CHAPTER TWELVE
Saturday came before I knew it and I'd had no time to talk to Emma in private. My kids were always around. There were no more secret kisses, no more flirtations, but I saw the way she looked at me and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was not changing her mind about our little agreement. That meant I had to change her mind for her.
I took the kids to the beach for their lesson, ready to sit on the sidelines and watch again, lost in my thoughts, when Emma pulled on my arm.
“You said you'd join in this time,” she reminded me.
“I changed my mind,” I said. “I don't feel like it.”
She cocked her head to the side and shot me an incredulous look. “No, you promised the kids, and I'm not going to let you get out of it this time.”
“You promised, daddy,” Zack piped in.
“Yeah, you promised,” Zoey added.
Geez. All three of them were ganging up on me, all pulling on me to join them.
“Fine,” I said. “Let me change.”
The kids cheered as Emma smiled, obviously pleased with herself. She could be convincing, that was for sure. The idea of wearing a wetsuit around her made me nervous, as did my potential failings at surfing. But I'd promised my kids, and there was no way they were going to let me wiggle my way out of it again.
I changed and came out of the bathroom, dragging my feet the entire time. Emma was smiling wide as she looked me up and down, a look of raw hunger in her eyes. She obviously approved.
“Alright,” she said, clapping her hands together. “Let's get started. Last week, we did some body boarding in the water, just to get a feel for the waves. Today, we're going to practice standing up on your board.”
I suddenly felt very nervous. Emma put the surfboard down on the ground and instructed us to all do the same thing. Then, she laid down and we followed suit.
“Now, we are going to practice here on land first,” she said. “Let's get the hang of this before we go out on the water, okay? Watch me.”
She placed her hands on either side of her, with her fingers curling over the side of the board. Then in one quick movement, she pushed her body up with her arms, almost in a yoga pose, and then tucked her feet. She moved her body in one swift movement and was on her feet in a flash. She made it look all too easy, which I knew was a lie. And it wouldn't be easy on the water, for sure.
Why did I think this was a good idea again?
“You may find it easier to get on your knees first,” she said. “Then from there, bring one foot up at a time until you're standing. Now let's try it.”
She went over to Zoey first and they worked on technique one-on-one.
“Good job, Zoey,” she said after spending a little time with her. “Now here's how you stand, with your feet like this. Keep practicing while I help Zack.”
She looked over at me and smiled. “Why aren't you practicing, Marcus?”
She sounded like a teacher with that tone in her voice.
“I'm watching the kids,” I said.
“You need to practice too,” she said. “Because we're going to get you out on the water.”
I groaned, but did as she instructed, feeling like I nailed it on the first try. She finished showing Zack and came over to me.
“Lie down,” she said.
I did as instructed and laid flat on the board.
“Now put your hands here,” she moved my hands to the correct position, “And lift up your body through here.”
Her hands were now on my torso and she was looking me right in the eye, a mischievous, flirty grin on her face as she moved my body into position. I was amazed that she could be so professional, and yet so flirtatious at the same time. I were being honest, I was more than a little turned on by it as well.
I did my best to banish those thoughts from my head. There was no way in hell I could let myself go there with her. I wouldn't.
“Now hop up on your knees,” she instructed.
As I did so, her hands moved lower, grazing my ass ever so slightly. She winked at me, letting me know it was intentional. She gave me a seductive little lick of her lips and a flash of more to come in her eyes.
Yeah, telling her we weren't hooking up should be fun, I thought.
“Let's try that again,” she said.
“No, I think I'm good,” I said, my throat dry. “Let me keep practicing. Maybe work with Zack and Zoey on their stance some more?”
Emma shook her head. “You don't have to be afraid of me, Marcus,” she said with a laugh. “I'm not going to judge you. Everyone starts somewhere.”
Oh, if that was my only concern, I'd be more than happy in that moment. But the way she'd touched me, the way she'd looked at me, I could feel myself growing hard in my wetsuit and the last thing I needed was an obvious erection. Especially with my kids right there.
Emma's eyes moved down my body, as if she could read my mind. But then, being a man in the presence of a gorgeous woman, she probably didn't need psychic powers to determine what was going through my mind.
“That's not what I'm afraid of,” I muttered under my breath.
Laughing, she patted me on the butt playfully. “Fine,” she said, “Lie down and work on your feet and hands some more. I'll help the kids.”
She walked over, and yes, I watched her tight little ass as she walked away. I couldn't help myself. I was grateful to be able to lie down flat on my stomach, hiding myself against the surfboard, because I really didn't want my kids, not to mention everyone else on the beach, to see me standing there with a raging hard-on.
Thankfully, Emma spent the rest of the time with the kids. We never did make it in the water, which Zoey protested, of course, but Emma was there to defuse the situation and talk Zoey down off that particular ledge.
“Slow and steady,” Emma said. “We have to put safety first. We need to get the basics down before we get in the water, okay?”
“Fine,” Zoey said. She turned to me and asked, “Since we didn't get to surf, can I play in the waves for a bit before we leave, daddy? Pretty please?”
“Sure,” I said, still lying flat and feeling incredibly awkward about it. “Go ahead. I need to change anyway.”
“I'll keep an eye on them,” Emma said. “Go ahead, change into something more comfortable.”
Emma and the kids walked toward the ocean, and I stopped and stared as they played happily in the waves. I could hear their laughter from far away, and I couldn't help but smile. It brought so much joy to my life to see my kids smiling and having fun. I really didn't want to ruin things with Emma. She was perfect for my children, and I was so grateful that she was a part of their lives.
I feared that if I slept with her, it would ruin it. But then, if I didn't sleep with her, I ran the same risk. I felt damned if I did and damned if I didn't.
I felt caught in a no-win situation and had zero idea how I was going to get out of it.
ooo000ooo
That night, I was staying inside my house. Hiding, really. It was perhaps a little immature, but I was hoping to avoid the potential awkwardness with Emma. But right around nine or so that night, there was a soft knock at my door. When I heard it, my heart sank into my shoes.
Part of me wanted to go into hiding, to quickly turn out the lights and pretend I wasn't there. I didn't trust myself around her. She was an attractive woman, and I wanted to do things with her that I shouldn't want to do. And she was not only agreeable to sleeping with me, but was pursuing me aggressively.
I couldn't avoid her forever.
When I answered the door, my jaw nearly hit the floor. There was Emma, but she looked so entirely different. No longer was she the cute little girl next door in her sundresses and short-shorts; she was a woman and there was no denying it. She wore a black sheath dress that hugged her curves just right. The dress was low cut, showing off her perky breasts and making it hard not to stare.
On top of the sexy attire, her blonde hair was pulled back in a French twist and she was wearing red lipstick. She hardly ever wore makeup, and when she did, it was always so natural, it looked as if she wasn't wearing any at all. Even now, with her delicious red lips and thick, black lashes, she still wasn't overdone. She was still Emma underneath it all, just more dressed up than I'd ever seen her before.
The effect was beyond stunning.
As I stared at her, I could feel the fire burning low in my belly. Oh God, how I wanted her.
“May I come in?” she said, smiling awkwardly.
She barely looked up at me, almost like she was feeling a little self-conscious herself. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her own waist , as if she was afraid of showing off too much of herself. She was shy. Never in a million years would I expect Emma to be shy, but there she was, trying to hide even while, at the same time, she was trying to show off her beautiful body.
“Of course,” I said, opening the door wider for her to come inside. “But we need to – ”
Before I could finish my sentence, she pressed herself against me and kissed me. And just like that, shy Emma went straight out the window.
“I've been waiting all week to do that,” she said, blushing as she pulled away. “I was afraid I'd lose the nerve if I waited.”
I closed the door behind her, unable to speak. My gaze fell on her once more and I felt myself growing harder just looking at her. I could only imagine what seeing her naked would do to me.
“Emma, can we talk about this?”
“Sure,” she said, looking worried. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Your dad spoke to me the other day.”
She sighed as she fell down onto the sofa. “Seriously?” she said. “He just can't leave it alone. And he can't accept that I'm an adult and am fully capable of making my own adult decisions.”
“Yeah, he told me to stay away from you,” I said softly. “And I don't want to make enemies with my neighbors.”
She wouldn't look at me. I saw tears welling up in her eyes, but she also looked angry. Biting her lip, she shook her head and seemed to be willing herself to not let her tears spill out and down her cheeks. She was trying so hard to maintain her control.
“I can't fucking believe this,” she said. “I'm twenty-one years old and still get treated like a child. No one – not even you, Marcus – trusts me to make my own decisions. It's all about what everyone else wants for me. But when do I get a goddamn say in how I run my own life?”
“Listen, Emma – ” I started to argue, but she was right. I mean, her father was still controlling her life, even though she was an adult. And I supposed, by extension, I was guilty of the same thing. “I do think of you like a grown-up, I just don't want anything to come between us. Not just your father and I, but also you and me. I love having you here with the kids. And the last thing I want is for something to go sideways between us. I value you, Emma. And I know my kids do too.”
“Who says anything has to come between us?” she asked. “Why can't we just be two consenting adults having a good time? Aren't we entitled to enjoy ourselves?”
Her comment surprised me. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was twenty-one years old. She was wiser and far more mature than most girls her age, that was for sure. Even still, there were some things she was still a bit naïve about.
“Because it's never that easy, Emma,” I said. “Not when sex is involved. There's emotions and everything that goes with it too. It always tends to get complicated.”
She crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. “So basically, you're not trusting me to be mature about all this, to not act like an adult in this situation and know what I'm capable of emotionally?” she ranted, her tone clearly indignant. “Got it, thanks for doubting me too, Marcus.”
She stood up, a clearly annoyed expression on her face and walked toward the door, passing me. As she did , I reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. Her sweet scent lingered in the air, and as she turned to glare at me, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to tell her I was wrong, that we could do this. I wanted to tell her that it would all work out and we wouldn't have the problems I was envisioning.
“What?” she snapped.
“Maybe you're right,” I mumbled.
“About?”
“About everything,” I said. “Maybe I'm just scared.”
“Scared of what?” she asked, her tone turning gentle. “There's nothing to be scared of, Marcus.”
Her face softened somewhat as she turned and faced me, finally meeting my eyes. I had a hard time holding her gaze, so many conflicting emotions swirling around inside of me.
“Scared of being intimate with someone again,” I said. “Especially someone like you. I don't know if I could trust myself, Emma. The way I feel already is overwhelming to me and that's what makes it scary.”
What I was trying to say was that I could see myself falling in love with someone like her. But she deserved more than some widowed, thirty-five-year-old man with two kids, and enough baggage to fill a warehouse. Emma deserved someone who was full of life, who could give her everything she ever wanted ,someone younger who wasn't afraid to try new things or enjoy new experiences. She deserved all of that and more, and I wasn't sure I could give her those things she deserved.
Emma was an amazing woman, inside and out, and I didn’t think I was anywhere good enough for her.
“What are you saying, Marcus?” she asked.
“What I'm saying is that – ” I sighed. “Emma, I only wish I was about ten years younger. ”
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me gently, stroking my cheek. “Well, I'm glad you're not,” she said. “Because I don't like men my own age. And according to my dad, you were an asshole in your youth, so maybe I like the older you better.”
Her mouth brushed my cheek, sending chills down my spine. She kissed my jaw and moved slowly down toward my neck.
“I just want to be sure I can give you what you deserve, Emma,” I muttered, feeling myself growing hard with each brush of her lips. “Because you deserve the world and I don't know that I'm the man who can give that to you.”
She grabbed my crotch and stroked me through my pants, smiling deviously up at me. “Oh, it feels like you can give me way more than I deserve,” she cooed.
With her hand on my erection, it was nearly impossible to say no.
“I want this,” she said to me, gripping me tightly. “I want you. I want your experience, I want you to teach me all that you know, and whatever comes from it, so be it. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to trust me, to enjoy me, and to let me enjoy you. We can handle it, like adults, but please, Marcus, stop denying me what I want.”
With a plea like that, how could I resist?
I took her hand in mine and together, we walked toward my bedroom.