness is my goal now. And if she's happier without me, then who am I to say I belong in her life? I deserve what I get, even if it's her permanent distaste for me.
I'll fight like hell to win her back, but in the back of my head, I'm trying to prepare for a life without her so the blow of losing her will not be unexpected.
I stare angrily into the fire and berate myself for not understanding the situation sooner. In all of this, I'm going to have to learn to forgive myself as well.
And if I lose Allie, that will be a bitter pill to swallow indeed.