I sipped on the iced tea in my hands as I sat on the familiar leather couch. My legs were crossed, and I couldn’t keep my ankle from rolling out of impatience. I looked at the wall clock. 1:15, which meant Josh was fifteen minutes late to the appointment he had insisted we move up due to my recent hospitalization.

Vickie even seemed off. I mean, she still greeted me warmly and had an iced tea and a blueberry muffin waiting for me. I wasn’t sure if it was simply out of kindness or the fact that Dr. Sullivan was late, but it threw me off, nonetheless. Not to mention I was allowed to wait in his office for him with the door closed, unlike before.

Perhaps it was because I was an outpatient, or maybe she knew something I didn’t. Regardless, I was left to my own devices and my patience was wearing thin. I was half tempted to find the controllers in his desk and play a round of Halo without him. I could already hear him scolding me about it, so I figured a good stretch would help ease my mind.

As I got up and smoothed my long, mint skirt, he came barreling into his office, panting like he had run a marathon to get here.

“Fiona, thank God you’re here,” he breathed as he held onto the arm of the couch.

“Of course I’m here. This is my one session with you for like three months,” I quipped, annoyed, yet my feet went to him. “Are you all right? Why are you sweating like a pig?”

He laughed, and the low sound of it melted a bit of the ice surrounding me. “Because I have been in a meeting with my boss all morning and just got to my rounds before you came in,” he replied and straightened to remove his lab coat and revealed a grey tee that showed off his arms and broad chest, perhaps a little too well. I averted my eyes so I wouldn't blush, but he caught me.

“Casual Thursday today.” He grinned, his hands on his hips, clearly impressed with himself.

I rolled my eyes and turned so my back was to him to refocus on why I was here. Why I had actually showed up, reminding myself I was annoyed and restless.

“Well, someone is in a rather good mood for being in a meeting all morning with his boss. I’m assuming congratulations are in order for some promotion?” And hopefully one with a decent raise, I thought to myself. I heard the steps before I felt the masculine arms around me.

“It’s because I have good news to share, and I want you to be the first person to hear it,” he spoke into my ear, and my body automatically shivered in response. I pushed out of his arms and sensed he was confused by my reaction.

“Josh, please…” I whimpered and hoped he would take the hint to keep his distance. I was so fragile around him.

“Fiona, I had hoped my text last night would have sufficed, but I know you need more than mere words. I need you to hear me out, can you do that? I want you to know ahead of time that what I’m about to tell you is I’m not leaving you. It’s quite the opposite…”

I didn’t move but held my breath and the tears, and lifted my head to the ceiling to keep them from falling. “Go on, I’m listening,” I managed to get out, even though my voice quivered.

“Fiona, I…I quit my job at the hospital.”

I spun around, and the breath I held whooshed out. “You what?” My heart dropped into my stomach.

He took a cautious step towards me. “I quit my job today. That’s why I’ve been in a meeting all morning. It took some convincing on my part since my boss doesn’t want to see me go, but I did it. I made the first step to being with you,” he explained shyly, and his grin widened when he ended his little speech.

He waited for me to respond, and I knew he expected me to simply turn around and throw my arms around him. To tell him how wonderful his news was. For him to spin me in the air as we kissed and laughed and cried tears of joys. We could finally be together, without the obstacles of being doctor and patient. Yet my feet remained planted, the severity of the issue only known by me.

“What will you do now?” I asked and attempted to smile a little for his sake but kept my distance. The little one in my belly occupied my thoughts. What would his/her future be if her father quit his job for my sake? I couldn’t put off the unexpected news any longer.

His shoulders slumped a little, but his smile didn’t lessen. “Well, I figured I have a good enough reputation I could start my own private practice away from the hospital. I’ve got a good chunk of change put away and figured the best use of it would be to put it into a startup. Mr. Dean said he would back me and help me along the way. He even said he would put me at the top of the recommendation list for outpatient services when the in-house one was overbooked.”

I didn’t say a word, which egged him on.

“Don’t you see? I did this because I want to be with you without all the secrets and hiding. I want to be able to kiss you anywhere and everywhere.” He sat on the couch and took my hand in his. His eyes shone with hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams I was about to crush with my news. Before I could speak, he continued.

“I guess what I’m trying to say here is that, well, I’m in love with you, Fiona, and I want to start a real relationship with you. One I hope will be in my near future. I’ve always wanted to branch off on my own, and you coming into my life motivated me to do so. Because I love you. There’s my answer. There’s why I asked you to wait. I hope it was worth it,” he said and kissed my knuckles as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

He loved me. He finally said out loud everything I felt. He’d even prepared a speech for me, wrapped up in a bow and ready for me to open it, and I wanted to respond with how much I loved him too. I wanted to open my arms and invite him in, to let him know he wasn’t alone, and I felt the same way. But…

“I can’t.” It slipped out before I even realized it.

“You what?” he asked, his voice barely louder than mine.

“I can’t.” I spoke louder and jerked my hand away. I marched to the other side of the room. I have to. I have to tell him. Before it’s too late.

“Fiona, you can’t what? Be with me?” I heard the heartbreak in his voice before I faced him.

“I can’t do this to you. I have to tell you,” I cried. “Josh, I have some news of my own that I should have told you sooner, I’m…I’m pregnant. With your baby.” My voice was barely above a whisper, but he heard me loud and clear.

His mouth hung open, the grin on his face now gone. He didn’t even have to say anything. I knew from the look on his face.

“Look, I’m sorry for crushing your dreams of being with me and having you own practice and all, but I had to tell you. I-I’m sorry,” I whimpered and turned to leave. He was up before I could turn the knob.

“Fiona, wait. Running away from this won’t solve anything.” His voice was strained, and I couldn’t face him as I became hysterical with emotions and jumbled words.

“I’m so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I wanted to. I tried to, but every time I was close to saying or texting the words, I froze and pushed it away,” I cried to the wall adjacent to the door.

“How long have you known?” he asked quietly.

“For two weeks,” I blubbered. “I started vomiting two weeks after we were together. I thought it was the flu, then Lisa convinced me otherwise and all three tests I took say I’m pregnant. I haven’t had a chance to go to my gyno to confirm because well, because…”

“Of the panic attack. So it did have something to do with me. You were panicking about telling me.” It wasn’t a question but statements threaded together as he said them out loud.

I nodded. “I was so afraid of how you would react. I mean, I’m the reason we’re in this mess in the first place. If I had left you alone, if I had switched doctors, I wouldn’t be crushing your dreams of owning your own practice but I had to tell you before I made the choice whether to keep this baby.”

“Why would you not keep our baby?” The way he said ‘our’ hurt more than it should have.

“Because I am in no mental state to do this on my own. I mean, I just started being able to say my parents died out loud and now…now this?” I cried, and my shoulders shook.

“Who said you had to do this on your own? This baby is as much my responsibility as it is yours. I didn’t stop when I should have either.” I could feel his words spoken against the skin of my neck. His hands hovered around me in hesitation.

“Because if word got out you knocked up a former patient, how would you be able to own a successful practice, huh?” I spat.

Josh spun me around to pin me against the wall. My heart beat rapidly in my ears when I saw the look on his face. He was hurt I had even suggested I would get rid of the baby. I saw the anger fill his blue eyes. He dropped my hands and a whimper escaped my throat.

“Did you not hear me when I said I loved you? For fuck’s sake, Fiona, I’m putting my job on the line for not just you but for me too. For us,” he choked out.

“Then what happens? When you can’t get anyone to sign on with you when they know your past with me. Some floozy twenty-one-year-old who seduced you into her bed by batting her eyes and showing off her legs. I’m a naive girl who got carried away. Don’t sell yourself short because of me. You can do much better than me. You are so much better than me—”

“Take that back,” he growled abruptly, and my words stopped in mid-sentence. I shook my head, sobbing. “I said take it back,” he repeated.

“No, because it’s true—”

My sentence barely escaped my mouth before his pressed upon mine. I gasped into the sudden force that was so eager and taking my breath away. My shield dropped once and for all as I allowed myself to get lost in the kiss. I let go of all the self-doubts and insecurities I had suffered with alone for the past few weeks, and I poured every single one of them into him with my hasty mouth, tongue, and every breath until he understood how much I felt for him.