Chapter Seventeen
Dylan
Only Mr. Dean was home when I was dropped off. Maybe Taylor was hiding because her car was in the driveway, but I didn’t see her. That was fine. I didn’t want to talk to her, anyway.
I thought that I had her support and I didn’t. My feelings were hurt, but I could suck it up.
Mr. Dean was in the kitchen, his nose in the refrigerator. He straightened when I walked in. “Hey, how was the tournament?”
“We won.”
His smile was large. At least he was happy for me. “Let’s celebrate. Just us guys. Burgers.”
“I’m in.”
Like I was ever going to turn down food. “I’ll grab my keys. I have no idea where the ladies are, but they’ll have to miss out.”
He patted me on the back as he went by. I met him at the garage door. I was already dressed nicer than I usually dressed so no need to change. He smiled again. “How does it feel, Dylan?”
“Pretty good.”
“Good.”
We drove to a burger joint. The place wasn’t packed yet, but it would be. It was Saturday evening. My stomach, of course, was empty, even though the team had gone out for pizza earlier. We were seated quickly and ordered just as quickly.
“So, Dylan, have you thought about what you are doing after high school?”
“Well, I’d like to go to college, but I don’t think I can swing it. It’s hard getting aid. My mother has already said she won’t fill out the form.”
He shifted in his seat. I wondered if he’d orchestrated all of this to put me on the spot. I didn’t have too many answers for him right now. I was still on a high from the tournament.
“I see. You are eighteen. Shouldn’t that count?”
“It doesn’t. I looked into it. Even at this age, I still need to be emancipated from her for her income not to count,” I said.
I’d done the research out of desperation. The answers hadn’t pleased me. “Then you should do that.”
“I don’t have the money, sir. It costs a minimum of seventy five dollars.”
“I can spot you the money. Really. It would be an investment.”
I shook my head. This man had already done so much for me. “I can’t ask you to do that. You took care of my hospital bill. You’ve taken me in and bought me clothes.”
“It’s my pleasure, Dylan. I think you’ve been a pretty good influence on Taylor. You’ve opened her eyes to a different side of life. I know that I’ve sheltered her, but now she knows not everyone lives that way.”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about Taylor, but I didn’t want him to know that. He might read into it. He might think I have feelings for her. Which I did, but he didn’t need to know that.
Mr. Dean went on. “That wasn’t the reason that I took you in. No, I saw something in you And, I was right. You’re a good kid in a bad situation. Your mother is doing better. She should be out soon. What will you do?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Yes, you have a choice. You’re eighteen. Even if you can’t get financial aid, you can choose where you live.”
“You’d let me stay?”
I didn’t want to leave the Dean household. It was the most stable environment I’d ever been in. I knew where I was going to sleep each night. I knew that I wasn’t going to be hungry. And if I was, the kitchen was stocked. No need to dumpster dive. I had hit the lottery when I chose Mr. Dean’s car to steal.
“Of course, Dylan. It’s your choice, but if you stay, I need something that says I’m your guardian. I don’t know exactly what you call it, but it means that I’m taking care of you financially.”
The waitress put our burgers in front of us. I didn’t know what to say. “You’d do that? I just assumed that once my mother was out, you’d want me back with her.”
“At this point, Dylan, you might as well stay until you graduate. Unless you don’t want to stay?”
“Of course, I want to stay. My life is so different, and I can get my homework done. And don’t have to worry about anyone stealing my stuff because I didn’t lock my bedroom door.”
“That happened?”
“Yes.”
I took a bite of my burger, embarrassed that I had shared that with him. He wouldn’t judge, but I was still ashamed. I wondered if I would ever stop feeling that way.
“That sucks, Dylan. I can see why you don’t want to go back. You don’t miss your mother?”
“No, I don’t.” I put down my burger. “This might sound strange, but my mother never had my back. You do. Taylor does.”
“My wife does also, in her own way.”
“She did take care of me while I had my concussion,” I agreed.
Mr. Dean nodded. “She did. She’ll come around, I promise. Your mother never had your back?”
“No. If something happened, she always sided against me.”
“That’s not right.”
“I didn’t think so, but that was all I knew.”
“Well, I have your back. We all do, Dylan. Never worry about that. I will also be forever grateful for what you did for Taylor. She’s naïve and that’s my fault. I never warned her well enough about guys like Greg.”
“She hasn’t seen the darker side of life.”
“No, but we always want better for our kids. At least, parents should.”
I hadn’t had a chance to talk like this to Mr. Dean before. I was enjoying my evening. This might be the best day I’ve ever had in my life – I had the man across the table to thank for that. “I don’t see myself having children, but if I did, I’d want them to know that I was always there for them.”
Mr. Dean slapped me on the back. “You’ve got a long time before you have to think about kids.”
***
Two days later, I picked my mother up from the rehab facility. She looked better than I’d seen her look in years. I didn’t know yet how I was going to tell her that I wasn’t coming back. She might be devastated, and I’d feel guilty.
Or she might be happy, and then I’d feel like shit. It was a bad situation either way. I borrowed Taylor’s car. Mr. Dean had suggested it and asked her. I still wasn’t talking to her, and she was giving me space. Or she didn’t give a shit. I didn’t know which one it was.
Not my problem. She needed to apologize, not me.
I grabbed my mother’s suitcase while an aide wheeled her to the door.
“I’m so excited to be out of there, Dylan. It got so boring.”
I had no idea how she was going to pay for it all. I’d expected her to be thrown out sooner since she didn’t have any insurance. To my surprise, they let her stay. The bills were her problem, but I felt at least partly responsible.
Mr. Dean said that I shouldn’t worry about it. This was her issue and I shouldn’t let her hold me back.
But she was my mother, and I was almost regretting my decision to stay with the Deans. But I’d tasted the good life, and I didn’t want to go back to the trailer. I didn’t want to go back to that life.
I had plans now. Plans to go to college and make something of myself. I could be an engineer, my guidance counselor said.
“You’re very quiet, Dylan. Aren’t you glad to see me?”
“Of course, Mom.”
I helped her into the car, then I put her suitcase in the trunk. Should I tell her now? Or wait until we arrived at the trailer? I wondered Mr. Dean hadn’t given me any guidance on it, but told me that it was up to me.
“Whose car is this?”
“It’s Taylor’s. She is Mr. Dean’s daughter. It was the only one available today to bring you home.”
“The Deans have been good to you.”
“They have.”
I didn’t know how much of my new life to share. This seemed like a touchy subject and it might push her back onto drugs. But I was also pissed at her. Now that I’d experienced people who care, I didn’t understand why she didn’t.
She said she did, but her actions said something else. I had to remember that. I couldn’t trust her. I could trust the Deans. They were my new family.
“I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed.”
I turned down the driveway. My breath caught in my throat. I hadn’t been back since a day after my mother had been taken away in an ambulance when Mr. Dean had brought me back to get some clothing.
The place looked exactly the same. Nothing had miraculously happened to make it better. It might have even looked worse.
What little lawn there was hadn’t been mowed.
“Home sweet hovel,” my mother said.
I helped her out of the car, and she walked into the house. I grabbed the suitcase, reluctant to return to the place of my nightmares. I steeled myself.
It was even smaller and more cramped than I remember.
“You bought groceries,” my mother said.
“Mr. Dean stocked the refrigerator for you.”
She spun around to look at me. I stood in the doorway, not really wanting to enter. I felt as though if I did enter, I’d get sucked back into the vortex that was my mother’s life. I didn’t want that. I saw a future for myself. At least, a better one that I had before she’d been taken away.
“Then I guess I owe him a lot. He took care of you while I was gone and he bought me food. He must realize just how much you eat.”
As if she knew how much I ate. Most of the time there was no food in the house, so I found food elsewhere.
She finally looked at me. “You’ve filled out.”
It was all the food I was allowed to eat. All the food available, I thought of saying, but that seemed mean. It wasn’t her fault in some ways, but it really was. She couldn’t hold down a job because of her drinking. And the drugs. People stole from her.
I was of two minds and couldn’t decide what I should feel. I was so thankful for Mr. Dean, but I felt guilty leaving my mother. I wished he’d come with me today, but I understood that this was my decision.
The first of many difficult ones I’d make as a man, he said. I had a responsibility to her, but more so to myself since I was only eighteen. I was just starting out. Mr. Dean had said that it would be okay to be selfish right now. It would benefit me in the end.
But she was still family.
Maybe it would be easier for her if I wasn’t around.
“Mom, I have to tell you something.”
“Well, come in. It’s your house, too.”
I put down her suitcase and stepped a little closer. “I’m eighteen now.”
“I remember,” she said.
She eyed me, a small smile on her face, as if she was glad to see me. That made this that much harder. “I’m going to stay with the Deans.”
The smile fell off of her face. “Oh?”
“I think it’s a better environment for me.”
“Better than your mother?”
I nodded, not being able to say the words.
“How will I stay sober for you?”
Mr. Dean had warned me that she would use guilt. “You have to stay sober on your own. It isn’t fair to make me part of it. I’m just eighteen.”
“Don’t you have to live with me?”
“No. I have a choice.”
“Clearly you’ve already made it.”