Xavier
I've decided to do whatever I can to right my actions. It might be too late but I'm not gonna go down without a fight.
Now that I know the truth, I feel horrible about what I did to Allie. I should've known that she was a good person. I should've known that Becky was out to harm us.
But I guess hindsight is everything. It does no good to kick myself over what I did now but at the same time, I regret having doubted Allie and her love for me.
I should've listened to my intuition about what I felt. She's always been a good person and that's why I loved her. Then and now.
I spent all these years with bitter regret just etched in my mind, thinking of ways to destroy her. Now I see all my efforts were for nothing. My malice was directed towards the wrong person.
And now it might be too late to save Allie's career. What's worse is the fact that it's all my fault and if she ever finds out, I might lose her again, forever this time.
Even though I spent so many years being a playboy and a womanizer, I guess it's always been Allie in my heart. My hatred was misdirected lust and love for her.
I hated her because I couldn't have her. I hated her because I loved her so much. And I still do.
Now the prospect of losing Allie is too much to bear. I have to fix this because if she ever finds out and I have nothing to show for it then it might really be the end. I have a sick feeling in my stomach at the notion of her leaving me.
So, I'm here at the Hard Pressed offices early to begin my work on fixing her reputation. I start by taking down the video. That in itself will do much good but it won't fix everything because so many people have seen it already.
Then I call in my public relations team to help me form a strategy. We're sitting around the conference table in my office.
"So, you see this was all a mistake," I say to the team. "We want to take back our stance on this video and remove it from everyone's minds."
"Well, that's gonna be hard to do," the team lead, Diana, says. "Virtually everybody's seen it, and even though you took the video down, it's been copied and recopied and it's been spread around the web and on social media. It's hard to stop this kind of a tornado once it starts."
"Well, isn't that what I hired you for?" I say to her rather angrily.
I don't want to hear excuses. I want to hear what can be done. I'm paying them enough for fuck's sake.
"I think that you should hold a press conference today and announce Hard Pressed's official position on the video," a guy named Jake says.
"A press conference? That's actually not a bad idea. I think we can arrange it for this afternoon," I say.
"That's a fabulous idea, Jake," Diana says. "What we have to do is really highlight how Hard Pressed is taking a different stance because the video was created out of spite by somebody unknown."
They don't know the full story. I told them that somebody framed Allie and pitched the video as being true.
"Okay, then it's been arranged. Tell me when the press conference starts and I'll be there"
The team leaves and I take the opportunity to call Allie and give her the good news.
"Allie, I'm really sorry that Hard Pressed published that video. I've taken it down and we're working to reorganize our stance on things. I think someone made it out of spite but we're gonna get this corrected," I say to her.
It's all lies, but at this point, I can't afford for her to find out. I'll lose her forever. How I'm gonna navigate through these treacherous waters of avoiding the truth, I don't know. But for now, I just have to keep my head above water.
"Oh my God, thank you, Xavier," she says so excitedly that it kind of breaks my heart. "That's a really great first step towards fixing this. If your company publicly comes out and renounces the video, then I might so have a shot at getting my life back."
"That's the idea, baby. That's the idea."
"So, when can I see you next?" she says.
My heart is torn into a million pieces. I don't know whether I should tell her the truth because the guilt is eating away at me or if I can continue as things are, pretending to be her knight in shining armor.
"First let me get to the press conference and then I'll get back to you and let you know where we stand, okay?"
"Okay, sounds great. I'll be watching you during your press conference. Thanks, Xavier, thanks again for doing this for me. I don't know where I'd be without you."
I can tell you where she'd be. She'd be a lot better off. If she never met me, her life would be going great right now. I feel terrible and the shame of my actions are eating me alive.
"No, Allie," I say to her in all honesty. "I'm not that good of a guy. You shouldn't rely on me too much."
"But Xavier, you've been the only one that's been there for me throughout this whole thing. I mean my friends have been great, but you're the only one that's taken a vested interest in trying to help me fix this."
"I feel responsible, baby," I say. Little does she know how very much I am responsible. "It's my company that published the stupid video. I just want all of this to go away for you."
"Me too," she says. "I'm never gonna forget this kindness."
Man, this girl is making me feel so much worse with every passing second. The more praise she lays on me, the worse I feel. I wish I could be the man that she thinks I am.
Unfortunately, I might've screwed that up forever. What the fuck was I thinking? I was already feeling bad about my actions when I thought she was in the wrong, but now that I know she was in the right, my disgrace is staggering.
I feel like I'm a dishonorable man and that Allie deserves so much better. At the same time, my possessive nature will never let me allow her to go. That's why it's so essential this press conference goes right.
"Okay, baby, it's time for me to go. I'll talk to you soon," I say.
Diana scoots me to the lobby downstairs. Everything’s laid out perfectly. The podium's there along with everything I need to make a statement. There's all kinds of press and media there, the usual scene.
I adjust my tie and walk confidently to the podium. I've never had to deliver a pack of lies like this to the entire media, but I will do anything to save my relationship with Allie.
I open by saying, "We at Hard Pressed have a vested interest in maintaining the highest level of standards and integrity. It has been brought to my attention that this vile video about STDs was made in the wrong. The model featured, Allie Baldwin, does not have an STD.
“And while we want to spread public health knowledge about diseases like that, to increase awareness of prevention, we would never want to misrepresent by portraying an innocent person as being affected. We’re taking down the video and reversing our stance on everything to do with it. Thank you."
The cameras are flashing like crazy and it's blinding. Reporters are screaming questions at me wanting to know more and why.
Diana takes over and fills them in on the rest of the details. I can't take a single more question. I feel so fucking deflated.
I take the back door and walk out onto the street. I need the air something to calm me down.
I walk past a group of guys and they're talking about the video, they're talking about Allie, saying that the whole conference was one big lie.
All I see is rage. I grab one of the guys and I just start punching him in the face.
I've come unleashed.
I leave him bleeding on the sidewalk and then I stalk away. I have to control this and yet I'm so out of control. I'm in love with Allie. I realize that now. So anyone who says a negative thing about her is my enemy.
Trying to contain this has become my obsession. Allie is my obsession. And yet the guilt and shame of having started all this is making feel crazy.
Should I tell her, or can I continue to hold my cards close? She will find out who I am at some point. That much is certain. What then?