Chapter Thirty-Eight
Hannah
I buried my head in my pillow and cried out loud as soon as I got home. Ezra wanted to take me out to get a bite to eat after the meeting, but I didn’t want to go out anywhere. It felt like I was slipping into a state of depression, falling down a dark pit with no way to stop myself from hitting bottom. After all the hard work, I knew that this dream was coming to an end. I’ve heard of budgets getting cut before, and then the movie never gets produced. I felt like this was one of those situations. There was a knock at my bedroom door, but I didn’t respond.
“Hannah?” Carrie walked into the room.
“No, Carrie, just go away, all right! Just go away. It’s all over. Everything is over. My dream. Everything!”
“Hannah, you know I am not going anywhere. What happened?”
I lifted my head off the pillow and wiped my eyes. “They cut the budget for the movie, so everything is on pause right now. No more filming, nothing! This fucking movie is going down the fucking drain!”
“Whoa, whoa, Hannah. Just calm down, OK?” She sat beside me on the bed. “Listen, I don’t know how the movie industry works, but just because they cut the budget doesn’t mean that everything is over. You said it is on pause right now, right? So, that means–”
“That means they are just delaying the fucking inevitable! That’s all that means, Carrie! Watch! In a few days… in a few weeks, they will call me and tell me that the movie is trashed. I know it! I knew it was too good to be true! It always is for me, Carrie! It always is!”
I buried my head back into the pillow while Carrie rubbed my back. “Hey, come on now, Hannah. It’s not over, and you know I am a ‘glass half full’ kinda girl, so maybe you need to hear this from me. Just look at it this way, during this little break that you have, you can go on other auditions and things like that. I mean, if they know that you landed one of the leading roles in Satin Sheets, then I am sure they will look your way quicker. That is something you can put on your acting resume, and I’m sure it will catch any director’s attention.”
“No! No, no, and no! I don’t want to go through another fucking audition! I want to finish this fucking movie like I fucking planned on fucking doing!”
There was a long pause between us. I sniffled in the silence as Carrie’s eyes wandered around the room. “Soo, I’m guessing that you just wanted to say, ‘fucking’ for a record number of times in a sentence?” My eyes were slim in her direction. “OK, OK, I’m backing off. But honestly, Hannah, I think you are overreacting just a tad. I mean yeah, it’s fucked up that things have come to a halt so suddenly, but then again, there is a positive to everything, and you just have to let yourself see it. It’s not the end of the world, and it definitely is not the end of your dreams.”
I wanted to believe Carrie, but most of all, this was the first time in the past few months that I wanted to wake up from this dream because it slowly started turning into a nightmare. For the next few days, I didn’t even leave the house. I kept my phone close to me at all times, thinking that Leonard or somebody from the production team was going to call me and tell me that the movie was done. I couldn’t rest until I knew one way or the other. Carrie tried to get me go to out with her, but I stayed in the house, wrapped in a housecoat like I was in mourning. It felt like I was, though. It felt like my career was on its way to getting buried and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening.
Ezra called to check up on me, and I kept conversation with him to a minimal. I didn’t want him to hear how depressed I was for too long because I felt like it would rub off on him. Three days later, he showed up at my home. I was in the room when Carrie opened my door and stuck her head inside with a smile on her face. “Hey, how are you today?” I sat in my bed with a bowl of ice cream in my lap while I watched television. I didn’t respond to her. “Oh, you’re good? Great! Well, I have somebody who wants to see you.”
“What? Who is it, Carrie? I look a mess, and I don’t feel like seeing anyone right now.”
She opened the door all the way, and in stepped Ezra. I quickly placed my bowl on the nightstand, then covered my body with a blanket. “Ezra! What are you doing here?! I look a mess! Get out!”
The door closed, and after that, I sat still, hoping that he did what I asked. But I knew Ezra, and I figured he had to be standing in the room, waiting for me to remove the covers from my head. A few seconds went by in complete silence, so I slowly removed the covers to find him standing right near my bed with his arms folded across his chest. “Ezra!” I yelled, “Get out! Now! You are so hardheaded!”
He laughed out loud and sat on the bed. “Baby, seriously? I’ve seen you early in the morning, and your stinky breath was all in my face. Do you think I care about how you look right now? I know you’re having a rough time, but honestly, even when you feel you are at your worst, I know you still look better than half of these fake women out here in Hollywood. So, come on,” he tugged at my covers, “let me see that pretty face of yours.”
“Awww, Ezra. Thank you. I’m still not moving the covers, but that was sweet of you to say.”
He laughed. “Come on, Hannah.”
“No!”
“Welp,” I heard his shoes drop to the ground. “That just means one thing. I’m coming under there with you.”
“Ezra, no! Stop!”
He grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it up so he could slide under it. I laughed as he made his way up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Since you didn’t want to be nice, I had to break and enter.” He looked around for a minute. “Um, I bet it is going to get hot under these covers because I know you haven’t brushed your teeth or your tongue this morning.”
I elbowed him in the side. “Shut up, Ezra! I’m not in the mood to laugh right now. This shit is so fucking annoying. Have they called you?”
“Who?”
“The production company.”
“Oh. No, I haven’t heard from them.”
I exhaled. “Ugh! See, it is over, Ezra! Everything we worked for is done!”
I felt tears starting to form in my eyes again, but I fought them back. I didn’t feel like getting another headache from crying so much. “No, it’s not done, Hannah. It’s not… but… since I’ve already seen you, can we get out from beneath these covers? It is really starting to get hot.”
I squinted my eyes at him. “I hate you.” Seconds later, I removed the covers from over our heads, and it was like a fresh breath of air sweeping our bodies. “Now, are you happy? You’re the one that intruded on my personal space. I should’ve kept you under there.”
“Cruel and unusual punishment? Doesn’t seem like your cup of tea.” I poked my bottom lip out, but he leaned forward and kissed it softly. I didn’t give in on the first kiss, but by the third, I couldn’t resist. I pressed my lips to his, and at that moment, I felt like all of my problems were releasing from my mind. He had the innate ability to take away my pain without even trying. “Now,” he said after we released, “how is that?”
“Better. Thank you.” I cuddled next to him on the bed as the television replayed the celebrity news. “We could have been one of the celebrities on this show, Ezra. Paparazzi following us around everywhere we go because people always want to know what we are doing. That is what I dreamed of, but now, it just seems like it will stay a dream because I can’t ever get anything to go right for me. Even when it seems like it is going to be an excellent set up for my future success, something happens, and everything is derailed. It happens every time. I was a fool to think that this would be any different.”
“Wait,” he said as if he had to get clarification about something. “So, you want paparazzi to follow you around and invade your space?”
“Huh?”
“I don’t know if I would like that. I mean, I think I would end up socking some of them in the face. It seems like that can get annoying, and sometimes, I just want to be left alone. I don’t know if I would like that part of the celebrity status. I know it comes with the territory, but I think I would try my best to stay hidden for as long as I could.”
“Yeah,” I said, flipping off the television with the remote control. “Well, I guess we will both stay hidden now. I’m not going to another fucking audition. Fuck this acting shit, you know? I’m going to just go work at Macy’s or something. Get on with my life because this is nothing but one big disappointment after the next.”
“Macy’s? One of the mannequins? Because with the way you are losing weight, you might be a good fit. Can you pose real still for a long time? Let me see.”
“Ezra! You are sitting here making jokes, and I am being serious! You know what, just forget it.”
I tried to get off the bed, but he pulled me back down. “OK, OK, I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry.” He held me close and kissed me on the neck. “And I’m going to be honest with you about something, OK? Don’t be mad.”
“Don’t be mad? Great. More fucking bad news. What? Did you get back with your ex or something? Just tell me now because I don’t feel like I can be any more depressed than I already am.”
“On the contrary. My agent called me today. Early this morning.” He paused for a while until I punched him in the arm to continue. He laughed out loud. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to build the suspense. He called me and said that the director wants us back on set next week so we can continue shooting. Everything was settled. The budget is fine, and we are back rolling again.”
My mouth slowly dropped open in disbelief. “Really?”
“Really.”
I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around him, nearly knocking him off the bed. “Ezra! Ezra!” I planted kisses all over his face has he held on to me.
“See, baby. I told you everything would work out. I told you. We are in this to win, not to fail. We are going to the top.”
“I love you, baby! I love you!”
“I love you, too.”