CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE - SEAN
Emily was quiet during dinner on Sunday night. I tried to her pull into the conversation, but she only nodded, forcing a fake smile on her face. Tommy and Sarah were oblivious to the change in her attitude, but I couldn’t see anything but her unusual mood.
Everything she said was flat and devoid of emotion. When her eyes met mine, they were darker than I’d ever seen them. Since the day she moved in, Emily had been nothing but happy and joyous. It wasn’t like her to be cloaked in sadness.
After dinner, I did the dishes, still determined to give her an entire day off. She barely protested, quietly thanking me and heading up to bed before the kids even brushed their teeth. She hugged Tommy and Sarah good night, kissing each of them and promising to see them in the morning. Without so much as a glance in my direction, she mounted the stairs and disappeared to the second floor. I was worried, but I couldn’t go after her until the kids were asleep.
I rushed through their bedtime, helping them each bathe quickly and brush their teeth. I tucked them in even faster and then hurried down the hall, knocking softly on Emily’s door. Listening carefully, I could her stir inside the room, but no footsteps came toward me. Instead, she fell silent, and I was left standing outside, waiting.
I knocked again, my worry getting worse by the second. When she didn’t answer, I knew it was time to give up. If she wanted to talk to me, she would. I couldn’t force her without becoming someone I didn’t want to be.
Still, my face was turned down in a frown the rest of the night. Falling asleep alone felt strange. I’d grown used to Emily’s warm body pressing against mine in the night. We’d only been sleeping together for a short time, but already, I was so attached that I couldn’t get comfortable without her.
I told myself I was being ridiculous. One night apart wasn’t the end of the world. I gave Emily the day to herself, and that was what she was doing. Part of me was glad. She deserved to have a break from her duties, but I’d never imagined myself as one of those duties.
I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. My heart was pounding with concern, and I wanted to march back upstairs and demand she tell me what was wrong. I didn’t. Instead, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to force my body to sleep.
It didn’t work. I spent the entire night tossing and turning, just hoping Emily would be her old self again when the sun came up. When it finally rose outside my window and bright rays seeped through my curtains, I rolled over and admitted defeat. Sleep wasn’t for me tonight, and that was okay. I was already eager to wake up and see Emily.
After a quick shower, I got dressed and hurried into the kitchen. Emily was already there, standing over the stove, making french toast. I smiled and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and placing a soft kiss on her neck. She smiled back at me but pulled away, shrugging me off gently so she could cook. I frowned but decided to keep pushing forward.
“French toast this morning?” I asked. “You only make that on special occasions.”
Emily shrugged. “I just felt like a little comfort food this morning.”
“Comfort food?” I asked, sensing my opening. “Any reason you’re in need of comfort?”
She shook her head. “No. Just wanted it. Besides, the kids love it.”
“They do,” I said with a nod. “But you know what else is great for comfort?”
“Hmm?” she asked, without turning around to face me.
I sighed and walked over to her, taking her arm and gently spinning her around. Her eyes found mine, and I kissed her softly, barely brushing my lips against hers before she pulled away.
“Sex,” I said bluntly. “Sex is great for comfort.”
She forced a laugh, but I knew it was fake. As she turned back to the stove, I began to think something was really wrong. I watched her closely the rest of the morning, searching her face for some hint about what might be bothering her.
“What’s on the agenda for the day?” I asked.
“I thought I’d take the kids to the park,” Emily said. “That way you can get some writing done.”
“Thank you,” I said, beaming. “That would be amazing.”
“Sure,” Emily said with a shrug. She still couldn’t keep a smile on her face for longer than a second at a time.
When she and the kids left, I tried to redirect my attention. Emily obviously didn’t want to talk about it, so there wasn’t anything for me to do. I couldn’t spend the entire day dwelling on her sadness, even if I wanted to.
Instead, I walked into my study and pulled up my chair. As I sat behind my desk, rereading the outline I’d written, I wondered how to start the book. I finally knew exactly what I wanted to write: a children’s book for kids who were grieving.
Tommy and Sarah were my inspiration. The book would be for them and any other kid who needed a little extra help during such emotional times.
The idea was solid, and it struck a strong chord inside me, but every time I tried to write the actual book, I froze. My writer’s block was stronger than ever this morning, and I thought I knew why. No matter how hard I tried to put Emily out of my mind, I simply couldn’t forget the frown that was on her face all morning. It was burned in my mind, haunting me and distracting me from my work.
I sighed and threw my pen onto the desk, closing my notebook and putting my head in my hands. If I couldn’t even get a first draft done, then I had no hope of ever finishing the book. That thought was enough to make me open the notebook again. I reread my outline for the hundredth time, desperately trying to find my inspiration.
As I read over my words, I remembered everything Tommy and Sarah went through in the days and weeks after Telissa’s death. She was sick for so long that they really hadn’t remembered her any other away. Still, her death broke them.
At only six and four, they were too young to fully understand what happened. That was part of why I wanted to write the book, to not only help kids through the difficult times, but also help them understand death in a way that made sense.
My head spun with ideas, and I picked up my pen, turning to a clean page and pressing down on the first line. I wrote as much as I could, but very little came out. My head was still conflicted, shifting between thoughts of Emily and my book. I couldn’t seem to focus on either one for very long. I knew that if I wanted to get any work done, I first had to deal with my Emily problem.
I closed my notebook and leaned back in my chair, focusing my eyes on the ceiling. Thinking about Emily always made me hard with anticipation. Even when I was trying to think of ways to cheer her up, I still found my pants tightening around my groin. Now that I’d had her, I wanted to be with her all the time.
Just this morning, I had daydreamed about fucking her against the kitchen counter. I quickly rid myself of those fantasies when I saw the frown on Emily’s face, but still, her body affected me in ways I couldn’t control.
Sitting at my desk, I thought about being alone with her. I hoped that might help her relax and get back to her old self, but I knew it would take more than just another night in my bedroom. Emily needed something special. She deserved to be treated to a real night out, something that would not only give us a chance to be alone, but give us a chance to talk as well.
I jumped up from my chair and hurried out into the hall. Emily and the kids were still at the park, and the house was silent as I ran toward the front door. I didn’t slow down until I reached Mrs. Johnston’s front porch. I knocked hard on the door and stood back, waiting for her to answer. When she did, she smiled at me kindly and stepped out onto the porch to join me.
“Sean,” she said affectionately. “What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you’d be able to watch Tommy and Sarah tonight,” I said. “Emily’s been a little upset lately, and I wanted to do something special for her, to cheer her up.”
“Oh, that’s nice!” Mrs. Johnston said. “She really deserves a night out. She works so hard.”
“She does.” I nodded. “I thought I would take her out, just the two of us. What do you think?”
“Sounds just lovely,” Mrs. Johnston said. “Of course, I’ll watch the kids. I’d love to.”
“Thank you so much!” I said, excitement coursing through my body. “I’ll bring them over later.”
“Sure.” Mrs. Johnston nodded and waved goodbye as I stepped off the porch and walked back to my house.
As I hurried inside, I thought about where to take Emily. I wanted to do something special, which meant something different than our usual forays into town. I didn’t know enough about the surrounding areas to know where to go, so I sat down at my computer and googled a few places. Just as I came up with a plan, Emily and the kids came through the front door.
“Go wash up!” Emily said. “I’ll get lunch started.”
“Okay!” Tommy and Sarah ran upstairs to wash their hands.
With a smile, I walked over to Emily and claimed her attention with a kiss. She looked at me, surprised, but kissed me back. The frown was gone from her face and her mood seemed lifted.
“After lunch, go get dressed,” I said. “Take your time, take a shower, and wear something nice.”
“Why?” Emily asked.
“We’re going out tonight,” I said. “Just you and me.”
She laughed. “We are? And how is that? Who’s going to watch Tommy and Sarah?”
“Mrs. Johnston,” I said simply.
“Oh.” Emily blinked. “Well, okay. That sounds interesting.”
“I think we need this,” I said softly. “A night on the town. We’ve never done that before.”
Emily’s face slowly turned from cautious to happy. She smiled the first real smile I’d seen since yesterday. It stayed on her face for far longer than a second, and when she leaned forward to kiss me, it felt real.
My stomach tightened with longing, and I held her tightly, sliding my hands up and down her sides, feeling the curve of her hips. I wanted to reach around and squeeze her ass, but I knew I couldn’t. Tommy and Sarah would be back downstairs any second, and this wasn’t something they needed to see.
“They’ll be down soon,” Emily whispered. “But I’m excited about tonight.”
“Me too.” I grinned.
Reluctantly, I pulled away from her and sighed deeply. Emily was still smiling as she moved into the kitchen to get lunch ready. I watched her as she moved around, a bounce in her step again. She seemed like her old self, and the sight warmed me.
As I watched her, I decided to skip lunch. Now that I’d done my part to improve Emily’s mood, I finally felt ready to write. I disappeared in my study for an hour, writing nonstop the entire time.