A new day has come; my vision was blurry, and I felt dizzy. I couldn’t bear hearing one more word from anyone. Everything was annoying me, even hearing myself breathe irritated me.
Squeezing my eyes tight, then reopening them, I tried to focus on the paper sitting on my desk. I’d read what was written at least four times and I still couldn’t understand a thing.
I was exhausted.
A knock on my office door felt as though someone was banging on my head, and the noise the door made as my guard opened it sounded like a monster hooking its fingers in my ears.
It took everything for me not to scream. I didn’t know if I could even bear the sound of my screaming. Ugh!
“His Majesty is here for a visit, Your Majesty,” Mo’taz announced.
“Let him in, please!” I said, holding back the ‘Duh!’ and the eye-roll, that would’ve been very rude.
Mazen came in, and I offered him a small smile. As sick as I was feeling, his handsomeness was something I couldn’t help but notice. He always looked perfect and seeing him brought pure joy.
“Give us some privacy, please,” he said to Manar, who looked at me as if asking whether she could stay. She always wanted to get things done as fast as possible, no matter what else was going on. I had imagined her giving me papers to sign and discussing projects with me while I was in labor. I wouldn’t put it past her to do precisely that.
I had few more papers to sign, but I gave her a look that said ‘Are you kidding me?’ that made her collect the documents and leave immediately.
“What a pleasant surprise!” I said, as I got up and met Mazen halfway. We hugged, and he kissed my hair.
“I needed to see you. I’m worried about you,” Mazen said as he brushed his thumbs over my cheeks.
“We have an official meeting at three,” I reminded him.
“I couldn’t wait that long. I told you, I’m worried.”
“I’m fine, angel. It’s just the morning sickness kicking my butt.” I rested my head on his chest and sighed.
“You should’ve stayed in bed today, you’re pushing yourself too hard,” Mazen said, smoothing my hair down.
“I can’t afford a day off; there are so many things I need to take care of.”
“I can never change your mind, can I, stubborn princess?” I could hear the smile in his voice, and it was comforting to me.
“No, Your Majesty,” I told him. “But our meeting is the last on my schedule for today, I promise.”
“We can always delay it.”
“No. I really need to finalize everything today,” I said, then bit my bottom lip. I hadn’t been feeling well for weeks thanks to the hormones having a wild party inside my body, but I knew that today was the worst because I was thoroughly nervous about the whole meeting.
My meeting was with Mazen; the man I was madly in love with, the man whose presence was my safety and peace. I wasn’t supposed to feel this nervous about sitting with him to discuss my ideas, but I really couldn’t help it. After all, it was something that nobody had ever dared to do before, for so many reasons. But, I hoped for the best.
“You still don’t want to tell me what the bill is about?” Mazen asked.
“You’ll know all about it in a few hours.”
“Why not just give me a glimpse so I’ll be ready?”
I sighed. “I’d prefer you to hear all about it from me, personally, and I hope we can finish discussing it in one sitting.”
“You know that’s not possible, princess. Especially if it’s a sensitive law you wish to change or create.”
“I do know that, but I can hope, right?” I chuckled nervously.
“Yes. Yes, you can. Hope is good.” Mazen smiled and placed one last kiss on my forehead before telling me he had to leave. “Promise me you’ll eat something.”
“Ugh!”
“Promise.” he insisted.
“I promise I will try.”
“Good enough. See you soon, princess.”
Minutes after he left, my nausea returned ― maybe worse than this morning. With some pep talk and salty crackers, I was able to pull myself together enough to get through the rest of my duties.
The main meeting was only a few hours away. I knew that no number of salty crackers would make me feel better or ready for it.
I watched Mazen’s face carefully as he read the papers, studying his reaction and every tiny muscle twitch in his features. I hoped I could figure out what he was thinking about the law that I am proposing, but he didn’t show any emotion. Nothing.
“There are two bills, Your Majesty,” Mazen said once he’d finished going through all of the papers, which I’d worked on for the past three months.
“That’s right, Your Majesty. One for a new law, and one to change an already existing one,” I said, attempting to sound as confident as possible. I hated that he was blocking me from knowing what he honestly felt with his poker face.
“Hmm…” was all he said. He leaned back against his armchair and let silence fill the space around us for a few minutes. He was deep in thought.
I understood that, I really did. What I proposed wasn’t something that anyone could readily agree to. I also couldn’t help feeling anxious as I waited for his next words.
“The papers are well-written with all of the details I need – you were very thorough, and I appreciate that. However, I’m afraid the Kingdom is not yet ready for such laws,” Mazen said in a calm voice. My heart sank.
“What? What are you saying, Mazen?”
I was shocked that he would take that position, and draw his conclusion so quickly. I couldn’t control myself as I addressed him by his first name, instead of his royal title, in front of everyone in the room.
Mazen pressed his lips tightly, then looked at the clerk recording the minutes of our meeting. “Stop typing.”
I felt terrible for my slip, but I knew Mazen would understand. I was shocked to hear his quick decision.
“Everyone out. We’ll take a break,” Mazen said in a voice that echoed around the room. Everyone cleared the room, even the royal guards. I guess they caught on that Mazen wanted privacy.
Once we were alone, Mazen turned in his seat to face me – or rather moved closer to me. Disappointment wanted to override my hope, but I kept beating it down. I was sure that whatever objections Mazen had, I could convince him that my plans would work.
“Marie, I understand why you want to create this law. I really do. You had a terrible personal experience with Common Deflowering, and I know you sympathize with the victims. I know you want to stop it, but it won’t work. A law will only create a big mess that the Kingdom cannot afford.” Mazen tried to explain in his calm voice.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What kind of a mess would this law make? I’m doing it to help people. You and I both know it has to be stopped – you called it ‘gang rape’! I don’t understand you, Mazen.”
“Ordering people to start obeying this law, and invoking a punishment for breaking it won’t stop it from happening, Marie. This is something that happens within families. The victim and the one who does it are related in most cases, with the order coming from the father of the victim, or her uncle, or grandfather. How many girls do you think will report their father?”
It was then that I started to see his point of view, but …
“There are a hundred ways we could ensure that it doesn’t happen and is reported if it couldn’t be stopped. We just have to make a start; we have to make the law. At least, we will know that we tried.” I refused to believe that making a law wouldn’t have any effect on the practice. They would have to think twice before going through it, I was positive.
“Marie, I won’t go on and on about how the traditions are difficult to change – you already know that. But, this is not just any tradition we’re talking about. This one affects family honor which is the most sacred thing to Arabs.”
There was a long pause of silence as I mulled over everything Mazen just said. I’d known that convincing him wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but I had no idea that Mazen would actually shoot the bill down altogether. I assumed he would not agree to the penalty aspect of the bill, and I had already prepared my response. But in my wildest dreams, I did not think he would ask me to drop the matter entirely.
There was no way I was giving up, though.
“More sacred than Islam?” I asked.
Mazen was taken aback. There was a slight wrinkle on his forehead as he asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t know, Mazen. You say honor is the most sacred thing for Arabs. I’m just wondering if it’s more sacred than the majority’s religion.”
“Of course, it’s not.”
“Then why won’t the Kingdom follow God’s laws, the ones that say to protect women and not to hurt them? This is something that completely destroys them emotionally, harms them physically, and humiliates them endlessly. Why should it be allowed?”
That was always what I hated most about some of the traditions. The practices were against their religion, yet – they valued the tradition more and practiced them mindlessly without batting an eyelash. It was disgusting.
It was Mazen’s turn to gaze at me for a minute too long without saying anything. He knew I was right.
“Isn’t it in the Quran – your holy book? Wasn’t that what the Prophet Mohammad said in his very last speech? He even pointed out that women should be ‘handled with care like you would handle fine glass’, didn’t he, Mazen?” I insisted, knowing very well that he wouldn’t have anything to say to that.
“He did,” Mazen said. His voice was low, and he seemed thoughtful.
“Then how can we call this country Islamic if its laws don’t conform to what Islam teaches?”
Mazen leaned back against his armchair, his lips pressed into a thin line as he thought about what I’d just said. My hope that it would all work was rising to the sky, and I wasn’t going to let it go quickly.
“The practice is fading as time passes,” Mazen said. “Only Bedouins do it now. I have a strong feeling it’ll stop completely in a matter of years,”
“How many years, Mazen? Ten? Twenty? Thirty? You know very well it could take a century, or even more. Who knows?” I pointed out. “Can you estimate the number of girls who will have to suffer under this practice over those years? Hundreds of thousands. That could be the number of girls we save, Mazen. We just need to take the first step. Please.”
“Marie, you don’t understand. Bedouins represent over thirty percent of the Kingdom’s population. They are a closed community–”
“But they follow the Kingdom’s laws!” I interrupted, which contradicted all of the protocols I’d spent the past year and a half studying, but I was so eager to have his agreement, I couldn’t control myself.
“They do, but that’s not what I want to point out. What I need you to understand is that – if we anger the Bedouins, they could start a war, and I’m not overstating it, they likely would.”
“War?” The word sounded too big to describe some protests, but I found myself remembering what the Queen Mother said. She told me the same thing when I’d asked her. I’d thought she was being dramatic. But now Mazen is saying the same thing – it had to be true.
“Yes, war. A civil war. Bedouins won’t sit back and watch. They won’t make signs and march outside the palace. They’ll display their anger and disagreement violently. We’re talking about their family’s honor here,” Mazen explained. “There will be bloodshed, Marie.”
“Bloodshed?” I had a hard time believing it could really be that bad. “But this law is for the best. This law protects their women.”
“Not their best, not in their opinion,” Mazen insisted. “They won’t see it that way, Marie. Trust me.”
I could see everything Mazen was saying now. I’d known all along it was a huge deal, but bloodshed wasn’t something that I’d considered as a possibility, not in my wildest dreams.
“Mazen,” I breathed out. The whole conversation was draining me, and for a moment, I was completely lost for words.
Mazen grasped my hand and squeezed it. “I know that it means so much to you to help, but we have to look at the problem from every angle, consider all the options, possible consequences, and then decide.” He said in a very soft voice.
“I won’t sit back and allow this to happen while I have the power to stop it,” I said, my voice just above a whisper. I was doing my best to hold back my tears.
“It’s a heavy weight we carry, as King and Queen, my princess,” he told me. “There’s nothing that hurts more than knowing that you can’t save everyone. No matter how hard you try.”
“No! We didn’t even try.”
Mazen took a deep breath. “If I agree to this law, will you take the absolute responsibility for any damage and lives lost that could result? Will you be able to live with the guilt, Your Majesty?”
I swallowed thickly. “I do. I will.” There was no denying that accepting that responsibility was scary. There was no denying how hot my throat burned to agree, but there was no way I give up. “Helping my people and offering them a better life is my responsibility, as well, Your Majesty.”
Mazen nodded. “The bill won’t be finalized today. I have to study the benefits, downsides, repercussions, and the probability of armed conflict should this bill pass. But, your bill will be accepted by the end of this week. You have my word. All I need from you is to gain the agreement of the majority of the royal family on this bill, and that will be it.”
“I can do that, Your Majesty.” My grin couldn’t be contained as Mazen stood and offered me his hand to shake to ‘seal-the-deal’.
When I held my hand out to shake his, he gripped it hard enough to surprise me. He then pulled me towards him and met my lips with his in a steaming-hot kiss that knocked the air out of my chest. His other hand gripped the back of my neck tightly, holding my head in place as he kissed me senseless.
I was panting hard when he backed away, my eyes still showing shock, but he only gave me one of his dazzling one-sided smiles.
“Well done, princess,” he said. “I’m so proud of you.”
My grin was back, and my chest was full of joy and relief – I was proud of myself. I was so happy to see that all my hard work had paid off. I wanted to jump up and down but thought better of it. I doubted my baby would like it.
“Thank you, Your Majesty, but we still have another bill to discuss,” I grinned.
I knew Mazen wanted the support of the family to protect me, even though I’d promised to take responsibility for the new law. I still would, but having the family agree to pass it would shelter me from personal attacks from those who opposed it; the changes wouldn’t appear to be an individual’s decision in others’ eyes.
I understood. It was Mazen’s nature; protecting me was the norm for him, a need like air and food. I loved him for it.
Getting the family to agree wouldn’t be the hardest part – putting the law into practice would be. My only hope was that I wasn’t digging the Kingdom or myself too deep of a hole with my passion for the cause.