CHAPTER NINETEEN - SEAN
“I’m glad you came out,” I told Philip as we stood in the airport. “I’m sorry I was a bit distracted the whole time.”
“Hey,” Philip said. “I get it. Emily’s hot as hell.”
“Watch it,” I said, a warning in my voice.
“I think she’s great for you,” Philip said, his tone serious. “Try not to ruin it while I’m gone. I’d hate to have to come back and kick your ass.”
“We’ll see how it goes,” I said.
“Be good,” Philip said, hugging me tightly.
“You too, man.” I slapped his back and we broke apart.
Philip walked toward the security line and turned around to leave. That morning was a tearful time for Tommy and Sarah. They both wanted Philip to stay longer, but he had to get back to work. He couldn’t spend too long away from the office. As I walked to the parking garage and found my car, I found myself wishing he could have stayed longer too. Not just for the kids, but for me.
As my best friend, he knew me better than anyone. No one could have pushed me to pursue things with Emily like Philip did. If anyone else tried, I would have told them to fuck off and not thought twice about it. Philip was different, though.
He knew me. He watched me go through hell with Telissa. He was there when she was sick, when she told me about her affair, and when I had to face Sarah for the first time after. He’d been by my side for everything, so if he said I needed to try, I trusted him.
I was glad I did, because my time with Emily had been mind-blowing. The sex was better than I ever imagined it could be. All those weeks of fantasizing about her were nothing compared to actually having her naked body in my bed. If it wasn’t for my kids, I would have never gotten dressed. I would have made Emily stay naked all day, every day. Still, I knew that was impossible. Tommy and Sarah needed our attention, and I would have missed them too much if I even tried to take time away from them.
As I drove toward home, my mind turned to my writing. I’d been thinking of a story for the past couple days now. It wasn’t fleshed out yet, but I felt it had real promise and I was desperate to get it down on paper. Now that Philip was gone, I would have a little more time to myself to work or to simply think. The second I walked through the front door of my house, I headed straight to my study and disappeared inside. I couldn’t wait another second to get this story out.
Sitting down behind my desk, I pulled my notebook to me and opened it to a fresh page. My pen was in my hand and already pressing down on the paper when I heard a soft knock on the door.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“Emily,” she said, her voice muffled by the wood.
“Come in,” I said, not bothering to hide my journal.
“Hey,” she said, opening the door and walking over to me. “You came in here so fast, I was worried. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said with a smile. “Sorry I didn’t say hi.”
“It’s fine.” She shrugged. “Tommy and Sarah are playing out back anyway.”
“Good,” I said, nodding. “I really just wanted to get some work done.”
“What are you working on?’ Sarah asked, glancing down at the notebook on my desk.
I paused for just a second, wondering if it was finally time to share the truth with her. She had been so amazing lately, taking care of the kids and being there for me. I knew if anyone deserved to know about my writing aspirations, it was her.
“I’ve always wanted to be a writer,” I said quickly, the words sounding strange on my lips. For years, I thought them, but I never once spoke them aloud. Not until now.
“A writer?” Emily asked. “Really?”
She walked closer to me and sank into my lap. With her so close, I couldn’t help but get excited. My dick twitched and got hard quickly. Emily felt it and glanced down at my lap with a laugh.
“I can’t help it,” I said. “I blame you.”
“Stop it.” She laughed. “Talk to me about your writing. I’m curious.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
“How long have you been pursuing it?” she asked.
“I haven’t,” I said honestly. “Not until recently. I never thought I could. I’ve never even told anyone about it until now.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because I thought everyone would think it’s stupid,” I said with a shrug. “I was a lawyer, Emily. A really successful lawyer. My entire life was the law firm, and then I just left it. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone if I admitted I just wanted to write stories for a living.”
“So, you’ve never tried to write anything before?” Emily asked, her eyebrows raised. “Ever?”
“I mean, I wrote short stories and comic books when I was a kid but nothing major. I think I’m finally ready to start writing a book. A real one.”
“That’s amazing,” Emily said, smiling brightly. “I think that’s great!”
“You do?” I asked, surprised. “You don’t think it’s a stupid dream?”
“Of course not!” she said. “Why would it be?”
“Because I’m supposed to be this big-time lawyer,” I said with a sigh. “When Philip suggested I move, he wanted me to start my own firm. That was the whole point of moving.”
“Maybe not,” Emily said with a shrug. “Maybe the whole point of moving here was so you could finally follow your actual dream.”
“You think?” I asked.
“Well,” she said thoughtfully. “Let me ask you this: Do you miss being a lawyer? Do you ever wish you could go back to the lifestyle?”
“No,” I said. I didn’t even have to think about the answer. Ever since I’d left the firm, I’d been happier. I felt free, freer than I’d felt in years. “Never.”
“Then there’s your answer,” Emily said simply. “If you were meant to be a lawyer forever, then you would miss it. At least a little bit. But you don’t. That’s enough proof that you should find something else to do, something you love. Like writing.”
“I guess I’m just worried I’ll be bad at it,” I said softly. I hung my head. “It’s such a stretch from anything I’ve ever done before. The only thing I’ve written so far are just journal entries and little short stories. Nothing real. What if I try to write a book, and I fail? What if I write it, but it’s awful?”
“I don’t think that will happen,” Emily said with confidence.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked.
She smiled and ran her fingers through my hair. It was gentle and comforting. I sighed and let myself enjoy the feeling of her being there with me.
“I just have a feeling,” she said softly. “I think you’ll be a great writer.”
“You’ve never read anything I’ve written,” I reminded her.
“That’s why it’s just a feeling.” She shrugged. “When you let me read something, then I’ll know for sure.”
“You’re really good at the cheerleader thing,” I said with a laugh. “If this nanny thing doesn’t work out, you could always go professional with it. You would look good in the little outfits too.”
“Why wouldn’t the nanny thing work out?” She raised her eyebrows. “Are you planning to fire me again anytime soon?”
I laughed. “Maybe I just want to see you in the cheerleading outfit.”
“If you’re lucky,” she said playfully. “Really lucky.”
I laughed again, and she leaned down to kiss me. Her lips were soft against mine, and they felt like a cure for all my worries. I kissed her back deeply, not wanting to let her go. She felt amazing in my arms, sitting on my lap and running her fingers slowly through my hair. I’d been scared to tell her about my writing dreams, but now, I didn’t know why. She was amazing about everything else. Of course she would be amazing about this too.
“So, you really think I can do it?” I asked when we broke apart.
“Well, not if we keep doing this all the time,” she said seriously. “But in general, yes, I think you’ll be an amazing writer.”
Her confidence was more inspiring than anything else had ever been. I sighed and kissed her again, tightening my hold on her waist. She tried to pull away and stand up, but I protested, holding her there and kissing her faster. She laughed and pushed against my chest, breaking our kiss and quickly getting to her feet.
“Where are you going?” I whined.
“To check on the kids,” she said. “They’ve been outside alone for almost twenty minutes. If they aren’t fighting yet, they will be soon.”
“That’s true.” I sighed. “But I need you more than they do. You’re my cheerleader, after all.”
“Ha. Ha.” She laughed and walked toward the door, looking back at me over her shoulder. She smiled and said, “You’ll be great, Sean. All you have to do is try.”
With that, she stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her. I listened to her footsteps as she walked down the hall and into the living room. They finally subsided when she opened the back door and disappeared. The door closed behind her, and suddenly, everything was silent in the house. Not a single noise could be heard. I knew the kids were playing outside, but I couldn’t hear a thing.
I sat still for a minute longer, just straining my ears for any sign of Tommy, Sarah, or Emily. When there was still nothing, I sighed and pulled my notebook back to me. The story I’d been dwelling on for days was one that I knew was important. Every time I thought about my kids or remembered their mother, I marveled at the strength of my two, tiny humans. At only six and four, they lost their mom. She was their world, their everything, and then suddenly, she was gone. I still didn’t know how they survived it.
As I thought of them, happily playing in the backyard, my idea came back with a flourish. It was like a dam had burst inside my brain, telling me exactly what I needed to write. I grabbed my pen and started writing everything that came to mind.
The outline wasn’t clear. It was messy, and most of my handwriting was illegible to anyone but me, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was getting these thoughts out of my head and onto the paper. I saw Sarah’s face in my mind while I wrote, then Tommy’s, then Telissa’s. I remembered her sick and dying, but still strong enough to play with our kids and be their mom. Despite what she did to me, she taught them how to have strength through hard times.
My hand was aching as I wrote faster and faster. By the time I was done, my outline covered over twenty pages and made absolutely no sense. Still, I was happy. The smile that stretched across my face felt odd and out of place. I hadn’t smiled so much in years. With Emily around now and my writing taking priority, I felt unstoppable. It was like my life had finally fallen into place, like I was doing something I was born to do.
As I finished up the outline and closed my notebook, I heard the kids playing in the living room. I didn’t realize they had come back inside, but the second I heard their voices, I stood up and hurried out of my study, eager to see them.