Debra. I sucked a painful breath into my lungs and watched her walk by, her head buried in a book. She would occasionally glance up to ensure she wasn’t about to hit into anyone. From where I sat with Kevin on a stone bench under a large oak tree on campus, my eyes followed her hungrily, soaking up as much of her as I could get.

She looked as though she had put on weight but I couldn’t tell, dressed as she was in black leggings and an oversized shirt. Her chestnut hair streamed down her back and her slippers made flopping sounds with each step she took. She passed so close to me, I wanted to call out to her but refrained.

After Spring Break, she had continued with the ridiculous idea of us taking a time off. At first, I thought she was joking. We had agreed until the end of Spring Break, but when she started ignoring my calls and her roommate constantly told me she wasn’t in, I realized how serious she was.

But why? I wracked my brain over and over, trying to figure out what it was I had done for her to treat me this way but couldn’t come up with anything. She had asked me for time and I was giving it to her, but how much time did she expect to get? I wasn’t tempted to be with anybody else, but I counted all this ‘time-off’ as nothing but a waste of time we could be enjoying together.

As if she sensed my eyes trained on her, she glanced up and our eyes met. I was struck at how pale she looked. Her face was fuller. Had it been that long since our break? She closed the book she had been reading and her steps were quicker as she hurried to her class, I assumed.

“Hey, isn’t that the girl you were talking to?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, you dodged that one by the bullet. That girl’s put on some weight.”

But I didn’t care. Fat or slim, I wanted to be with her.

“We’re still together,” I corrected him. “Just on a break.”

“On a break. What does that even mean?”

“She’s got stuff she’s dealing with.”

“Hmm.”

Even though I was quick to pass on her excuse, I didn’t buy it, but what else could I do but give her the space she wanted?

Kevin wasn’t the only one who had questions about our relationship. Later that night, as I tried to study for final exams, Giselle called me from Japan where she had a shoot.

“Heavens, Giselle, do you know what time it is here?” I asked her.

“Not really. It’s two p.m. here,” she answered. “Just calling to check up on you. Getting all prepared for finals?”

“Trying to.”

“Must be good to finish with college after this, right?” she asked. “At least Dad will be proud of you. We all dropped out.”

“I still have a course to do over the summer that I failed last semester,” I groaned.

“It’s still a huge achievement. How did things turn out for you and your girlfriend?”

“What girlfriend?” I half-joked. The way my relationship was right now, I wasn’t even sure if I had one.

“You guys broke up?”

“No, not really. We’re just on a break.”

“Uh-oh,” she uttered. “It’s never a good thing when a girl says she wants a break. What did you do?”

“Why do you assume I did something wrong?” I exploded. “I did nothing but love her and treat her right.”

“And there’s no other woman involved?” she pressed. “Maybe she thinks so.”

“She doesn’t…” I started then trailed off remembering Rozanne. She had believed me about Rozanne, hadn’t she?

“Sounds like you’re not so sure anymore,” Giselle remarked.

“I’ve not cheated on her, Giselle.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you did or did not but what she believes. Why not make a big gesture?”

“What big gesture? I already bought her a car.”

“A car is nothing when you got money like you do!” she exclaimed. “But it’s good to see you know how to treat a woman right. I’m talking about something with more meaning, something that will convince her you love her.”

“I did tell her I love her.”

“Okay, then, something that will convince her you’re serious about it and that you want to be with her. Look, you’re shooting down everything I say, so come up with your own solution then. Gotta run! Keep me posted.”

She hung up before I could respond. I tried to return to studying but our conversation played over in my mind. Finally, I gave up and bookmarked the page where I was in the text and went to bed. I was already one course short of graduating and couldn’t afford to fail another, but at the rate at which Debra affected my concentration, it would be a miracle if I passed even one.

The answer came to me in my Derivative Securities class from a girl sitting to my right. She wasn’t so much the inspiration as the distraction of the diamond sparkling in her ears. And it hit me.

I wanted to marry her. Not the girl with the diamond studs. I wanted to marry Debra. Holy shit, the enormity of that realization hit me hard and I was lost for the rest of the class.

At the end of the session, I walked out like a zombie, grateful I was free for the rest of the day. Most of the lecturers had already wrapped up or were in the process of wrapping up the lessons for the start of exams.

The more I thought about it over the next few days, the more the idea grew on me. Debra Caine. Mrs. Lucas Caine had a nice ring to it. She would officially become mine. No time off. No insecurities about other women. I hoped she would know once I decided to marry, all women would be history. All other women had been history since the day she gave me a part of her she had never given to another man.

I could get an apartment or buy a house here in the city, then she wouldn’t have to live in the dorm while she finished her final year. I could play a more active role other than merely investing in my father’s company. Wasn’t that the reason I’d struggled through this degree? As bored as I was with studying, I was confident in my hands-on abilities.

And better still, I could repay the money the bank had paid for her to complete her studies and she would be free to work wherever she wanted to work. That was always a sore point with her, to not have a choice due to her bond with the bank. And that was where I would start.

As much as I didn’t like dropping big names, there were times when it was useful. One call to my dad and he had me on the phone with his lawyer who would make the arrangements for payment to be made to the bank along with official paperwork with their signature that she was free from the bond. It shouldn’t have surprised me that in three days, I had the paperwork in hand to deliver to her.

But there was one other thing I had to do first and I needed help. I rang Giselle.

“I need your help picking out an engagement ring,” I said in a rush, not giving her the chance to say hello.

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, Giselle. I know you’ve been proposed to half a dozen times, at least. Sure enough, you’ll know what kind of engagement ring girls like.”

“What? Lucas when I told you to make a big gesture, I didn’t mean for you to marry the girl. You’re only twenty-two. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you to get married!”

“I want to marry her, Giselle,” I gushed. “If you got to know her, you would know why. She’s amazing.”

“Did you at least make up with her first?”

“No.”

She groaned. “Lucas, this is a bad idea. You don’t propose to a woman in the hope it’ll make things better between you. First, you find the problem and work on it. Then comes the proposal.”

I remained stubborn. “Just help me pick a ring.”

“Okay, but at least think twice before popping the question.”

Together we scrolled through Tiffany’s website while she asked me questions about Debra which I answered. I was amazed at how much I already knew about her. If she didn’t want to get married right away, that was fine. We could have a lengthy engagement if that was what she desired. I simply needed something concrete as a symbol of where we were going.

We selected a ring I thought was perfect for Debra. An elegant, slim white-gold princess-cut solitaire diamond band. The style was suitable for her, not ostentatious but with an exquisite look.

“This is just perfect,” I confirmed with Giselle. “She’ll love it.”

She sighed on the other end of the line. “I’m done trying to reason with you. I mean, I’m happy to see you so emotionally invested in someone that you’re willing to take such a step but it is a huge step, brother.”

“It’s an engagement ring,” I reminded her. “It’s not like we’re going to find the nearest church to get married tomorrow. Now tell me about your photo shoot. Am I going to see you this summer?”

We talked for a few minutes about her plans for summer before she announced she had to go which was just as well since I was falling asleep anyway.

The next day, I couldn’t contain my enthusiasm anymore. The ring could wait. I had to know her ring size anyway, but I couldn’t wait to let her know about her being released from her bond.

I was free in the morning and hung out near her dorm. It didn’t make sense for me to knock at her door because she would only pretend she wasn’t in. She never answered the door. And her roommate always gave me the same answer, that she wasn’t in. So I waited outside the dorm and soon enough, I saw her walk out her residential hall.

“Debra.”

She swung around towards me and her face registered fear. Of me? Why would she be afraid of me?

“Lu-Lucas? What are you doing outside my dorm?”

She clutched her book and laptop to her tummy in a defensive gesture. Her whole demeanor threw me off. My heart sank.

“Can I talk to you a minute?” I asked her nervously. Giselle’s words started making sense. How could I propose to her when I didn’t understand her very need for us to take a time-off?

“I’m really busy. I’ve got to get to the library.”

“I’ll walk with you,” I volunteered and made to put my arm around her in a gesture I’d done so many times. She shied away from my touch and I dropped my hand, my insides turning cold. This wasn’t merely a time off. She couldn’t even tolerate my touch.

“No, just say what you have to,” she murmured. “I’ve my first exam in two days. I have to study.”

“This won’t take long,” I assured her. “How have you been?”

“Fine. If that’s all…”

“No. There’s something I want to give to you.”

I reached into my back pocket and retrieved the folded envelope which contained the signature of the bank for her release from their bond. I held on to it nervously. Given the way she acted, I no longer had confidence in the way she would react to it.

“Really, Lucas, I’ve to go,” she said impatiently and made to walk off but I held her arm. Hope shot through me at the heat that ran through us. I couldn’t mistake the awareness as anything less than what it was. She was still as attracted to me as she was the day she told me we needed a break. So why the hell did she insist in this separation? I kept returning to that question because it made no sense.

I pushed the envelope into her hand then let her go. I decided not to push. I felt marginally better having touched her and knowing she was still into me. Now I had to either wait until she was able to confess what this break was all about or force it out of her, and given that I didn’t want to interfere with her exams, I would wait until they were over before making the next step.

“What is this?” she asked.

“You’ll see.” I smiled at her. “All the best in your exams. I hope we can talk as soon as they are over. Really talk. You know how I feel about you, Debra, and I think you feel the same, but for some reason, you are holding back. I’m not going to push you to tell me what it is right now, but afterwards, when we don’t have to think about exams, we will talk about our relationship. Do you understand?”

She bit down into her lower lip as she did when thinking. She nodded and stepped away. “That’s fine. All the best in your exams too.”

Watching her walk away was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but it was for the best. We’d have plenty of time later for us to talk and reconcile. Then, I could pop the question.