Chapter 13

Wyatt

“Good morning,” I say without thinking as I see Ruby walking in the hall carrying a towel on her way to the bathroom.

I assume she’s going to shower.

“Hey, good morning,” she replies. Her smile is as wide as I had ever seen. “How’s your sleep?”

“Great,” I lie. I can’t show her my weakness.

“Me, too,” she responds. She sashays into the bathroom and I know she’s lying, too.

Okay, I don’t know she’s lying. I just fucking hope she’s lying. I can’t be the only one missing out on sleep from this back and forth teasing shit. Something’s gotta give.

Do I disrespect my goddamn best friend and his entire family by fucking Ruby?

Or do I make all my dreams come true by fucking Ruby?

Of all the questions I need answers to, those might be the smallest. I need to know why she’s always carrying that old book around. What kind of fucking secrets are she keeping?

I probably shouldn’t care, but I’ve never been one to trust fate. I mean, that’s damn near impossible to do with the life I’ve lead.

But—you know a thought is bad when you can barely say it to yourself.

What if there’s something in it that I should know? Something Ruby can’t tell me, but wants to? I’d never fucking forgive myself if she needed me and I didn’t do what I can to help her.

Yeah, I know this is my morning whiskey talking. But seriously, what if?

I hear the shower and I know that I’ve got about a half hour. I don’t know what that damn woman does in the shower, but she’s liked long showers for as long as I’ve known her.

I’ve gotta go in.

No one else is awake, and I’m extra careful to make sure no one wakes up while I do this. I’m about to read a girl’s diary—her secret book.

When I enter the bedroom, everything is a mess.

Ugh, fucking women.

She’s got clothes sprawled across her unmade bed and enough shoes on the floor to be considered land mines.

Now, if I was a little black book, I’d hide…here—I open the drawer to Ruby’s nightstand and hurry out of the room like I’d stolen classified FBI documents.

The black leather is hot and soft against my fingertips as I hurry to my own room. And an unexpected bout of nausea rushes through my gut.

Butterflies?

Fear?

I’m not very familiar with either, but I’m sure it’s one of those.

When I close and lock the door to my bedroom, I spend a few moments catching my breath, feeling like I’d been chased.

Yeah, the damn Navy fucked me up.

I sit at the mahogany desk facing the window. I’d always loved this view. It’s similar to the one in the living room where I like to watch the mountains, but higher; it’s a completely different world from up here.

Finally understanding the sick feeling in my stomach as anxiety, I take a deep breath and open the book.

He’d probably never look at me as more than Jake’s silly little sister, but if I had one wish, it would be for Wyatt to see me as a woman. I know, I’m just a teenager, but I feel it in my soul. We were made to have beautiful little babies together. A girl named Wynona. A boy named Rueben? Am I crazy? Could he ever love me?

I slam the book shut and immediately reopen it. What the hell? I’m in shock. The date on the journal entry is seven years ago.

“Seven years.” I whisper to myself, still unsure if I believe it at all.

I flip ahead—maybe 30 pages.

My heart is broken. He slept with that stupid girl. Why her? Why’d she have to be his first? Why not me?

No one understood why I was so quiet at dinner tonight. Of course not! I wouldn’t want to be in trouble if someone else found out that I eavesdropped on Jake and Wyatt’s conversation.

I’d be in trouble for loving my brother’s best friend. We could’ve been each other’s firsts. He was supposed to take my virginity, too.

When I slam this book shut, this time it’s for good. I sneakily smile to myself, suddenly with a sober feeling like I’m a damn Bond villain.

I can have her.

These can’t all be old feelings, right?

It’s all starting to make sense. Ruby was always kinda weird around me, but Jake told me weird was her normal.

That’s what brothers say about their sisters. He probably didn’t know any better.

She’d been trying to impress me just as much as I’d been showing off for her. I laugh internally, especially when she sliced her hand open the other night.

I continue connecting the dots and I’m loving it. Then, I hear the sound of the shower stop.

Oh, fuck!

I sneak back into Ruby’s room, returning her journal to its original spot.

Pacing the halls, I decide it’s a good time to take Rowdy for a walk. I need to clear my head, fucking figure my plan out. I can have her.

No, I already have her.

How do I solidify it, though, without Jake and his parents hating me? Am I really good enough for her?

I choose to walk Rowdy without a leash today since the Watsons’ vacation property is so big.

We walk among the trees and gravel in the front. Making our way into the woods, Rowdy sees a squirrel he wants to chase.

I follow him, my mind wandering.

Every memory from every moment I’ve shared with Ruby plays in my mind. I can feel the goofy fucking smile I fought back when we shared that kiss.

I understand what she meant all those random times she stammered and spoke in circles around me. I know her now in a way I’ve never known any person, and I’m trying to figure out what to do with it.

Because at the end of the day, I’m still me. I’m not the Wyatt she wrote about, the one she planned to have babies with.

I’m not the kind of guy nice girls like Ruby are supposed to fall in love with. I’m the monster who was discharged from the SEALS, right?

Ruby can’t love me. She shouldn’t love me—but she does.

And I love her. But can I really ever tell her?

I continue following Rowdy’s lead, envisioning my beautiful future girlfriend, or maybe even wife stepping out of the shower. I see her in nothing but a towel, sitting on her bed, reading about me, writing about me.

She’s vulnerable and needy, finally ready to confess. Yet I’m not around cause I followed Rowdy into the damn woods like a fucking idiot.

“C’mon bud, it’s time to go.”

He follows after me and we walk back to the lake house. I tell him all the new things I learned about Ruby. His reply is to chase another fucking squirrel.

While he’s off running amok, I sit back and think to myself.

Could Ruby really still feel this way? Because if she does, I’ll spend every second to show her that I feel the same way, too.