CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN - SEAN
Friday morning arrived with a fresh wave of guilt. When my eyes opened, I immediately felt the weight of what I’d done. My eyes fell closed again, and I groaned, sure that I’d ruined things with Emily for good.
I pulled myself out of bed and walked slowly into the kitchen. I wondered if she would quit because of my behavior. Deep down, I knew she loved Tommy and Sarah too much to ever quit, but I worried I’d hurt her so badly she wouldn’t be able to live here anymore.
I sighed as I sunk into my chair at the kitchen table. It was early, too early for anyone else to be awake yet. I thought about getting some writing done, but for the first time in a while, it didn’t feel important.
What mattered was Emily and finding a way to make things right between us again. I didn’t know how I would do that, but I knew I had to try. As I sat at the table, playing over our conversation in my head, I had an idea.
Grinning, I shoved myself to my feet and hurried into the kitchen. I still wasn’t a great cook, but I was getting better. With Emily’s help, my food had become edible, and I’d even begun learning how to make her famous french toast. As I gathered the ingredients, I knew the food wouldn’t be delicious, but I hoped the gesture would be enough to make things up to Emily.
I hurried through cooking, knowing the kids would be awake any minute. By the time I got the french toast made and the bacon frying, I heard thunderous footsteps coming my way. I craned my neck around to see Tommy and Sarah flying into the kitchen,
“Oh no!” Tommy said, groaning loudly. “Dad’s cooking!”
“It’s okay,” I said with a laugh. “I’m making Emily’s famous french toast. It’ll be good!”
“Ugh!” Tommy said, falling into his chair.
“Just try it, okay?” I asked.
Tommy nodded, but Sarah still looked hesitant. When I set her plate in front of her, she just poked at the toast with her fork. I cut a small bite for her and nudged it playfully toward her lips like I did when she was a toddler. She giggled and finally tried it.
“It’s good!” Sarah said with shock in her voice.
“It is?” Tommy asked. He eyed his plate and then took a tiny bite. His face lit up with excitement as he chewed. “It is! Dad, you can cook now!”
“Kind of,” I said. “Emily’s a great teacher.”
Just then Emily appeared at my side. She’d come downstairs while I was busy convincing the kids to eat my cooking. When I turned to see her face, she was smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The blue-green of them was stained with red lines. I could tell she’d been crying, and the thought made my stomach tighten painfully. I never wanted to cause her pain, but somehow, I kept fucking up and hurting her.
“I made breakfast,” I said proudly. “Emily’s famous french toast.”
Emily nodded and smiled weakly. When our eyes met, she looked away quickly, and I knew she was still upset. I gestured for her to sit down, and I placed a plate in front of her, hurrying over to get her some coffee.
“Thank you,” she said.
Her voice was tight, but she took a sip of the coffee all the same. When she tried to french toast, I held my breath and waited. She chewed slowly, swallowing hard.
“So?” I asked. “I know they aren’t as good as yours but…”
“They’re great,” she said with a nod.
“Dad’s getting better!” Sarah said.
Emily smiled at her kindly but didn’t meet my gaze. I sat down at the table, disappointed but still determined to fix things. As we ate our breakfast, I made conversation about their plans for the day. Emily barely spoke, but Tommy and Sarah told me all about their day.
They were going to the bookstore this morning, and then they were getting pizza for lunch. Tommy was thrilled, but Sarah still insisted she wanted to go to the mall.
“We already had this discussion,” I reminded her firmly.
“Yeah, but it’s stupid,” Sarah said.
“That’s enough.” My eyes narrowed as she stared at me in that challenging way of hers. I glanced at Emily to see if she wanted to say something, but she wasn’t even looking at us. Her eyes were focused on the table.
“Well, have fun today,” I said after breakfast was over.
The kids gave me a hug and hurried upstairs to get dressed. I carried the plates to the kitchen and watched while Emily slowly lifted herself out of her chair. When I turned to face her, she was staring at the stairs, waiting for the kids to reappear. I could tell she was eager to be out of the house, and I knew that was my fault.
“Emily,” I said softly. “About last night.”
“I should get my shoes,” she said quickly.
Without looking at me, she hurried upstairs. When she came back down, Tommy and Sarah were right behind her. They both waved goodbye as Emily led the way toward the front door. I called out my goodbye, hoping Emily might turn around, but she didn’t. She just disappeared outside without so much as a glance in my direction.
I sighed and headed toward my study. The whole reason Emily was taking the kids out today was so I could write. That was why she did everything, to help me. I’d taken her for granted, and I hadn’t appreciated everything she’d done for us.
It wasn’t right or fair. Emily, more than anyone, deserved my gratitude. She always went above and beyond what her actual job required, and for me to throw it back in her face last night was incredibly shitty. I didn’t deserve her.
As I sat behind my desk and pulled my computer to me, I sighed again and tried to concentrate. The best thing I could do for Emily now was finish my book. If I finished it, then I would finally have more time to devote to her, and maybe I could stop being such a moody asshole.
That morning flew by fast. My fingers moved across the keyboard without pause. I felt amazing as I pounded out the story I’d held inside me for so long. My fingers could barely keep up with my brain, and by the time lunchtime rolled around, my knuckles were sore and the story was almost finished.
I took a break, leaning back and stretching my arms over my head. After I grabbed a bite to eat from the kitchen, I sat back down and resumed my work. Even while I ate, my mind still spun with ideas. For the first time, I didn’t have trouble coming up with things to say. The words found me without any effort on my part. I kept writing into the afternoon. My entire body was involved as I rocked back and forth, typing faster than ever. When I reached the last sentence, I finally slowed. I typed each word carefully, making sure every single letter was perfect.
With a sigh, I typed the final period and then sat back. My mind was finally clear, and my heart was no longer racing. I felt like myself again, free from the stress and pressure I’d inflicted upon myself and everyone else around me. As I sat there, staring at the completed document on my screen, a smile spread slowly across my face.
“I did it,” I said quietly to myself, laughing and throwing my head back.
In that moment, there was only one person I wanted to tell. I grabbed my phone off the desk and dialed Emily’s number. She answered on the second ring.
“I did it!” I said before she could get a word out. “I finished it! The entire book. It’s done. I fucking did it!”
“Wow,” Emily said. “That’s amazing.” Her voice sounded like she felt anything but amazing.
I gushed over the phone for another few minutes before Emily had to go handle the kids. She said she would be home soon. I knew she was still mad at me and I needed to make things right.
Still flying high from my success, I attached my book to an email and sent it off to a publisher I knew. We’d been friends since college, and I knew he’d be interested in the book. After the email went through, the front door opened, and I flew out into the living room.
Tommy and Sarah ran up to me and hugged me tightly. They congratulated me on finishing the book and asked when they could read it. I smiled and laughed, hugging them both and spinning them each in a circle.
When my eyes found Emily, she was standing by the front door with a box in her hands.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Come see for yourself,” she said.
We all walked into the kitchen, and Emily set the box on the counters. She opened it slowly, revealing a beautiful cake with the word “Congratulations!” scrawled across the top in bright red icing. I laughed out loud and grabbed Emily around the waist, hugging her and lifting her off her feet.
Her answering laugh was music to my ears. I’d waited all day to hear that very sound, and when I finally set her back on her feet, she looked up at me with a genuine smile on her perfect lips.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” I said.
“I’m proud of you,” she said back. “I really am.”
“Can we have cake now?” Sarah asked.
We all laughed, and I nodded. Emily cut us each a large slice, and we sat down to eat. The kids asked me all kinds of questions about the book, but I only had eyes for Emily. I couldn’t look away from her gorgeous face. Her eyes drew me in like magnets, and nothing anyone else said could pull me away from her.
Cake was our dinner tonight, and the kids were soon ready for bed. Emily took them up for baths, but I read them each a story and tucked them in. Now that my book was done, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
As I walked back downstairs with Emily trailing along behind me, I heard my phone ding in the kitchen. I hurried over to it and unlocked the screen. There was an email waiting for me. It was from my publisher friend so I opened it quickly, my eyes scanning the words and my heart beating frantically in my chest.
When I looked up at Emily, she was watching me with concern. I grinned and held up my phone for her to see.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I sent my book to a publisher this afternoon,” I said. “Right after I finished. That was an email from him, saying he likes it. Emily, he wants to publish it! He wants to publish my book!”
“That’s wonderful, Sean,” she said. And though she truly looked happy for me, she still wasn’t happy with me.
I sighed and reached for her. She moved hesitantly into my arms. “I’m sorry, Emily. I’m sorry for being such a miserable prick lately. I pull you close, then push you away, and it’s all because of my own insecurities. You don’t deserve that, and I’m sorry. I know you take such good care of us because you care, not because it’s your job. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us. To me,” I told her honestly.
When we pulled apart, I tucked her hair behind her ear and pulled her face to mine. I kissed her softly, sighing and leaning into her.
“I love you,” I said when our kiss broke. “Emily, I love you.”
“What?” she asked, stepping backward. Her face was flushed, and her eyes were wide. She looked like she didn’t believe me.
“I love you,” I said again.
“No.” She shook her head. “You don’t mean that. You’re just excited about your book.”
“Emily,” I said, stepping forward to take her hands. “I love you.”
She blinked and stared at me in disbelief. While we looked at each other, understanding dawned on her face. Slowly, she smiled.
“I love you too.”