Situations like this that put me on edge. Not about my safety, I was perfectly protected, perfectly safe. At least, I thought so. What scared me the most was the possibility I’d revert to my old self – the Marie who was constantly paranoid.
I didn’t want to be that person, not anymore. Never would.
To return to my old habits would jeopardize everything I had, everything that I loved dearly. It would diminish my position as Queen ― a position that I’d grown to love more each day because it had filled my need and passion for helping others.
Most importantly, it would jeopardize my life with Mazen among our people, simply because I would be fearful of everyone, even the closest relatives, and friends.
The pre-Mazen me had no place in my life now. I was better off without her, always would be.
But, when you have those niggling feelings of being watched, of someone trying to get to you, or when your confidential and personal possessions are disturbed, you can’t help but be scared, you can’t help the paranoia.
My first pregnancy was maliciously terminated, my horses were killed, and now my private drawers had been messed with. Was that enough to make me paranoid? I mean, even Mazen had thought I needed more protection.
Maybe I was right to be paranoid, but was a messed-up drawer of undies a good enough reason to voice my fears to him? Maybe. Maybe not.
At least I could investigate. Who knew? Maybe I was wrong and Sameera had gone through my things despite my strict orders.
Pushing the wing’s intercom button, I called, “Sameera, come here, please.”
The digital screen in her room would show her where I was, yet, she took what felt like a lifetime to reach the closet.
“Your Majesty?” she called.
“In here,” I replied, and she came right the next moment. It only took a second for me to be absolutely positive that I had been right all along. She hadn’t done it.
The first thing Sameera noticed was the open drawer. “Is that laundry? Do you need me to do it now? But you told me that I could go to bed!”
The ignorance as to why I was bringing her here and the fact that she thought what was in the drawers was laundry confirmed to me that it was the first time she’d seen those things. I hoped it was her, and now I was even more terrified.
After a long pause, I replied, “No, it’s not. You can go back to sleep.” I said, to which she responded by fleeing the closet without another word.
I shook my head. I was confounded, and I had no idea what to do.
My private drawers bore a unique lock. It was a design of a rose that you had to move in a specific way to get it unlocked. It wasn’t impossible to learn it, but it was challenging. I’d actually had a bit of a hard time getting used to it. That alone made me think it was unlikely a servant had opened it; it must’ve been someone who knew exactly what they were doing.
Only a few people had access to my whole wing: maids, female royal guards, and … royals.
My thoughts turned to my mother-in-law. But, the more I thought about it, I couldn’t find a good reason why she’d go through my things. What could she possibly need to find … or know?
Queen Mother Shams appeared to be genuinely happy about my pregnancy and cared a lot about Adam. I couldn’t imagine her trying to do me harm. At least, not as long as I was pregnant with her grandson.
I couldn’t imagine a person who helped me so much wish me trouble. It was just not credible.
It was one of the longest nights I’d ever spent. It didn’t help that Mazen called to apologize for being unable to come back home until the next day; an urgent meeting had suddenly come up, and he had to fly out to where it was.
Overthinking was making me nauseous, and it was exhausting. I actually fell asleep that night only to wake up to a nightmare where my mother-in-law stood by my bedside and watched me sleep with eyes filled with hate. It was so real that I doubted I was dreaming at all. But it was foolish of me to think that someone could hide inside our wing without our knowledge.
I was horribly mistaken.
The following day was awful. Well, at least for me. Thanks to my anxiety, I was unduly short-tempered with everyone.
I snapped at one of the palace managers for not getting something right at the speed of light and immediately regretted it. But, then I snapped again at another person just three minutes later. I absolutely hated it.
It wasn’t the lack of sleep that was driving me insane, it was the non-stop worrying that had me see shadows. Keeping my suspicions to myself was just too much.
The morning hours slowly crept by until noon; I was actually starting to think the clocks were broken.
When I’d finished a decent amount of work, I decided it might be best if I took a break. The second my back hit the leather sofa in my home office, I checked my phone for any communication from Mazen. Finding none, I was disappointed and hoped that he was too busy to not text or call, and nothing else.
I sent him an affectionate message anyway, asking him to call me whenever he could.
Relaxing on the sofa, I rubbed my stomach. The soothing circles that I was doing for my baby’s sake were actually soothing me. I found myself smiling slightly as I imagined what it would feel like to have him in my arms and cuddle him. Surely, it would be the best thing ever.
My thoughts about Adam were magically spiriting my worry away. I couldn’t wait to finally meet him.
Not a minute later, my phone went off, making me jump. I hoped it was Mazen finally calling to tell me that he was doing well and that he loved me, too. But it was Rosanna’s name which flashed on my screen.
“Hey, stranger!” I answered. I hadn’t seen her since the day before yesterday. She’d even sent some reports that she’d been working on to one of my private secretaries.
It was unlike her not to hand me the reports personally, but she needed her rest. In fact, I’d have preferred if she minimized her obligations until she was through with at least the first trimester of her pregnancy, but Rosanna was serious about her duties and executed them thoroughly. She’d told me more than one time that she knew what she could and could not do when I merely hinted about taking it easy.
“Hey you,” her voice was a bit lower than usual. I knew immediately that something was off. “What’s up?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” I replied, hearing her sigh.
“There’s something I need to vent to you about. Are you on a break?”
“I am. Would you like to come over?” I asked, then I thought maybe taking the short walk to her wing would benefit me, so before she replied, I asked another question. “Is Prince Fahd around?” I didn’t know if he had any meetings today.
“Um, no. He’s with His Majesty. You didn’t know?”
I frowned. It was the first time that both of them were at the same meeting without being scheduled. Normally, even if a meeting was urgent, only one of them went.
What the heck was going on?
“No, I didn’t. What is that meeting all about?”
“No clue,” she said, and then she went quiet for a long moment.
I cut the silence with, “So … okay, then. I’m coming over. Is that okay?”
“Silly.” I heard the soft giggle on her lips. “Hurry up, I miss you.”
Opening the secret door to her living room, I spotted Rosanna right away, waiting for me by the door. She greeted me with a hug, and I offered her a small smile. That was the best I could manage with how stressed I was feeling and everything that was running through my mind.
“Uh-oh!” she voiced. “I think you’re the one who needs to tell me stuff.”
I blew out a long breath. “I don’t even want to talk about it. I’m too overwhelmed to put what I feel into words,” I said, shaking my head.
“That bad?”
“I don’t know, Rosanna. I really don’t.”
“Come, sit down,” she said. “I bet you’re just not feeling well because you’ve missed me so much,” she joked.
“Oh, Your Humble Highness!” I said, sitting down on an armchair. “This might be the real reason behind my worries.”
“I know exactly what will make you feel better,” she said, and then went towards the back of the huge room. I sank back comfortably on the chair and rested my head, closing my eyes for a second in an attempt to reach some much-needed peace of mind. Although, it seemed like the impossible dream.
“Here.”
When I opened my eyes, Rosanna was holding a big glass of juice. “This will help with your mood.”
My eyes widened. It was the first time someone other than my mother-in-law had offered me a drink in what felt like centuries. “What’s that?” I asked, not taking it from her hand.
“Just drink it, I’ll tell you later.” She had the widest smile on her face.
“I … uh…” I didn’t know what to say. I felt sick to my stomach, and I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was frightened all of a sudden, and a million awful thoughts started haunting me at the sight of the juice.
“Ugh! It’s papaya juice with some additions! I promise you’ll like it.” She shook the glass slightly and brought it even closer to me – and that was my breaking point.
I stood up as if the chair had burned me, almost knocking the glass out of her hand. “Why do you want me to drink it so bad? What’s really in that drink?” I barked, my own voice, my own words shocking me.
Was I really directing those words towards Rosanna? What was wrong with me?
It was like my words froze the princess standing in front of me. She stood stock still, the glass still in her outstretched hand. The only change was in her expression – her mouth opened in shock, her eyes bewildered.
My rapid breathing was the only thing audible for a long minute as I looked at my best friend in terror.
It was Rosanna who finally spoke first. Her words seemed to choke her. It was so painful to hear her sound like that; I wished she hadn’t spoken at all.
“It’s papaya juice with oranges, banana, kale, coconut milk, and some peppermint. It’s supposed to soothe the stomach, ease your stress, and calm your nerves. I didn’t want to tell you what’s in it because you’re not too keen on peppermint and you wouldn’t drink it if I said it was in there, but you can’t even taste it in this drink. My mother makes it for me all the time.” She looked wounded, and it hurt my heart to see her like that knowing that I was the cause of her pain.
Another moment passed while we stared into each other’s eyes, and then Rosanna raised the glass to her mouth and drank the juice, not taking a pause until she’d finished all of it, something I’d never seen her do before.
I didn’t know what to say. I felt so low that I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. “Rosanna, I’m— …”
“I’m sorry for overstepping my bounds, Your Majesty. It won’t happen again,” Rosanna said, looking at the floor. I caught the sight of something sparkling over her cheeks.
I made her cry.
The fact that she used my title when we were completely alone pulled at my heart even more. It was terrifying to think that she might be silently hinting that we weren’t best friends anymore.
It hurt me more than I could explain.
“What do you mean, ‘he’s not reachable’?” I asked in frustration, trying my best not to scream like a mad woman.
“His secretary couldn’t put His Majesty on the phone, Your Majesty. He said he’s extremely busy right now,” Manar replied.
“Too busy to even tell his wife that he’s fine?”
“His Majesty told his secretary to inform you that he is well and is going to call you as soon as possible,” she said. “I believe they are handling a very sensitive situation, Your Majesty.”
I groaned in frustration; this day kept getting worse and worse. I was losing my mind.
Although I couldn’t think of any frivolous reason that would prevent Mazen from calling, I hoped with all of my heart that it wasn’t something too serious.
I was worried to the point that I was ready and determined to fly to wherever he was if he didn’t call me in the next two hours – that was how long I could wait before going completely insane.
“All right. I need some rest, no more meetings for the day. Everyone is dismissed,” I said.
“Uh, Your Majesty?” Manar called hesitantly once everyone else was out of the office.
“What is it?”
“There is someone who really needs to meet with you. I wasn’t going to let her in, but the guards already allowed her into their guardroom an–”
“Who is it?” I interrupted.
“Donia. Your Majesty’s former maid.”
“Donia?” I repeated in disbelief. The name sounded like a stranger’s on my tongue. And yet, I had called that name more times than I could count on a daily basis for almost two years.
“Yes, Your Majesty. I wasn’t going to let her in, but she actually looks very miserable.”
I swallowed thickly, the currently ever-present frown on my face, and my heart started racing.
Oh, Donia! What have they done to you? I wondered.