I’d made many mistakes through my life, some that I regretted, some that broke me, and some I was happy I’d made – because the lessons I’d learned from them benefited me.
Sometimes, I’d made mistakes by attempting to be kind to someone.
That day, I made one of those mistakes.
When my mother-in-law said she wanted to make a request, I didn’t overthink it. I sat up and faced her.
“What can I do for you?”
Queen Mother Shams’ lips formed something that I couldn’t call a smile, but more like a sneer. It made me feel even more uncomfortable.
What’s going on?
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” she said in Arabic, still whispering. “You see, I haven’t seen the outside of the palace in over two years now.”
The area between my eyebrows shrunk as a frown was born there. Why was she telling me something that I already knew? And why was she bringing it up now?
With two nods, I motioned for her my understanding, and to go on.
“I want to beg your kindness to take me outside,” she said, her eyes pleading and her tone hopeful. “Just once.”
The first thought that came to my mind, why me? But then again, I wondered why she didn’t just roam around the palace the way I had seen her doing on the night of the execution. I wondered if I might have misunderstood her. “You mean – allow you out?”
I was confused. Maybe she was just asking me for my permission since only Mazen and I could give it to her? She still had a year left of the sentence which her husband had imposed her because of what she’d done to his mother. But why wasn’t she asking Mazen? I couldn’t understand that.
“Of course, Your Majesty. Just one hour, maybe less. I want to see the outside of the palace.”
“I’m not sure, Your Royal Highness,” I replied honestly. “I don’t know how Mazen would feel about that.”
“Mazen wouldn’t mind, trust me. I would’ve asked him, but he would be afraid to upset you by agreeing to my request. So, I thought – I should ask you directly.”
“I don’t know …”
“Please? It would mean so much to me.” Her hopeful, pleading eyes glistened with tears, which began falling onto her cheeks.
The sight shocked me. I couldn’t stand the idea of someone as powerful as my mother-in-law cry as she begged me for my permission to give her an hour of freedom, something that she’d desired for two years now.
I remembered all the hours and days she’d spent on her feet as she prepared food to make sure that I wasn’t going to get sick or poisoned. She really didn’t have to, but she’d accepted our request in a blink of an eye.
I couldn’t see any reason to deny her small request. It was really nothing, considering everything she’d done for my unborn child and me.
“Well, I can’t see any harm in you spending an hour outside,” I smiled. “You may go wherever you’d like, Your Royal Highness.”
Her grin was huge. “Oh, thank you. Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome; it’s the least I can do.”
“Will we go right now? Or do you need to change?”
Her question was startling. “We?”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” she said. “I don’t wish to be alone, and I think you could benefit from a walk.”
My doctor hadn’t said anything about walking, but I didn’t think too much of it. My mother-in-law was always right about what was healthy for me.
“Um … okay,” I said, and her smile brightened.
“We should use the secret tunnels. That way no one will see that I might be breaking any rules.”
“Right,” I said, getting up. “Where do you want to go?”
Her eyes tightened a bit. “I don’t know. Anywhere out of the palace would be great. What do you suggest?”
“Ah, I’m not sure. There are many options. Would you like to go to the outside gardens? The Great Mosque’s area? No, that’s too far for me,” I chuckled nervously, then I went on, “The stable? The hi–”
“The stable sounds perfect,” she suddenly interrupted.
“Really?” I asked, to which she nodded. “All right,” I said, glad to see the delight in her eyes.
My steps were somewhat slow, yet she was walking behind me as we passed through the living room, and then the hallway which led to the elevator. I pressed a few buttons, and it started to take us down.
“So,” I began, trying to start a conversation since the way to the stable was long, “do you have any plans for things to do when we get to the stable?”
“Huh? Oh! Um, … no, not really. I’ll be happy to just walk a bit in the gardens there.”
I couldn’t understand – if she wanted a walk in the garden, why hadn’t she chosen the wider ones? She could’ve worn something less fancy if she didn’t want anyone to recognize her.
I didn’t say anything. I just smiled and nodded, the ride in the elevator was already making me sick. Unlike the elevators we had inside the palace, these weren’t as new or as improved – we didn’t use them as much, anyway.
Once the elevator jolted to a stop, it opened to the wrong tunnel. I realized I’d pressed the wrong number. I was used to going there straight from the hall in my bedroom, but this time I’d used a different elevator and hadn’t used the correct passcode since the passcodes change by the number of doors used to reach the elevator.
“Oh, I made a mistake!” I said. “Sorry about that.”
My mother-in-law offered me a tight smile, but didn’t say anything.
“How many hidden doors did we use?” I thought to myself with a loud voice. “Oh, three, I believe,” I said. “Then, we should’ve started the passcode with three.”
Before I pushed the right buttons, a thought flashed in my head. This was the first time I’d made a mistake about which button to press, but at the last minute, I remembered what Mazen had taught me to do in that case. I needed to go back up first and start the whole process over. Otherwise, there was no way it would allow me to go to another place. We had to return to the first destination: my living room.
I had remembered that at the last minute, but, I had the excuse of feeling sick and dizzy. What was Queen Mother Shams’? She hadn’t told me that I was mistaken at first, or even tried to remind me now.
It was then that I knew something was definitely wrong. My mother-in-law knew those hallways and tunnels much better than I did. Heck, she was the one to teach Mazen, and he’d taught me. She surely knew the system even better than the two of us. She’d used the tunnels for years and years before us. Why hadn’t she pointed out my mistake?
I gulped, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. Something was horribly wrong, and my heart was shaking with fear.
On the outside, I stayed composed. “Maybe you should put the codes in, I’m not feeling well,” I said, putting a hand on my forehead.
She laughed nervously, but her laugh was enough to make me break out in cold sweat – that wasn’t Queen Mother Shams’ laugh.
“No, you’re fine. You do it.”
My hand hovered over the button that would send the elevator back to the wing. I felt danger surrounding me from every direction.
“Maybe I should go back to my room and lie down. I really don’t feel well.”
“No, you don’t!” she shouted in English, her eyes flared in warning. Her accent didn’t sound the same, her voice wasn’t that of Queen Mother Shams.
“You’re not my mother-in-law.” I stated, my shaking voice revealing all of my fear.
As I said those words, I pressed the button quickly and screamed when I saw the woman take a needle out that was hidden in the layers of her clothes. Before I could even react, she injected it into my arm.
I felt as if the whole place was shaking around me. My body was suddenly heavy, so heavy to the point where my legs couldn’t hold me up. My eyelids drifted close, as I slowly dropped, my back sliding down the side of the elevator, and ended on my side on the floor, my whole world turning black.
I felt like I was swimming in space, and had finally found my way to Earth.
To my home.
To my bed.
To my Mazen.
I smelled his scent before I was even able to open my eyes. When I finally did get them opened, everything was blurry and confusing.
“Marie,” Mazen sounded desperate and troubled. He panted my name as if he couldn’t believe he was seeing me awake.
My mouth was so dry, and my throat hurt as if someone had shoved something in it. My head was heavy, and the back of it was quite painful.
“How long have I been asleep?” I asked, my throat hurting.
“Long enough to drive me crazy with worry, princess.”
“What happened?” My vision was getting a bit clearer, and I could see the fancy ceiling of my bedroom.
“You don’t remember?” Mazen asked, and I turned to look at him. He was sitting on the bed beside me in his formal clothes. His eyes were worried, and he looked miserable.
“Remember what?”
My frown deepened; what was he talking about?
“I believe she’s just confused, Your Majesty. Her memory will come back, but it may take some time. The wound is deep,” a voice that I couldn’t recognize said. When I looked in his direction, it was someone I’d never seen before.
“What wound? Who are you?”
“Shhh,” Mazen soothed, his hand rubbing my arm slowly. “He’s your neurologist, princess.”
“Why do I need a neurologist?”
“It’s okay. Just relax, I’ll tell you everything.”
“Is my baby okay?” I asked, horrified, my hand automatically going to my stomach, making sure that everything was still the same. I noticed that a pulse oximeter was connected to my finger, which explained the constant beeping that I was hearing.
“He is fine, princess. Everything is okay. Alhamdulilah,” Mazen said. “We think you passed out while standing alone, and you hit the back of your head on the nightstand. And since you can’t remember, I’m not really sure if that was the case.”
“Oh!” was all I said. At least, it explained the sharp pain I was feeling in the back of my head.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to remember anything, but I couldn’t. I was even confused about many things, like whether the colors on the wall had changed, or if I had different curtains before, but it was petty stuff.
“My Queen,” the doctor said, “can you tell me the year?”
“2017…?”
“And your birthday?”
“May the 13th.”
“And that of His Majesty?”
“The 11th of November.”
“Can you count backward for me from ten?”
I did so. Nothing seemed wrong. I just couldn’t remember how I’d struck my head.
“You don’t remember anything at all about how you hit your head?” Mazen asked.
“The last thing I remember was you leaving for Dubai.”
Mazen shook his head. “That was yesterday morning,”
What?
“We’ll do some tests, Your Majesty. I’m very sure it’s all due to the bump in the head. Everything will come back eventually,” Doctor – wait, had they told me his name? – the neurologist said.
“How long?” Mazen asked in concern.
“Minutes, hours, weeks. It depends on how fast Her Majesty’s mind wishes to remember.”
Mazen looked down, seemingly deep in thought. I reached to touch his hand, trying to comfort him. I hated to see him looking this miserable.
“I’m okay,” I whispered.
“Alhamdulillah,” Mazen said in a low voice, then he moved closer to kiss my forehead.
“She’ll be fine, Your Majesty. She was born a fighter,” a familiar voice said. I turned my head to see the face that voice belonged to. My heart swelled when I saw those smiling eyes that I’d missed so much.
“Rosanna!” I said as excitedly as I could with my hoarse voice. “How long have you been here?”
“Her Highness has barely left your side, princess,” Mazen said with a soft smile, and my eyes welled up with tears.
“I’m so glad to see you awake, Your Majesty.”
My smile was full of sorrow. I motioned for her to come closer. When she did, I pulled her in for a one-armed hug.
“I miss you, sister,” I said, meaning every word.
“I miss you, too,” she said quietly, then pulled back slightly. “We’ll talk later. You need to rest.”
I nodded, wishing I could see her face. I missed her smile the most. It had been over five weeks since we’d spent time together.
A few hours passed, and I was the same. The pregnancy-safe painkillers were dulling the pain and lessening the banging in my head, but I still couldn’t remember anything.
My trip to the bathroom was slow and tiring, and if it weren’t for Doctor Maya’s order that I needed that walk – I would’ve held in my pee until next month. My body felt so heavy.
Doctor Maya’s reminder to walk at least once to the bathroom made me a bit confused. “Have you told me before that I should be walking?”
“Probably. I’m not really sure. Why?”
I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”
I’d forgotten the events that led to the wound on my head, but I had not forgotten the feeling. Fear ― terror even ―was lodged in my chest. I felt like I was on the brink of danger, but there didn’t seem to be any cause for my unease.
Doctor Sabber – the neurologist – suggested that I not stress out about remembering the fall. He said that their theory about what had happened was probably the correct scenario since I was found right by the nightstand, and my wound was shaped like the edge of it.
He thought I was trying to remember what had happened. He didn’t know that I was only trying to identify why I was feeling terrified and alarmed.
When the second bag of IV was finished, Mazen told me that his mother would be here with some food soon. They were waiting until I felt better and swallowing wasn’t as bad as before. The minor injury to my windpipe caused by the oxygen tube that they’d used yesterday was no longer hurting as it did when I first woke up.
The mention of his mother gave me intense and weird feelings. I had a strong sense that there was something I needed to tell her. There was a warning that I wanted to give her. It was as if I wanted to ask her to protect herself.
But the moment I saw her, I was shocked by the mixed emotions that ran through me. I felt as if I needed to run from her. I didn’t want to see her face, I felt like … screaming.
I couldn’t understand what was happening. I remained quiet while she was in the room. I knew that if I tried to speak, I might lose control and start yelling crazy stuff like asking her to leave. Unkindly.
What was wrong with me?
Fortunately, she didn’t stay long, especially after Mazen said he would be feeding me himself. She simply stated how sorry she was and wished me a speedy recovery. The sincere look in her eyes pissed me off for some reason.
What brightened my night was the visit from my niece. Little Marie had the ability to make the whole room shine with cheerfulness just with one smile.
“We were so worried about you, Your Majesty,” Janna said. “You scared us!”
“Aw! You’re so sweet,” I said. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
I turned my attention back to Marie, who was sitting on Mazen’s lap. I hated that I was too weak to carry her, but I was glad I could see her at all.
“Uh, Yoseph has been very worried, too, Your Majesty,” Janna said. My smile dropped immediately. When I didn’t reply she went on, “He came all the way from New York when he heard you were sick, and – uh, he’s wondering if he could see you.”
“Sorry?” I asked in disbelief.
“He asks if you’d allow him to make a short visit.”