Every morning since the day I became Queen, I’d wished the nights were longer and the time before Mazen had to get up for work was a little bit later than seven AM.
Every. Single. Morning.
I always, always wanted to stay in his arms for five more minutes. Or fifty. I never wanted to let go.
Except for today.
After everyone finished praying, I went back inside the residence and headed straight to our bedroom. My thoughts were all on the fact that I was a day late. It hadn’t happened in forever, and I dared to hope that it was because I’d finally become pregnant.
Mazen arrived right after me, since it was barely five in the morning. After kisses and hugs that I was too distracted to enjoy, he headed to the bathroom to take his shower, telling me that he didn’t feel like going back to sleep.
The idea of going to one of the guest bathrooms and taking the test played in my head, but I was worried that Mazen would catch me. I didn’t want him to think I was still obsessing about a baby, or to raise his hopes unnecessarily, so I dismissed the idea and decided to wait until he left.
It was the longest two hours of my life.
We made small talk. He was still very excited about the rain and went on and on about how it would help with food production and a source of pure water for a while, and all that.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved hearing him talk, loved seeing his excitement, but it took everything not to yell at him right then and there to get out already so I could take the test. I was so impatient. Plus, I really needed to go to the bathroom but was holding it in for the test. I wanted to get a clear result – but a positive one. Oh, God! How I wished for it to be positive.
Eventually, Mazen left for the day. I still have no idea how fast I ran to the drawer where I’d been hiding all different kinds of pregnancy tests.
I grabbed the first one I touched and ran out of the closet like a bat out of Hell, aiming for the bathroom that seemed to be a hundred miles away.
“Why so fast?” my husband called from behind me. “Careful there, princess.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and didn’t turn around. I had the pregnancy test in my hand, and I didn’t want him to see it. So, I replied while facing away from him, with the first thing that came to mind.
“What are you doing here?” I sounded as though I’d found a complete stranger in my room and not my beloved husband.
“I forgot my cell-phone.” I heard him coming closer and I didn’t know what to do other than taking a step forward, then a step to the side when I felt him standing right next to me. “What’s in your hands?”
Uh, oh!
“Nothing!” It came out rushed. “I just really need to use the bathroom.” My voice was really shaky.
He tried to peek around me. “C’mon, princess, what are you hiding?”
“It’s something private.” That was the best I could come up with as I held the box closer to me, trying my best to hide every inch of it.
“Oh! Really?” He sounded so dejected. “Something private that I can’t see? All right. I won’t push. See you later.”
I instantly felt awful. If that was his way to guilt me, he succeeded. I felt so guilty. But I knew that wasn’t Mazen’s style; I was sure he just didn’t like us to keep secrets from one another.
I turned around to see him walking to the door, and right before his hand touched the knob, I called, “Wait!”
Mazen stopped and turned, all of his excitement from earlier seeming to have left his handsome face. He really wasn’t pleased with the fact that I didn’t want to share something with him, especially after he saw me running.
I held it up for him to see, biting my bottom lip and feeling embarrassed; he now knew I’d been lying to him. “It’s a pregnancy test.”
Mazen took a deep breath, understanding seemed to have dawned on him. I waited for him to scold me, waited for him to blame me for causing myself unnecessary anxiety and worry, but to my surprise, he didn’t.
“Would you like us to do this, together?”
Before I could comprehend what he was saying, I went right off with the answer that I prepared. “I’m not stressing myself out, it’s just that– … wait, what did you just say?” I wasn’t sure if I had heard him correctly.
Mazen smiled sweetly at me. “I asked if you’d like for us to check the test together, princess.”
I gaped at him for a second. “Really? You’re not going to lecture me?” I said, internally slapping my forehead for reminding him that I had broken my promise. But then again, I doubted he’d forgotten about that. He had a memory of steel.
Mazen sighed. “I know that, but you were taking five pregnancy tests a day, princess, even before your period was due. It was getting out of hand.”
My shoulders hunched down. “Yeah, I guess.”
“But you’re a day late. I wish you would wait a few more days before taking the test, but I can’t see any harm in doing it now.”
My eyebrows shot up to my hairline. “You’re keeping track of my periods?”
Mazen took the few steps to close the gap between us. His hands hugged my face and his eyes were smiling as he stared into mine. “I keep track of everything that is you, my princess. You’re my reason for living, remember?”
My eyes welled up with tears at his sweet words, and I stood on the tip of my toes to reach his lips, kissing them tenderly.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you.”
“Let’s do it,” I smiled and walked to the bathroom, feeling him coming after me. “I really love you, but there’s no way I’m going to pee in front of you – stay outside, Your Majesty.” I closed the door while giggling lightly after seeing him pout at being shut out. Even with his sweetness and playfulness, I could tell Mazen was nervous, too.
I took care of business in record time; I seriously couldn’t wait to see the results. And when I came out, Mazen was waiting by the window, gazing outside. He turned to face me and smiled. In response, I raised my hand up to show the stick I was holding, not saying anything, only shrugging.
It was really nice to have Mazen with me while we waited. This was the very first time we’d shared something like this. But I couldn’t deny that my worry doubled. I hated to disappoint him if the results came out negative.
I walked towards him and laid the test on the edge of the window sill. “We can read the results in three minutes,” I told him, but Mazen’s only response was to hold me to his body with his left arm as we both faced the window and waited.
The soft circles that he was rubbing on my shoulder were soothing, but the nervousness settled in my chest and wouldn’t leave. I was worried sick; I almost threw up.
“We can look now,” I said after I checked the stopwatch on my phone.
“Okay,” Mazen said, “but before we do, whatever the result, I’ll love you more tomorrow than I already love you today. My love for you will keep growing until the end of time, princess. You know that, right?”
“I know. Whatever the result is, I’ll be okay, because I have you.”
Mazen smiled, and at the same second, we bent our heads to look at the result.
My heart skipped a beat in that second; nothing in the whole world could have prepared me for what I felt in that moment.
“One line,” I choked out, utter disappointment filling me. “It’s negative.”
“We have to thank God for everything, princess.” Mazen’s words weren’t as heartening as I would’ve wished. He was disappointed too. I could hear it in his voice. Disappointed and sad. But he was trying his hardest not to show it.
“I’m thankful,” my voice cracked, and Mazen surrounded me with his arms, hugging me tightly. All of those times I’d done the same test and gotten the same result, I could handle. But this time, with Mazen here, it hurt even more. It hurt so bad. Because I felt like I let him down; that I couldn’t give him the one thing that we needed the most; the only thing that we couldn’t buy with money; and the only thing that would make us truly happy and complete our world.
He kissed my temple. “We still have each other. We’ll keep trying. Please, don’t be sad.”
“I’m fine. I’m just … I need to get ready or I’ll be late,” I said and tried to back away from his warm embrace.
“Princess …”
“I’m fine, I promise,” I said. After a long moment of silence, Mazen placed a kiss on the top of my head, whispered that he loved me one more time and then let go.
I couldn’t get into the bathroom and lock the door fast enough.
Mazen knew I wouldn’t come out of the bathroom until he left, but he still waited anyway. I used the secret door in the bathroom to go directly to the closet, and called for Hana to come and help me dress. That way, I was sure that even if Mazen was still in the bedroom, I could avoid him.
I preferred to suffer in silence, more than talking about my pain. It was hard, speaking about what was hurting me wasn’t a walk in the park. Not bothering the man I loved with my emo thoughts seemed like a better alternative than hurting him.
Why this time should hurt worse was beyond me. I’d taken a pregnancy test a hundred times before and I’d gotten myself through it just five minutes later. It hurt then, but not as much as it was hurting me now. I simply couldn’t shrug the feeling away.
Maybe it was because for the first time in a long time, I was a day late? Or maybe it was because this was the first time Mazen shared the experience with me, counting the minutes and carrying the heavy seconds right by my side.
I only knew that hours later, and as the day passed, I still could hear the disappointment in Mazen’s voice ringing in my ears as he tried to comfort me. I wished I could just forget.
There was nothing I wanted more than to have a baby with Mazen and not being able to reach that dream was hard. But, the fact that Mazen was hurting along with me was what I hated the most.
All day, Mazen didn’t call or text. He did send flowers, though, with a beautiful note that said: ‘I love you. Unconditionally. Always.’
It sure cheered me up, big time.
I made a mental note to thank him personally later tonight, with kisses and hugs, and maybe some sexy time. That is if I didn’t have my period by then. I wouldn’t be up for something like that if I started my cycle soon. Also, in Islam, it’s forbidden to have sex during that time of the month, anyway.
I huffed as my train of thought led me to missed periods and pregnancy – again. It seemed like I was incapable of getting them off my mind.
At three PM sharp, I was at Archer Enterprises. I had a meeting to attend, and decisions to make. I was trying my best to keep my mind focused on work so I’d be able to get rid of my depressing thoughts; it was working – to a point.
The last thing I expected to see that afternoon was Brad ushering Fawaz to my office. Although Fawaz wore a smile, I couldn’t help the worry that spread in my heart as this was the first time he was ever inside my company’s building.
“Good afternoon, Your Majesty,” he said.
Without a thought, I quickly got to my feet, not able to think of anything other than something very bad could be happening to bring Fawaz to my office, leaving Mazen alone.
“Fawaz! What’s wrong? Is Mazen okay?” I couldn’t help the worry in my voice.
“Yes, Your Majesty. His Majesty is fine. He asked me to come and get you.”
“What? Why? Is something wrong? Am I in danger?”
“I promise everything is okay, Your Majesty. He has a surprise for you is all,” Fawaz assured me, but I still worried. Whatever he was saying did not have any effect calming me down.
“I have to call him,” I said, reaching for my phone. Fawaz only nodded in response.
“Princess,” Mazen replied after the third ring. This one word was enough to settle my concerns, just a little bit.
“Are you okay?”
I was able to hear the smile in his voice. “I’m fine, I just need you to get here as soon as possible. I can’t wait to show you something.”
“Mazen,” I huffed, “You scared me, sending Fawaz like this. It couldn’t wait?” I was worried about his safety; he shouldn’t have sent Fawaz when any other royal guard would do.
“It could. But I don’t want to wait. Please, hurry up.”
“Okay. You’re crazy, you know that?” I could see Fawaz trying to hide his smile.
Mazen chuckled, “Crazy about you.”
“I’m on my way. I love you.”
The ride in the limousine was awfully slow, but I thought maybe it was because I was so eager to get to our destination and see what my crazy husband had done.
Fawaz was sitting across from me, speaking into his sleeve every few minutes and offering a polite smile every time our eyes met.
“Not to be rude, but couldn’t you guys have told my guards to bring me to wherever we’re going? I just wish you hadn’t left the King alone,” I said to Fawaz.
“I’m afraid not, Your Majesty. We’re going to an area that is controlled by the military, and not all of the royal guards are allowed there. And I promise that His Majesty is perfectly safe; I wouldn’t have left him if he wasn’t.”
“Of course.”
Silence filled the air for a few minutes, and then I spoke again, trying to break it.
“I always feel like Mazen considers you his best friend, not only his prime royal guard.”
“That’s an incredible honor, Your Majesty. Thank you.”
“I’m serious. You never leave his side. I don’t think you’ve taken a day off since the day I met you in London.”
“Well, no, Your Majesty. Not even years before that.”
“Really?” I asked with wide eyes.
“Yes.”
“Is it Mazen who refuses to give you breaks?” I wondered, even though I doubted that was the case. Mazen was much more considerate than that.
“No. He’s asked me many times to take a break, but I’m not interested in taking any days off. His Majesty’s safety is all that matters to me.”
My heart warmed at his loyalty to Mazen. “Well, that’s very noble of you. But don’t you have a family?”
“Not really, Your Majesty. Only a fiancé.” He smiled widely.
“Oh, wow!” I gushed. “I didn’t know you were getting married!”
“I’m not, at least not anytime soon.” He shrugged.
“What? Why not?” I was confused. “I’m sorry if I’m asking personal questions.”
“It’s all right, Your Majesty. You can ask me anything,” he said. “It’s for the same reason we were just discussing: no breaks.”
“I see. You’re sure you’re not interested in taking a few days off?” I tried one more time.
Fawaz smiled. “I’m sure.”
Silence filled the air again as I thought of what he’d said, then I spoke again. “Is she someone I know?”
“No, she’s not someone that Your Majesty know. She’s British, actually.” He reached into the chest pocket of his military uniform and took a photo out, handing it to me. The stunning brunette had hazelnut eyes, her pink hijab making her pale skin almost shine.
“Wow! She’s really beautiful.”
“She is.” He smiled, his eyes holding something I’d never seen in them before. It was as if I was seeing a completely different person, not the Fawaz I’d known since I stepped foot in London.
“What’s her name?”
“Sofia.” Even the way he said her name spoke of love and longing.
“Pretty name,” I commented, giving him the photo back. “I guess you met in London?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Over three years ago. She was attending some of His Majesty’s classes. We met one day as I was waiting for him and she was attending the next class.” His face was bright as he recalled the memory.
“That long? And you’re still waiting for a break so you can marry her, but still won’t take a day off?”
“Something like that.”
A thought crossed my mind. “If it’s a financial matter, I’m sure His Majesty would love to help. So would I.”
“That’s very generous of you, Your Majesty. But it’s really not that. We already have everything prepared, even our firstborn’s name.”
“Really? And what’s that?”
“If it’s a girl – Shaza.”
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“If it’s a boy – Faris.”
“A knight! I really like that name.”
“It was Sofia’s choice,” he said, a bit of shyness mixed with pride written on his face. “It’s my first name, actually. But I’m more known by my last name since I joined the army. Fawaz.”
Most Arabs called each other by their first names; hardly anyone used the last name when calling others. It was a bit confusing at first, but I’d gotten used to it with time.
“Both are beautiful names, Fawaz,” I smiled. “Or would you prefer if I call you Faris?”
“Whatever you’d like, Your Majesty. It’s an honor to be called by you in any case.” His smile was big.
“Well, my majesty would like to ask you to accept a month off from your duties, so you can get married and have a nice honeymoon with Sofia. I’ll arrange it with the King and the second of his royal guards.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty. But I can’t accept.” He shook his head, pressing his lips into a tight line.
“How about two weeks?”
He shook his head again. “Not even for a day. I can’t trust anyone with His Majesty’s safety. I will protect him until my last breath.”
His loyalty to Mazen was heartwarming. He was willing to sacrifice his happiness and life – obviously – if it meant that Mazen would stay safe.
“You’re one of a kind, Officer Faris Fawaz, do you know that?”
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” he said. “I’m only doing my job.”
I knew it was beyond just doing a job, but I didn’t say anything else. He put his hand to his ear, listening to some orders or updates, who knew? And then he spoke into the mic clipped to his sleeve before informing me that we had reached our destination.
Mazen was waiting for me right where the car stopped. He took my hand and helped me out, the broadest of smiles planted on his lips.
“Hey.” I smiled.
“My! How’s it even possible that you get prettier every second, princess?”
“Did you bring me all the way here just to figure that out?” I teased, feeling the blush already heating my face.
“Come with me,” Mazen said, tangling our fingers together then walking us to the terraces in the same spot where we watched the military parade on the day of the coronation.
“What is it? Are we going to watch the army practicing?”
“You’ll see, impatient princess.” There was a strange glee in Mazen’s eyes. He couldn’t wait to tell me something.
The dark spot in my mind that was almost depressed all the time and produced only negative thoughts tried to have me thinking about how Mazen was only trying to cheer me up because of the negative test, that he was hiding his disappointment and just trying to be nice. But I refused to think that way.
We remained standing as Mazen nodded to one of the guards standing far away from us, before telling me to wait.
Thirty seconds passed before I saw the military aircraft flying in the sky in a beautiful formation. Mazen pulled me close to him as they flew overhead. A grin was plastered on my face as I rested my head on his chest and watched the aerial acrobatics that the jets were performing.
There was no possible reason that would explain why Mazen was doing this, other than to cheer me up, but I really didn’t mind. It was absolutely lovely of him to do.
“Look closely, Marie,” Mazen said quietly, pointing at the sky. There were only six military aircraft left. They flew in an amazing way, then I saw the tail end of the planes release red smoke as they moved around, making three heart shapes in different sizes – the first was the largest, the second was a little smaller, and the third was the smallest.
I gasped at the breathtaking sight. “That’s really beautiful. Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” Mazen said. “You’re making me happier day by day, Marie.”
“Same here, angel,” I told him. “But you really didn’t have to do all this.”
“Marie, today I’m the happiest I’ve ever been my whole life.”
I couldn’t help but frown. How could he be the happiest he’d ever been today? I knew he wanted to make me feel better, but saying he was the happiest he has ever been? That was a hard thing to believe.
I had to ask, “Are you sure?”
“Very,” he grinned, touching my face with the tips of his fingers. “Look up there, my princess.” He pointed to the hearts in the sky. “That is my heart, and that is yours.”
I smiled. “And the third?” I didn’t really think there would be an answer for that – I thought it might be just a cute thing to draw in the air to finish the beautiful picture, but I was mistaken.
Of course, nothing with Mazen was meaningless, everything was well-thought out.
“Look down there, beautiful princess.”
I looked to where Mazen pointed, and I saw hundreds of soldiers gathered there, forming and spelling out the word, “Congratulations!”
My eyebrows creased. What was that all about?
The guards released tens of dozens of white doves and another aircraft dropped thousands of red rosebuds that filled the area. The roses and the doves made an amazing mix – a stunning sight that was more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen.
“Wow, Mazen! This is beautiful.” I was stunned. “But I don’t understand why they are saying congratulations.”
“It’s to congratulate you, Your Majesty,” he said, and I turned my head to look at him.
“What for?” I asked. Mazen’s eyes were even more delighted than before.
“We looked at the test too soon, Marie. The instructions said three to five minutes. After you went into the bathroom, I took a look at it again and found two crossed lines – it’s positive, princess. Positive!” Mazen shouted excitedly.
“What? Mazen, what are you saying?” I was beyond shocked. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was it even possible? Was I dreaming? Probably dreaming …
Mazen laughed. “You’re pregnant, Marie. We’re having a baby!”
“Pregnant?” I choked out. “Mazen, you can’t joke about this!”
Mazen cupped my face, wiping my tears away with his thumbs as tears glistened in his eyes. “I swear to God I’m telling the truth, princess.”
“Oh, my God!” I gushed loudly. “Oh, my God!”
“I know, beautiful. I know.” He kissed my lips lightly.
“I’m pregnant!” I sounded hysterical, but I had to hear myself saying it aloud – maybe then I would be able to believe it. “We’re going to have a baby!”
The whole universe couldn’t fit the amount of happiness I was feeling at that beautiful moment. It was so hard to believe that something I’d longed for since forever was finally happening. I couldn’t believe that I was having a baby with the man I loved more than life and love itself.
The doves flew through the air, and rosebuds were all over the place. Red hearts were filling the sky, and cheers could be heard from the soldiers down there.
It was a perfect moment. Beyond perfect. I had so much love for the baby inside me already. So much love to the point that nothing could have prepared me for the time when I realized that danger was surrounding this baby from every direction.