Avery
The blood doesn't bother me.
All I can feel are his chiseled biceps wrapped tightly around me in a comforting hug.
I've never seen this side of Jack before. He’s holding me like he needs me.
I think I like it.
It feels so good to be in his manly presence that I want to just forget the past and to savor this moment.
I feel safe around him because I know he would absolutely kill anybody that tried to hurt me…especially Adam.
A weight has been lifted now that I've let Jack know what I discovered. I can't believe I was so close to marrying a monster like Adam Stanton. I shudder to think of what my life would be had that happened.
At the same time, I can feel Jack's ragged breathing and I know he's trying to keep his rage inside. I know the thought of any man hurting me puts him in a total fury. I don't want to be responsible for that.
I just want Jack to hold me from now into eternity. Only in his arms do I feel safe and comforted. Even though a part of me is frightened of him and his power, it's also what I love about him.
He releases me at last when he's calmed down enough. I go to the kitchen sink and take a rag and soak it in warm water so that I can wipe the rest of the blood off his body.
I have to admit he looks so gorgeous wearing just those ripped jeans and his faded undershirt. I can see the outline of his rock-solid muscles.
I go to him and smooth the rag over his body removing all the blood that I can.
“Boof!” barks Buck, coming over to do his part with his tongue.
I scratch behind Buck’s ear and between the two of us, we get our mountain man all cleaned up.
Jack is a different kind of guy. He's ragged and wild and untamed. I appreciate his authenticity and mostly I just know I will never escape the electricity that hums between us.
Even now in this dire moment, I know that we're connected. I know it's a feeling like no other, that I will never have again with anybody else, nor would I want to.
It's him. He does this to me.
Once I finish cleaning him up as best I can without a shower, I go to the cupboard and pull out a bottle of whiskey. Jack looks like he could use a drink and I certainly know that I could.
I pour us both a heavy drink in a couple of glasses and take them towards him. He's making up a fire and it's starting to get hot in here in more ways than one.
At the same time, I know Jack has a lot on his mind. He's got a story to tell and I'm ready to hear it.
He sits in the big leather chair that faces the fire with his drink and begins to tell me what happened. I curl up on the rug beside him, lay my head in his lap and listen.
"This is how it went down, Avery. I'm ready to tell you. Are you ready to hear it?" he says.
"I am," I say solemnly.
I know that whatever Jack has to say isn't gonna be good. It's probably gonna be the source of all his pain, and considering what Adam did to him, I feel partially responsible even though I'm technically removed from the story.
"When I was in the military," he begins, "we attempted to liberate a city held by terrorists. My squad was sent to take out the cell's leaders and to prevent them from ordering an airstrike on the city.
“Our troops successfully won the battle, but at the worst possible moment, my squad's weapons malfunctioned. But the terrorists…Christ. At the time, I swore they were packing the same fucking weapons. Now I know for sure.
“Unfortunately for us, their weapons worked.
“My entire squad was slaughtered and the airstrike on the city got called. Those of us who were left just started running—away from the gunfire and the bombing and all of the shit. I tried to save the lives that I could, but it didn’t fucking matter. There was just too much ammo coming at all of us.
“I still don't know how I made it out alive. It was every man for himself dodging a hailstorm of bullets. I'm the only one that survived.
“This is the guilt I've been living with here in the wilderness. This is the past I can never escape. And thanks to your confession, I know it was your boyfriend Adam's fault."
I'm at a loss for words. My heart hurts at the mention of my boyfriend, Adam. He knows that I despise that asshole.
Why would he say that? I guess he's still feeling bitter about the situation and I can see why. I can't believe Jack lived through that. And I can't believe Adam was responsible for turning his luck around.
How could he do that to his country?
Suddenly, everything about Jack makes more sense to me. His isolation, his aloofness, his total abandonment of society. It all makes sense now.
"Jack, I’m…I'm so sorry. But I hope you know that you can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault," I say trying to help heal the situation.
He looks at me with sadness and says, "I can never take it back. I can't turn back time. Someone else should've been saved, not me."
The guilt he must feel is palpable. I know if it were me in that situation, leading men into war, I would feel responsible too. It's no wonder Jack has been trying to escape this pain.
"Jack, you had to live. Otherwise, I would never have met you. And I can't imagine a life like that. Please don't say that you should've died," I say, pleading.
I crawl up from my place on the floor onto his lap and curl into him. Somehow, I fit into the crook of his arm just perfectly. Of course, because everything about us together is perfect. He holds me tightly and stares into the fire for a long time.
It's as if he's reliving those memories all over again. It's something I imagine he does every day.
"Jack, if I could take this burden from you I would. I hate to see that you're hurting like that. It wasn't your fault. It’s fucking Adam's fault and I can't do anything but try to apologize to him."
His eyes flash fiery rage. "Don't you apologize for that asshole, ever. He's never gonna hurt you again, Avery, that I promise."
I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. Jack is tense and shaking with rage and regret and guilt from the story he just told. I don't blame him.
So I curl into him. Both of us sit in the large leather chair and get warm by the fire. There's nothing I can say to help Jack's memories go away. There's nothing I can do to assuage his guilty conscience.
I can only hope that now he understands Adam was behind it, not him. None of this was his fault.
I sip my whiskey and it takes the edge off my own emotions. But I feel like I've lost Jack.
Where did he go? He's just staring into the fire and thinking God knows what.
There's immense power and strength in him that when unleashed, frightens me. I can only imagine what he's thinking of doing to Adam right now.
I place my palm over his beating heart and I can tell it's moving at a fast rate. His indignation at this situation must be staggering.
"Jack, I'm sorry. Please don't be so angry. I can understand how you feel. But it's over now. That was in the past. Can we start a future together?" I ask hopefully.
He looks down at me, and I get lost deep in his eyes. I know in this moment that he's come back to me. He's out of the bitter memories that war can bring and he's back with me…for now.