I was in deep when I played on my instinct to hold her to soothe her cries. I didn’t know how long we embraced, but I couldn’t have cared less about the time. The way she clung to me like a kitten terrified of water was addicting… how she molded easily into my arms, how smooth her hair felt under my continued strokes. She smelled of jasmine and rose petals, a female fragrance unique to her. Eventually, her small sobs turned into slow, rhythmic breaths, indicating she had fallen asleep on me, her tears plastered to the front of my shirt and lab coat.

I didn’t dare move for the longest time and even hesitated to shift under her weight to get to my office phone. For the first time in my entire career, I did something rash and called Vickie, asking her to cancel the rest of my afternoon appointments.

She was as shocked as I was when I made my request. “Are you all right, Dr. Sullivan? Are you going home?” Her voice sounded nervous and unsure.

“No. I’m spending the afternoon in my office. I have a very serious case I’m working on and need to clear my head. Please offer my patients early-morning slots. I’ll be here as early as 6 a.m. if needed,” I explained.

“Of course, Dr. Sullivan. I’ll send the nurses out today with the memo. Let me know if you need anything in there,” she offered, and I could sense the panic in her voice. This was a first for her too.

“I’m all set. As a matter of fact, why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off once you send out the memo? Surely your kids will love it if their mom picked them up from school today, don’t ya think?”

I heard the smile on her face when she gasped in surprise. “Dr. Sullivan, they would love that. Thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow, then, at 6 a.m.”

“Just come in at your usual time, Vickie. I can have the orderlies bring them in, and I can take care of the paperwork until you get here. Tell the kids I said hello, okay?”

“Sure thing, Doctor. Thanks.” Click.

I sighed in relief. That was easier than I’d expected. Though I knew I would walk in to a ton of work in the morning, it suddenly didn’t matter. What did matter was right in front of me, sleeping peacefully on my leather couch and looking like she was getting the best sleep she’d had in months. What had happened that night affected her deeply, and I could clearly see it for the first time since working with her. Her loneliness was eating away at her without her even noticing it. The pressing thoughts of teetering over the line of patient and doctor were still there, and I worried if I had made the right choice. But my spike in concern for her overpowered all of them and now that she was slowly opening up, I knew I couldn’t just transfer her to another doctor. Not when she was just on the edge of trusting me.

I decided to order take-out from my favorite Chinese place down the road after sending Blaine an email letting him know Fiona would be with me for the afternoon for an extended session. I also added I would escort her to her room once we were done so Blaine didn't have to miss his lunch and could move on with his day. I didn’t need anyone on staff suspicious of my behavior or where Fiona was, yet I also wasn’t ready to wake her up yet. Or let her go. She had bared her feelings to me, and I wasn’t about to throw our progress away. That’s how I justified my actions to myself.

I locked my office door behind me and made the short walk down to the restaurant. Usually, I would have Vickie grab my lunch, but since I had let her go home early, I decided to enjoy an afternoon walk outside the hospital walls. I felt as if I had forgotten what the sun felt like or how fresh the air smelled, both things I had taken for granted since my professional life began.

The feeling of the sun beating down on my back instead of seeing it from my office window did wonders for my self-esteem. I felt more confident than ever strolling back to my office with our lunches in hand, hoping Fiona would be awake when I unlocked the door. I was ready to tell her what I had been mulling over in the back of my mind since we’d met. Perhaps we could cure one another’s loneliness with each other’s company. Not in the way my heart desired, but in a way we could both benefit from if she so chose. Like friends. I was kidding myself, though. A doctor should never press his own needs on to a patient, especially not one who is grieving.

I inhaled deeply before unlocking the door, teetering the take-out boxes in my other hand along with two Cokes from the vending machine. Was she a Coke girl or more of a Pepsi girl? There were so many things I wanted to know about her but bided my time. I opened the door and saw she was, in fact, awake and fixing her hair rather hurriedly. The sound of me walking in caused her to sit up straight.

“Good afternoon, sleepy head,” I greeted her and placed our lunch containers on my desk before they tumbled over. “I hope you like Chinese food. I figured we should get something in us since we missed lunch over an hour ago.”

I started opening the different cartons of food, releasing the trapped aromas of fried rice, almond chicken, and beef and broccoli into the air.

“Have I really been asleep for over an hour? Why didn’t you wake me?” She sounded concerned, so I turned around to see what was akin to guilt written all over her face.

“Why? You were clearly exhausted, so I let you sleep. It looked like you needed it.” I shrugged and unpeeled some chopsticks from their plastic wrappers. “Are you a chicken or beef kind of girl?” I wheeled my office chair around to face the couch before I sat down to dig in. I placed a Coke in front of her and opened my own.

“Y-you’re not concerned about what happened between us?” she asked, her voice unsteady.

I took a few bites before I responded. “Why would I be? You needed to be comforted, so I comforted you—though I don’t usually hold my patients like that. So, if you don’t mind, I would like to keep it between you and me. And…” I put the carton down and gave her my full attention. “If I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable, I apologize. I got caught up in the moment, so please, if I…”

“You did nothing wrong, Dr. Sullivan, please. If anything, I’ve been sitting here hoping I didn't make you feel uncomfortable. I mean, I practically used your shirt as a snot-rag, for crying out loud. How embarrassing.” She groaned, and I was disappointed she covered her pretty face.

“Please, if it makes you feel better, call me Josh. I think after you snotted on me, we could be on a first name basis, at least,” I joked, hoping to lighten the mood. Or to simply hear her laugh again.

“Ugh! Please don’t bring it up,” she whined though I could see a hint of a smile in the corner of her mouth that peeked out between her fingers.

“Whatever you say, though I think tomorrow, I might have to wear a bib to work— around you,” I continued.

She dropped her hands and grabbed the almond chicken carton, shaking her head. “You’re the worst, you know that, Josh? If you weren’t my shrink, I would have hit you by now.”

My breath hitched when I heard my name on her tongue, and I hoped she was too into attempting to eat her chicken with chopsticks to notice. The combination of her silky voice and my name did things to my insides before I could stop it.

“I’m merely trying to make light of a rather sticky situation. Next time you need an embrace, I’ll be more prepared,” I remarked, watching her successfully get rice in her mouth on the third try. I caught a glimpse of her pink tongue and took a full gulp of my Coke to distract myself before she spoke.

“Oh? Who’s says there’s going to be a next time?” she challenged me, and I had to swallow quickly before the Coke came out of my nose.

“Well…” Why couldn’t I get a grip on my words in front of this woman?

“Well?” she urged, her hands frozen in place on her chopsticks, waiting for me to go on.

I swallowed nervously and fumbled over my words. “Well, I guess what I’m trying to say is if you needed me to comfort you again, I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Fuck I shouldn’t have said that.

“Is that so?” she asked as she chewed her next piece of chicken carefully, her voice flirtatious.

“Yes, that is so, or we don’t bring it up from here on out,” I offered, stumbling backwards and away from a conversation that grew more unprofessional by the second.

She sat for a few minutes, contemplating what I had said as I tried not to look nervous eating my beef and broccoli but I was. This could go one of two ways, and either way would have grave consequences for both of us. I wasn’t sure which way she was willing to take it. What consequences she was willing to deal with. Nor which route I wanted to deal with. I acted on pure male instincts only and my doctor side was shoved to the back of my mind until my phone rang.

We both jumped at the sound to which pierced our playful banter and a few pieces of food fell to the ground. “Shit.” I got up and grabbed the receiver. “Dr. Sullivan speaking.”

The nurse explained the case in the emergency room rapidly. A suicide attempt gone wrong, just like Fiona’s had. This time, I was on call to take it, a mere detail I had forgotten about. I hung up the phone after getting the information I needed. It was nearing 5 p.m. and that phone call had sobered up any of my previous tempting thoughts.

“Well, duty calls,” I announced and started to clean up the mess on the ground along with the cartons of food. “You can take the rice and chicken to eat in the common room if you want, but I’m afraid our evening meal has been cut short. Or at least mine has.”

I noticed Fiona hadn’t moved or spoken up. I looked up from the ground and into her glossy eyes.

“Was that…another one…like me?” she croaked, and I realized she must have overheard my conversation with the nurse on the phone. I wasn’t exactly sure what she’d heard since I’d kept my spoken words to a minimum and written everything down due to patient confidentiality. Yet somehow, Fiona had gotten the gist of the conversation. I stood up and straightened my still damp coat from her earlier tears.

“I’m sorry, Fiona, I cannot disclose that information. I’ll escort you to your room before I leave,” My authoritative voice was back as I regained my professional composure before I went to deal with the case.

“You know, that’s the exact same thing the police officer said to me. That he couldn’t disclose any information to me. About my own damn parents.” My words didn't comfort her and only made it worse. She was unraveling again, and I couldn’t hold her like I desperately yearned to. The doctor was back in, and so was my hesitation.

“Fiona, I’m so sorry. The officer was merely doing his job. We’re all under contract to not say anything unless in person. It’s in place to protect loved ones and the patients of loved ones,” I explained calmly.

She stood up slowly as if she was hypnotized, and I was ready for her to snap on me. To start yelling and go into hysterics. To tell me I was wrong and the officer was wrong, and she was the victim. Instead, she simply walked up to me, standing right under my chin and so close I could smell the jasmine on her.

“You think next time could be now?” Her voice was so small, barely coming out. If I hadn’t been listening intently, I would have missed the need in her tone. I tried to find the right words to turn her down, to explain I couldn’t just hold her when we had roles to fulfill. Yet with one glance at those big blue watering eyes yearning for my comfort, I gave in and in one fell swoop, she was in my arms for the second time that day.

After a few minutes of holding her, I escorted her to her room, reminding her I had somewhere to be. She wasn’t shaking anymore but was in a fragile enough state that I called Blaine and asked him to keep an eye on her.

“Thank you, Dr. Sullivan,” she said with a smile that made me weak in the knees when it shouldn’t have. I reluctantly tore myself away from her room and my feet carried me down to the emergency room, where I met a teen male brooding on the hospital bed, his parents sitting across from him.

“It was a dare.” He shrugged, another one who didn’t see the problem. My mind was back in work mode as I picked up his file.

According to the chart, his friends had urged him to see how long he could choke himself to get high on his own oxygen deprivation—the latest thing hitting the internet. I had to clench my fists to stop the constant stream of words I wished to yell at him.

I looked at the parents, a heavy-set dad in a nice button-down and a timid, upset mom next to him. “Unfortunately, we see these kinds of cases more and more with children who have access to sites where they have an audience egging them on. Since he is still a minor, I will leave it up to you whether you want to admit him,” I explained. The mother looked at the father, her eyes wide with silent plea. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took her hand in his.

“We’d like to take him home,” she confirmed, her eyes back on me.

I put on a smile for her sake. “Great, though I do suggest a follow-up therapy session at the least. Not because I believe your son did it because he is depressed but because he clearly has some self-esteem and attention issues that need to be dealt with.”

The boy clicked his tongue, but his parents nodded.

“Okay, I’ll sign off on his discharge and write down my recommendations,” I replied and handed the paperwork to the nearby nurse with the name Dr. Ross written down. He specialized in teens, not me.

I wouldn’t have even acknowledged it as a suicide attempt, merely the stupidity of today’s youth. I’d never say it out loud, but I knew the father agreed with me, because I could still hear him from down the hall once I left, scolding his son for being such an idiot. His booming voice washed over the mother’s attempts to calm her husband down.

After I got back to my office, instead of doing any paperwork or dictation like I was supposed to, I grabbed my coat and made the trek to my dark, quiet condo. I was okay with that, because the happiness bubbling up inside of me was enough to light up the place—hell, enough to light the city skyline if I so desired. I had made a connection with a female patient. More importantly, with Fiona as a person. Nothing could bring down my high when I thought about my successes if it they could potentially be my pitfalls in the long run.

Still, I got the best sleep I had ever had since I started medical school. It left me feeling refreshed, refueled, and possibly falling for a patient.