Chapter 24

Ryan

To say that I’d felt like shit the past three days would be a complete understatement. Life had flipped completely upside down on me, and I couldn’t get my head straight to save my life. Things had ended between Sara and me, but it wasn’t what I wanted, not in the least. I had made a plan that would take Sara and me to the next level, but before I could do it, my past had come knocking on the door, ruining everything. Taking care of myself was pointless, and the depression and anxiety had gotten the best of me. I looked like hell, not having shaven in a few days, my clothes not pressed and perfect like normal, and my outfit of choice being two-day worn jeans and an old sweatshirt that had stains from working outside in it. The ranch was dusty, and there weren’t any interviews to be done, so I really didn’t give a shit what I looked like.

Things had come to a head, and I was unhappier than I had ever been in my life, and that was saying a lot considering my past. I had thought things with Natasha and the allegations had finally run its course, but I was so wrong. I had lost the first woman I truly ever cared for, and I had no idea how to change that. Sara was not the typical rich New York City girl. She was simple, grounded even. She had put roots down in her small town with a vet practice and an organization that wouldn’t know what do without her. I, on the other hand, had a life back in New York, a life that I had worked really hard to build for myself with a company and a fortune that wasn’t going to wait around for me to figure out my heart.

My PR rep was all about me and Sara dating because it was doing wonders for my reputation, but I didn’t care about that when it came to Sara. I cared about her and her feelings and making sure I did everything I could to make things work. Dating a squeaky-clean small-town vet had done wonders for my tattered reputation, but it could never last. It could never be for the long haul, could it? I shook my head and looked out the office window at the ranchers walking by. I was living in a dream world, and I needed to wake up, but I didn’t want to.

The last few days had drawn out, and I did everything I could to get my mind off things. I spent the time either hold up in my hotel room or working at the ranch, trying to move the project forward. Sara had been very clear the last time I saw her that she wanted me to leave and that there was no future for us. I didn’t agree, but I didn’t know what to say or do to change that. I had been avoiding her at every cost, knowing if I saw her, I would have to put on a brave face. I had done a pretty good job at it, too, until that morning.

I had actually woken up to my alarm that morning, grabbing some coffee and a muffin from downstairs, and getting myself ready for work. I had even considered shaving, but the hole in gut made me lazy, figuring it didn’t matter anyway. I was going to be in an office all day fielding calls and then working in the field at the ranch. I finished my breakfast and sighed, figuring it was about time I headed over. I grabbed my keys and walked out to the SUV, not really paying attention to anything around me. I put my keys in the door and glanced around before climbing in, stopping when I saw Sara’s little car in one of the parking spots outside of the general store across the street. My heart palpated in my chest, and I could feel the energy start to pump through me for the first time in three days.

I put my keys back in my pocket and turned toward her car, trying to figure out what I should do. I could stand there looking like an idiot just staring, I could get in my car and drive to work, which was probably the best choice, or I could give in to my urge and go inside the store and pretend to bump into her. It was a hard choice, and part of me knew I should keep avoiding her, but the other part of me was drawn to her like a magnet. Before I could decide, though, she came hurrying out the door and to the back of her van popping open the back doors. She rummaged around the through the bags in the back like she had done when she was at the ranch taking care of the elk. I watched her for a second, wondering what she was so frantically looking for.

Finally, she grabbed a huge bag and groaned as she slid it toward her. She unzipped the bag and grabbed a white handle, tugging hard to release whatever was inside of it. She was really struggling, her face turning red and her little body using all of its might to get whatever it was out of that bag. Without thinking, my feet started to move quickly, jogging me across the street. Every time this girl was in trouble, I couldn’t help but try to make it better. It was like a blessing and a curse at the same time. I helped a beautiful woman, but that help had created a situation that was tormenting me.

“Hey,” I said. “I saw you struggling from my car at the hotel. Do you want some help?”

“Ryan,” she said, looking completely surprised. “Um, yeah, actually, if you could pull this out of the bag, that would be great. It’s really heavy and awkward but too big to keep open all the time in the back.”

“Sure,” I smiled. “No problem at all.”

With her help untwisting the bag it was in, I pulled out a folded, wheeled transport and a hard board that an animal could be strapped to. It looked like something that would go in the back of an ambulance. I popped it open and latched the legs, handing her the hard board.

“Thanks,” she said gratefully. “Thanks a lot.”

I nodded and watched as she started back into the store. I figured I was already there, so why not follow her inside and see if there was anything I could do to help? When we got inside, there were a couple of people standing around an old hound dog ailing on the floor. I could see the worry in Sara’s eyes as she bent down next to the dog and gently stroked its fur. She looked up at me, putting her hands under his head and shoulders.

“Would you help me lift him?”

“Sure,” I said, lurching forward and pushing my hands under his hind end and back.

She counted to three, and we carefully lifted the dog and laid him down on the hard board. I grabbed one end, she grabbed the other, and we lifted him up on the transport, gently tightening straps over him to keep him firmly in place. I watched Sara’s hands move over the dog, making sure everything was secure and that he was comforted by her touch. She leaned forward and shushed the pup, whispering comforting thoughts in his ear. The scene moved me, warming my chest. I took the back of the transport and pushed as she pulled the dog back through the store and outside to her van. She put the locks on the wheels, and I stood there gently petting the dog as she loaded her other tool back up into the truck. When she came back, I helped her move the hard board into a cage, to keep him safe during the drive.

I folded up the transport and carried it around, putting it back in the bag in the back and securing it tightly. She got the dog situated and came around, watching me finish up. I closed the doors and turned back to her, putting my hands in my pockets.

“Do you want me to follow you back to your practice to help you?”

“That’s all right,” she said. “I have my part-time assistant there, and she can help me,” she said. “But thanks.”

“No problem,” I replied, standing there awkwardly in silence for a moment.

“I got to go,” she mumbled. “Thanks again.”

I walked up onto the sidewalk and watched as she backed out into the street and headed toward her practice. Sighing, I grabbed my own keys out of my pocket and headed back to the SUV, pulling out and driving the opposite direction toward the ranch. I had thought seeing her would make me feel better. I thought that knowing she was okay, surviving, and happy would make me okay with the situation. I was glad she was okay, but seeing her and not being able to touch her or kiss her was pure and total torture. It made me feel even worse than I had before, which I didn’t think was possible.

I brought myself back to the present and out of the memories of earlier that day. I sat back in my chair and bobbed back and forth, staring blankly at the darkened computer screen in front of me. I felt numb almost, like there was no glimmer of hope, no feelings, no emotions anywhere inside of me. That morning had taken a serious toll on me, and I was sure it had done the same thing to her. She was as surprised to see me as I was to see her. The inevitable was floating through my mind, something I had done my best to avoid up to that point. It was time to face the cold, hard truth, though, and stop hiding behind hopes for the future. It was time to go. I knew it, no matter how much I wanted to deny it.

I had spent the last three days biding for time, making up excuses in my head as to why I wasn’t preparing to go back to the city. I kept thinking that any minute, I would come up with a genius plan to get her back, but nothing ever came. There was no reason to drag things out like I was doing. It wasn’t healthy for me or for her. Staying in town would only bring terrible things, and I had to see that. Things had dissolved as quickly as they had started between Cassie and me. It was terrible, and not in any of my plans, but that was life. I hated to leave things like that, leaving her here wondering if I ever cared about her, thinking I was some womanizing rich guy, but what could I do? Begging hadn’t worked and trying to explain myself had become nothing more than a reason for her to doubt me more. I just had to face the music.

I turned in my chair and leaned over, picking up my office phone. If I was going to go, I just needed to do it, and the pilot was going to need some advance notice. As I started to press the buttons, though, I froze, getting an absolutely brilliant idea. I put the phone back down and sat there for a second making sure it was even a possibility. I might need to go, I might need to let Sara go, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t leave a souvenir of my presence behind for her and for the town. I turned my computer back on and did a little research, grabbing the phone to make the calls. A smile moved across my face for the first time in days, and I felt hopeful that I could at least do one positive thing for Sara before leaving her behind forever.