CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR - EMILY
Sean had been trying to get some serious work done for days now. The kids were always antsy, and it was now too hot to let them stay outside all day. I did what I could to keep them quiet, but inevitably, a fight would break out and Sean would reemerge from his study, frustrated and exhausted.
On Wednesday, I decided I would take the kids out for ice cream so Sean could really try and work. This book was so important to him. I could see it in his eyes every time he talked about it. His ambitions to be a writer were so precious to him, he was afraid to admit it to very many people. I wanted to help him protect those ambitions while he strived toward his goal. It wasn’t easy, but I was determined to do my part.
After lunch that day, I loaded the kids into my car, and we drove out of town. There were plenty of ice cream shops in the town square, but I wanted to spend more time away from the house. We drove half an hour down the road, in search of something new and exciting. When we came across a snow cone stand, Sarah practically jumped out of her seat with excitement. Laughing, I pulled over and helped them out of the car.
We talked toward the stand together, Sarah jumping up and down with joy.
“I haven’t had a snow cone since we moved here!” Sarah said.
“We had a stand right outside our neighborhood,” Tommy explained. “Back home, we got snow cones almost every day. It was the best!”
“Well,” I said. “What flavors should we get?”
“Hmm.” Sarah craned her neck to read the menu.
It took almost ten minutes for Sarah to decide what combination she wanted, and when she did, it sounded disgusting to me: blue raspberry, mango, and cherry. I asked if she was sure, but she just nodded with enthusiasm. I glanced at Tommy, and he shrugged. We each ordered our cones and then walked over to the benches to sit down.
Tommy and I ate our snow cones in silence, but Sarah hummed to herself. She was smiling as she ate her disgusting snow cone, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Sarah was the easiest person to please. All she needed was a little attention, some sugar, and a day full of sunshine. It still amazed me how attached I’d grown to both her and her brother in such a short amount of time. We hadn’t yet spent a full summer together, and already, I loved them both.
“Napkins?” I asked when Sarah was done. She nodded, and I handed her two. She wiped her face and then smiled at me with bright blue teeth. Tommy laughed at her, and Sarah stuck out her equally blue tongue.
Tommy and I took our time with our treats, eating them slowly to enjoy every single bite. Sarah kept begging for a second cone, but she knew she wouldn’t get it. When Tommy and I were done, the three of us found a trail behind the snow cone stand.
“Do you guys want to walk it for a little while?” I asked. “Could be a pretty cool adventure.”
“Sure!” Tommy said.
“Yeah!” Sarah nodded.
We headed down the trail and soon realized it wasn’t long enough to matter. We played in a little clearing for a while. I sat back and let the kids run out all their energy until they were exhausted. They ran back over to me and fell on the ground, both laughing.
I handed them each a water from my bag, and we all sat in silence, sipping water and enjoying the bright sunshine. It was getting hot, and I knew we needed to head back soon, but I wasn’t ready to end my day with them. It wasn’t often I got to take them somewhere new and special. I wanted to enjoy this moment as long as I could.
“I’m glad you came to live with us,” Tommy said suddenly.
When I looked at him, I saw that he was playing with a blade of grass, his eyes focused downward and his face slightly flushed.
“I’m glad too,” I said. “You guys are so much fun.”
“I love you,” Sarah said brightly. Her smile was enough to melt my heart, but her words made me tear up.
“Oh, honey,” I said. “I love you too. And you, too, Tommy.”
Tommy smiled but kept his eyes focused on the grass. I ruffled his hair gently and leaned back, closing my eyes to bask in the sun.
“You’re like a mommy,” Sarah said.
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking at Sarah curiously
“You take care of us,” she said. “You feed us breakfast and lunch and dinner. You always give me baths and put us to bed. And you take care of Daddy too. You make him eat when he forgets, and he smiles more now. He never smiled so much before you moved in with us. That’s like a mommy, right?”
“I don’t know,” I said, unsure of what to say and remembering my promise to never try and take her mother’s place. “But I do know that I care about you and your brother and your daddy so much. I love taking care of you.”
“Will you stay for a long time, then?” Tommy asked, finally looking up. His eyes were so much like Sean’s, I found myself melting as he fixed them on my face.
“I’ll stay as long as you guys will have me,” I said, and I meant it. Being their nanny was the best job I’d ever had.
“Forever!” Sarah said with a giggle. “You can stay with us forever!”
“Yeah.” Tommy nodded. “Forever and ever.”
I laughed and pulled them both in for a hug. They both giggled when I tickled their sides, and soon, we were all in the middle of a tickle fight. Sarah was laughing so hard I worried she might pee her pants, so I calmed them down, and we headed back to the car.
Once inside, I cranked the A.C. and both Tommy and Sarah fell silent. It wasn’t often that either of them were quiet for any length of time, but they’d had a busy day today. They were exhausted, and I wasn’t surprised when Sarah fell asleep before we made it home.
I bent down in the backseat to wake her up, smoothing her hair off her face. She always looked so young when she slept, like she was two or three instead of five. I wanted to freeze this moment, to keep her little for a while longer. My heart ached as she opened her eyes and rubbed the sleep away. “Let’s get inside,” I said to the kids. “But remember, be quiet, okay? Your dad’s working.”
They nodded, and we all headed inside, keeping our voices down and our footsteps light. When we stepped over the threshold though, we saw Sean sitting on the couch, staring off into the distance.
“Daddy!” Sarah said. “We had snow cones!”
“That’s great,” Sean said without looking over. His voice was short and clipped. I knew immediately that something was wrong.
“Why don’t we do baths before dinner tonight?” I said. “You both got pretty dirty on that trail.”
“So, did you!” Tommy said with a laugh.
“I guess I should shower, too, then, huh?” I said, ruffling his hair.
I glanced at Sean one last time before I took the kids upstairs. I helped Sarah take a quick bath and then set her up in her room to play for a while. While Tommy took his shower, I went into my bathroom to take a quick one myself. It barely lasted five minutes. I rushed so I could get downstairs and check on Sean.
As I toweled off my hair, I hurried downstairs to see Sean still sitting on the couch. It looked like he hadn’t moved a muscle since we arrived back home.
“Hey,” I said, walking over to sit down beside him. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” he said. He didn’t turn to look at me. Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the wall across from us.
I looked at it, trying to see what he saw but there was nothing. I sighed and touched the back of his head, gently running my fingers through his hair. When he didn’t react, I moved closer.
“Did the writing go poorly today?” I asked softly.
“It was fine,” he snapped.
“Okay,” I said slowly. “Then what’s bothering you?”
“Nothing,” he said again.
This time, he jerked his head around. His eyes flashed as they found mine, and I quickly dropped my hand from his head. I frowned and looked down at the couch, unable to hold his gaze for a second longer.
I hadn’t seen him so angry in a long time. Ever since we admitted our attraction for each other, his mood had improved. He no longer walked around the house moody and standoffish. There were times when he was distant, but he was rarely angry.
“Listen,” I said, clearing my throat. “I know it’s been tough, trying to get this book written, but you’ll do it. I know you will. You just have to keep pushing through.”
“The book is fine,” he said shortly.
“It’s obviously not,” I said. “You’re clearly upset, and that’s okay.”
“I’m fine,” he said. His voice was low and his face so tight that I didn’t know what to do to break through his wall.
“Sean,” I said. “You can talk to me. I just want to help.”
Without another word, he stood up and marched down the hallway. He didn’t so much as glance behind him before he reached his study and disappeared inside. I jumped when he slammed the door. As I stared at the closed door from my spot on the couch, I thought about going after him.
It wasn’t long before I thought better of it. Sean was still grieving Telissa, and I knew he needed some space, but it was hard. I wanted to be there for him, to help him through this difficult time. I couldn’t do that if he slammed doors between us. With a sigh, I got up and made my way upstairs to check on the kids.
Tommy was finishing up his shower and Sarah was still playing in her room. I leaned against the doorframe to watch her. She was dressing her dolls in different outfits and tying their hair back in messy braids. The sight of her playing so peacefully brought a smile to my face.
When Tommy came out of the bathroom, clean and dressed, I wrapped him in a hug and held him tightly. My mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of Sean, but being with the kids helped me focus. If Sean wanted my help, he would ask for it. There wasn’t anything I could do except encourage him to let me in. If I pushed too hard, he might lash out, or worse. He could end things between us and fire me again. Then what? I just promised Tommy and Sarah I would stick around as long as they wanted me to. I couldn’t leave them now.
As dinnertime rolled around, I took the kids downstairs to eat. Sean didn’t leave his study. I went down the hall and knocked, calling out that dinner was ready, but he didn’t answer. I strained my ears, trying to hear movement inside but there was none. I sighed and turned around.
Tommy, Sarah, and I ate dinner alone that night. We laughed and talked and planned our next adventure. Sarah wanted to go visit the snow cone stand again, but Tommy insisted on a bug hunt. By the time dinner was over, the kids were exhausted. Sean still hadn’t emerged from his study.