Chapter 35

Wyatt

I stand in the driveway, Rowdy running circles around my legs as I lift another suitcase into the open trunk.

It was an understandably rough night, most of it spent tossing and turning, replaying my own stupidity on a loop. I can’t believe I’ve gone and screwed everything up and that I lost control like that. And in front of Ruby no less.

It had finally seemed like things might be getting better, like I might be able to leave behind some of the memories that have haunted me for so long...

I had Ruby—amazing, smart, sexy Ruby. I had my best friend.

I had hope, for the first time in so long. So, naturally I fuck it up royally.

It’s no surprise that Ruby has chosen to stay holed up in her bedroom. I wouldn’t want to look at me either.

In fact, Jake told me this morning that she’s decided to ride home with her parents. I get it, of course. Being trapped in a car with me for two hours must seem like a nightmare right about now.

It’s for the best that we just cut ties now; end it cleanly.

Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting.

“Easy boy,” I say, reaching down to scratch Rowdy behind his ear. “We’ll get goin’ soon enough.”

He usually gets antsy like this when I’m upset—man’s best friend and all that. He has the uncanny ability to sense when my mind is at its most fucked up, which explains why he’s running around like a lunatic now.

It’s like he’s the physical embodiment of my mental state; and today he has lost his shit.

It’s ridiculously fitting.

Jake appears from the front door, his own duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. As he approaches me, he wears the same strange expression that he had all day. Unasked questions lurk just behind his gaze.

“Is that all?” I ask, ignoring his stare and gesturing toward the duffel bag.

“Almost. I’ve just gotta grab a few odds and ends, and then we’ll be set.”

“Sounds good.”

I watch him carelessly dump his bag into the truck. He gives Rowdy a scratch as well, turning to face me.

“Are you okay, man?”

I open my mouth to lie but think better of it.

“Nope,” I say simply. “Go get the rest of your stuff so we can get the fuck out of here, okay?”

“Wyatt...”

“Come on, man. Let’s just go.”

I’m in no mood for some sappy heart-to-heart with Jake right now. Not that I’m ever in the mood for such things—least of all now. I just want to get on the road and put this whole disastrous trip behind me.

I fucked up. It’s over. Time to move on.

At least to the extent that someone like me is capable of moving on.

He shoots me a frustrated look but doesn’t press further. I watch him walk back into the house, hoping he’ll hurry up so we can just get on with it.

I ruined the entire vacation, made my friend lie to cover my ass, and scared the shit out of Ruby. I think I’ve done enough.

Talking about it won’t change a damn thing. If the fear I saw in Ruby’s eyes showed me anything, it’s that.

I was right before. Choosing to cut myself off is the best possible option. I’m no good for Ruby, no good for anyone for that matter.

I went and let myself forget that for a minute, but I remember now. I’m seeing things clearly again.

I’m a fucking broken man, a soldier who never should have come home. Those are just the facts.

And while I might not be able to do anything to change that, I can at least do everyone the favor of staying the fuck away from them.

I had really wanted to be better on this trip, to do the right thing whenever possible. Obviously, that little plan blew up in my face, so I’m done.

Done trying. Done fighting the inevitable.

I need to be alone, holed up in a place where the fucking curse that is me can’t affect anyone else.

I kick at the gravel, looking toward the front door where Jake has yet to emerge. A few odds and ends my ass.

What’s taking so fucking long?

It was hard enough last night when I was resisting the urge to go to Ruby, to apologize again and let her know that I didn’t intend to screw things up.

Obviously, that wouldn’t change anything, but the desire was there.

Waiting even longer is torture.

I’m about ready to go in and drag Jake’s ass out myself when he finally reappears, a toiletry bag clenched in one hand.

“About time,” I say. “Are you ready now?”

“What’s the fucking rush, Wyatt? We’re going, okay?”

“Good.”

I turn, scanning the tree line for Rowdy, who has pulled a disappearing act of his own now.

I put my fingers to my lips, letting loose an almost painfully loud whistle. His bark answers almost immediately.

“Come on, boy! Time to go!”

He comes bursting between the trees a moment later—tail wagging, tongue flying. He looks so damn happy out here it’s almost a shame to take him back to the city. Like me, he does better with silence, solitude, and wide open spaces.

I open the door to the back seat, waiting as he jumps in. I give his head another scratch before closing the door.

Maybe one day we can get a place out in the country somewhere. Rowdy will like that, and after all, there’s no one for me to stay in town for.

Maybe I’ll buy a cabin in the middle of nowhere, let the dog have his fun. No reason that one of us shouldn’t be happy.

I close the trunk and walk round the passenger’s side. I settle into my seat the same time Jake plops into his.

“Seriously, man,” he says, shutting his door, “what the fuck is going on with you?”

I run a hand through my hair, stifling the groan that I want to let loose.

“Nothing, alright? Just drive the fucking car.”

For a second, I didn’t think he was going to drop it, but this time he does. He settles for shooting me a dirty look from the corner of his eye.

He starts the car, the roar of the engine greeting my ears like a welcome escape.

“Fine, we’re going. Happy?”

“Not even remotely.”

I stare into the rear view mirror as we pull away, watching the lake house slowly disappear from sight.