Chapter 48

Sara

When my flight landed at the tiny Bonanza airport, Alison was there to pick me up. She greeted me with a huge hug and a smile, and we went straight back to the ranch. As I stepped out of the car, I took a deep breath of the fresh air and instantly started to feel a little better. I wanted to keep my head on straight so I could be there for Alison, and that was exactly what I did. I spent most of the night consoling Alison on the horses she almost lost and her now ex-boyfriend. Over the years, she and Jimmy had probably broken up and gotten back together about a dozen times. This time, though, unlike the others, Alison swore this was the last time. It was the first time she had ever come out and said that, and I believed her. She was worn out from the drama, worn out from the constant upheaval that went on in their lives, and I didn’t blame her. Jimmy didn’t support her dreams, didn’t support her drive or needs. Alison was ready to move on, and I was glad I could be there for her.

“This is seriously the last time,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I have given him so many chances, so many ups and downs, and still, he ends up right where we started. I can’t keep crawling back to him and maintain my self-respect, right? I mean it would make me into nothing more than his puppet if he thought I would always fold to his sweet words and empty promises. Please, tell me I did the right thing.”

“You did the right thing,” I said, handing her a tissue. “Jimmy has treated you badly for a long time, and you’re never happy.”

“I know,” she sighed. “We’ve just been together for so long, and it’s so hard to break that tie. I really used to think that he and I would be forever. I don’t even know if I believe in forever anymore. It died out with our parents and grandparents.”

“You only feel that way now because you’re hurt,” I said. “You’ll see differently when you meet someone worthy of you. You deserve a partner in all respects, someone who’s there for you, walks beside you, supports your dreams, and can keep up with you. If you don’t think Jimmy is that partner, then you’ve got to keep looking.”

“Thank you,” she said, leaning into me. “You’re the best. You want to sleep in here with me tonight?”

“Sure.” I smiled, pulling the blankets up on the bed. “I promise everything will start to feel better in the morning.”

It took me a while to fall asleep that night between letting Alison cry herself to sleep and then lying there thinking about everything I had just been through. After a few hours of staring at the farmhouse ceiling, though, jet lag and emotional exhaustion took over, and I fell asleep pretty deeply. I was usually a light sleeper, always waiting to hear my phone for an emergency, but that next morning, I slept through the alarm and Alison getting up to go out to work. When I woke up, I looked at the clock, and it was afternoon. I hadn’t slept in like that in years, and I figured it was probably very much needed after everything that happened in New York and how I got very little sleep there.

I got out of bed and stretched my arms over my head. I grabbed my bags and pulled out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, figuring I would spend the day at the ranch instead of heading back home yet. I walked out to the kitchen, my stomach grumbling and smiled as Alison walked in the front door at the same time.

“Well, good afternoon, sleepyhead.” She smiled. “You hungry?”

“I’m starving.” I smiled.

“I’ll make some sandwiches then,” she said, washing her hands in the sink. “I woke up before the sun this morning and figured you probably needed to have extra sleep. I felt you tossing and turning last night.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting down at the counter. “I had a lot on my mind. I just couldn’t seem to get my head on straight, and I wanted to figure out what I needed to do to get back into the swing of things now that I’m home.”

“Yeah,” Alison said, spreading the mayo on the sandwich. “You left there in kind of a hurry. What in the world happened out there? I thought everything was okay, even though Mr. Money was going through some serious drama with his past. I figured you’d be very much needed for comfort through all of that.”

“That was a mess,” I sighed. “It took him completely off guard. He got lost in it all, and I tried to be there for him, but it was like he was pushing everyone away. I tried to be understanding that he was trying to sort through all of it. His past was pretty deep, but he hit this self-loathing point, and I just decided to stand back and let him work it out himself. But that wasn’t why I left.”

“Okay,” she said, putting down a plate in front of me and sitting next to me at the counter. “So why did you leave? It wasn’t for me was it?”

“No, I mean I needed to be here for you, but that wasn’t why I jumped on a plane,” I said. “I guess in a way, he and I are too different. I think I ignored it before and hoped it would work itself out.”

“How are things so different between the two of you, besides money, of course?”

“He has a life in New York City,” I sighed. “A life full of fancy galas, rich people, crazy ex-girlfriends, and paparazzi all over the place. I live here in small town USA with my horses and my practice. I like to go to the town fair, and he likes to wear a tux and go to charity events and pledge thousands, even millions of dollars while he drinks champagne and schmoozes with the other billionaires.”

“Does he actually like that or is it just part of the deal?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “But either way, that’s part of his life.”

“I just don’t understand how you can give up all that glitz and glamour to come back to little old Bonanza where the most exciting thing our town has seen is my half-assed charity event each year.” She laughed. “I saw that dress you were wearing, and you shook Oprah’s hand. There was a picture of it online that ended up in the town paper. That’s enough to keep my ass firmly planted right there in the middle of all of those big, tall buildings.”

I laughed, remembering thinking how amazing it was that I got to shake Oprah’s hand in the first place. I knew eventually it would get back to everyone. That was exciting, I couldn’t deny it, but the in-between had been extremely stressful.

“I like this town,” I said, eating my sandwich. “I was born and raised here. It’s a quiet place, and the peacefulness of it all is soothing to me. I like to buy Miss Albert’s peach jam during the summer, and I like the fact that three most exciting things in the town are the charity event, the town fair, and the Christmas parade. I like that I can walk out in the morning to get the paper and wave at the cars passing by because I know almost every person. Maybe I am crazy, but I’m okay with that as long as my days are helping animals and brushing the horses.”

“But it’s New York City,” she groaned with a smile. “The buildings, the lights, the people. It’s what people dream of when they grow up in a place like this.”

“Yeah.” I chuckled. “But it’s so much of everything all of the time. It’s absolutely true that New York City never sleeps. You can hear horns and ambulances all night long, and there’s constantly something to do. People have to pay money to relax in spas instead of going out in their front yards and just taking in the breeze. Having a pet is like a full-time job since to walk it, you have to go down a hundred flights of stairs, try not to get hit by crazy city drivers, and then make your way back up.”

“I think you would get used to the negative parts of the city,” Alison said. “All the amazing things to see would make up for it. You would never get bored there, and there would always be something to do.”

“I like being bored.” I laughed. “I don’t think I would ever get used to it. I think if I were forced to live there, I would crave Bonanza or anywhere without the congestion and claustrophobic amount of people. I would probably go to the center of the park and become a nomad out there so I could feel like I was in nature again. I don’t know. It’s for some people, but it wasn’t for me.”

“Well, I’m glad to have you back,” Alison said with a smile as she picked up our plates. “You ready to get to work on the ranch? I know those horses missed you.”

“God, yes.” I smiled. “Show me the way.”

We locked arms and walked out to the barns where the horses were eating. I spent the rest of the day working with them, giving them physical therapy, brushing their manes, and just being with them. It felt good like I was right back where I was supposed to be. There was still that unbearable aching in my heart from what happened with Ryan, but I found comfort from going through the motions at the stables. The animals helped my soul. They always had. I did my best to keep an upbeat attitude, to focus on what I was doing and let the relief of being home wash over me. Still, Ryan was constantly on my mind, and I knew it would be a while before that stopped.

I thought about him, about how he’d turned on me when things got rough, about the smiles he had at the beginning compared to at the end. I thought about the good stuff, too, like going to dinner or kissing in the park in the rain. There had been moments where everything had felt like a fairy tale and then other moments where everything had felt like a nightmare. It had been too much, and I had given in to my need to come back home. There was a part of me, though, the one that craved the man I had fallen in love with, that wondered if I had made a mistake. I felt bad for not saying goodbye, and I knew that probably had hit him pretty hard, especially in the mental state he had been in since the story of his past came out.

Most likely, he had tried to call me and probably more than once, but I had turned off my phone when I got to the airport in New York and hadn’t had the courage to turn it back on since I got home. I knew there would be messages from him, and I wanted to have the resolve to push through them without breaking down completely. As I went through the day, taking care of the horses and watching Alison play with one of the new ones, I wondered to myself if I would actually ever see Ryan again or if this was the end of our story.