Chapter Twenty-Nine
KYLE
As soon as what she just said penetrated my head, regret washed over me in long, slow waves. Each wave sent a shiver down my spine and I longed to be able to go back in time and change things that I had said and done and even things that I’d thought…right up until the very second she said that he was dead.
Dylan was a young man. He was even younger than me. So many times I had wished horrible things… I wished that he would spiral out of control with his addictions again. I wished that he would cheat on Amber and she would catch him. I wished that he would just up and abandon her the way my mother had us and then I could swoop in and pick up the pieces. Now that I knew he was really gone, all I felt was this nagging regret that he’d had to spend some of his last days here on earth knowing another man was in love with his wife.
“Jesus, Amber…I’m so sorry.”
She smiled, but it looked sad. “Thank you. They say it gets easier with time, but sometimes I think time only allows you the ability to remember how many opportunities you had to make someone’s life better…and you didn’t do it.”
“Amber, I probably have no right at all to speak to this, but I can’t imagine that being married to you in the last days of his life didn’t make it better.”
She smiled again. “That’s sweet, thank you. So what have you been up to?” I could tell she wanted to change the subject and I was okay with that. I had a lot of questions about Dylan and how he died, but none of it was my business. I would be the last person he would want her talking to…much less, about him.
“I’ve been working on a hotel project with an architect and contractor from Italy. They’re bringing their luxury hotels to the U.S. and actually building the first one here in Dallas. We break ground on it next week. It’s kept me really busy for the past six months or so, but it’s been such a great learning experience, not to mention that having international connections never hurt anyone, either.”
“Wow, that’s fantastic. I’d love to see some of your designs sometime.”
“Really? Or are you just being nice?”
She laughed. “Really. I actually bought a building downtown this past year. I don’t have the money yet, but when I get enough, there are a lot of changes I’d like to make to it. It would be fun to see what you’ve done with other buildings and get some ideas.”
“Well then, I’d love to show them to you. What did you buy a building for?”
“I opened a clinic-”
“Wow, that’s great! You opened your own physical therapy clinic?”
“No, I actually still work a couple of days a week at Dr. Bowen’s clinic. Joyce took over the full-time spot. I used the money Dylan’s life insurance paid out to open a clinic in his name for alcohol and drug dependence. I’m obviously not running it. I hired people who are trained to do that, but I plan on going back to school and getting an education on it myself.”
“That’s really amazing, Amber. Since I didn’t know Dylan I won’t speak for him, but I know if it was me, I’d be so proud of you.”
She kind of laughed and said, “Thanks. I like to think he’d be happy with how I spent the money.” Laughing again, she said, “But, the truth is if he were here he’d say, ‘Are you crazy? Take that money and go lay on a beach somewhere with a beer in your hand.’” Her pretty green eyes got watery when she talked about him and my heart hurt for her – and him, too.
I smiled and said, “You have a good heart and a lot of people are going to be better off because of it. Me, on the other hand… I spent the bonus I got on this big job on a car and a motorcycle.”
She laughed. “A motorcycle? Are you even supposed to be driving?”
“Jeez! Now you sound like Greg. It’s been two years since I was sick. Look at me, I’m all healthy now.” She ran her eyes over me and I swear to God I felt the heat. I also felt my unruly cock twitch in my jeans. I mentally willed it to go down.
“What kind of car did you get?”
“A Dodge Charger. She’s gun-barrel gray with a V-8 and leather interior…”
Laughing she said, “I was just about to ask if you were seeing anyone these days, but you sound so orgasmic talking about your car I doubt you have room left for anyone else.”
At the sound of the word “orgasmic” coming off her lips, my cock twitched again. I made a face at her and said, “You have to see it and then you’ll know what I’m talking about,” then I quickly added, “No, I’m not seeing anyone. But I also have the Harley. She makes me multi-orgasmic.”
“Who are we talking about? I have to meet this girl.” I looked up into Greg’s blue eyes. He was grinning, of course. I wanted to tell him to go away. Amber smiled up at him and said,
“Hello, Greg. He’s talking about his Harley and as interesting as she sounds, I think I should get back over to my sisters. It was so good to see you, Kyle.” Jesus, I don’t want her to walk away. My heart was slamming against my chest and my hands were shaking. If she walked away now, who knew when I might see her again. She looked at Greg and said, “It was good to see you, too, Greg.”
“Yeah…you, too.” Greg was looking at her butt. I kicked him under the table.
“Bye, Kyle.” Greg glared at me when I kicked him, but he was staring at me as she walked away, prompting me to do something. I couldn’t do anything right now, though. She’d just told me her husband is dead. She’s still wearing his wedding ring… How slimy would it be for me to swoop in now?
“Bye, Amber. It was really good talking to you.” She smiled again and my temperature rose ten degrees. She turned then and walked towards her family. I watched her as Greg was saying something. I had no idea what it was. Nobody else existed for me at that moment other than Amber. I’d made the mistake before of convincing myself that it was only some freak chemical reaction that happened between us, but in my heart, I knew it was more than that.
I was in love with her and I had been all along.
*******
I let a week go by, telling myself that I’d stop thinking about her every second the way I had in the past, but it wasn’t working. I was consumed by thoughts of her just like I had been before. I took out my phone and called her old number. It was disconnected. Next, I called the physical therapy clinic.
“Bowen PT Clinic, how can I help you?”
“Hi, I was wondering if Amber Reed was in today?”
“No, I’m sorry, she’s not here today. Can I take a message?”
“No…thanks.” I hung up and asked Siri for listings for new rehab facilities in the area. She gave me about five of them in a twenty mile radius, but only one was called The Dylan Scott Memorial Foundation. That had to be the one. It was downtown like she’d said, too. I had no idea if I’d find her there or how she’ll feel about me showing up, but I had to try.
I had ridden the Harley to work this morning, so I was on it when I went to see her. On a whim, I stopped by the Harley dealership and bought another helmet, a smaller one.
When I found her building, I was impressed. It was one of the older buildings downtown. It was five stories high and had its own parking garage in the back. It was so old that it would probably need a lot of work in the coming up years, but it was one of those buildings built to last for decades, so she’d picked a good one. I locked the helmets onto the bike and went inside. It was quiet in the lobby, but a young woman sat at a desk behind a computer. There was a picture behind her of a man riding a bull. Dylan, I presumed. I felt another sharp pang of guilt.
“Hi, can I help you?”
“I was hoping I could find Amber Reed in.”
“You mean Mrs. Scott?”
Shit, she was married. I had forgotten. I looked up at the man on the bull and the guilt shot through me again. I had to do this though or I was going to lose my mind. “Yes, I’m sorry. Amber Scott.”
She smiled. “That’s fine. Have a, seat and I’ll see if she’s available.”
I sat down and looked around the rest of the large lobby. There were large framed photographs along the top of one entire wall. They were all of Dylan, I thought, doing what he did in the rodeo. There was a mission statement plaque that said, “To serve those in the community who are struggling with substance addictions and to ensure support for those who love them, as well.”
“Kyle?”
“Hi!” I jumped to my feet. God she’s beautiful. “I’m sorry to stop by like this.”
“It’s okay… What are you doing here?” she didn’t look too disappointed to see me, so that was promising.
“I just…I let you get away the other night and I didn’t ask you if you had the same number or anything. You don’t… I don’t want that to be the last time I see you…” I was talking way too fast. I took a deep breath and continued, “Look, I don’t know what you want or what you’re looking for at this point of your life – if anything – but if all you can offer me is just a simple friendship, I’ll take it. I’ve lived completely without you for two years and I know now that I don’t want to do that again.”
I breathed a sigh of relief when she smiled. “I’d like to be your friend. I’m not sure myself what I’m ready for, or even what I want for the future. But, I missed you.”
I was grinning like an idiot now. “So, are you busy right now?” I’d been worried that I’d find her in a dress and heels. She was wearing a pair of soft boots and jeans.
She looked at her watch. “I was going to take off at five.” It was about four forty now. “Let me just go up and tell them I’m leaving. We’re just getting the offices in order upstairs. What did you have in mind?” I couldn’t really tell her what was on my mind – not now anyways. It wasn’t rated R, that’s for sure. I told myself that wasn’t going to happen and to let it go and I said,
“I want to take you for a ride on my bike.”
“Your bike…your motorcycle?”
I grinned. “Yes. Do you trust me?”
“Um…”
“Really? That hurts.”
She laughed. “Okay, but please don’t kill me. I just opened this clinic…”
I held up my hand, “Scout’s honor,” I said.
She giggled. “I don’t have a helmet.”
“Taken care of. Any other excuses?”
“Unfortunately I can’t think of one,” she said with a grin.
*******
Holding the vibrating motorcycle between your legs is an exhilarating feeling, but doing that with a soft, gorgeous woman pressed into your back is ecstasy. I could tell she was gripping me so tightly mostly because she was scared, but the feel of her breasts against my back was so good that I didn’t care why they were there.
I took the Northwest Highway to where it met Mockingbird and Peavy and pulled off into the small park there. I stopped the bike and asked Amber, “Do you want to take a walk with me?”
“Sure.” I helped her off the bike and took her hand. It felt as good to hold her hand as it did to have her cuddled up to me on the bike. I just wanted to touch her – any part of her. I may have already started off with a lie when I told her I could handle just being her friend. I’m not so sure that I really can.
There was a point if you walked up about a mile where you could see the whole city. The sun was just going down, and I thought it would be a beautiful place for us to just sit and catch up. We walked in silence until we got to the top and then I heard her gasp. From where we stood, we had a perfect view of the sun dipping down behind the mountains. The sky was ablaze with oranges, reds, and yellows and as she looked out on it, I looked at her. Her green eyes were dancing and I think in the entire time that I’d known her I’d never seen her so truly at peace.
“It’s so beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.” I hadn’t meant to say that again, but God, she was the most incredibly beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. She looked over at me and smiled.
“Thank you.” She suddenly let go of my hand and dropped down to sit on a rock. I sat down next to her on the dirt and we once again sat in silence. After some time had passed and the sun was almost completely gone from the sky, she said, “Dylan was killed riding a bull. I always thought it sounded silly when people said at least they died doing what they loved, but I understand it now. It’s for us, not them. It’s how we ease our own pain.”
“I’m sorry, Amber. Were you there?”
She nodded. “Yeah…it was, horrible, to say the least. I know that I made so many mistakes with you and with Dylan. It’s hard to explain, but I’d really like to try, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind.”
“I fell in love with Dylan when I was just a girl. We grew up together, only somewhere along the way, I think maybe I grew up a little faster than him…or maybe just differently. When I met you, it was like the universe had conspired to take everything I ever wanted in a man and build him, and then put him in front of me and say, ‘Don’t touch.’ I was ready to do whatever I had to do in order to have you, though, the universe and everything else be damned.
“Only, I was so torn up inside the whole time. Although I assuaged my conscience by never doing anything with you once Dylan and I were back together, I never stopped wanting you or thinking about you. But there was still that girl inside of me who had grown up with all of these dreams about marrying her childhood sweetheart. I thought because that’s what I’d wanted longer and that’s what I’d promised him longer, marrying him and making it work was what I had to do. Sometimes, I wonder if I’d only just left him, if he would still be alive.”