How strange was it that the thought of Janna dating again made me feel awful? How selfish was I?
Maybe I was shocked. But I also knew that I was confused. Confused about her dating, and I didn’t know how to feel about it.
It wasn’t my business, but I found myself wondering who was she dating. How had it even happened, and when? Did anyone know about it? Did Mazen? If so, why hadn’t he told me? A million questions and I wanted all the answers!
Marie. My niece. What would happen to her? What if things worked out between Janna and the man she was dating? Would she take her away? I knew Janna was her mother, and she had every right to take her wherever she wanted. But … it would be beyond devastating for me.
For the first time in ages, I thought about Joseph. The last I knew, he still loved Janna dearly. How would he feel about that? This news might break his heart for good.
Everything aside, Janna was still married to my brother. Messed up or not, she should at least get a divorce before she even considered dating again.
I choked at the thought of them getting a divorce. My reaction was puzzling to me. It was hard for me to admit, but it seemed I still cared about my big brother, in spite of everything.
After getting ready for bed, I promised myself that I would not spare the issue any more thought. I shouldn’t. It wasn’t my business.
But as I laid in my bed, I found it so hard to fall asleep. What if I were unable to see my niece for long periods of time? A week was my limit, and that was actually too long for me. I couldn’t imagine a life with her far away.
Mazen returned home a half hour before midnight, and I had yet to get any kind of sleep.
A smile was born on my lips the second I saw how careful he was not to disturb me while entering the room, and then tiptoeing to the bathroom, probably thinking that I was asleep.
I heard him shower, and when he came near the bed with damp hair, wearing only his boxers, I was still up.
“Oh, hey, princess! I didn’t know you were awake,” he said, bending down to kiss me on the lips.
“Hey…” I smiled.
“Did I disturb you?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“How’s our little prince?” He smiled as he put his hand on my stomach and rubbed it tenderly.
“He has the hiccups.”
He paused for a second, then spoke with a tired grin on his face “Ah! I can feel it.”
“I’ve missed you today,” I admitted. I wanted to share a hundred things with him, but his closeness was all I needed.
Mazen kissed me again on my lips, even more passionately this time. His kiss made all of my troubled thoughts go away, leaving space for only comfort and peace.
“You’re always on my mind, Marie. Always,” he whispered once he broke our kiss. He made himself comfortable on our bed and took me in his arms.
His skin was cool, and his breaths were warm. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before sighing, taking in his sweet scent.
My cure. My safety. My Mazen.
“How was your day, angel?” I asked against his chest.
“Exhausting,” he replied. “How was yours?”
“It was quite good, actually.” I smiled lightly with my eyes closed, remembering Rosanna’s big news and my time with my niece. “I spent some time with Little Marie.”
“Yeah?” I could hear the smile in his voice, and I only nodded. “Lucky you.”
“Janna wasn’t there,” I blurted out, apparently still not over the fact that she had gone on a date.
“I know,” Mazen said, and my eyes snapped open.
Backing away a little to be able to see his face, I asked, “You know?”
“Yes.”
“Okay …?” He couldn’t just say that and not give me more information.
“What? Are you upset or something?”
“No!” I said, and Mazen gave me a questioning look. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’m just … I keep thinking about my niece. I can’t stand the idea of her being raised by a stranger. And, I do know it’s not my business,” I said the last words in frustration.
“A stranger? What are you even talking about?” Mazen looked at me as if I had grown two heads.
“Ugh! You don’t know why Janna was away? Because she was on a date!”
“I know. A date with Yoseph. Your point is…?”
“I can’t believe you’re all okay with this. She’s still married to–” I paused. “Wait, did you just say Yoseph?”
“Well, yes!”
“My brother? Joseph?” My mouth was agape.
“That’s the one.”
“Oh, my God!” I gushed, sitting up. “Really?”
Mazen chuckled. “I swear.”
“Oh, God! This changes everything!” Suddenly, I was smiling. No, actually, I was grinning. All of the stressing out about my niece and her future was gone, and I could only feel delighted at the thought of my brother and my sister-in-law dating again.
“Are they trying to work things out?” I asked, still smiling, still disbelieving.
“They’re trying,” Mazen smiled, rubbing my knee sweetly. “Are you happy?”
“Are you kidding? Of course, I am!”
“You have such a good heart, my princess,” Mazen said sweetly before taking my hand and kissing the inside of it.
I could only smile, feeling relaxed and relieved. “I want the best for my niece, and for Janna. I know that Joseph loves them and will take care of them.”
Mazen sat up beside me, then touched my face. “Have you forgiven him?”
I looked him in the eyes. Mine were sad and his were almost begging me to say that I did. But I didn’t, so I only shook my head in response.
“I know he hurt you very badly, but I also know that you have a big heart. You’re very strong; someday you might actually be able to forgive him,” Mazen said in a low voice.
My vision blurred as my eyes filled with tears, remembering things that I didn’t want to remember, and feeling an unwelcome spark of wanting to forgive my brother.
“You’ve already forgiven my mother, and she’s not your flesh and blood. Yoseph is. I’m sure you can find it in your kind soul to forgive him. He would do anything to earn your forgiveness. He told me this himself, and he meant it,” Mazen said, his thumbs wiping my tears away as he cupped my face with his hands.
“I don’t think I’m strong enough to do that,” I told him in a whispering voice. “I don’t think I ever will be, Mazen.”
Two days later, my mother-in-law brought me something special with my breakfast: a large jewelry box.
“Oh, you really didn’t have to, you’ve already given me so much.”
“Well, I’m afraid it’s not for you. It’s for His Highness – Crown Prince Adam Alfaidy,” she smiled, her words resonating with pride and love. She really liked saying his full name with all of his titles, and it made me giggle every time.
“I wonder what it is,” I said, not able to guess what could be inside a jewelry box for a boy. After all, royal men in this country didn’t wear crowns.
“Just open it, my child.”
Doing as she said, I couldn’t hold the gasp that left my mouth the second I saw what was inside.
“Oh, my God!” I gushed. “This is so beautiful.”
The Queen Mother smiled widely. “I can’t wait to see him wearing it. I think it might be suitable for the day His Highness is introduced to the Kingdom.”
“Me too,” I said. “Thank you so much, Ada– … His Highness will love it.” Looking at the beautiful baby’s cotton suit, it contained a tiny white half-sleeved shirt and blue shorts, with a blue beanie and white shoes. Everything was so tiny, and it made me want him right here right now; I was pining for him so much.
How could you miss someone that you’d never met? Apparently, that only happens with pregnant women.
The beauty of the gift wasn’t just how well made it was, or even the soft fabric or how tiny it was. The diamonds decorating the outfit bespoke the standing of the baby wearing it.
The shirt had a diamond-shaped crown on the left side, mirrored on the right side of the beanie, the bottom of the shorts, and the front of the shoes. It was the first time I’d seen something like it. Even though it had countless diamond stones on it, it really was suitable for a boy, and I absolutely loved it.
“Thank you, Your Royal Highness!”
“You’re welcome, dear. I’m glad you like it. May God bless your pregnancy and ease all your troubles.”
I smiled at her kind words, but before I could say anything, my phone went off. It was Janna.
“Um, I have to take this,” I told her. She nodded with a smile, telling me that she would go finish making some snacks for the day in the kitchen, and then left the sunroom where I was having my breakfast.
“Hello?”
“Oh, good morning, Your Majesty,” Janna said with glee that I could feel all the way from her end.
“Good morning to you, Your Highness,” I replied, smiling at the cheerfulness in her voice. “You woke up early today, huh?”
“I barely had any sleep.”
“Was Little Marie mean to you?”
“No, she’s been great. It’s actually because I’ve been thinking about how much I need to talk to you and … uh, what to actually tell you.”
“Well, I hope it’s not something serious,” I said.
“Uh, I’m not even sure. Can we meet today? I could arrange it with one of yo–”
“That won’t be necessary. You can come to me whenever you feel like it, you already know that, Janna. No need for appointments.”
“Thank you, Marie. When should I come then? When are you free?”
“In an hour? I don’t go to the main office downstairs as often, so you’ll find me in my wing. I have only one meeting today, and it’s in the evening.”
“All right. I’ll be there,” she said. I could feel how nervous she was all of a sudden.
I wasn’t doing very well, either. I had known from the moment she called exactly what she needed to talk about, and I didn’t even know what talking about that would do to me.
Janna was different – her spirit was brighter, her smiles were constant, and her reddened cheeks told of the shyness she felt as she sat in front of me in my living room.
But given that she kept fidgeting with her fingers, and then toying with the fabric of her dress, I knew that blush wasn’t because she was suddenly shy, she was blushing because she was embarrassed.
“How is my nephew treating you?” Janna asked. It was the third question about Adam, and it was pretty apparent that she was still trying to find the courage to say what she wanted to tell me.
“Sometimes I wonder if he’s taking karate lessons in there,” I joked, to which she laughed.
“He kicks that hard?”
“He does.”
“Wait until you’re in your last eight weeks,” she sing-sang.
“Thank you for telling me something to look forward to,” I said with a straight face, and it made her giggle.
Shaking my head, I decided to help her. “So, how was your date?” I kept my smile on.
Janna’s eyes widened slightly for a second. She then looked down and bit her lip, toying once again with her clothes.
“Uh, it was, um, okay.”
“That’s good to hear,” I said, and after a pause, “Is there anything you wish to share, Janna?”
She looked up, embarrassed, and she just nodded.
“You can tell me, sweetie. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“We are. Of course, we are,” she said, then gnawed on her lip again. “It’s just– I don’t know how to start.”
“It’s okay, I’m listening.”
“Th-the date I had with Yoseph, it was the first since we … uh, … well, you know.”
“Oh.”
“Well, it could be our very first official date since the day we met. Our meetings were …uh, always in hiding, I couldn’t call it a real date. I think.” Janna was still not able to keep eye contact with me, but when she did – I gave her a tight smile. How sad that her relationship with her husband was that way.
“How did it go?” I asked her in a quiet voice.
“I won’t lie to you. It was magical,” she smiled. “It was better than I had expected. Much better. We haven’t sat in the same room together for a long time. Until recently, it was just phone calls that contained lots of begging on his side and lots of mean words on my side. They always ended with me hanging up on him.”
I nodded to show her that I was listening.
“Mazen has been talking to me non-stop about hearing Yoseph out, about giving him a chance,” she said. “He told me it would make our father happy. And, uh, I think you know how Mazen can be convincing.” She smiled lightly, her eyes still shy.
“I think I have an idea,” I smiled back.
“So, I went on, and … I don’t even know, Marie. I’m exhausted, this whole thing is very exhausting to me.”
“I understand that. It’s a given. So much going on, so much to consider.”
She nodded, and after another moment of complete silence, she spoke again. “It was like I was seeing him for the first time. I saw why I fell in love with him. He’s caring and loving; he loves me. But it’s hard to consider getting back with him after what he did.”
“That was ages ago, Janna. You love him. It’s not impossible for you to forgive him.”
Janna’s eyes sparkled with tears. “I do love him, and for the past two years, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I would be better off without him. I thought of every bad thing about him to help my broken heart forget him, but …” she shook her head and stopped talking.
“But what?”
“When we spoke, it seemed like nothing had ever happened. I got lost in the love I had for him. I made sure not to show him how much he meant to me, but there was something I felt … like, I might be able to take him back.”
I smiled. “That’s wonderful, honey. You need to follow your heart.”
Janna shook her head. “I can’t. I don’t think I ever will.”
“What? Why not?” I asked with a frown on my face.
“I can’t build my happiness on your misery. I would never forgive myself.”
“Misery?” My eyebrows shot up near my hairline. “What are you talking about?”
“Uh, you know what I mean, Marie. Your marriage. Everything.”
“Silly Janna!” I said, moving on the couch to get closer to where she was sitting on the armchair placed next to it. “You really think I’m miserable?”
Janna didn’t reply, only continued to look down and bite her bottom lip.
“C’mon, Janna, look at me! I’m married to the most wonderful human being in the world. The most loving, the noblest, and the best of the best,” I told her. “I love him more than I love myself. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He’s always been so good to me, he’s never been mean to me, not once. I don’t know what my life would be like without him. So, what’s your point exactly?”
Janna watched me carefully. “But … you were forced.”
“It doesn’t matter, Janna,” I said. “It really doesn’t. I’m with Mazen now, by choice. There are many things about us that only he and I know. I promise you, I love being with Mazen. No part of our marriage feels, or is, forced.”
“You don’t know how much hearing you say that means to me, Marie. It means everything,” she said with a small smile, wiping her tears away. “But – what Yoseph did to you … I can’t accept the fact that he could be that cruel.”
“I get your point, but he did it for you. He wanted to save your life, and he couldn’t think of any other option.” I couldn’t believe I was making excuses for my brother. “He made a mistake, we all do. And he’s been punished enough. He couldn’t be with the girl he loves for almost two years now. His firstborn, his only child, he’s only spent time with her a handful of times. Don't you think that’s enough punishment? Don’t you think he’s already paid for his sins? For his mistake?”
My chest was swelling as I spoke, and I didn’t know that I was crying until I could feel the tears as they dripped over my chest, followed by new ones just seconds later.
I couldn’t understand where all of that had come from. Why wasn’t I considering those very same things myself? My brother had been punished enough. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t forgive him. Yet. It all made my heart ache.
“I, uh, I think he has … but...”
“There are no ‘buts’, honey. You need to think about it, and do what your heart wants you to do, what you see as best for you and for your daughter. There’s nothing else you should consider. As for me, I might as well thank him for introducing me to the love of my life.”
Janna didn’t say anything, just chuckled through her tears, a reflex of her confusion, and it made my chest swell even more. All of a sudden, Janna got up and hugged me tightly.
“I love you,” she whispered, and at that moment, I felt how small, how vulnerable, and how fragile this girl was.
I hugged her as tightly as I could, whispering that I loved her just as much. The feeling I had when I saw the spark returning to her teary eyes was sweetly indescribable.
That night, the joy in my heart was at its fullest. Janna and Joseph’s issues were on their way to being solved. My niece was getting her father back. And, my best friend was getting a child soon, something that she had craved for years and years, something that we’d all prayed for constantly.
My smile actually started to hurt. After I had dinner, I told Sameera to go to bed because I wouldn’t need anything else from her for the night. I wanted the rest of the night to be all for Mazen and me with no distractions.
Walking into my closet, I went to the area I’d forbidden my servants to touch: a corner at the far end where I kept all of my lingerie. I might have been a queen for quite some time now, but I still wasn’t comfortable with my servants pawing at my most personal stuff. That belonged only to Mazen and me.
No maid had ever touched them, not at all.
I’d never worn the same nightgown twice, so as soon as I was done with one, I told Donia to do whatever she wanted with it. I didn’t know if she gave them away or kept them for herself. I didn’t care.
With Sameera, I didn’t even try. She was a good girl, but she was also slow. If I told her the same thing I’d told Donia, she might end up sending it to international TV and saying that I’d told her to do just that. So, for security reasons, since Donia left, I kept the used garments piled up in a large drawer.
The second I neared the corner where my lingerie was, I knew something was wrong. I had a strong feeling of unease, yet I couldn’t figure out what provoked it.
Once I opened the cabinet, I knew immediately that someone had gone through my things; they weren’t in the same order that I had put them in. I was pretty sure that it wasn’t Sameera.