I had heard of ‘being on cloud nine,’ but I’d had no idea what it meant. When I woke up the following morning and saw Raymond lying next to me, a tide of bliss rolled over me. I laid next to him, watching him breathe, and saw how contented he appeared as his chest rose and fell peacefully. His eyes fluttered, so I closed mine. I didn’t want him to catch me watching him. But he didn’t awaken, and when I crawled from the bed and returned to my room, he was still purring in his sleep.

By the time I showered and went down to breakfast, he was already there.

“Oh, I thought you were still sleeping.” I grinned sheepishly, feeling way too conscious of being close to him.

“Nah, I got up soon after you left.” He grinned back.

“You knew when I left? I thought you were sleeping.” I blushed and stepped back as he pulled out the chair for me. I automatically folded my arms in my lap after sitting, still not as comfortable as I’d like to be.

“I was. But I opened my eyes in time to see you walk out the door. Sugar?” he asked and confused me for a second.

“Oh, yes,” I replied when I realized he was offering it for my morning tea. “Thanks.”

I immediately put the cup to my mouth and looked over the rim at his perfectly shaped face. He was handsome, and I was struck by his rigid jawline and striking features. Again. You would think I’d have gotten used to him, but after what we shared the night before, I saw him differently and was strangely aware of the warmth that enveloped me when he was around. A blind person could see I was falling for him, and I was afraid the feelings weren’t reciprocated.

The only sounds emitted for a moment were the clinking of spoons against plates and the drumming of my fingers on the side of the table.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I am,” I replied quickly.

“You aren’t eating,” he leaned over and whispered, like I wasn’t already a nervous wreck.

I’d eaten with him many times, but it had always felt like being in a restaurant where you didn’t care who the person was on the other side of the room. Or next to you. Now I knew him and was keenly aware of his leg brushing slightly against my skin. My body reacted instantly, and I patted my chest to distract myself.

“Just…need some…water,” I said between pats before downing a glass.

Raymond chuckled as he watched me make an ass of myself. “I’ve got to go,” he said as he stood. “I’ll see you later.”

I nodded when the words didn’t come. It was hard for my eyes not to remain glued to his perfect ass as he disappeared from the room. “Oh, I’m in trouble.” I sighed and sprawled into the chair, and to anyone looking on, I probably looked like melted cheese on a taco.

“Ahem.” Grace cleared her throat as she suddenly appeared.

I sat upright quickly and gave her my most charming smile. “Hi, Grace.”

“I don’t mean to bother you, but I just saw Mr. Jameson leave. Does that mean you’re… are you finished eating, ma’am?”

“Oh, would you stop calling me that?” I asked and fanned her off playfully. “I’m twenty-two. You’re making me feel so old with all that ma’am-ing.”

Grace chuckled. “Will you be needing me for the rest of the morning? I know how you like to take care of the plants on your own. Mr. Jameson said not to let you, but it could be our little secret.”

Her brown eyes twinkled above rosy cheeks. She was a handsome woman, very plump and full-bodied. The apron fit snugly around the grey tunic she always wore. I wasn’t sure if she had a family or if she had ever gone anywhere other than the Jameson grounds. But even so, her lively countenance made me remember my mother’s pale face and her incessant coughing as her life slowly seeped out of her the longer she remained at the shelter or another dingy motel.

I hadn’t found a way to get her and Teresa out of there yet, and I felt guilty about my new lifestyle compared to theirs. I did as much as I could for them, which meant sneaking around each week to get things to them, but I simply couldn’t bring them home with me. That would definitely raise questions. It took me several days to learn anything about how the rich and famous lived, and I still didn’t know that much. How would I teach Teresa? And by the time—

“Anna!” I heard Grace’s voice as it sounded loudly in my ears.

I jumped. “Yes.”

“Are you okay? You look a little pale.” Her eyes showed concern, and I tried hurriedly to mask my appearance with a smile.

“Yes. I just feel a little…ahem…warm,” I told Grace and stood.

“Are you getting sick? I could bring up some menthol or something to…”

“No, no,” I told her. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” she replied, but her raised eyebrows told me she was not convinced.

I didn’t attempt to reassure her any further. It was better that I left well enough alone. But my family remained on my mind for the rest of the morning, and I called Joshua and headed out. I had to find a way to get some money to them without arousing suspicion. Apparently, Mom wasn’t feeling so well now, and I couldn’t sleep thinking about what would happen to Teresa, and us, if anything happened to her. I’d gone to visit them the week before, but I felt an urgency to make another visit. I couldn’t let Joshua take me to the shelter—then I’d have to explain myself.

I had Joshua take me to a mini-shopping mall close to the old, dilapidated structure, where I got some cash from the ATM. Joshua sat in the car reading the morning paper as he waited for me to return. I had to leave the building undetected. I snuck out and snaked along the wall until I was on the other side of the building. And then I ran like hell. I had deliberately worn slacks and loafers for the occasion, and I constantly checked behind me for any sign of Joshua or any other detail Raymond might have on me. My mind was tortured because of all sneaking around, which was why I felt like he might be watching me. I had no proof, and he had never given me reason to believe that. Still, my heart pounded the faster I ran, adrenaline coursing through my veins from more than just running.

By the time I got to the shelter three blocks over, I was breathless. I practically hid and snuck in, overly cautious of being spotted.

“Anna,” Mom said as she saw me. She looked me up and down. “Well, you look nice,” she said grudgingly.

I sighed. I knew what she meant. She didn’t like what I was doing, even though it was helping all of us. “Thanks, Mom, but I can’t stay. Where’s Teresa?”

“She’s playing with her friends out back. What’s wrong?”

I didn’t have time to explain. “I brought you some more money. I will again when I get the chance. Kiss Teresa for me, and tell her I love her.”

“Anna, I don’t like this. Are you in trouble?” She had a worried expression on her face, breaking my heart.

“Mom,” I said and grabbed her hands, “I’m fine, but you know I can’t simply walk in here anymore. If someone sees me…”

“I told you I don’t like what you’re doing. This is dangerous.”

“Don’t worry. But I have to go,” I told her hastily and kissed her cheek.

I ran back to the building where I had left Joshua and was surprised when I didn’t see him in the car. As I turned, I saw him emerge from inside.

“Oh, there you are,” he said when he reached me.

I was sweating like a hog, and I wiped my back hand across my forehead. “Here I am.” I didn’t even wait for him to open the door but swung it wide and slipped inside. I saw him wearing a curious expression as he got into the car, and every now and again, I caught him looking at me in the rear-view mirror. As long as he didn’t see me coming out of the shelter, I was fine. I was happy for the air conditioning in the car, and I lay back and relaxed for the rest of the ride home.

Joshua didn’t ask me any questions, but his eyes constantly searched me, which made me uncomfortable. I thought I’d live up to my role for once. When I got out of the car, I turned to him.

“Joshua, you didn’t see anything today. I was there the whole time. Went into the building and came right back.”

He knew what I was suggesting—that he should keep his mouth shut—and he understood. He smiled and placed his hands at his back. “Whatever do you mean, Mrs. Jameson?” He winked and walked away. I knew I had nothing to worry about, but I wondered if he had seen something.

The rest of the day was spent pretending to run a fashion business and lounging by the pool. I was excited when Raymond came home and joined me, but his presence only reminded us of what had taken place days before only a few feet away.

“Being productive, I see,” he said as he plopped down into the chair and wrestled with his tie.

“I was. But…priorities,” I spread my arms and grinned.

He chuckled. “Ah.” He sat and stared at the water for a while before he turned to me again. “Anyway, I was just passing and saw you. I need to grab a shower.”

“Need a hand?” I teased.

He paused, half standing, and whipped his head around. Then he gave me a sly smile. “Why not?”

I didn’t get butterflies this time. The fluttering inside would better represent a chicken in a barnyard. Even though I had asked, I was a little nervous. The nervousness disappeared when I saw his huge cock bobbing at me when his boxers came off. My breath caught in my throat, and I was hypnotized. I didn’t even know what I was doing, hardly aware of falling to my knees and clasping my hand around his shaft as I brought it to my lips. I heard him groan when I swallowed him, and I warmed slowly to the strange sensation of a cock in my mouth.

Raymond moved gently, sliding in and out of me, and my eyes closed as euphoria transported me to the cloud I had grown so familiar with. His light strokes slowly increased in intensity, and so did his moans as he cupped my head and sank deeper, provoking a gagging effect from me.

He stood me up, and I squealed when he hoisted me in the air and lowered me onto his pulsating rod. I tensed as he filled me and moved faster as he fucked me senseless. I grew dizzy with emotion and pleasure, and I clung to his neck as my head fell back. My body grew limp as my juice started flowing, which sent him into a fervor. He jerked and bucked, gripping my ass for emphasis as he pumped harder and let out a weird howl as his body shook and he pressed deeper into me.

I felt him shaking after, and I clung to him because I couldn’t seem to unclasp my hands from his neck. He eventually slid me down his body, and we stood in the shower as the water splashed on our skins and created ripples along our bodies. It was my first time taking a shower with him, and when he held me and kissed me as the water beat against him and sprayed against my face, I came alive. I was undoubtedly in love with him. Even if that had never been the plan.

For days, we continued like that—small but more relaxed conversations, the occasional kiss and pat on the ass, and much more love-making. I got the feeling he no longer viewed me as his mail-order bride, only there to do his bidding and smile for the cameras. He was in love with me too, I could feel it.

I didn’t even pay attention to my cycle, nor did I seriously contemplate the second half of his reason for marrying me—for the purposes of having a baby—until I woke up one morning feeling like a train wreck. I hadn’t yet rolled out of bed when I felt my insides churn, and a wave of nausea hit me. I flew to the bathroom, barely making it to the bowl when I started retching, though nothing much came out. I had never experienced anything like that, and at first, I wondered about the dinner the night before. I wasn’t much of a shellfish person, so maybe I’d had an allergic reaction.

That idea was shot to hell when the next two days produced the same result. This was no allergy, and the only other logical idea was that I might be pregnant. The thought alone drove a mixture of fear and elation in me. Of course, Raymond would be happy I was pregnant. After all, that was mostly what this arrangement had been about. Another part of me was frightened about a possible life growing inside me.

I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. After Raymond left for work, I took the car to the local pharmacy. I bought a bunch of unnecessary items—band-aids, cotton, tooth picks—as I tried to mask the real reason I was there: to get a pregnancy test. The pharmacist smiled as she rang it up, and my cheeks felt hot as I blushed. I hurried from the building, my scarf wrapped around my face. I don’t know why I felt like I needed to hide, like there was any shame in it.

Back at the house, I sat for a long time on the bowl and stared at the pink box in my hand—plus sign for positive, and minus for negative. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to see. Maybe this baby would actually make us a real family, and Raymond would see me as more than the woman in the other room. Or, maybe it would drive us apart when he realized he didn’t need me anymore. My heart pounded after that last thought, and my hand shook as I slowly delivered my sample to the apparatus I still held. I didn’t look away, watching like I was awaiting my execution—with anxiety and fright. My heart leapt when I saw the plus slowly form in the background.

The rest of my day was a nightmare as I tried to contain the stupid thoughts that raged like a flood. One after another, I thought about the worst possible things that could happen once I told Raymond about the baby. My life had been a series of unfortunate happenings, and this marriage was a manipulative attempt to change that. But would it catch up with me?

If I thought I was acting like a raging lunatic before, I was wrong. As soon as I was aware that Raymond was home, my palms got clammy, my breathing shallowed, and my head felt a thousand pounds lighter, like it was devoid of a brain.

What do I say? How do I say it? What will he say?

The one thing glaring at my consciousness was that I had to tell him, and the sooner the better. I couldn’t walk around for days like this. I stayed locked away in my room, not wanting to run into him before I was ready to talk. I was surprised I didn’t get that familiar knock—he often would when he got home. Or maybe he was checking the pool house.

I got up slowly and sucked in a lungful of air before walking towards what felt like my impending doom. He wasn’t in his room, nor was he in the pool house. Just my luck. The one time I wanted to see him, he was missing. I decided to try the study. I heard his voice before I got there and became a basket case again. With slow, unsure steps, I proceeded and was inches away, my hands extended to knock, when I realized the door was cracked and I heard my name.

“…Anna? Nothing like that,” I heard him say playfully.

I waited, curiosity getting the better of me.

“Come on.” He chuckled. “Stop calling her that!” Pause. “Can every woman who has a child be called a mother? Take mine for example.” Pause, then laughter. “Yeah, sort of, but you still can’t really call her my wife. I mean, she is here, we fuck, we go out… doesn’t necessarily spell wife.”

My eyes bulged when I heard the words I never thought I would.

“Well, we’ll see about that,” he said, and I heard the distinct sound of the phone hitting the cradle.

I wanted to move, but I was frozen—all but the tears that trickled down my face. I heard the chair scrape, like he was about to move, and I found my legs. I hurried away, my head low as I clawed my way to my room, navigating steps that seemed to shift when viewed through misty eyes, weighed down by a heavy, broken heart.