Chapter 68

Sara

Everything had been so crazy, so wild. Things had happened to me that day that I never thought would ever happen. They were stories your mother warned you about but not things that you thought you really had to worry about, especially not as a grown woman. But Ryan had been there like he always was, and he not only saved me, but he took me home and took care of me. I still didn’t understand why this man loved me so much, but I felt so much emotion for him. He was the love of my life. I knew that without a doubt, and regardless of how things turned out, he would have forever changed me as a woman and as a person. That was part of the reason I’d rolled over on top of him, why I wanted to make love to him, to thank him for the man he was. To show him how much I cared about him.

We made love that night, and it was unlike anything that had ever happened between us. His mouth moved over me like he wanted to taste every inch of my body. When I finally got around to pulling him into me, it was like fireworks going off around us. I rode him for a long time, going slow, taking my time, orgasming over and over again. No matter how many climaxes I reached, I felt like I only wanted more. When he took over, laying me gently on the bed, he moved like I was a porcelain doll, slowly, carefully but sensual and passionate. He stared into my eyes the entire time, showing me a connection I had never felt before. We made love for hours, rolling around the bed, going fast, going slow, and even taking time out where we held each other or explored every inch of each other’s bodies.

We connected that night on a whole new level, one that connected us deeply. I didn’t take my eyes off his for a moment, thankful that we had made it this far. I couldn’t help but think about what could have happened, what could have driven us to the edge never to find that love again. So many times, our love was tested, but every single time, it came back stronger and fiercer than before. As we finally both reached our final climax, just the taste of his lips on mine made me think I would never feel this way about a man again. Ryan was it. He was my partner, and he was the man I loved with everything in my soul.

When we were done, we curled up in each other’s arms and talked quietly about our lives. We talked about the past, retouching on the moments when we had hurt each other. We talked about the next day for a moment, but exhaustion was knocking on the door. I fell asleep in his arms, my head on his chest, knowing there was nowhere else in the world I belonged.

When the alarm went off the next morning, I reached up and hit the button, the pain in my shoulder reminding of what had happened the day before. I lay there for several moments, thinking about my life, thinking about what I needed to do to bounce back and be me again. Finally, I pulled myself out of the bed and got dressed, readying to go to the vet practice like it was any other Monday. I knew sitting around and replaying things wasn’t going to heal me, and it felt good to wake up to a Janson-free Bonanza.

“You should get back in bed,” he said.

“I have work.” I smiled, pulling a light jacket from the drawer.

“I know, but you should take the day off and stay in bed with me. You deserve a day off,” he said. “You’ve just been through a seriously huge trauma, and it’s bound to take a toll on you.”

“I know,” I said, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “But that’s exactly why I need to go to work. I need to move forward. The longer I sit in the past, the longer it will weigh me down. I know myself way too well to fall into that trap, and I already feel better just getting up and getting going.”

“Then we don’t have to stay home,” he said. “We can go for a drive to the water, take a mini vacation to the beach, or just go to the park and have a picnic.”

“I have patients on the books.” I smiled. “I have people and animals that rely on me. They need me, and I need them. They’re the reason I do what I do. That little puppy with the hurt paw has a checkup today, and there are very few things that can compare to seeing the look on that happy pup’s face when I take the bandage off, and he jumps around for the first time. It’s an amazing thing.”

He looked at me for a moment, disappointment fluttering across his face. I laughed and put my hand on his cheek, sticking out my bottom lip. He smiled, which made me smile.

“Look,” I said. “I know something huge happened to me yesterday. I’m not pushing that away or not recognizing that. It’s something I will either deal with over time, or one day, I’ll have to deal with it all at once. I know for sure, though, that today isn’t the day. I need the sunshine on my face, the fur beneath my hands, and the smell of the Mane and Tail on the horses. I need to see Alison’s sweet face and let her know I’m okay, and I need to remember all the beautiful things that I might have lost.”

“All right,” he said, pulling his hands around my waist. “But at least let me make you breakfast. I can whip up some eggs, pancakes, quiche, whatever you like.”

I looked down at my watch and back at him.

“Please,” he said squeezing me tightly. “I will starve otherwise, and you don’t want that on your conscience.”

“Oh, now you’re going to starve from missing one meal? I wasn’t aware you were so fragile or that you couldn’t eat on your own.” I laughed.

“You just haven’t been paying attention, have you?” He smiled.

“I guess I haven’t,” I said. “All right, I will have breakfast with you, but then, I really have to get going.”

“Yes,” he said, jumping from the bed, making me giggle.

We had a great breakfast joking about the barn, the horses, and his job at the ranch. I had to admit, it was hard to leave him, but I knew I needed to go to work and get my life moving forward. The sun hitting my face as I walked up to the practice was the best feeling in the world. It was like I suddenly didn’t want to take anything for granted. All day long, I worked through clients, filed paperwork, fielded phone calls, the whole time not able to stop thinking about how lucky I was. My life had given me some good days, even if the circumstances didn’t feel that way.

There had been moments the day before when I thought I would never see Ryan or Alison or the horses ever again. I thought I would die there in that old, beat-up cabin, next to a man I hated with everything in me. I could have been raped or killed or both, but now, I was safe, taking care of my life and feeling that happiness I never thought would exist in my life, and I owed it to Ryan. He had shown up right at the perfect moment, saving me from any of those fates. He took down the bad guy like he was a superhero, and that made me love him even more than I already did. He had this knack for knowing exactly when I needed him, even before we had ever met. He saved me from Janson more than once, and he saved my life for the second time.

Between running into a burning barn so I wouldn’t risk my life to save the horses and searching me out when all he had to work with was a broken text message. Maybe it was luck or a gut feeling that had brought him to that house, but I really think it was our connection. We were drawn together, and that magnetism had pulled him to where I was right before the unthinkable could occur. I couldn’t explain it or even know how to handle it, but I did know it was a testament to his feelings for me. I now fully believed he was madly in love with me. Still, that love didn’t mean we were on Easy Street yet. We hadn’t actually sat down and discussed the future at all. We hadn’t talked about how things would work, where we would live, or how we would handle leaving one of our homes.

We were flying by at that moment, enjoying being in love, and as much as I wanted to continue that, figuring out the future was better to do earlier rather than later. Every day that went by without that conversation would make the choices that much harder to make, especially if we had to decide to part ways. Though he had said he was staying, I sure wasn’t sure he was being serious when he said it. There was a really good chance he could come to me and ask me to move back to New York City with him. Just the thought of that made me anxious, and it wasn’t the move or the city, but it was the answer itself. I had no idea what I would say if he asked me to move there. I’d had enough of that place the first time around, and though I knew things would be calmer, some things like the press and the exes knocking on the door would continue the same. It was an impossible choice to make.

In the end, though, no matter how hard the choice might be, I was going to eventually have to make it. It was going to be up to me, I assumed, and part of me felt upset about that. How was I supposed to choose? On one hand, I could have the life I always wanted, with the horses, the practice, the small-town life, and the peace and quiet I craved. On the other hand, I had the man I wanted more than any other, standing there reaching his hand out to me. The man had gone through hell and literal fire to be with me and had flown all this way just to see my face. I had to choose between two things that were incredibly different but similar in that they were what I wanted.

Not to sound like a child, but it wasn’t fair that I had to choose. I wanted them both. I wanted to live in Bonanza, go to the town fair, eat funnel cake, buy a farmhouse, and have beautiful babies, and all with Ryan. I didn’t want one without the other, but what could I do if that choice was not on the table? I felt like we had been through so much, and this was that one last boulder standing in the way of our happy ending. It was the nagging choice at the end of the rainbow where you had to choose to lose something to have everything you ever wanted. It was an impossible thing, and I wasn’t even sure I had it in me to make the choice.