Allie
Lindsay has come over and she's determined to drag me out of the house. There's nothing I want more than to stay in my bathrobe with a cup of tea and to try to forget the world.
It's looking like because of my bad reputation and subsequent lack of work, that there is limited time left for me in NYC. I can't afford to be here anymore. I'm going to have to go home to my parents and admit to them that I was wrong about making it big as a model.
I've resigned myself to my fate and to the fact that this means things with Xavier are probably over. I'm starting to really fall for him so it feels awful to think about having to leave. But what’s my other option?
The thing is, even being at home is gonna be rough. Especially without Xavier.
"Come on, Allie, just put on some clothes and let's get out of here. I've had enough of you moping around. You have to enter life again at some point."
"You understand that it's a torture for me to even leave this apartment, right?"
"Yeah, of course, I know. But the thing is you're never gonna get stronger if you keep hiding from what happened. Besides, with the press conference Xavier just did, it's all gonna be swept under the rug by tomorrow."
I reluctantly pull on a pair of jeans and say, "Yeah, that was pretty cool of him to do that for me."
She's picking out a top for me to wear. Lindsay feels totally at home going through all my clothes and everything in my apartment. She's the closest thing I've ever had to a sister.
"Well, he needed to do that for you. If he's so into you then it's the least he could do. It was his office that put the video out to begin with."
She's right, and a part of me does wonder why Xavier took so long to jump to action. Maybe he doesn't have the authority to take the video down. I don't know what the story is there, but it just reaffirms the nagging feeling that something is off with him.
I twist my hair up into a messy bun and pull on a jacket. I'm finally ready to go.
We hit the streets of NYC and I'm tempted to just go shopping and blow the rest of my money. I could use some retail therapy. And I'm seeing all the cute new fall items out in the store windows.
"You know I'm probably gonna have to leave right, Lindsay?" I say sadly.
"No, babe, we're not gonna let that happen. I'm sure that after today things are gonna start to turn around."
She seems optimistic but also like she really believes what she's saying. Maybe it can happen? Maybe my life could be fixed? But I doubt it.
"The thing is, I think I'm still tied to this contract with my agent, Harry. I don't see how I can get out of that. I haven't even talked to him since the video came out. I'm not sure what his motives were for putting me in it."
"Allie, if I had all the money in the world, I would hire you the best lawyer and free you from that contract. Then you can re-enroll with a proper modeling agency. That's what you really need."
"You're a great friend, Lindsay, truly. And if I have to go, I'm really gonna miss you."
"Stop, Allie! You have to think positively in order for things to work out."
We head into a little diner, the same one we always frequent together. I order the usual eggs, sausage, and coffee. And she orders her usual French toast.
"I really love coming here with you, Lindsay. Something about the atmosphere makes me feel like I'm at home."
She digs into her lunch.
"Yeah, well, we've been coming here for almost five years. And it’s still gonna be that way. I promise you, Allie, this mess will get sorted. I don't know how, but I'm sure it will. You're not gonna be a meme forever."
Easy for her to say.
I certainly hope she's right. At that moment I see the TV in the upper corner switch to the news and guess who's face flashes across it? Xavier's.
There he is at his press conference defending me. He makes a statement and is bold and it's powerful and I hope it does the trick.
"Oh my God, Allie, do you see that? His press conference," she says. "He's defending you."
I silently wonder how he has the authority to make a statement on behalf of the entire company. I mean, I know he's one of the big executives but I'm not sure how high up he goes. By the look of his penthouse, he must be very well employed.
I'm just grateful to see his face up on TV and I'm grateful to hear the words he says about the dangers of believing everything you see on the Internet. Hopefully now when anybody Googles me, this scene will also come up. My slate will be wiped clean. I can only hope.
I eat quickly and tell Lindsay, "I think I should go down to the office. I need to thank Xavier in person for what he did."
I finish my coffee and she finishes up too, and then we walk together outside into the bustling street.
"See you later." I hug her goodbye and then I walk towards Hard Pressed.
Once I get there, I ask the secretary to lead me to Xavier's office. She tells me it's at the very top floor, the penthouse.
Huh, that's weird.
His office is in the penthouse? How could that be? Where is the owner's office?
Things are not making sense but I really want to see him. I go to the elevator and press the button for the penthouse. It takes forever to get to the top floor but once I'm there the door opens directly to his office.
No one is in there, not even his executive assistant. I look around at all the fine modern finishes and wonder how he can afford all this.
This place is extremely luxurious. I look out at the city through the floor to ceiling windows and I admire the midday view. He's got it all going on up here. I decide that I'm just gonna wait for him. Hopefully, he'll be back soon.
I walk over to his desk, intending to take a seat at one of the leather chairs. But first I want to take a moment to peruse his special objects. He's got a number of expensive pieces of art hanging, including one by Pablo Picasso.
I run my finger over various picture frames showing him in Africa and on several other exotic trips. I see a photo of his mom and think that she looks familiar, like someone I knew way back when.
And then something strange catches my eye that's sitting on his desk. I hate to snoop, but the papers I see have the name of my modeling agency across them.
What is this? I peruse the paperwork and realize it's about the purchase and absorption of the modeling agency I work for. This looks like he was the one who bought my agency. He never mentioned that to me.
I flip through the papers and see a signature scratched at the bottom of the final one. It says, Stanley Xavier Armstrong.
What. The. Fuck?
Suddenly, all the pieces fall together in my mind. It all makes sense and the room starts to spin. Xavier is Stanley from my past. I repeat the words in my mind over and over.
Xavier is Stanley.
Why wouldn't he tell me? Why was he posing as somebody different? I just can’t wrap my head around it.
The fact that he bought my modeling agency and didn't tell me, well, that screams deception. And then I start to think about the fact that I'm standing in his penthouse office. I remember hearing about Stanley doing really well with a media company. This must be it. He must be the owner of this company.
That means he was behind the video. If he owns my modeling agency and Hard Pressed, then that means he was the one that put the video of me out there.
I think about the story I told him the other day. He asked me what I regretted most and I told him the story of Stanley, the boy that broke my heart.
He just sat there, allowing me to explain a past that he was a part of. Why would he not mention his involvement?
His motive for secrecy is unclear. I'm not sure what I ever did to him to deserve this deception. He’s the one who left me after all in high school. He abandoned me and broke my heart. I've never gotten over it.
And now I figure out that this great guy that I'm starting to fall for is Stanley himself?
What is he trying to do to me? Hurt me again? What have I ever done to him to merit that?
I know this almost have to do with what happened in high school. But I still just don't understand. I feel so betrayed, I can hardly stomach the thought of what's just happened.
But even worse than the sickness in my stomach is the wrenching ache in my chest. The two men I loved are actually one and the same. And this man betrayed me.
My heart thuds painfully. I’m no stranger to the feeling of a broken heart. Ironic that it’s the same man who’s done it twice now.
Then I’m suddenly angry. How could he?
I decide to stay exactly where I am and wait for him. I'm gonna confront him about all of this and he better tell me the truth this time. He needs to come clean once and for all.