Chapter 12

Luke

She lifted her chin defiantly, but she hadn’t met that side of me, and if she thought for a moment that we were leaving without her opening up and letting me in, then she was sorely mistaken. I hated to push her for fear that she’d hate me, but something told me I needed to push, and it wasn’t Finn’s voice I was hearing.

“Are you going to take me home?”

“No, not until you tell me what’s so damned horrible. I’ll go to New York and find out for myself if you can’t tell me. Because I care and I think someone’s hurting you and making you feel like you’re responsible for something you couldn’t help.”

“You’re wrong. I’m the one who fucked everything up okay. I’m the one who asked my parents to come to see my sister and me. They’d still be alive if I’d just told them not to come. They didn’t want to. My dad didn’t want to miss church long enough to travel, and I’d had Mom talk him into it.” She clenched her fists.

“That’s not your fault. I understand how it might feel that way, but trust me. I felt the same way when my parents died. Like if I’d just done something then they’d still be here. But that’s not how it works. It was their time. If it hadn’t been that day and time, it would have been another one.”

“You think it works that way, but I don’t. That ‘everything happens for a reason’ shit is a lie people tell themselves to feel better.” Her face was a mess of tears, and she wiped her nose and choked them back.

“It still doesn’t make it your fault.” I wasn’t going to let her blame herself.

“No, but what happened to my marriage was. I strayed because I wasn’t happy. I have an ex who’s still in love with me even though I had an affair because he wasn’t enough for me. I had a good thing, it was decent, he was kind, but I felt empty.” She folded her arms across her chest as it to hold herself together. “Are you happy. Or should I keep on? Did you know I got so distracted with my personal crises that I didn’t hear one of my patient’s cry for help? He killed himself just before I came here. I found where he called my cell phone. He’d left a voice mail that I didn’t see until it was too late. I could have done something, but instead, I was too busy wrapped up in my own selfish life.

“You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s selfish decision. How is that your fault? And as for your marriage, you weren’t happy. You can’t help how you feel. But what I want to know is how do you feel when you’re with me? That’s all I care about. Not your past and what you’ve done.”

“It doesn’t matter how I feel. I don’t deserve to feel it.” She shook her head and stared off into the distance, but I put myself in front of her face. She wasn’t going to get off that easily.

“Tell me, Harper. How do I make you feel?” She made me feel complete, and I couldn’t imagine she didn’t feel the same way. The past few nights we’d spent making love had solidified the way I felt. Even though I’d started out wanting her for a moment, I wanted her forever now. I couldn’t imagine that she might not feel the same.

She took a deep breath and held her head back, her face to the sky. “Amazing. But what does it matter when I’m leaving? We knew it all along.”

“Then stay with me.” Her eyes widened, but I wasn’t letting her speak until she heard me out. “I mean it. Move out here; I’ll even build you an office so you can set up practice. I can take care of you and make you happy. We’re good together. Deny it.” I dared her to tell me we weren’t.

She threw her hands up in the air and rested them on her head dragging her fingers through her hair. “I can’t uproot my life on a whim.” She shook her head giving me a look like I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had, but I knew what I wanted.

“Sure you can. It’s easy when you’ve got as much money as I do and before you refuse, think long and hard. Life is much easier out here. You’ll never want for a thing. I promise.”

She covered her face and gave a nervous laugh. “You can’t just throw some money at me and make my problems go away.” She placed her hand on my arm. “Thank you for the nice gesture, but please just take me home. I think it’s for the best I don’t stick around. I’m leaving tomorrow. I should let Nora know and get my things gathered so I can get an early start.” I looked at her unable to speak, and she shook her head. “Yeah, I should really get back.”

“Get back to what, life without me? Come on, Harper, you know what we have is incredible. It’s the best thing I’ve had in years. Don’t run away from me too.” I pulled her close, and she tried to pull away only to fail. I wasn’t letting go.

“You can’t keep me here. You knew it wasn’t going to last and you were content with that.” I hadn’t realized I’d fall so fast, but she’d surprised me in more ways than one.

“I didn’t know I’d feel this way, but now that I do I don’t want to lose you.” It wasn’t a matter of just losing her, but if she left, it was going to hurt. I could already feel the sense of longing.

She jerked away and walked past my bike headed down the hill. “You never had me.” She shook her head and continued walking. I’d let her go knowing she wouldn’t get far and I packed up our things and got on my bike, cranking it up. She’d made it as far as the cemetery and was leaning against the old wooden fence that surrounded it.

I rode up and waited, giving her all the time she needed, knowing there wasn’t much else to say. She wasn’t going to stay, and I wasn’t going to have her in my life much longer. I couldn’t stand the thought of it, and I was so angry about it I’d gone numb. She finally turned around leaned back against the fence. “I’m sorry. It’s what I have to do. You can go on without me; I’ll call Nora to get me.”

“I’m not leaving you out here.” I wasn’t about to drive away and leave her there all alone and miles from home. I wasn’t that kind of man.

“I’ll be alright,” she snapped. She took out her phone, and after poking at it, she put it to her ear. “Dammit.” She put the phone down and stamped her foot.

“Get on; I’ll take you home.” I wasn’t taking no for an answer, and I wasn’t asking. She must have recognized my tone because she turned and met my stare.

“Fine, but don’t bother trying to get me to stay. I’ve made up my mind.” She was so stubborn and defiant that I wanted to take her across my knee and spank her ass. But I made room for her behind me and cranked my bike.

“Nah, I’m all done trying to convince you, sweetheart. You do whatever you want.”

“Giving up? Good call.” She held on to my waist, and I rode off, speeding toward home faster than I should have, but getting there not a moment fast enough. I wasn’t the one giving up, and I resented her saying so. If she wanted me to beg she was barking up the wrong tree.

She didn’t say a word as she got off the bike and headed into her house and I wasn’t about to stop her. She’d been content to go on with life without me and now she could.

She wasn’t the first woman I’d had to learn to live without. I spun out of her drive and headed home. I pulled the bike into the garage and went straight to the fridge. There were enough food and alcohol left from the party to get drunk and full on. And if I were lucky it would fill the enormous hole she’d left in my heart.

I twisted the cap from my beer and turned it up killing half of it in one swig and then took a few more and headed upstairs. When I got to my room, I found her sweater she’d left from the night before and as I lay across my bed, the smell of her perfume wafted around me from the sheets. I got up to move to the chair by my window and looked out to Nora’s house in the distance. I hoped like hell her sister could talk her out of leaving, but why would she?

I polished off the other half of that first beer and then opened another. There wasn’t anything else I could do. If I had learned one thing from my ex, it was the hard fact that you can’t ever make another person love you. No matter how much you loved them.