Boone
I think I’m about to tear up, and that’s fucking saying something.
How lucky am I? Only a month ago I was out here in the wilderness on my fucking own. All I had left of the love of my life were memories.
Not that I’m a betting man, but if I had been, I would have put the entire family fortune on me never seeing Margot again. Boy, I would have lost big time, and it would have fucking been worth it.
Even though I’ve retreated from the world as I know it, I understand humans aren’t meant to be alone. I mean we should be with someone. But when Margot left, I knew I’d never find any other woman to replace her.
Actually, I didn’t want to fall in love with anyone else. I had made my choice and was going to stick with it.
If not Margot, then no one else would do.
And now, here I am standing in my cabin in the middle of nowhere, feasting my eyes not only on the woman I love, but also our daughter.
My heart beats a little faster as I caress Margot with my gaze. She and Amelia look so gorgeous in their oversized flannelette shirts borrowed from me.
Amelia’s shirt is so big on her it’s like her own tent. Seeing her in this huge piece of material makes her appear quite fragile. I want to just go over and wrap my bear arms around her.
It hits me like an out of control truck hits a brick wall. Love is such an overpowering emotion, and it’s dangerous. All I can think of is wanting to make sure no harm comes to either of them.
I lost Margot once before; I can’t bear to lose them both ever again. Just thinking about both of them no longer in my world has dark clouds settling over me.
My eyes drift from my daughter to Margot. I love uttering those words in my head. My daughter.
It feels fucking amazing. She’s so pretty, so delicate, so wonderful, and just so perfect it seems hardly possible I had a part in creating her. Someone like me...created someone like that.
“You coming, or have you grown roots there?” Margot teases as our eyes meet.
I shake my head. “I’ll just be a minute. I’ve still got to change.”
“I’m tired, Mommy,” Amelia says, snuggling into her mother with a yawn.
“Hop into bed already, I’ll just be a minute,” I say.
Normally I don’t wear pajamas to bed, even in winter. I definitely prefer to sleep in the nude. But I don’t think this would be a good idea with the three of us in bed.
It takes me less than a minute to return.
Margot and Amelia are snuggled under the covers, and I see the little girl’s eyes flutter. Her eyebrows arch upward in an attempt to stay awake.
It looks so cute I just want to go over and plant little fatherly kisses on her and wish her good night.
“Here he comes,” Margot says, lifting the covers. “Breathe in, sweetheart. It’s about to get tight.”
“Hey,” I grumble as I slide in beside Margot. “Are you suggesting I’m fat?”
“Mommy,” Amelia pipes up, “can I be in the middle?”
Margot shoots me a look, and I nod.
“Sure, princess.”
A little foot kicks me in the lower abdomen as Amelia scrambles between us.
It’s the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever experienced.
“Comfy?” I fluff the pillow up a little for her, and she nods.
“This way I won’t have my bad dream.”
Margot props up on her elbow, and I see the alarm in her eyes.
“What bad dream, sweetie?”
The little girl looks from her mother to me and back again.
“It starts with me in my room, in my bed on my own.”
I watch Margot brush some loose strands of hair from the little face.
“And then something wakes me up. I see eyes. They’re not very nice eyes. Not like Boone.”
The little face turns toward me. Her lips curl up into a shy little smile.
It’s my turn to run my hand over her hair.
“The eyes are like the ones the bad man in the woods has.”
I hear Margot inhale sharply.
“Then there’s a fire and I can’t get out.”
It breaks my heart to hear this story. How can I help make it go away?
“You know something, sweetie?” Margot begins.
Amelia turns toward her.
“I once was in a room, and there was a fire.”
“What happened, Mommy?”
Margot shoots me a conspiratorial glance.
“Well, I didn’t have to worry because Boone was there to rescue me.”
Amelia’s eyes widen, and she looks at me.
“And you know what, sweetie?”
“What, Mommy?”
“He’ll keep you safe the way he kept me safe.”
To emphasize her words, I wrap my arms around the two of them and pull them close to my heart. All at once I know things can’t get better than this. This moment is perfection personified.
I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long I feel like pinching myself to make sure it’s real. I can’t bear to think of something bad happening to either of them.
Amelia snuggles her head into my chest. Margot smiles at me.
“So, you’ve known Boone for a while,” Amelia mumbles, and I watch her eyelids flutter again.
She says it with the wisdom little kids often display.
Up until now, Margot had never mentioned we’ve known each other before. Being the smart kid Amelia is, she’s worked it out from the story; she’s connected the dots.
“Mommy...” she begins, although she’s barely able to keep her eyes open.
Margot leans over her and kisses her cheek. “Yes?”
“Is Boone my daddy?”
Her words grab my heart and squeeze it so tight I fear it might shatter. I feel Margot’s eyes on me. The intensity in them could melt ice. If she wants my approval, she’s got it.
If it were up to me, I’d be standing on the tallest mountain shouting it out to the world.
If it were up to me, everyone would know that Amelia, this wonderful little girl, is my daughter.
But I know it’s not up to me. This is big thunder for a kid. And Margot needs to decide when and how to tell her.
To make sure she knows I’m okay with whatever she decides, I put as much feeling into my look as I can muster. My look is meant to tell her, ‘It’s all good.’ If she doesn’t tell her now, it’s okay. There’ll be another time.
Margot takes a deep breath, and her hand finds mine under the covers. The gentle squeeze tells me she’s made a decision.
“Would you like him to be your daddy, princess?”
Holy shit.
Perfect strategy.
Put the ball in Amelia’s court.
Margot is the perfect parent.
I look at her with eyes filled with adoration.
At the same time, I hold my breath as I wait for my daughter’s answer. I won’t take it badly if she says no. I’m more bracing for my reaction if she says yes.
It seems to take forever for Amelia to respond.
Her eyes are nearly shut. Maybe she’s asleep already, and we won’t hear what she has to say.
“Yes, I would,” she mumbles, and about two seconds later her breathing is slow and steady, and I know she’s asleep.
Her words leave me jumping for joy. But since I’m in bed, and she’s snuggled into my chest and sound asleep, I don’t move a muscle.
Instead, I watch the emotions on Margot’s face. The way she’s smiling, blowing me a kiss, and then putting her head beside herour daughter.
Margot seems to be drifting off to sleep pretty quickly as well.
I, on the other hand, keep my eyes open so I can look at the two most important people in my life for as long as possible.
As I listen to their rhythmic breathing and stare at their peaceful faces, I know tonight I’m also going to sleep well. Tonight, nothing is going to disturb my world and destroy this feeling of utter contentment.
Life doesn’t get better than this, I decide, closing my eyes.