Chapter 11

Harper

I had to keep kissing him, or he would keep trying to say the words he thought would save me. The truth was, I was beyond it and content to resign myself back to my life in New York where I’d have to face what happened and take the responsibility head on.

His hands slipped beneath the creamy blush-colored top and teased around my waist, where his fingertips grazed before sneaking up under my bra. He cupped my breast and pulled it free of its confines and planted a soft kiss on my nipple before tugging it with his lips.

I looked to the sky and focused only on his hands and mouth as he trailed his other hand down to my waist and then between my legs. The seam of my jeans pressed against my clit and the feeling was so intense already that I quickly undid my pants and slipped them off. I didn’t want to waste another minute, and as if he had the same thing in mind, he dipped down, settling between my legs where he kissed my mound and spread my folds with his fingers then he dipped them into my center, pushing them deep and pumping his hand.

Then he kissed me there once more and rose up, undoing his pants and slipping them down just enough to release his erection. I trailed my eyes down and watched as he stroked himself, and a fire lit in my core as he drew himself closer and nudged at my center. In one long thrust, he penetrated me, filling me up and making me moan out his name.

He growled. “Say it again.”

“Luke,” his name rolled off my tongue as he retreated only to thrust deeper.

“I love my name on your lips especially when I have you panting and moaning.” He braced himself above me letting his hips work in a steady rhythm. “I want you to scream it when you come.” He whispered against my mouth and then his tongue darted into my mouth mingling with my own and I sucked his tongue and bottom lip hard.

“Mm, I love it when you suck me.” His smile broadened, and then he rolled us over, my legs falling around his hips as I rose up to ride him. I flattened my hands on his chest, and then tugged up his shirt, pinching his nipple to make him growl. All of his sensual sounds were guttural and feral, and I loved that about him. That he sounded like a beast and as much as he wanted my name on his lips, I wanted to make him roar.

I rode him steadily, leaning back to position his cock against my most sensitive spot and then all at once, the world stopped as I broke apart around him, my release soaking his cock as his name ripped from my throat. My aftershocks milked him, and I stayed put until they stopped, riding him slowly.

Then I lifted my hips and slipped off his erection, and he closed his hand on my arm as if to stop me from leaving. “Relax, let me take what I want.” Another sound vibrated in his throat and turned into a softer moan as I slipped down and took him into my mouth.

“Take it all,” he hissed through his teeth. I relaxed my throat and took him as far as I could manage, and he pushed a bit deeper still. I sucked and pulled and nursed as he moaned, running his fingers through my hair.

After a moment he stilled and held my head, then he thrust his hips, pumping into my mouth before he let me go. I pulled away sensing he was close, and he cursed as I grazed my teeth along his shaft and then tongued his broad head. I glanced up, and he was watching me closely, his green eyes locked in on mine, wild and hungry.

I took him back deep and tight-lipped his cock as I stroked his base, milking him with each stroke. The taste of salt hit my throat, and I braced for more, pulling hard with my mouth. Another two strokes and he held my head and lifted his hips, but I kept him where I wanted him as steady pulses of his release pumped into my mouth. I gulped them down and nursed until the last drop spilled.

“You’re so damned amazing.” He rose on his elbows and then reached out and stroked my hair as I wiped my mouth.

“You say that now.” I giggled to keep it together, but inside I was dying as the reality of my situation came crashing down. I raked my hands through my hair and then righted myself on the blanket. “You’ll not even miss me when I’m gone.”

“That’s bullshit.” His eyes and tone shadowed with anger.

“Maybe a touch, but you’ll see I’m right.” He could only see the good in me now, but I didn’t know if I could have happiness without always wanting more, without sabotaging what I had. Luke seemed like the kind of man that I could be with forever, but I didn’t think I could face the rejection if he decided one day he’d had enough. Or worse, how could I hurt him if suddenly I became not enough. You’d think a man with his means could never come up short, but money didn’t buy happiness, and it didn’t make a man perfect. I’d had everything a woman could ask for with Peter, but it hadn’t been enough for me obviously. I’d even failed in my career the moment my patient decided a bullet was his only option. I’d failed them both. I couldn’t bear to fail Luke too.

I took a deep breath and gathered my clothes, as he tugged his pants up. I put myself back together though I was falling apart. Once I had my clothes in place, I sat there a moment. Did I really want to run from him?

A voice inside told me there was no other way. I had messed up things so much already, and I hadn’t dealt with them. How could I drag him down with me? He was a nice guy, and he deserved better.

He was the town hero for crying out loud and there I was like some villain with a dark side, a deceiver who’d killed all the good in her life and only met him because she was too chicken shit to face it.

It wasn’t the first thing I’d run from in my life. I’d had a long string of things I couldn’t deal with including my parent’s death. I was unfit to be in practice, and I couldn’t even be a good sister. Three years proved that. I’d stayed away deliberately so I wouldn’t have to look at my sister and fear losing her too.

My life was one big mess, and Luke deserved someone who could complement him, not make him look bad. All those people he’d been proud to introduce me to; like we were in some fairy tale romance instead of the gratuitous relationship that was based on nothing but quenching our thirst for lust.

It was terrible how fast I could go from feeling special in his arms to feeling like a user, and I wondered what was going on in his head as he tugged on his boots. I wouldn’t ask though; I was afraid of what he might say.

“Please take me home.” I covered my face as tears threatened to spill.

He pounded his fist against the ground. “Dammit, Harper. Open up to me. Tell me what the hell is the matter, and I’ll try to help. Whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I snapped back so fast he actually flinched.

But then he took a deep breath and held my arms. “I think you’re blaming yourself for something. Maybe a few things. Things you can’t change now, and maybe that you think I won’t understand or that I’ll judge you for.”

He was good. Mr. Hero had me pegged, but he still didn’t know the truth, and I was determined he never would. It wasn’t easy to tell someone that you’d destroyed your marriage because you’d been unfaithful. He’d never trust me, not that it mattered. And then there was the other thing. How I’d neglected my patient because my own life was so screwed up that I was preoccupied. I hadn’t seen the signs and done something to stop it. It had been the final straw. The one that broke my sanity along with the camel’s back.

“Stop trying to be a fucking hero. You can’t help me. You can’t save me. So just take me home.” I stood up, but he refused to move.

He pegged me with a hard glare. “Sit your ass down. I’m not taking you anywhere. You don’t have to tell me anything, but you’re going to hear me out. If you don’t like what I have to say, then I’ll take you home.”

“Why bother?” I was a lost cause. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t see it.

“Because I think you’re worth it.”

I didn’t have the strength to tell him how wrong he was.