Chapter 55

Ryan

That night, she tucked me carefully into bed and went back out to make sure Alison didn’t need any more help. When she came back, she was all showered and crawled into bed with me. I was barely awake, but I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me, not wanting to let go for even a second. My sleep was not a dreamless one that night, and I struggled through a series of nightmares. Each one was a little different, but they all had the same commonalities. There were raging fires, the sounds of the horses scream echoing through my head. In each one, Sara was in danger, yelling out for me, begging me to help her. And in each one, as soon as I got anywhere near her, she was being pulled away from me with a force I couldn’t see. I would search through the flames and smoke, coughing and hacking my way through the dark space. I could hear her and the horses all around me, but there was nothing I could do. I was helpless.

I woke up, opening my eyes wide, breathing heavily with sweat pouring down my forehead. I looked around, noticing the sun peeking through the windows. My heart was racing a million miles a second, but as soon as I felt the weight of Sara in my arms, I began to calm down. She was safe. There was no more fire, and the horses were out in the pastures in the distance. I laid my head back down on the pillow for a moment and caught my breath, realizing it had been a nightmare, and everything was as it was supposed to be.

When I had settled myself back down, I turned my head and looked over at Sara, peacefully asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. I couldn’t believe I was holding her again, feeling her close to me. I hadn’t thought I would ever have her back in my arms, especially after being inside of that collapsing, burning barn. But here she was, safe, sound, clean, and comfortable, not leaving my side for more than an hour the night before trying to help wherever she could. She was such an amazing woman, and I was starting to feel like maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I was good enough for her or at least getting there slowly.

The day before had started out so simple, so calm. I had seen Sara when making my way through town, coming to the stables to talk to Alison. I had been able to meet the horses, and in particular, the one I had led from the barn with my shirt wrapped around its face. She had taken me by the hand and really listened to me, forgave me, and jumped into my arms like I had dreamed she would when I had taken that flight out to Bonanza in the first place. But then things got really scary, really fast. The fire had come out of nowhere, and the thought of Sara risking her life was not okay with me.

I could remember what it was like standing in that blazing building, smoke filling my lungs and the horses bucking wildly. I got the gate open and shooed three of the horses out, but the forth was tied to the stall for grooming. I walked over and calmed my nerves, reaching forward and running my hand down its nose like Alison had taught me. I knew the flames would continue to excite him, so I took my shirt off and wrapped it around his eyes, shielding him from the view while I worked hard to untie him. The thought of Sara being in danger, of being where I was in that barn had kicked my adrenaline into overdrive. It had given me the will and the way to get those cords untangled, pull myself from the ground when part of the ceiling collapsed, and fight and choke my way back out of that barn. It was the thought of her that had saved me from being caught in that fire, the thought that I would never see her again, never hold her in my arms.

The thought of losing Sara, it had terrified me to the point where I fought tooth and nail to get that horse to safety and get out. She needed me, and I needed her, and that was never going to change. I knew that now. I would do whatever it took, even putting my own life on the line to save hers, to protect her, to be with her through all odds. I wouldn’t rest until I knew she was safe and had everything in life that she needed. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. At that moment, she began to stir, whimpering slightly as she turned into me and ran her hand over my chest. I smiled, looking down at her as the sun filtered in over her beautiful face. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

“Well, good morning, beautiful.” I smiled.

“My hero.” She chuckled. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Like a barn fell on me.” I laughed. “A little sore, to say the least, but I think I’ll be just fine. Waking up next to you definitely helped me feel better almost instantly.”

“You talked a lot in your sleep last night,” she said. “You kept saying my name.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was having nightmares about the fire. But they did do something good.”

“What’s that?” she said, picking her head up.

“The brought me clarity,” I said. “A clarity I don’t think I’ve ever had in my life, something that I had been longing for, looking for, and hoping for all this time.”

“And what does that clarity bring you?” she asked.

“A realization that I need you in my life,” I said. “Not just want you in my life, I need you in my life, like air or food or water. I know I’m not perfect. Trust me, I’ve done the measurements on that one, and I came out way far from perfect. But you, you make me want to be perfect. You make me want to be a better man, the best man I can possibly be. You deserve perfect. You deserve a man who gives as much as you do, who sees the world from the same beautiful viewpoint. You deserve a man who would run into a burning building for you.”

“Check that one off the list.” She laughed.

“I know things have been up and down for us, but I know there’s a bond there that can’t be broken,” I said. “Something that keeps me awake at night dreaming of your arms. I promise I will try harder to be that man you deserve. To be a better person, a better partner, and a kind and gentler soul. All I need is for you to give me one more chance to show you I can be that man. I need you to open that door for me because otherwise, I’m just standing on the outside continuously knocking, and I don’t want to be on the outside.”

“I know you’re a good man.” She smiled. “There were moments I had doubts but, in the end, it wasn’t from anything you specifically did. It was from the talk, the gossip, the words being spread by everyone else. You have to remember, though, no matter how good of a man you are or how much of a bond we have, we still come from different worlds. You’re a rich New Yorker with a business and a home, and I’m never going to move away from Bonanza. It’s my home, and I love it here more than anything.”

“I know that,” I said. “I think I always knew that, but there was a part of me that thought maybe you could love New York too. It was wrong of me, though. I saw that yesterday at the creek. You were born to be in this place, born to ride horses, help people, help animals, and live your life in a peaceful and serene place. But there is one thing you’re wrong about.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“I am not a rich New Yorker,” I said. “At least I’m not one anymore. Now, well, now I’m just a guy who owns a nice plane and a weird ranch on the outskirts of town. I’m a guy with big dreams who thought he knew what he wanted, but then everything came crashing down, and it was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I realized my heart was not in the tall buildings and city streets, but it was in the pastures, the creeks, the warm breezes, and the small town with no stoplights. I realized my heart belonged somewhere else even before I ever met you. It belonged with you, here in this place, far from the crazy life I used to have.”

“What?” she said with a smile.

“I’m just a guy who wants a girl,” he said. “The same girl who’s looking at me right now like I have two heads.”

“Sorry.” She chuckled.

“I’m willing to do anything to get you, to keep you, and to build a life with you,” I said quietly.

“Even run into burning buildings?”

“I would run into fifty burning buildings.” I smiled. “Though, I do ask you let me heal from this one first. I might not make it out so well with my bum leg and cuts.”

“I could arrange a parlay on the burnings.” She giggled.

“Seriously, though, I want you in my life for as long as I can possibly have you there,” I said, tilting her chin toward me.

I leaned my head forward and kissed her lips, feeling the whole world begin to melt around us. I felt like we were the only ones, like nothing else in the world mattered at that moment in time. I pulled myself carefully up in the bed, grimacing slightly as I did. Sara looked at me with concern, but I wrapped my hands around her face and pulled her to me, kissing her passionately. She whimpered as our bodies leaned into one another’s, her breasts heaving against mine. I pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes.

“There is not another woman in the world out there for me,” I whispered. “You are it, your passion, your stubbornness, and all. I want it all, the good, the bad, and the beautiful.”

“That sounds like a movie.”

“I feel like I’m in a movie when I’m with you,” I said, leaning in and kissing her lips again.

She sighed, pulling her hands across my stomach and kissing me even deeper. The warmth of her fingertips made my skin tingle, and I wanted to make love to her right then and right there. I groaned as I pulled my sore arms around her waist and pulled her into my lap. She straddled me and kissed me deeper, pushing down against the hard cock trapped in my boxers. She started to grind her hips, showing me she wanted the same, sending heat flooding through my entire body. She leaned back and pulled her tank top over her head, letting her firm breasts spill out and bounce up and down. I growled, looking down at her perfect body, wanting more, wanting always, wanting right then and there.