***
Later, after Arlene had curled up to fall asleep, I found myself on the sofa between Bella and Brayden, eating my grilled cheese sandwich. We were watching an animated movie of some sort. I wasn’t paying much attention. My conversation with Arlene was weighing heavily on me. I grieved for her, and I grieved for Brayden, who couldn’t possibly know the hell that was coming for him.
I had lost both my parents a couple years after he moved away. I knew the pain that it brought with it; the gaping hole that only grew bigger and bigger until you finally found something to fill it up. That something was always temporary. It was always a lie you told yourself just to get through the day, or the week, or the month. Eventually, something would fall out, and you’d empty like an overfilled bathtub, spilling all your shit and your sadness everywhere until you were empty again.
And you’d be grateful for that because empty was better than leaking.
Brayden was about to confront that kind of loss.
I found that I couldn’t eat the rest of my sandwich, so I left my plate on the coffee table and snuggled into Brayden’s side. He wrapped an arm around me as Bella curled up against my hip. The three of us sat like that for what must have been half an hour without moving.
My eyes were just falling closed as the distant sound of coughing filled my ears. I thought for a moment that I was imagining it, but it came again, louder this time, and I pushed myself up and sought Brayden out in the pale illumination of the television set.
He sat up and squeezed out from under me. I watched his back as he rushed down the hall to his mother’s room. He didn’t knock on the door. He disappeared inside, and I sat on the sofa staring after him, hoping he’d come out and get his mother a glass of water and then come join me and Bella on the sofa again.
But that didn’t happen.
Brayden leaned out of his mother’s doorway and met my eyes. “Take Bella to your place, please.”
My hesitation lasted only milliseconds. I nodded sharply, and he vanished again. I leaned over to gently shake Bella’s shoulder. She woke slowly and rubbed at her eyes.
“Your dad asked me to take you to my place. Let’s go get our jackets and boots on. Lucky you, you get to take a ride in the oldest car in Valdez.”
Bella followed me as I got off the couch and went straight to the front door. I got her in her jacket and didn’t even bother doing mine up. Brayden needed us out of the house as soon as possible. I knew he was trying to spare his daughter a painful memory, and I would do everything I could to help him.
I held Bella’s hand as we walked through the snow to my car. I hadn’t been at Arlene’s long enough for the windows to freeze, so I was able to pull out of the driveway almost instantly.
“Is Daddy coming, too?” Bella asked from the back seat.
“Maybe later. He’ll call us and let us know.”
“Okay,” Bella said. She sounded unsure. She was a smart kid.
The drive to my house was gut wrenching. I managed to maintain conversation with Bella to keep her from asking questions about her dad or her grandmother. I focused on keeping her occupied, even up until we walked inside.
We went into the kitchen, and I asked if she liked hot chocolate. She said she did, and I pulled out all my possible hot chocolate toppings: sprinkles, marshmallows, whipped cream. Literally anything I had in my cupboards. I needed to prolong the activity for as long as possible.
When the kettle was finished boiling, I poured hot water into a mug for her and stirred in the hot chocolate mix. I added milk to cool it down and then told her to add whatever she liked on top. As she reached for the bag of marshmallows, my phone rang.
“I’ll be in the living room for one minute,” I said to her.
Bella nodded, her attention now fixed on gathering multicolored marshmallows.
I slipped into the living room and answered the phone. It was Brayden.
“Hey.” I spoke quietly so Bella couldn’t hear me. “We’re back at my place. Bella is fine. Is your mom okay?”
The long pause on the other end of the phone was all the answer I needed. When he did speak, he sounded entirely unlike himself.
Empty.
“She didn’t make it to the hospital.”
That lump in my throat from talking with Arlene hours ago came back fully formed. I swallowed desperately, trying to hold on to the sob that wanted to escape me. I couldn’t do that to him. He needed me to keep it together.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“The hospital.”
“What do you need?”
“I need you to stay with Bella right now. I can’t… I don’t know how to handle this yet. Can you—” He broke off, and I had a terrible image of him sitting alone in a plastic chair in some fluorescent-lit, pale green waiting room. “Can you please stay with her tonight?”
“Of course,” I said, straining against the urge to cry. “As long as you need. What else?”
“That’s all. I can figure it out tomorrow.”
“Brayden. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah.” Silence filled the phone. “I know.”