Chapter Thirty-Four
Gillian
Lexie was trying to take on more advanced students for private lessons. She said that if they got into a good ballet school and they succeeded, it would mean more visibility for us. It also meant longer hours, more mothers, and a whole new bracket of evil: soon to be dance moms.
The students were worse than the mothers. They were young enough to have no idea what they were talking about and conceited enough to think they knew everything. Mix that in with a heavy dose of hair bleach and adolescent angst and we had a recipe for disaster.
Our first private lesson was right after class on Tuesday morning, so we didn’t have any time to rest, and the lessons went on well into the night. I didn’t get home until eight o’clock, and I was so tired that I went straight to bed.
The next morning, I jolted out of bed. My back felt like it was ready to snap in half, and my legs were burning from having to walk on my toes all day. I hadn’t worked this hard in years, and I wasn’t sure I could keep it up.
I glanced at my phone to check the time and stared at the blank screen. My head fell into my hands. I still hadn’t called Dwayne. He probably thought I never wanted to see him again. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and wrote. “I want to see you after work. I’m sorry.” I added a heart at the end and set my phone down to get ready.
It was early that the sun was still rising, but I knew he’d be awake. He didn’t get off work until nine when the building opened. When I got out of the shower, I checked my phone. It was blank. He was probably so mad at me that he didn’t want to face me. I couldn’t blame him.
I felt like I’d led him on, making him think that I was the one, only to drop him at the first sign of trouble. I needed him to know that I really wanted to be with him. I needed him. My bed was empty and I could still smell the sex in the room while I was getting dressed.
If I couldn’t fix this, I’d never have another night with him. He’d never look down at me while we were making love or take me out for a romantic dinner. I’d be alone.
Why did I keep sabotaging our relationship? A part of me thought that this was an unconscious reaction to my fear of being close to people, or a fear of getting hurt. I’d never allowed a man to get as close to me as Dwayne was.
I didn’t have time to analyze my mental state. I had to get to work. I wrapped my hair in a bun, grabbed my duffel bag, and walked out the door. Lexie was already inside holding a pair of free weights when I walked in. “How’d it go?” She set the weights down.
“How’d what go?”
“You called him last night, didn’t you?”
“No, I fell asleep.”
“You what? You have to get ahold of him.”
“I know. I grabbed my phone the second I woke up, but he hasn’t texted me yet. I’m worried that it’ll be too late.”
“Maybe he’s busy. He works late, doesn’t he? He’s probably asleep.”
“He’s still at work. He doesn’t get off until nine. He knows I texted him, and he’s ignoring me.”
Lexie marched right up to me. “Don’t you dare give up. I don’t know if he’s the one — I don’t even know if I believe in that — but he’s exactly what you need.”
“What should I do? He doesn’t want me.”
“You stupid, stupid girl. Do you really think that he doesn’t want you? If he’s mad, it’s because he wants you. Hunt him down. Do whatever you have to do to. Just don’t give up.”
I knew Lexie was right. It was all I could think of during class. Our private lessons went by slowly, dragging on through the afternoon. I wanted to run out and find Dwayne, but there was work to do, and Lexie couldn’t handle the girls on her own. She needed me.
When we’d finally finished our lesson for today, I left as fast as I could to drive down to Dwayne’s house. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. This was my fault. I was the one who broke things off with him. He was probably so upset that he didn’t want to see me, but I couldn’t let things stay the way they were.
Part of me thought he would understand. We were so close. Something as stupid as this couldn’t possibly break us apart, but I’d really hurt him. The look on his face when I drove away was heartbreaking. I couldn’t keep going back and forth. At some point, he was going to get tired of it and leave.
When I turned onto his street, my stomach jumped. My skin was tingling. He had to understand. He just had to. This couldn’t be the end. The closer I got to the house, the more anxious I got. My worries were taking over, blocking out everything else. I was convinced he would get mad at me for coming and throw me out. If he had any sense, he would. I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve anyone. I was a terrible girlfriend.
The neighbors had a hedge blocking my view of his front yard. When I passed it, I slammed on the brakes. His car wasn’t in the driveway. That didn’t make any sense. He was still working nights, so he should have been home. I pulled my phone out to call him to be sure.
“We’re sorry. The mailbox you’ve reached hasn’t been setup yet. Goodbye.” The machine hung up.
Why would he leave his phone off? He was always so methodical. He wouldn’t leave it off the charger. Goosebumps popped up on the back of my neck. He was in danger. I could feel it. I called Michael.
“Hello?”
“Michael something’s wrong. I’m trying to get ahold of Dwayne, and his phone is off. He’s not at home, either.”
“I don’t have time for this, Gillian. You’re freaking out over nothing.”
“No, Micha-”
“I mean it.”
“Just listen to me.”
He hung up. “Ugh,” I raged and dialed his number again.
“Will you stop?”
“Don’t hang up just listen to me.”
“I’m hanging up.”
“He’s in danger. Somebody’s after him.”
“What? Who?”
“I don’t know. They’ve been trying to sabotage the security system at his work. Then they called him and told him to quit. They know who he is.”
“How do you know something’s happened? Maybe he’s just at the store.”
“He’s not. He’s been working graveyards for more than a week.”
There was a long pause. “How can I help?”
“Call him. We had a fight. Make sure that he didn’t block my number.”
“What makes you think he did that?”
“It just goes straight to voicemail. It’s not like him to leave his phone off the charger.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound like something he would do, but I don’t think he’d block your number, either, not over some petty fight.”
“I broke up with him.”
“You are by far the dumbest girl I have ever met.”
“I thought you didn’t like us together.”
“Mom’s right. You’re happy. You better hope you didn’t screw this up.”
“Michael, it’s not about that right now. I’m worried.”
“I’ll call him. I don’t know what else I can do.”
“I’m not giving up.” I hung up and pulled into the driveway. Maybe his car broke down and was in the shop. The thing was ancient. I knocked on the door and waited for a response. I couldn’t hear anything, so I pressed my ear against the door. All I heard was the hum of the air conditioner.
I knocked again. “Dwayne!”
Nothing.
I slumped against the door, tears welling up. He could be dead, or trapped somewhere. What if he never came back? I’d spend my life in mourning. I don’t think I’d ever cared about anyone the way I cared about Dwayne.
My phone rang. It was Michael. “What happened?”
“His phone is dead. It has to be.”
“What do I do?” I was sobbing now, pleading with him for an answer.
“I’m headed out now.”
“Michael…”
“Yeah?”
“Bring two guns.”
“Way ahead of you.” He hung up.
I looked inside the front window. The living room was empty and the lights were off, but that didn’t mean anything. If he was there, he was sleeping. I walked around the carport into the backyard so I could look into his bedroom window. It was too high for me to reach, so I went to pick up a rock next to the tree. I ducked down, hoping to lift it, but it was too heavy, so I used my foot to roll it over so I could stand on top of it. I could see his bed through the blinds. It was empty.