Chapter Thirty-One
KYLE
The room was buzzing with excited chatter, but it fell silent as the bride and groom stepped into the room. Immediately following the abrupt silence, they made their way to the center of the room to the sounds of raucous applause. They smiled and held hands on the way to the wedding party table and as soon as they sat down, I stood up and balanced myself against the table with my thigh. I sat the cane aside and let the dizziness pass before I picked up a spoon off the table and tapped it against my wine glass.
“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Kyle Cloud and the big man who is sitting at this table with his gorgeous, blushing bride, is my best friend Greg. Greg and I have a long and somewhat rocky history. We met in the fifth grade and in spite of the bumps that were to come along the way, we’ve stayed friends. I’ve seen this guy go from an immature jock who loved the ladies, to an immature adult… Just kidding.
“Greg’s taken his father’s business and he’s turned it from a small mom and pop cabinet shop into one of the top five most successful contracting firms in the city. He’s always worked hard and played harder. I remember the day about eight months ago when I realized this was really it for him. We were having lunch at a trendy restaurant downtown and a group of college girls walked by. One of them was eye-balling the big guy and I told him so. He didn’t even look up. So just to make sure he wasn’t sick – I didn’t know about the lovely Mrs. Falcone yet – I described her to him. When he looked annoyed with me I thought about rushing him to the ER. I remember him saying, ‘I’m finished with all of that.’ ‘All of what?’ I had asked. ‘Playing,’ he’d said, ‘I’m not playing anymore. I’m in love, man…completely, utterly, overwhelmingly in love.’ He told me about Vicki and while he was talking, his blue eyes were actually shining and I knew he really wasn’t playing with me. My friend who rarely dated the same girl twice was in love.
“Since then, I’ve watched them together and I’ve seen first-hand that it goes both ways. Vicki looks at him with the same spark in her eyes he looks at her with. They’re a great fit – they’re the couple that everyone should strive to be. I have regrets about a few years I spent without my best friend, but when I needed him most, he was there, over and over again, and I can’t even find the words to tell him how much that meant to me. So raise your glasses people and let’s drink to Mr. and Mrs. Greg Falcone, and a hundred years of happiness for them to come.”
Everyone raised their flutes and drank and then there was applause and dinner was served. The bridesmaid I’d walked down the aisle with was trying hard to make conversation with me. I was polite to her, but my heart wasn’t really in it.
“Dance with me, brother.” I looked up into my big sister’s eyes and I knew it was a ruse. I’d been avoiding her, and she hadn’t had a chance to nag me and stick her nose into my business for over a month.
“I’d rather not, Sis…” She ignored me as grabbed my hand and pulled me up to my feet. She waited for me to pick up the cane and then she led me out to the dance floor.
“You look so handsome in your tux,” she said as she put her hand in my free one and we began to do something that probably didn’t even resemble dancing.
“Thank you. You look nice tonight, too.”
“It’s hard to believe Greg is not only settling down, but he seems so comfortable with it. I would have sworn it would never happen.”
I nodded and smiled. “Me, too, but he’s crazy about her.”
“I can see that. I hope one of these days I get to see you as happy as he is today…”
Here we go. “Sarah, not tonight, please.”
“What? I’m just saying I’d like to see my little brother happy. What’s wrong with that? You’ve been to hell and back, you deserve to be happy.”
“Okay, fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. Thank you.”
“Speaking of seeing you happy…”
“I knew it.”
“You knew what?”
“That there was more to it. Sarah, you can’t fix my life.”
“You’re right. If I could, I would have done it a long time ago, starting with that nasty tumor that won’t leave you alone.” Six months ago at my annual check-up, Dr. Grant found a new growth in my cerebellum. This one was malignant and I did four months of chemo. Greg’s new wife was sweet enough to pick out a western-style tux for the groomsmen to wear so I’d be able to hide my bald head underneath a cowboy hat. I finished the chemo and had just begun radiation once again. The doctors say that it’s dead, but they’ve said that before. I suddenly realized that Sarah was still talking. “You know what, Kyle? You can fix it.”
“It’s not that broken. Dr. Grant says the tumor is dead and they think after the radiation it will be completely gone…again.”
“I’m not talking about the tumor and you know it. I’m talking about the fact that you thought you needed to go through all of this alone.”
“I didn’t go through it alone. I had you, Dad, and Greg…”
“You had all of us, except for Amber.”
The music stopped and I tried to walk away. Sometimes I thought Sarah likes me sick, it’s easier for her to push me around. She grabbed my jacket and held onto it until I decided having a tug of war with my sister in the middle of the dance floor might not be the best idea. “I don’t want to talk about Amber,” I tried. Just the mention of her name sent that old familiar pain surging through me.
“You need to talk about her. You need to talk to her-”
“No, I don’t. Amber and I broke up six months ago-”
“Yeah, right after you found out you had cancer and tried not telling any of us.” The music was playing again, so she took my hand and we started swaying to keep from drawing attention to ourselves.
“I’m not talking about this.”
“You pushed her away and you let her think you didn’t want her-”
“Damn it, Sarah… I was there, okay?” I had indeed done just that. I walked out of Dr. Grant’s office that day with no idea of whether I’d live for the next five years or not. Amber and I were still together at that point and I’d been planning on proposing on her birthday. I’d even bought the ring.
Instead of proposing, I told her that I thought maybe we were moving too fast and I thought maybe we should see other people for a while. She was shocked and hurt and it was the most depressing conversation I’ve ever had in my entire life and probably the longest. Ultimately, I convinced her that I was the asshole I wanted her to believe I was and she walked out. She called me a few times afterwards and her messages were heartbreaking. I could tell she was blaming herself, but even that was better than putting her through losing another husband. For the six months we were back together, at least once a week she’d wake up screaming Dylan’s name and shaking violently. She had nightmares about the day that he died and I’d be damned if I’d put her through watching me waste away for months before she finally became a widow again.
“Kyle, honey, I ran into Amber the other day.” Shit!
“What did you tell her?”
“I didn’t tell her anything, I promise. It was a five minute conversation and we didn’t talk about you at all. Don’t think I didn’t want to tell her, though. She deserves to know.”
“Stop, we were broken up before I even found out-”
“Liar. You pushed her away because you didn’t want to put her through you being sick. Even Dad can see how lost you are without her.”
I laughed. “Dad? He said that, did he?”
“You know Dad; he’s a very philosophical man when he wants to be.” She was smiling. We both knew Dad and for him to say anything remotely like that would be earth-shattering news. “He didn’t say it, okay, but I talked to him about it and he nodded a lot.”
Still laughing I said, “Thanks, Sis, I needed the laugh. Stay out of this with me and Amber, though, okay?”
“Kyle, she’s leaving.”
“Leaving? What do you mean?”
“She’s going out to California. She hired someone to run the clinic and she accepted a job in San Diego. I guess one of her sisters lives there… She told me she’s doing all of this because she needs a change, but I honestly think it’s because she’s as broken as you. She thinks that you didn’t want her. How could that be worse than being with someone you love, no matter what you have to go through in order to make that happen?”
I ignored her question and said, “You got all of that out of a five minute conversation?” I grinned at her, but inside, I was falling apart. I hated the thought of her being so far away whether I was going to see her or not…and I still ached to see her.
“Yes, I did. I found out something else, as well.”
I laughed. None of this was funny, but I’d be damned if I was going to fall apart in front of my sister and at Greg’s wedding, no less. “Do tell,” I said, not sure if I really wanted to hear it or not.
“Her plane leaves in three hours. She’s probably on her way to the airport now…”
The music ended and this time, I walked away. She followed me so I turned on her and said, “And what is it you envision in your little pea brain, Sarah? I can’t even drive. I’m sure it would be so romantic for me to take a cab to the airport and hobble in on my cane to say good-bye.”
“I’ll take you-”
“Where are you taking my best man?” Greg walked up just in time to hear that part of the conversation. I shot my sister a warning look, but apparently, she wasn’t scared of me.
“I want to take him to the airport so he can finally tell Amber how much he loves her and ask her not to leave.”
“Where’s she going?”
“San Diego,” Sarah said.
“It doesn’t matter where she’s going or why. All that matters is that she’s doing what I wanted her to do. She’s getting on with her life.”
“While back in Dallas, you bury yourself deeper in the hole that you’ve dug…” That was Greg.
“I’m not doing this at your wedding.”
Greg suddenly grinned. He had that sparkle he gets in his blue eyes when he’s up to something… I knew it all too well. “It’s my wedding. There’s a limousine outside.”
“So?”
“Come on, Kyle, you know the cancer is gone now and you’re not going to die. Go get your girl. Damn it, man, do you like being miserable?”
That was a good question. The fact was I hated it, but I had been miserable for so much of the past three years, I wasn’t sure that I knew how not to be any longer. “She doesn’t need all of this in her life…”
“All of what Kyle?” Sarah asked me. “She doesn’t need a good man who loves her more than his own life? Every woman needs that. She loves you. Go tell her you still love her, too.”
“Come on, I’ll tell the driver to take you.” Now Greg had a hold of my arm. How did I get surrounded by so many pushy people?
“I’m not taking your damned limo. It’s here to take you and Vicki to the airport.”
“We’ll take my car. Vicki won’t care…”
“I won’t care about what?” Shit!
“Maybe we should just do this on stage so everyone can join in.”
“What are we doing?” the bride asked.
“Sending Kyle to get the love of his life,” Greg said. “You don’t mind if I send him in the limo, do you?”
“We still get to go to Aruba?” she asked. She sounded a little tipsy already.
“Yes, baby…and from there anywhere your pretty heart desires,” he said as he slipped his arm around her. They were kind of sickening…and I was jealous.
“Then by all means, Kyle, take the limo. Go stop her from leaving. I’d love that – it’s like a movie.”
Greg grinned again. “I’d never let you leave, baby,” he kissed her and suddenly they were making out right there in front of us…sickening. I started to walk off and he looked up and said, “Come on, man, I’ll introduce you to the driver.”
“I didn’t say I was going.”
“That’s not important. The two smartest women I know and I think you should go.”
“I’m going to miss the rest of your reception-”
“You were there at my side when I needed you, and you didn’t forget the rings. Come on, man, let’s go before you miss her.”
Now that it was just Greg and me, I said, “What if she doesn’t want me any longer?”
He stopped and looked at me. “Do you know what gave me the courage to change my whole life and ask Vicki to marry me?”
“You love her.”
“Yes, but that wouldn’t have been enough. I was pretty damned comfortable with my wicked ways. But for that six months when you and Amber actually got to be together and I saw how incredibly happy you were, I knew that was where I wanted to be someday in my life. I could feel the energy any time the two of you were in the same room or even when you were just talking about her. Dude, you’ve proven over and over how damned strong you are by fighting this shit that keeps attacking you and never giving up. Be strong now and don’t give up on that happy life that you deserve. Don’t give up on Amber.”
I finally agreed to go and now I sat in the back of a limousine with the ring I picked up when I asked the driver to stop by my apartment. I would have bought flowers, too, but I was scared to death I’d be late. My limbs were all tingling with excitement and the closer we go to the airport, the harder it became to breathe. I was trying to figure out in my head what I was going to say, but as dry as my mouth went just thinking about her, I doubted that I’d even be able to form a word.
I felt the car stop and the driver lowered the darkly tinted partition between us. “Here we are, sir. Would you like me to wait?”
“Yes, please.” I wasn’t completely convinced that she’d still want me. I was going to need a ride back to the hotel so I could at least get a piece of the wedding cake. I struggled out of the backseat and steadied myself. Adjusting my hat to make sure it covered my bald head, I headed inside. I had no idea what airline she was flying, so it took me about fifteen minutes to find the flight leaving to San Diego in an hour and a half. When I found it, I went towards the Delta Airlines counter and that was when I saw her.
She was looking down at a book or a magazine or something in her hands and she didn’t see me. I wondered if she’d recognize me if she did. She was wearing a soft white sweater and a pair of jeans and boots. Her pretty hair framed her face and my heart stuck in my throat as I looked at her. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to me and my hands actually itched to touch her. I stood there and debated just leaving and not going through with this. She hadn’t seen me yet…
She looked up suddenly as if she felt my eyes on her and ours met. I saw a myriad of emotions cross her face and I at least knew that she recognized me. I started towards her, self-conscious of the cane. I saw her eyes flash to it and back to my face and then she stood up and came towards me.